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avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Help! Are we too over protective?
Ava is turning 6 and just completed Kindergarten.
She just got invited to her first sleep over. I was going to say yes, DH says no. I know the parents well.
She also just got invited to a get together- with out me, to swim in a friends pool for the day and to play on the trampoline. It is an above ground pool, and she doesn't know how to "swim" yet.
DH is against trampolines all together. He works with spinal surgeons and he has a million trampoline horror stories.
Then, she just got invited to go to Dave and Busters for the day with another child and parent. She has a Peanut Allergy.
What do you give in and trust other people?
Are we crazy?
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Posted 7/5/10 10:41 PM  |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
You have to go with your gut. In all those situations, it comes down to knowing your child and knowing who you are entrusting your child to.
If she doesn't swim well and you are against trampolines, how many kids will be there for the parents to police? will you be asking the parent to tell your dd she cannot go on the trampoline or will you be trusting DD to not go on? Does she know how to manage her peanut allergy...do the parents of the other child know what is peanut free or do you know the menu to tell them what to get for her? Does she have a contact issue with someone else who has had peanuts and do the parents know what to do? With the sleepover, what is your Dh's reason for not wanting her to go? Again, what scenarios could come up overnight and how well do you know the parents? How comfortable is she with separating from you and sleeping elsewhere? Who will be in the home? Where will the kids sleep? Who will help her if she needs assistance in the bathroom or whatever?? She is still very young so you are not crazy. It's still a gray area at 6... but go with your gut. I would ask a lot of questions, never be afraid to ask as many as you need to. I am always more shocked when a parent just drops their kid off without asking a single thing esp when it's a new friendship, and I've had it happen a few times.
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| Posted 7/5/10 11:45 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
People accuse me of being 'over protective' all the time.. so I might not be who you are looking to have answer this question!
I am starting to loosen the reins on my older son. And it's incredibly difficult.
My son just had his first sleepover a few weeks ago. He is 9. And the sleepover was with one of my closest friends (more like family) because he is very close with their son. And even then I was a little nervous. He also went to an all day birthday party a few weeks ago - including a boat ride to Fire Island. Again - I was really anxious - but he came back okay. I'm still only dabbling my toes into the waters of giving him more freedom.. but it's not easy. Right now it's about both of us learning trust.
Now.. my little guy will be 7 this month. He is NOT allowed on sleepovers and I still accompany him to parties and stay the whole time.
And it all comes down to what Elizabeth said so eloquently above:
Posted by Elizabeth
You have to go with your gut. In all those situations, it comes down to knowing your child and knowing who you are entrusting your child to.
1000000% true.
I'll also say that you may want to really discuss things with your husband in really great detail. My kids weren't allowed to use straws for the longest time because he was afraid they'd puncture their soft palates. He STILL hates them. To this day they are not trusted to eat lollipops unless they are seated because Rob is terrified they will fall and choke. When they go NEAR a pool they must be with an adult and if that adult is not family they must wear their life vests. And by near a pool, i mean the pool has to be at that property - even if it's fenced off and they aren't going near it. Even if they are inside and the pool is outside, even if they are hanging out in the front/side yard and the pool is in the back. When Robbie was first learning to walk he BOUGHT HIM A HELMET because he didn't want him to crack his head if he fell. THAT (to me) is overprotective because he's not basing his actions on who the child is - he's basing it on fear. I told him we ought to just get some bubble wrap and encase them - his response? "That's plastic.. do they make it in a breathable material?"
Message edited 7/6/2010 7:48:09 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/10 7:40 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
You have to do what feels right when "you" feel ready.....
If it were me , I "think" ( I say think because who knows, I'm not there yet  )
As for a sleepover- If I knew the parents very well at that age, I'd probably be okay with it ( would also depend on my childs personality)
The pool would be a no ( my DH also will not allow my DS on a trampoline) I would have to be there.....
Dave and Busters would probably be okay with me IF I knew the parent well enough and they were very aware of my childs allergy ...
You're not crazy or overprotective in the least....You just love your children and want to keep them safe
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| Posted 7/6/10 8:31 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 9/1/2011 12:20:22 PM.
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| Posted 7/6/10 10:53 AM |
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Kris
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1051 total posts
Name:
Kristine
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
Call me overprotective too b/c each of the scenarios freaked me out. First- the pool/trampoline. I would absolutely have to be there, and there would be no trampolining for my kid. The sleepover- maybe you could do a "mock sleepover" and pick her up at 10? I see no reason why a 6 year old needs to sleep at a friend's house.
Dave and Busters would put me on the fence. Maybe you could go, and just stay at the mall, just in case. But not be in D&B's so she feels a little independence?
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| Posted 7/6/10 4:40 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
I love the mock sleepover idea. I was thinking of this post bc I was talking to my SIL earlier. My niece is 11 1/2 and they just recently let her do a sleepover for the first time.
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| Posted 7/6/10 5:49 PM |
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justmefornow
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/08 859 total posts
Name:
n
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
Posted by avamamma
Ava is turning 6 and just completed Kindergarten.
She just got invited to her first sleep over. I was going to say yes, DH says no. I know the parents well.
She also just got invited to a get together- with out me, to swim in a friends pool for the day and to play on the trampoline. It is an above ground pool, and she doesn't know how to "swim" yet.
DH is against trampolines all together. He works with spinal surgeons and he has a million trampoline horror stories.
Then, she just got invited to go to Dave and Busters for the day with another child and parent. She has a Peanut Allergy.
What do you give in and trust other people?
Are we crazy?
Like a PP said, I got freaked out reading all of these too! My DD just turned 7, the only sleep overs have been with cousins. I do not know if I'd let her go to one and more importantly I don't think she'd do well after a while, like someone else maybe at 9 or 10 pick her up. IMO they're just too young for that.
Is the pool playdate someone you know well? Have you been to their house? You can always use her as your excuse to stay, like telll them she wants you to stay.
The Dave and Busters doesn't sound too bad to let her go. Make sure the parent knows, send her with epi, and any other precautions.
I would worry too and I guess I am overprotective too but you're the parent and you know best!
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| Posted 7/6/10 8:57 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
I would do the sleepover, but no pool. And my son is an excellent swimmer. I AM OVER PROTECTIVE. Sorry, I guess I am no help.
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| Posted 7/6/10 9:55 PM |
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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Help! Are we too over protective?
Jordan had her 1st sleepover when she was 6. I was good friends with the mom and it was around the corner. I was pretty OK with it. I knew that if she was uncomfortable she would absolutely call me. Jordan is the type of kid that would speak up if she were not allowed to do something or not ok with something. She only slept at this friends house up until she was about 8.
I never left her at a pool playdate without me until I knew she was a strong swimmer. Probably about 7 or 8. Only at close friends that knew they had to stay poolside at all times or Jordan could not go in.
Trampoline was an issue for me as well and she was not allowed on at all until she was about 7 or 8. She knows that strict rules and knows if they are broken it will be the last time.
I have allowed Jordan to go out to public places with close friends for a while now, but it was a hard thing for me to get used to.
My only saving grace is that Jordan is a neurotic worrier like me and will be glued to the adult she is with and will fear breaking the rules strictly because of the unknown.
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| Posted 7/6/10 10:21 PM |
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