Updated...I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

Update:
First thank you for all for your kind words. DH thought I was blowing it out of proprotion but it just didn't sit right with me.
Last night I asked her again why she cries and she just said that she misses me. I asked if she thought her teachers were nice and she said yes, and funny.
So this morning I got there a few minutes early and spoke to the teacher about her missing me and that maybe if she is crying to go over to her and ask her what is wrong or just let her know it is ok to miss me and try and re-direct her. I also said that she mentioned about someone bothering her and that she needed to tell her (the teacher) when that goes on. Then I asked the teacher to speak to her privately about everything. She went in crying, but stopped after a few minutes, I want to say 2 or 3 minutes and listened to everything she was told to do. The the teacher seemed pleased that she asked for help durning snack time and then gave DD a hi-5 and DD was so proud of herself that she spoke up when she needed help and got the hi-5.
The teacher didn't seem to pleased when I asked her to do try and console her but what ever she did worked so it may have opened up her eyes.

As far as her teaching career. I know she has been at this school for 7 years and was an aide 5 years in the pre-k class. The teacher who she was the aide for is strict also but not as bad as her. This is her 2 year with her own class.


DD is 3.5, is in her second year of pre-school and attends school 3 half days.

Last year she started in January going 2 days a week and had an adjustment period but it only lasted maybe a month, I really don't think it was even that long.

This year, she started in September, 90% of her classmates she knows from last year. Her part-time aide from last year is the full time aide in her class this year.

So my issue is, she is still crying when I drop her off. She is always willing to get dressed and go to school. Is fine in the car and even standing in line. The minute we get up to the teacher, that is when it starts. We hug, kiss and do high-5's. She tells me that she likes her teacher and she has fun in school but according to her teacher she isn't listening and won't calm down. Today, she spent the first 10 minutes crying and nobody would try and console her or go over to her and ask her nicely to come and join the other kids. Instead the teacher will tell her to do things and that doesn't work with her. I feel the teacher is too stern and harsh for 3.5-4 year olds. I hear how she speaks to the kids through the door when I go to pick her up and I cringe. My BF's son is in her class and tells my BF today that Miss K. said to D "D, enough already, please stop crying" I just don't find that appropriate for a teacher to say to a student.
When I went to pick DD up today, the teacher pulled me aside and wanted tips on how to approach her to get her to do the actives. I was honest and said that she doesn't do well with people telling her what to do and she told me she can't coddle her because she needs to be independent for the years to come and would feel like she is doing a dis-service to her. Ironically she is very independent at home.
I also told her, there was a day that the aide gave DD a hug and she really liked that. It doesn't have to be all the time but just even a pat on the back, some sort of attention is what she needs.

When I ask her why she cries when I drop her off,she tells me that she misses me. She know's I come back for her and I have never ever been late to pick her up. I usually try and be first or second in line.

I just don't know how to handle this.

Message edited 2/7/2011 2:08:35 PM.

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

I would not be happy about the teachers response either.

I think what you told her was good, and hopefully someone can be there to hug D and wait till she warms up.

I always had this issue with Jack last year and one of his teachers was very motherly. That made a huge difference.

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

Can I be completely honest? I'd be really wary of a preschool teacher who doesn't know how to handle a crying child. I kind of look to the teachers as the experts in those areas, know what I mean?
At that age, she SHOULD be getting hugs and encouragement from her teachers! They should be doing everything in their power to make school a wonderful experience at that age. To hell with independence! She will gain that when she feels comfortable and just telling her to stop crying is not going to help that.
I wish I had advice for you, I just know that I would be VERY upset with a teacher that acted that way towards my child

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

You need to have the teacher's help. She's 3.5 for crying out loud...they need to welcome her and help her!

When Lucas transitioned into the new breakfast room last year we had such a hard time with dropoff. Eventually I told the teachers that I needed their help. Sure enough they started greeting him, helping him get breakfast and most helpful...hugging and holding him. They build up his trust and within 2 weeks he was fine.

Lately he has been giving me a hard time but one morning I missed my train so I had a friend call the house and say she was my boss and I was in big trouble for being late. She was nice about it (he likes my boss) and from the moment he heard the message he started helping me. Now he goes into the room, gives me a hug and kiss and tells me to go fast so I don't miss my train

Yeah...I don't play fair! LOL

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

I would hope the teacher would be a little more compassionate. They are so little! Yes this is the start of her schooling but I am sure she would fare better if she felt more comforted at school. GL!

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

Posted by BaroqueMama

Can I be completely honest? I'd be really wary of a preschool teacher who doesn't know how to handle a crying child. I kind of look to the teachers as the experts in those areas, know what I mean?
At that age, she SHOULD be getting hugs and encouragement from her teachers! They should be doing everything in their power to make school a wonderful experience at that age. To hell with independence! She will gain that when she feels comfortable and just telling her to stop crying is not going to help that.
I wish I had advice for you, I just know that I would be VERY upset with a teacher that acted that way towards my child

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

Posted by MamaLeen

Posted by BaroqueMama

Can I be completely honest? I'd be really wary of a preschool teacher who doesn't know how to handle a crying child. I kind of look to the teachers as the experts in those areas, know what I mean?
At that age, she SHOULD be getting hugs and encouragement from her teachers! They should be doing everything in their power to make school a wonderful experience at that age. To hell with independence! She will gain that when she feels comfortable and just telling her to stop crying is not going to help that.
I wish I had advice for you, I just know that I would be VERY upset with a teacher that acted that way towards my child

I agree with this.

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

Posted by MamaLeen

Posted by BaroqueMama

Can I be completely honest? I'd be really wary of a preschool teacher who doesn't know how to handle a crying child. I kind of look to the teachers as the experts in those areas, know what I mean?
At that age, she SHOULD be getting hugs and encouragement from her teachers! They should be doing everything in their power to make school a wonderful experience at that age. To hell with independence! She will gain that when she feels comfortable and just telling her to stop crying is not going to help that.
I wish I had advice for you, I just know that I would be VERY upset with a teacher that acted that way towards my child

I agree with this.

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

I agree with this also. My 3 yr old had a little trouble at first - but it passes (with the occasional relapse...) But the teachers were good about it.

Is this teacher new? Was she only one year as the aid?

Assuming you wouldn't want to switch her because her friends are there, it might be time to talk to the director of the facility. You may not be the only one with the problem and it might be time for them to do something about it...

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

I agree with most of what's been said. The teacher and school should be helping. If they're not you should think about switching. You can send her with an object that is yours such as a very small handbag that has your scent and familiarity and ask her to hold it for til you come back to pick her up. I got that suggestion with Ellie when she was much younger. But it seems a little more serious than what we went thru if this is her 2nd yr and she's still crying. If the teacher is not fixing it have you gone to the Director to s/w them

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

That would never fly with me. Preparing a chid for kindergarten does ot mean treating her as if she already is in kindergarten...cause she is NOT> The truth is she needs to be nurturing her and encouraging her love of school to prepare her for kindergarten. That means making her feel cared for there.

Re: I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

I had first graders cry until November...that's how it is for some kids.. How about a picture of you to hold in her pocket or a very small stuffed toy from home?

Re: Updated...I need some advice on how to handle DD and pre-school

bump for update