Have you experienced this? *An UPDATE*

*UPDATE*
SD came over last night to stay over - I had said to DH when he was on his way to pick her up to finish the conversation about rudeness, such as the whispering in ears, etc. She came over in SUCH better spirits - did a complete 180 - we had dinner, and then I surprised her with going out to get ice cream and we rented Mall Cop (shes been talking about wanting to see it for a few weeks) - we stayed up an hour past her bedtime and ate icecream in our PJs - she was a dream. I do believe it was my impatience and her adjusting to the new baby - thanks for all of your feedback!
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SD's BM had a baby last week with her new hubby - Im very happy that she moved on with her life and can get her focus off of DH. SD came here today for the first time since BM had the baby and I didnt ask about the kid or anything, I dont feel well - whatever.


SD was here doing her homework with DH and was here for a few hours - she went back from being so talkative and friendly into the hermit shell she used to be in - constantly whispering in DH's ear to talk to him (when I am sitting literally 2 couch cushions away) and when he was going to take her home she just packed her stuff, put her jacket on and walked down the stairs while he got her stuff and got ready to leave.

DH asked her - um are you two not talking? She didn't say anything and proceeded to walk outside. *****?!

BTW - we just went out and dropped a ton of money on brand new bedroom furniture for her today... I feel like calling the place and cancelling it - let her sleep on the sh!t she has in her room....

I am at a loss of what to even do....
BTW - shes almost 6 - so its not like I am dealing even with a snappy teenager that I can try and get inside her head....

Message edited 5/31/2009 5:56:25 PM.

Re: Have you experienced this?

Yes, I have experienced the same thing with my SD...although she is a few years older than your SD.....this went on from age 10 until even now at 14. I really don't know what it is and I could never understand it either....maybe they (our SDs) feel that they want some bonding time just with DHs...which one on one time had never been a problem in our house but maybe they feel like we are invading their space with their dads.

It also could be that she is adjusting to the new sibling and maybe feels BM's attention has been divided and maybe is looking to get DH's undivided attention.

No matter what the reason is or how old they are, it is still disrespectful to you. To not even say "good night" to you in my opinion is not nice and that is why it should be addressed now.

GL

Message edited 5/26/2009 7:27:27 PM.

Re: Have you experienced this?

Not a stepparent, but I'd say that she's had a huge change in her life & you just may be back at square one with her feeling insecure about "losing" her dad.

Her mom is wrapped up with a new baby & it's normal for a child - particularly an older one - to feel that "loss" of a parent's attention.

I think if anything the new bedroom furniture will reinforce the idea that she's part of your family. I don't think you could have had more perfect timing for it.

I know it's hard -and I can't even imagine what you're dealing with but don't take it personally. My daughter is 6. From what I can see a 6 year old's only worry is themselves and she does sound worried.

Re: Have you experienced this?

I agree with the PP. I remember awhile ago on here, someone posted that she was a SC growing up and never knew her place with either family and always felt like she didn't quite belong in either family (or something to that effect). It almost seemed like as a SC, she was like "old news" to her parents now that they have moved on with new families. That always stuck with me b/c I never thought of it in that perspective.

That's probably exactly what's going on with your SD. She wants someone's undivided attention, even if it means acting out to get it. She's probably going to need some adjustment time. As frustrated as you are (and believe me I know), maybe you could make an effort to do something together, either as a family or as girl time, like a mani/pedi, just to give her some extra attention.

Re: Have you experienced this?

SD is probably feeling very insecure right now -- a new sibling is really tough on anyone who is used to getting exclusive attention. SD probably came over excited to get the exclusive attention again from her dad, or maybe the feelings of insecurity were still there and that is why she ignored you. I wouldn't worry too much about it for a few weeks --she is only 6, give her a few weeks to get adjusted.

SS sort of has a new sibling (BM is dating a guy with a daughter) and I am definitely starting to pick up on things where BM does stuff with the boyfriend's daughter and not with SS and SS is starting to not like it. Like the other day SS was over at our place and SS found out later that BM took the boyfriend and the daughter to the beach and SS loves the beach, and he was sort of upset that BM didn't also take him to the beach too. And he is not even 5 yet! Kids, even if young, can definitely pick up on this stuff.

Re: Have you experienced this?

Re: Have you experienced this?

Can I ask why you wouldn't ask her about the baby? Maybe she has some adjustment problems with the new baby or a million other things. She is only 6 and needs the adults in her life to talk to her and help her understand things around her and not let her own little imagination run it's course on why things are happening in her life. I can't imagine being angry at a child so young for only confiding in her father like she does. She is likely confused and maybe you could help her understand things better, including your relationship with her. I hope it all works out!

Re: Have you experienced this?

My 12 yr old SD whispers in DH's ear too... but 6 is very young to get that mad at her. She is probably going through a lot with a new stepmom, stepdad, and baby. The fact that she reverted to old behavior says something. Maybe you 2 can go and do something special together?

ETA - I was that stepdaughter, and now a stepmom - I made many mistakes as a stepmom, but it is very hard on both sides. She will feel your anger.

Message edited 5/28/2009 6:47:53 PM.

Re: Have you experienced this? *An UPDATE*

BUMP

Re: Have you experienced this? *An UPDATE*

Glad to hear that all is well again!!

Re: Have you experienced this? *An UPDATE*

I'll bet she really appreciates that and needs more times like this right now!

Re: Have you experienced this? *An UPDATE*

Glad to hear she warmed up! She probably just needed a bit of time to adjust to having a new sibling, I would imagine it would be hard on any kid!

Re: Have you experienced this? *An UPDATE*

Posted by nrthshgrl

Not a stepparent, but I'd say that she's had a huge change in her life & you just may be back at square one with her feeling insecure about "losing" her dad.

Her mom is wrapped up with a new baby & it's normal for a child - particularly an older one - to feel that "loss" of a parent's attention.

I think if anything the new bedroom furniture will reinforce the idea that she's part of your family. I don't think you could have had more perfect timing for it.

I know it's hard -and I can't even imagine what you're dealing with but don't take it personally. My daughter is 6. From what I can see a 6 year old's only worry is themselves and she does sound worried.