Re: I feel trapped..

I agree with the previous posters.

I would just continue life and your plan to have kids.

There are plenty of people out there who grew up in much smaller households and lived to tell about it.

I grew up in a 1 bedroom apartment in the city. My parents slept in the 1 bedroom, and they put up a wall for the dining room and me and my sister slept in the dining room (7x10' room on bunk beds). We had to pass through the kitchen to get to our room. We didn't even have a real door, it was a sliding closet door with luvers on it.

We did this till I was 14 when we finally moved to a larger apartment where I had my own room.

I surived. I am sure your children will understand.

Re: I feel trapped..

Re: I feel trapped..

Re: I feel trapped..

DH & I are in a SMALL 1 bedroom co-op. It's not even 600 sq feet.

We're currently TTC & in no way ready to move onto a bigger place finacially right now.

We'll share our room with the baby for as long as we can. Give up some furniture in the living area for a playpen & a few toys.

If you have even the smallest of room that could fit a crib & a changing table...you've got WAY more than we do right now.

Lots of people start off like this...you'll figure it out

Re: I feel trapped..

I feel your pain. We came from a tiny city apt. no more than 700sq f. So when I saw a 4 bedroom house, I was LIKE WOW this is great, I could live here forever! Well, we are in the house only one year, and with having kids on the horizon, we are already thinking, upgrade. We had no idea, that the things we compromised (basement AND garage, closets, basically any and all kind of Storage) were going to be so vital once we have little ones. (and Christmas decorations, and lawn stuff, and luggage, and bikes,etc. etc.)

Obviously, its not the time to sell, so now we are stuck also. Granted things could be much worse, I get that. People tell me all the time, "well, I had four kids, 3 dogs, a cat in a one bedroom" well that's great for you, im sure I COULD survive, but I don't Want to.

OK, im rambling, but I wanted you to know your not alone, its not an ideal situation, but I wouldn't put off having kids. Everything does have a way of working out. The market $ucks, hopefully soon, we all will be in a better situation with our "investments". Hang in there !

Re: I feel trapped..

I lived in a 2 bdrm coop until I was 14, my brother & I had bunk beds in our small bedroom with 1 small closet. Plus my poor brother had to live in a room with pink walls and carpet, (that must be why hes so macho hehe)

It all works out in the end, space is always workable!

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by Jenn627

If I could show you the size of the BR I lived in at home - as an ADULT - with the smallest closet ever - you'd rethink whatever you're thinking.

I know you feel hopeless and trapped but seriously - the more you let yourself think like that - the worse it will be.

Where there's a will, there's a way Kristin.

Thank You. That's very true!

Re: I feel trapped..

People raise kids in a one bedroom apartment, the size of your house shouldn't stop you from having children.

Re: I feel trapped..

I agree with everyone else.
It can be done.
Friends of ours lived in a 1 bdrm apt with the their son. His bedroon was the dining room.
And growing up we had 4 kids a 2 adults in a 2 bdrm apt in Manhattan.
You do what you have to do. Please do not let this stop you from having children.

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by Kelly9904

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by Jenn627

If I could show you the size of the BR I lived in at home - as an ADULT - with the smallest closet ever - you'd rethink whatever you're thinking.

I know you feel hopeless and trapped but seriously - the more you let yourself think like that - the worse it will be.

Where there's a will, there's a way Kristin.

Thank You. That's very true!

Agreed. my bedroom was tiny growing up. But honestly I loved it! When my 2 brothers finally moved out my mom said I could move in to their old room and I said now because I loved my room so much! I didnt move out until I was 25. It had a tiny closet, a twin size bed a dresser in a "nooK" and a tall book case! And I could nearly touch wall to wall.

We are a spoiled generation. We want so much! I am the same way, I constantly feel my house isnt big enough. But if its something both you and DH want you will find the way. First if DH wants to have kids, its time to have a garage sale and get rid of/donate the stuff he doesnt neet.

Also you have only been married 1 year, not sure how old you are, but why rush the kid decision. Maybe just relax, dont think about it and say when we are married 3 years (for example) we will revisit the issue.

Re: I feel trapped..

like everyone said the size of your house does not matter. if your child is loved that is what they will remember not the size of their room! and if its any consolation the first year the baby will probably live in your room anyway

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Message edited 12/23/2009 5:11:26 PM.

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by rileysmama

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

- Well now that a few years have passed things have become more difficult financially.

- We were hoping to move into a larger house or add an extension and right now it doesn't seem possible.

- We are trying so hard to save and its literally impossible (things keep going wrong, we have to replace something else, etc; the list is endless).

- I'm just so stressed; I've been crying every single day, and I just feel like things are hopeless.

- I settled on this house (my mistake) and I hate living here; I feel like I'm busting my butt at work for nothing (it all goes to bills).

- my Dh was laid off in 2008, get this, 4 months after we bought our house.

i'm actually going to see another side here.
based on those statements above, it sounds this issue is less about space that you need, but more about financial issues and stress.

yes, you don't need a huge 4 BR house to have a child, but if your husband is laid off and it's impossible to save, and everywhere you turn, you have to shell out cash to replace/fix something, and you originally had planned moving or building an extension, AND you are stressed and feeling hopeess...i would definately wait until things smooth over before having a child.

yes, you can get by on coupons, sales, being a smart spender, and yes, a child needs love before anything else, and i think if you ended up pregnant unplanned, it'd work out and you'd "make it," but I wouln't want to jump into it if you are feeling this way.

before you become a mommy, you need to be happy.

...and some people can't deal with small spaces, like others can. I've been on both sides, and I was absolutely a miserable mommy being in one place that was ridiculously small. I was frustrated everyday and in tears over all of us being on top of one another, and while my kid was loved to the high heavens, I was not a happy camper.

and yes, kids will never know or remember how tiny a house was , but will remember the amount of love they received..but they will also remember if their mommy was happy or not.

I hope something really good comes your way, perhaps a career move for your husband, or maybe thinking of selling your home.

Message edited 12/23/2009 5:38:08 PM.

Re: I feel trapped..

ohh ok, i gotcha now. i interpreted it the other way.
i hope the space issue either becomes something you can overcome, or you can do an extension.

either way,

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I want to tell you about some of the happiest kids I know

My sister and her husband lived with two school age children in a ONE bedroom apartment. On the weekends the kids would have "special sleepovers" in the living room so the adults could get some alone time and just even relax in their own bedroom. NOW, they live in a two bedroom, they have a temporary wall separating the kids' rooms.

My brother and his wife live with two children AND his MIL in a two bedroom apartment. They are all so happy. They have a twin and a toddler bed in grandma's room and a crib in their bedroom. They are the tightest most close knit family I know.

When my parents came to this country, they shared the house I am currently living in with my grandparents, my aunt and uncle and had 4 children between them.

When I was growing up, my bedroom consisted of a bed and a dresser. The bed was against the wall and you couldn't fit between the bed and the opposite wall without turning sideways! It was actually half of a bedroom, and my brother lived in the other half ( temporary wall between us ).

Children don't NEED room. they need love, ADULTS THINK they need the room. You will make do with what you have.

DH and I live in an attic apartment. When the baby comes, we have no room for a crib and I really hope that the baby can fit in the bassinet for a while!

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by rileysmama

ohh ok, i gotcha now. i interpreted it the other way.
i hope the space issue either becomes something you can overcome, or you can do an extension.

either way,

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by Tilde

I want to tell you about some of the happiest kids I know

My sister and her husband lived with two school age children in a ONE bedroom apartment. On the weekends the kids would have "special sleepovers" in the living room so the adults could get some alone time and just even relax in their own bedroom. NOW, they live in a two bedroom, they have a temporary wall separating the kids' rooms.

My brother and his wife live with two children AND his MIL in a two bedroom apartment. They are all so happy. They have a twin and a toddler bed in grandma's room and a crib in their bedroom. They are the tightest most close knit family I know.

When my parents came to this country, they shared the house I am currently living in with my grandparents, my aunt and uncle and had 4 children between them.

When I was growing up, my bedroom consisted of a bed and a dresser. The bed was against the wall and you couldn't fit between the bed and the opposite wall without turning sideways! It was actually half of a bedroom, and my brother lived in the other half ( temporary wall between us ).

Children don't NEED room. they need love, ADULTS THINK they need the room. You will make do with what you have.

DH and I live in an attic apartment. When the baby comes, we have no room for a crib and I really hope that the baby can fit in the bassinet for a while!

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I'm very new around here, so I hope it's OK to just barge in here with my thoughts and opinions!

I just want to acknowledge the enormous stress you are under! In the past year, you've gotten married, bought a home and your husband was laid off! That is a heavy burden to bear, so i really understand why you would be feeling the stress of this issue!

It sounds like you aren't ready to TTC, so maybe you can give yourself permission to just be sad about the space problem right now, and give yourself some time to come to terms with all of the stress in your life.

I live in a very very small space - we had to create a nursery for our daughter by securing two huge bookshelves in an L shape in one corner of our space. She's a toddler now, and her 4' x 6' "room" is plenty of space for all of her needs!

There is lots of practical advice available for those of us living in small spaces. Check out some of these tiny homes! http://contests.apartmenttherapy.com/2009/small-cool/

Good luck, and I hope you have a stress-free new year!!

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My mom's neighbor in her condo building has a 600 sq foot condo

They have 2 parents, 2 kids who are about 4& 6 and 2 grandparents living in it

That is 6 bodies in a tiny one bedroom apartment

People make it work

Re: I feel trapped..

Kristin don't get yourself down.

You could always sell the home and worse case rent something larger until you can own

Like PP said, I know people who live with a baby in a one bdrm apt..it is totally doable.

It will work itself out for you

Message edited 12/23/2009 8:32:23 PM.

Re: I feel trapped..

So sorry you are feeling this way. I understand because we have a one year old in a one bed and now I"m expecting another we need more space and we are not sure what the heck to do! do we sell our condo and buy a bigger place? I'm home right now w/ DS if we buy a house I have to work. if we stay here I can stay home with both kids. it's so hard !!! I will be miserable in a small space, or I will be miserable missing my babies. good luck to you and if u plan on TTC in 2 years sooooooo much can change!

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i'm so sorry you're stressed!! but i agree w the other girls, you can make anything work. i grew up sharing a bedroom with my older brother until high school...and we are extremely close now because of it. don't give up your dream of having kids...more than a huge bedroom and walk-in closet, kids need love and i am sure you wouldn't have any problem giving them that. go for it, it'll all be ok!

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My friends are about to have their first baby in a one bedroom house. They thought creatively and were able to take some room from their utility room, knock out their closets and build a nursery. So now they have two bedrooms, and let me tell you, I never thought they could fit two bedrooms, but they did it and it looks great! And they did all the work themselves because they have no money at all. Babies don't need a lot of room, I promise. Do not let the size of your house determine whether or not you'll have kids. I had my DD in a one bedroom apartment. We lived there for a year with her while we saved for a house. Then we moved into ONE ROOM altogether in my parents' house for another year to build our down payment. So, for the first two years of her life, my DD didn't have her own bedroom, and guess what? She doesn't remember it at all. I say if you want kids, have one. You'll find a way to make it work.

Re: I feel trapped..

I saw pics of your house in LIW a while back. I remember it being REALLY nice and it seemed like it had space.

Honestly, children could work. But, it does seem like you are not 100% ready for children. So, I would hold out.

And like the previous posters mentioned, way before our time- people lived in TINY, cramped apartments and lived.

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We rent (!) a two bedroom house and have a DS, his room is tiny, but tiny people should have tiny rooms

We also have an 18 year old that lives with us, she sleeps on a futon in my dining room.

You make it work, life will pass you buy if you just wait and stress for a bigger house.