Why do you think so many men cheat?

It's so disturbing the amount of posts lately about husbands cheating. What do you think the reasons are? Are they bored being with one woman?

From women I have spoken to I have found that women tend to cheat more when their husband is not as emotionally available to them (to fill that emotional void), but what is it for men? We all would say that we can't imagine the man we married cheating, but I am sure the women whose husbands did cheat felt the same way.

It's really disturbing to think many men cannot handle monogamy.

Message edited 4/12/2006 10:21:12 AM.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I don't know why so many men cheat. The increase in posts here makes me nervous! I don't want to have my parents marriage.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I never, in a million years thought my husband would do this. But the reasons that he told me was that he let himself become emotionally detached from our marriage, and emotionally involved with someone else. I also think it was immaturity, not being able to handle being married and starting a family. Don’t forget the excitement of the newness, he had been with me for 5 years, and I guess I was just not as exciting.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Message edited 4/12/2006 10:39:22 AM.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I was thinking this too, how many more posts have come up dealing with cheating.

The funny thing is, when my husband and I started counseling, we had to describe our feelings about our relationship and I was describing mine. I have felt that my husband has been emotionally unavailable, etc.

The therapist actually had to stop because she got confused. She thought I would have been the one to cheat!

I still don't have answers as to why people cheat. My husband doesn't even "know" why he did it. For me it was a one time thing and did not involve sex, and I think it was just a completely horrible judgement call on many accounts.

The thing is, you never do know, because I was not a naive girl, I just never expected my husband to do even what he did. It was completely out of character for him. So who knows. I hope I have more answer for all of us one day!

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

No its not silly I would like to know also! I know I have trust issues because of my father! I feel this is an issue I will never get over!

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Many women cheat as well it's not just the men.

Because they were too coward to cancelor postpone the wedding or got married for the wrong reasons.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by Joan

I never, in a million years thought my husband would do this. But the reasons that he told me was that he let himself become emotionally detached from our marriage, and emotionally involved with someone else. I also think it was immaturity, not being able to handle being married and starting a family. Don’t forget the excitement of the newness, he had been with me for 5 years, and I guess I was just not as exciting.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I asked my DH about this, too. One of his ideas is that it is a city thing. He says that the sheer number of people in the city make it easier to cheat. Like a kid in a candy store- how can you choose just one? He doesn't think it is responsible for the majority of cheating, but that it is unique to larger cities.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I wonder. I don't think it can be pinned down to any one thing. Like a young guy might cheat because he settled down too soon (which does not excuse it) but an older man might cheat for a totally different reason- midlife crisis, he and his wife drifted, etc.

Either way, it's sad when it happens.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by baghag

I asked my DH about this, too. One of his ideas is that it is a city thing. He says that the sheer number of people in the city make it easier to cheat. Like a kid in a candy store- how can you choose just one? He doesn't think it is responsible for the majority of cheating, but that it is unique to larger cities.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I don't think there are any clear and cut answers for this unfortunately and there are many different reasons as to why men engage in this behavior. I think it really makes a difference when any couple start that they discuss in detail what they expect from their partners, the relationship, and what they would tolerate or not tolerate. I think both partners will be in the same page and they would know that if they do something that their partner would not tolerate, they are taking the risks of losing that person. When I started dating my husband, I sat down with him and I told him how important faithfulness, trust, and loyalty is to me. I also mentioned to him that sometimes men that cheat do not realize how they jeopardize their partners and put them in danger. I asked him that if he ever thought of being with someone to approach me and tell me. I'd really would prefer to know rather than finding out like many women do. I also expressed to him that if I ever found out he was cheating on me, I'm not one to give second chances because I don't believe in them. I think if I'm 100% committed in our relationship, he should be the same way. I think one of the problems when this happen is because a lot of couples do not have talks like this and do not express their feelings and put things on the table from the beginning.
And to all of you that are going through such a tough time in your lives about this..I'm sorry to hear this and here are some

ETA>>to fix a spelling error....can't stand them when I do them

Message edited 4/12/2006 10:43:05 AM.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by baghag

Posted by nov04libride

Yeah, I guess it's silly to ask a bunch of women that question! It is scary though.

It isn't silly to ask, I don't think we will figure it out though. To be fair to the men- it is mostly women here, so we never get the other side of the story. Not to imply that there is an excuse for cheating, but that women cheat as much as men do.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by Joan

Posted by baghag

Posted by nov04libride

Yeah, I guess it's silly to ask a bunch of women that question! It is scary though.

It isn't silly to ask, I don't think we will figure it out though. To be fair to the men- it is mostly women here, so we never get the other side of the story. Not to imply that there is an excuse for cheating, but that women cheat as much as men do.

Of course they do.. my husband was cheating with another married women with two kids.. How could she do that to her family.. I haven't told her husband yet but I am still thinking about.

If anyone has any opinions about telling her husband I would love to hear them.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I have no experience with this, but I would not tell him just yet. I know how hard it must feel to know that someone out there is out of the loop on this, but maybe she will get around to telling him. Remember there are children involved and no one ever wants to get that phone call.

Just make sure you are clear about telling him before you do. No rash decisions!

Posted by Joan

Posted by Joan

Posted by baghag

Posted by nov04libride

Yeah, I guess it's silly to ask a bunch of women that question! It is scary though.

It isn't silly to ask, I don't think we will figure it out though. To be fair to the men- it is mostly women here, so we never get the other side of the story. Not to imply that there is an excuse for cheating, but that women cheat as much as men do.

Of course they do.. my husband was cheating with another married women with two kids.. How could she do that to her family.. I haven't told her husband yet but I am still thinking about.

If anyone has any opinions about telling her husband I would love to hear them.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I firmly believe that cheating is mostly caused because there is something wrong within the marriage/relationship. Not that it condones the cheaters actions, but when someone truly isn't happy, they find ways to make themselves happy.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by MrsProfessor

Posted by Joan

Of course they do.. my husband was cheating with another married women with two kids.. How could she do that to her family.. I haven't told her husband yet but I am still thinking about.

I think he has a right to know, especially since there are kids involved. But I don't know how to go about it.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by BobBsWife

Posted by MrsProfessor

Posted by Joan
Of course they do.. my husband was cheating with another married women with two kids.. How could she do that to her family.. I haven't told her husband yet but I am still thinking about.

I think he has a right to know, especially since there are kids involved. But I don't know how to go about it.

I agree! I am a very harsh person when it comes to this issue and I prob. would have called right away! I can be rash. But I don't know how to handle it with kids involved.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I think when a woman (or a man) shows interest in the opposite sex, it sparks "something". Maybe that new feeling of another person finding them attractive or interesting is what excites them. This is no excuse though....a married man took his vows and made his promise to his wife.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Posted by Joan

Posted by Joan

Posted by baghag

Posted by nov04libride

Yeah, I guess it's silly to ask a bunch of women that question! It is scary though.

It isn't silly to ask, I don't think we will figure it out though. To be fair to the men- it is mostly women here, so we never get the other side of the story. Not to imply that there is an excuse for cheating, but that women cheat as much as men do.

Of course they do.. my husband was cheating with another married women with two kids.. How could she do that to her family.. I haven't told her husband yet but I am still thinking about.

If anyone has any opinions about telling her husband I would love to hear them.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

Confronting her is a good idea.

Posted by Lichi

Posted by BobBsWife

Posted by MrsProfessor

Posted by Joan
Of course they do.. my husband was cheating with another married women with two kids.. How could she do that to her family.. I haven't told her husband yet but I am still thinking about.

I think he has a right to know, especially since there are kids involved. But I don't know how to go about it.

I agree! I am a very harsh person when it comes to this issue and I prob. would have called right away! I can be rash. But I don't know how to handle it with kids involved.

If anything, I would confront HER to tell her husband - then if not, I would tell him.

Re: Why do you think so many men cheat?

I know someone who has recently cheated on his wife (his wife knows). The guy has always been so in love with himself, and so controlling toward his wife - taking the cheese off her pizza for goodness sake b/c it was fattening . My father also thinks he is the greatest thing going, and he cheated on my mom. So in my limited experience, it's guys who are self-absorbed who cheat.