Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

So my MIL and FIL are hoarders, not quite what you see on TV, but pretty close. They are very generous, but are also in debt because of their impulse to buy.

So now with my DS, they are constantly buying him things, which isn't the problem. I greatly appreciate their generosity. The problem is they buy me 7 of the same thing. 7 pairs of the same shoes, 3 of the same outfits, etc. And the outfits that they do buy me, ALL have something about Grandma written on them. I don't mind a few things with Grandma on it, but even half the shoes have something about Grandmothers.

I have asked them to only get one of each item (I have said nothing about the grandmother habit), but they don't listen to me. I feel bad they are trying to be nice, but I don't have the space for all these duplicates. I live in a 4 room apartment. Plus, with the money situation, I don't want them to keep wasting money on stuff I won't use.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I need some help on how to handle this.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

mine isn't that bad yet... but so far I've handled it by smiling saying thank you, putting it in the back of the closet and donating it to Salvation Army at the end of the year.

I've learned through my MIL and FIL, that you can't change people, its up to them to be responsible for their behavior and finances. You just have to be grateful for the gesture.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

if you think they actually have a "problem" chances are they just won't stop even when you ask. MIL is a compulsive shopper as well. She doesn't even remember what she buys them. DD has about 8 Christmas dresses last year, I didn't have enough events to put them on her
I would say to either donate the duplicates or sell them at a yard sale. If she asks where they are, let them know it went to someone who needed it

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

You're just going to have to really talk to them and explain that you really appreciate everything they get DS, but say he's growing so fast and has so much already all of it is really unnecessary.
I've had to do this as well. My IL's are wonderful and generous, but they have a tendancy to buy DS a ton of things I don't really need or they get him something in about 5 sizes. He outgrows it then I get the next size, which I don't need b/c I'm tired of it. They finally got the point and stopped.

Just be straight and honest with them. You don't have the room and you love it, but please let you know next time they're out shopping to ask you what he needs rather than these things he doesn't.
I have about 10 pairs of shoes DS never wore b/c he has fat feet and the Ped said shoes aren't necessary till they're walking outside.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

I have had a similar issue about clothing and I have learned the best thing to do is just say thank you and leave it alone. No matter how nicely it has been asked it goes in one ear and out the other (and it's more than one person that does this)

If there are things I can return and get store credit - I do that. Otherwise I keep some things for "play/painting" clothes, sneakers for when she wants to jump in puddles or I pass things along to someone that needs clothes for their kids.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

I definitely have to donate some things. They just sent a package with 4 pairs of the same pairs of shoes, and these are the SAME shoes that they sent 5 pairs of last month.

My DH wants me to keep them around until after they visit next month, but I just have no place to put all these things, and I don't think they will count the amount of shoes I have. At least I hope not

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

My MIL is like this and I don't think there is anything you can do to stop it...I tell her oh its too much and she says it's not. Then on top of it she says I have the receipts for everything if there is something you don't like...major control issue there-if she doesn't care if I return it why doesn't she just give me the receipts?? I even have gotten into arguments with my dh over it...I give up and will just not use what I don't get to-too bad if she notices.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

Can you return any of the stuff??

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

Posted by katiebug

My DH wants me to keep them around until after they visit next month, but I just have no place to put all these things, and I don't think they will count the amount of shoes I have. At least I hope not

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

No because I don't know where she gets it. She never buys anything that is a brand name I recognize.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

Posted by Shorty

Posted by katiebug

My DH wants me to keep them around until after they visit next month, but I just have no place to put all these things, and I don't think they will count the amount of shoes I have. At least I hope not

you SHOULD keep them - pile them all up on the couch so there's nowhere to sit. maybe she'll get the hint

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

Can you return the items? If so, I would and then send them the refund.

Some people get a rush from buying stuff, it's not even receiving the merchandise it's just the ordering/purchasing.

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

Re: Need advice on how to handle a MIL situation

My MIL is the same way! It sounds so ungrateful, but I am done with her buying dd so many clothes. I kid you not, dd has around 60 pairs of pjs.....PJS!! Often times, she buys the same item 3 times unknowingly. She is a shopaholic. Like you, we live in an apartment and I have no space!

My solution for you....make a pile for donation. I did!

ETA: it doesn't matter what you say....they are still going to buy! We mentioned it a hundred times!

Message edited 4/28/2010 12:40:17 PM.