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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by Redhead
true...
but sorry....the response giggles had was based on what her DH DID NOT KNOW....
the posters guilt wasn't her behavior prior to being grabbed...but after.
So to understand why the prick DH is avoiding her....is still a sickening mystery to me.
That is why i have an issue with giggles response...
i understand what you're saying.. but he did come out at 7 in the morning to see them still hanging out together drinking... so i cant speak for him, but if it were me, i can only imagine what might be running through my head (what might have happened, etc...).
either way.... its just a crappy situation all around, and they seriously need to address ALL of the details of last night. 
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Posted 4/30/06 5:21 PM  |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
I would DEFINITELY be concerned about the physical aggression your husband showed. That is really unacceptable under ANY circumstance. Though IMO you definitely crossed a line and disrespected him, he had no right to touch you. If you want to work on your marriage, I suggest counseling ASAP but I would be conscious and concerned about DH's violent streak.
Good luck
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:21 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
not defending her husband at all however...
I think he picked up on the fact that there is a connection between the two... i mean she said she has feelings for him and he admitted he is in love with her!!
if it were me, and I came out of the room and found my husband and my friend still drinking after thinking they had feelings for each other I would flip out too!!
it is just not a good situation all around...
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:25 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by kdelace
not defending her husband at all however...
I think he picked up on the fact that there is a connection between the two... i mean she said she has feelings for him and he admitted he is in love with her!!
if it were me, and I came out of the room and found my husband and my friend still drinking after thinking they had feelings for each other I would flip out too!!
it is just not a good situation all around...
thats what i was attempting to say... you worded it much better! 
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:27 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by DMcK
I would DEFINITELY be concerned about the physical aggression your husband showed. That is really unacceptable under ANY circumstance. Though IMO you definitely crossed a line and disrespected him, he had no right to touch you. If you want to work on your marriage, I suggest counseling ASAP but I would be conscious and concerned about DH's violent streak.
Good luck
i 1000% agree.
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:28 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by kdelace
not defending her husband at all however...
I think he picked up on the fact that there is a connection between the two... i mean she said she has feelings for him and he admitted he is in love with her!!
if it were me, and I came out of the room and found my husband and my friend still drinking after thinking they had feelings for each other I would flip out too!!
it is just not a good situation all around...
****** sure...
but if it were me....he would have been lucky to not have come out of that room with a baseball bat to the head...
sorry....i just can't get past that part of it..
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:28 PM |
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jea128
...
Member since 5/05 3415 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
I agree with everyone else, your DH's behavior was ABSOLUTELY wrong!!!! No matter what happens no one has the right to lay a hand on you! That's problem #1.
Problem #2 is that you have very strong feelings for someone else. Nothing happened this time but what about next time. I think you and your DH have a lot to work though and this may not be an easy fix.
I wish the best of luck to both of you!!!!
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:37 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by Redhead
Posted by kdelace
not defending her husband at all however...
I think he picked up on the fact that there is a connection between the two... i mean she said she has feelings for him and he admitted he is in love with her!!
if it were me, and I came out of the room and found my husband and my friend still drinking after thinking they had feelings for each other I would flip out too!!
it is just not a good situation all around...
****** sure...
true- NO ONE has the right to put their hands on you and he was WRONG!!!!!!!!!!
but although she said nothing would ever happen, the fact she WANTS her DH best friend and the feeling is mutual to me that is a SERIOUS issue as well and it spells DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:39 PM |
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giggles
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 584 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by neeniebean86
i understand what giggles is saying, and i agree with her. No one is saying that what her DH did was acceptable... it was totally unacceptable.. BUT there are TWO people that are wrong here (well, actually 3). And him being wrong doesnt take away from the fact that she was wrong too. NO, that does not mean that she deserved to be treated that way But that doesnt make her completely innocent either.
also, what the DHs friend did was completely out of line. not only saying what he did, but attempting to do more. I honestly dont even know what *I* would do if i felt that betrayed by both my DH and one of my own friends. 
This is what I was trying to say and I guess I didn't say it well as you did.
I think her Dh was WRONG for putting his hands on her - I think it goes without saying that he was completely out of line.
Red, my response wasn't based on what her DH DID NOT KNOW - it was based on him getting up at 7 am to see his wife drinking alone with a man that he knows her to have feelings for.
Unfortunately, I may be wrong, but I have a feeling the reason he is staying away is because he is still p*ssed. I hope I'm wrong.
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:50 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by giggles
Red, my response wasn't based on what her DH DID NOT KNOW - it was based on him getting up at 7 am to see his wife drinking alone with a man that he knows her to have feelings for.
Unfortunately, I may be wrong, but I have a feeling the reason he is staying away is because he is still p*ssed. I hope I'm wrong.
well i guess i find that to be sickening. Not your post but to think that her DH is avoiding her because he is ****** about that.
I think that it is actually more scarey....
Because i think if this is true....he probably feels justified in his actions the night before..
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:55 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
I mean....after being grabbed by him.
What exactly did he think she should have done?
Sit and drink more.....no. Not saying that was right.
But i think, like i said before, i would have seriously taught him a lesson abotu not putting his hands on me
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:56 PM |
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giggles
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 584 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by Redhead
Posted by giggles
Red, my response wasn't based on what her DH DID NOT KNOW - it was based on him getting up at 7 am to see his wife drinking alone with a man that he knows her to have feelings for.
Unfortunately, I may be wrong, but I have a feeling the reason he is staying away is because he is still p*ssed. I hope I'm wrong.
well i guess i find that to be sickening. Not your post but to think that her DH is avoiding her because he is ****** about that.
I think that it is actually more scarey....
Because i think if this is true....he probably feels justified in his actions the night before..
I agree - I hope I'm wrong. I hope he feels like an a** and he comes home and begs for forgiveness!
Hugs for guilty
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:57 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: bad - long confession
He may also be ashamed of what HE did and is too chicken sh-t to face her. In any case, this sounds like a very unfortunate situation with some really crappy things that happened, and I hope the poster can find a resolution to it
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:58 PM |
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Pumpkin
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3353 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
remeber alcohol is also invovled in all of this. It does not condone her Dh behavior at all. All 3 of these people are guilty.
Her DH just stepped over the line here.
Hopefully they will get counseling because their are alot of issues here. Good luck to you!
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:00 PM |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: bad - long confession
Im not condoning his behavior BUT I have to say- with men and their woman its territorial. Im sure her DH picked up on these "love" feelings towards eachother and Im sure the alcohol raised his anger and being his friend didnt help either. Totally disrespected the DH and Im sure he felt that too and was this in YOUR and DH's home? another slap in the face if so.
Personally I feel she is the MOST wrong here- why why would you let a situation like this get this far?
I know if the tables were turned I would flip out too!
A man touching a woman absolutely is WRONG but I also do feel you can push someone to a point too.
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:18 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by girlygrl33
Im not condoning his behavior BUT I have to say- with men and their woman its territorial. Im sure her DH picked up on these "love" feelings towards eachother and Im sure the alcohol raised his anger and being his friend didnt help either. Totally disrespected the DH and Im sure he felt that too and was this in YOUR and DH's home? another slap in the face if so.
Personally I feel she is the MOST wrong here- why why would you let a situation like this get this far?
I know if the tables were turned I would flip out too!
A man touching a woman absolutely is WRONG but I also do feel you can push someone to a point too.
I do not think you can EVER push a person to the point that they should touch you -- EVER! She was wrong, I agree, but there is never, ever any justification for a man or woman to lay their hands on another, period. If I ever walked in on DH in that position, I would flip but I would never touch him and he would never touch me -- unless he wanted to see Jesus.
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:20 PM |
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Pumpkin
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3353 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by girlygrl33
Im not condoning his behavior BUT I have to say- with men and their woman its territorial. Im sure her DH picked up on these "love" feelings towards eachother and Im sure the alcohol raised his anger and being his friend didnt help either. Totally disrespected the DH and Im sure he felt that too and was this in YOUR and DH's home? another slap in the face if so.
Personally I feel she is the MOST wrong here- why why would you let a situation like this get this far?
I know if the tables were turned I would flip out too!
A man touching a woman absolutely is WRONG but I also do feel you can push someone to a point too.
I think you have a good point. A man should never raise his hand to a woman but people can get pushed to do things that they may not do under "normal" circumstances, and again bad situation+alcohol= bad outcome
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:20 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by DMcK
Posted by girlygrl33
Im not condoning his behavior BUT I have to say- with men and their woman its territorial. Im sure her DH picked up on these "love" feelings towards eachother and Im sure the alcohol raised his anger and being his friend didnt help either. Totally disrespected the DH and Im sure he felt that too and was this in YOUR and DH's home? another slap in the face if so.
Personally I feel she is the MOST wrong here- why why would you let a situation like this get this far?
I know if the tables were turned I would flip out too!
A man touching a woman absolutely is WRONG but I also do feel you can push someone to a point too.
I do not think you can EVER push a person to the point that they should touch you -- EVER! She was wrong, I agree, but there is never, ever any justification for a man or woman to lay their hands on another, period. If I ever walked in on DH in that position, I would flip but I would never touch him and he would never touch me -- unless he wanted to see Jesus.
well said D 
and sorry but if the DH picked up on the "vibe"...
a protective man.....IF he had picked up on anything.....would have SHOVED THE GUY....
thrown the GUY out.....NOT laid his hands on his wife....that is a PIECE OF SH!T..
No ...this brain buster let this GUY stay at HIS HOUSE....
pushed...
Message edited 4/30/2006 6:26:09 PM.
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:25 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:26 PM |
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giggles
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 584 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: bad - long confession
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:34 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: bad - long confession
amen to that!!
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:39 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: bad - long confession
you guys REALLY need to talk.
unfortunatly, your DH let his temper get the best of him.... lets hope this is the first and LAST time.
as for your situation... no good mama. no good. i think that guy should be written off completely.
now, as per why your dh is avoiding you. ok, he was in the wrong first.... then you were in hte wrong second. he may have felt incredibly bad and wanted to apologize and stuff.... and then he opens the door and sees THAT.?? imo, his guilt or shame probably flew out the door at that exact moment. that is now the last thing in his memory and that sux.
sit down and talk tonight.
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:40 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
the red flag that I see here is that he grabbed you by the neck. that IMO is heinous! the only possible way I could understand a husband doing that is if he walked in on you and a lover doing the deed. and even then, I am not so sure that is appropriate.
I hope you can work things out, but you definitely need to talk.
good luck!!
Message edited 4/30/2006 6:42:26 PM.
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| Posted 4/30/06 6:42 PM |
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guilty406
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 2 total posts
Name:
guilty
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Re: bad - long confession
DH was out with his friend. He came home and his friend left and we had a long talk. DH didn't really hurt me last night, he just squeezed for a second and let go and when he pushed me, he pushed me on the couch. He's not abusive, he said he was angry about watching our body language. I didn't know that his friend previously told him he has feelings for me. Dh said that I really hurt him and I need to watch myself around his friend. They have been friends for many years and dh does not want to end his friendship with him. Basically we just agreed that I wouldn't hang out with him alone ever again. I was drunk and stupid for not just going to bed when dh did. I was a little shocked about him putting his hands on me I didn't want to be around him so I stayed up. I keep thinking about last night and I'm so angry at myself and his friend. Having feelings and acting on them are two different ball games. If I allowed it to happen, it would have ruined my marriage. I am very attracted to his friend, I don't love him. I'm so angry that his friend would do something like that to him and angry at myself that I wanted it, angry that I let him get so close and that I was so excited. It kills me that I have these thoughts, I wish I could erase last night from all of our memories. I couldn't even look his friend in the eye today. I don't know what I want more, to smack him or kiss him. I'm just going to stay away.
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| Posted 4/30/06 7:21 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession - update on page 2
this is definitely not my place to say, but since you asked for opinions... I have one more.
if my DH had a friend who admitted to him that he had or has feelings for me, my DH would 1. kick his @ss and then 2. would probably never speak to him again.
Message edited 4/30/2006 7:25:22 PM.
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| Posted 4/30/06 7:25 PM |
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