women who got married and didn't change their last name

I guess that my question is limited to those who use the same last name for all purposes. I am curious to hear opinions from everyone who may know someone in this situation. Does it bother you when people refer to you or address you using your husband's last name?

I always said that I would not care at all. My reasoning was that I should not mind being called a name that traditionally would have signified that I am married into DH's family.

Now that time has passed, I have changed my stance a little bit. I find myself annoyed at the people who know that I did not change my name but choose refer to me as Kerie B. instead of Kerie S. I still do not care if someone who does not know my decision assumes that I am Mrs B. Some people who only know my last name assume that my husband is Mr. S. He takes it in stride but I feel bad!

My cousin's wife made the same decision I did. I believe that if I called her by my cousin's last name, that would be rude. I know what her last name is and I should use it.

The fact is that I had a right to make the decision that I made and I feel that even people who would make a different decision can call me by the name that I kept.

I am asking this question partially because someone I know used to get mad every time anyone used her husband's last name. She even got mad when it was someone who did not know she kept her name. I don't want to become like that but I can't hide how I feel about people who purposely get it wrong!

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I kept my maiden name as well and like you it doesn't bother me if people don't know and I get a good chuckle when people call my husband Mr L (my last name). However the thing that annoyed me beyond belief was being told by someone that no matter what, my last name is my husbands last name because we are married and that's how it is and then proceeded to continuously address mail to me as my husbands last name. If you are aware of my choice then please respect it as I would yours. I finally sent something back to her return to sender, no such person at this address

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I think its reasonable for people to assume you've changed your name, since it is what the majority of the people do. I would not be upset by an innocent mistake by someone who did not know.

But its pretty rude to know someone's name and not use it. Its imposing your own values/choice on someone else.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I'm the opposite: it used to bother me, but not so much anymore. Sure, it's a pretty rude to be addressed by the wrong name, but to me it's not worth the aggravation to get upset about it.

For family, I let it go. For strangers, I politely correct them, just as I would if someone called me by the wrong first name.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

To be honest, it doesn't really bother me. Even though I've made it perfectly clear that I kept my maiden name, some family members still address cards to us as Mr and Mrs HisLastName.

I will admit to using my husband's last name when calling places such as doctor's offices because it is just easier to do that than going through the whole thing of explaining who I am.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I kept my maiden name, but it doesn't bother me when people refer to me as Mrs. his last name.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I kept my maiden name - doesn't bother me a bit if people call me Mrs. B. Some of my family members send me mailings addressed to Mrs. B...

I guess I can't understand how something as little as someone calling you by your married name instead of your maiden name would make a person so upset...you are married afterall.

It would be the assumption to make.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I totally agree with you. Although now that DD is in the mix, I can understand that I may be called by HER last name (which is DH's).

But yes, DH's family KNOWS I did not change my name -- yet they still address things to Mrs. DH. Irks me to no end.

His mother says - well, I am traditional, can't get used to this modern stuff. Um, my name is my name, nothing you need to get used to!!

And for the record -- in most of the "old country" hte woman does NOT take the man's last name. I didn't in my first marriage either, thank God.

My sister kept her name as well.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I kept my maiden name. I doesn't bother me if it is someone I don't know or who doesn't know I kept my last name. And even if it is a wedding invite I am sure it is just easier for them to use Mr & Mrs.

But it annoys the hell out of me when it is family or friends who know I kept my name and still insist on using my husbands name. I see it as a slap in the face. I mean come on it takes 2 seconds to address an envelope correctly or use my corrct name. Am I that unimportant to you that you can't take the time to do it correctly. My mother does it purposely to piss me off but she is a whole other story

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

i used to get so ****** off - people on his and my side both know that i didn't change it and yet they refer to me by his last name.

i just and try to ignore it. getting mad and correcting them has gotten me no where, unfortunately.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I kept my maiden name. It doesn't bother me TOO much when something gets addressed to DHs last name. I just don't worry about it too much. Mostly its social stuff (invitations,etc) that comes addressed that way- all "official" stuff is still in my maiden name.
Like... a lot of our close friends got married last year. when they sent out invitations and on the placecards, it would be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Dhs last name". It didn't bother me because it was easier for them to address it that way.
We don't see DHs family a lot, so most of them don't know that I kept my name- so it doesn't bother me to get stuff like that from them, either.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I wish that they would come up with a Ms. type thing for those of us married who kept our names so that people outright know what the deal is...it doesn't bother me that much when people call me Mr. DHsName but that isn't my name.

I laugh cause DH's family always sends stuff Mr & Mrs P...i think that's his way of saying i should've taken his name...haha.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I didn't change my name, but plan to do it at some point or another, so I guess my situation is a bit different.

All of my legal stuff is still in my maiden name. Socially, I'm perfectly fine with being called Mrs. Q (as evident by my username, lol). If/when we get anything addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Q... I am fine with it. I honestly don't care and actually have started using my married name at work (together with my maiden).

However, in the cases where people KNOW you haven't changed your name and don't plan on doing so either, yes I think it's rude of them to still call you by your husband's last name.

DH's cousin didn't change her name and whenever we mail anything to her and her DH, I always address it to Mr. P___ and Ms. R_____ or to The P___ & R____ Family (since they have a child). DH is like, oh just use one or whatever, and I'm like eh I don't think so, that's not her name.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

i think its only rude if they know you chose to keep your name and they still call you by your husbands name on prupose (like if your MIL called you his last name on purpose b/c thats what she thinks your name "should" be - KWIM)

good for you for keeping your name. i chose to change mine but i was a little sad. it took me 4 months to change mine

Message edited 4/22/2009 10:56:56 AM.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

It bothers me when people who know that I hypenate refuse to acknowledge both names. AND recently I had an issue with cashing a check made out to my son that only had DHs last name (my sons also have the hyphen). The bank gave me a really hard time about it The check was made out by someone who knows that we hyphenate and REFUSES to acknowledge it. They have even said to me that regardless of what I *think* my name is, as long as I am married I am not Mrs BV, but Mrs V.

Re: women who got married and didn't change their last name

I kept my maiden name for professional continuity. It doesn't bother me when someone calls me Mrs DH's last name. I think most people who do so just make the traditional naming assumption.