Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

eta- He is almost 4 yrs old

I have NO idea what is going on, and where this is coming from, but suddenly Noah is talking like an animal and I dont know how to stop this!

I'm not one for time outs/punishments for this, because well..first I tried, didnt work well, and I feel like theres a reason here. He is trying to push the limits, see what he can get away with, and also he is FINALLY able to communicate like others and Its like a free for all...

So anyway, its BAD.

We have tried giving him 'new' words to use, explaining feelings, trying to make him understand words hurt. Maybe its just not enough time and were at a 'peak in the behavior...LOL..I hope..

He calls everyone stupid ( I have NO idea where he got this from, as I dont think He has EVER heard me or DH say that word!) ..we aske dhim to replace it with 'meanie' if he needed to voice anger.

He just called DH a 'meanie as$hole".

He says $hit a few times a day...Crap...

And has found a new found LOVE for the word NO.

I will say something like ' You will stay home tommorow if you can't show me you can behave today'...

His response will be " NO....NO meanie...I WILL GO with YOU...YOU will SEE....STUPID meanie....STUPID head".

I WILL not have a child who talks back...BUT I dont know what the right approach is?

BTDT help?!?!?

p.s In public, this kid is an ANGEL. I mean all out 100% angel!

Message edited 4/9/2011 10:18:49 PM.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I am not much help, but when my son started with the bad language I sent him to his room and it worked. I think it depends on the individual kid and the age.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I just googled and found some suggestions..

One was constantly saying " we dont say stupid, we say silly"...constant reinforcement of it. That might work.

And the other was 'language' time outs. Meaning no talking time outs.

I didnt mean to say I didnt want to punish him, I just know that a simple time out or go to your room or taking a toy away, thats not working.

I need some constructive ideas kwim?

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I totally see your point and when my son was in preschool I did exactly what you mentioned in your last post. Still today I give him time-outs to calm down. But as far as using appropriate lang..at this age (1st gr) he knows exactly what is appropriate. I don't know how old your son is. GL

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I could have written this myself when my son was four. he is five almost six....all I can say is that it is a PHASE! Just be consistent. A lot of what your saying is great and WILL sink in and just keep timing him out every time he says it. My son too was an ABSOLUTE angel in school as well......CHILDREN they keep you on your toes!

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

For Ava, that would be an immediate consequence if she spoke like that.
And I'll be honest, you should give the consequence right away and NOT react to him in any other way. Just stay calm and hand out the consequence you've already discussed with him.
So when he's calm, tell him, "If you use bad words like xyz, you will go to your room for a time out (or whatever consequence you want to give him)," then when he tests you, which he will, stop what you are doing immediately and take him to his room or wherever else you want to put him. And just let that be that. If the ONLY response he gets from using those words is to be put into time out and no other reaction, it will lose it's appeal to him to use those words.
I have found that since having Chase, Ava really seeks out negative attention and it's so easy to react to her and that's what she wants. I have to really try to remain calm and just ignore her behavior and just give her an immediate consequence. HTH

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by twicethefun

I totally see your point and when my son was in preschool I did exactly what you mentioned in your last post. Still today I give him time-outs to calm down. But as far as using appropriate lang..at this age (1st gr) he knows exactly what is appropriate. I don't know how old your son is. GL

He is almost 4.

I just am hoping this is a phase, it is not typical behavior for him. We have never had behavior issues etc, and so I'm shocked and just want to make sure I handle it in the best way . I tend to yell instead

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I sooo hope this is a phase too Donna because Matty has had some choice words for his brothers and myself lately!

Yesterday he called his brother a loser, but he says 'You a LOSA Danny'!

I asked his teachers if he is saying anything in school and thankfully nothing, but if he does I will be sooo embarassed!

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

AJ is 3y 8m and he is starting cursing up a storm.... oh ****, oh ****, **** you, etc.

he would say it more when DH or I would comment, since we have been ignoring him when he says it, it has decreased.

so today when he dropped his plate he said, oh ****, but when he got no reaction he picked up the plate.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I'm sure it's a phase. I'd watch what he is watching on TV. Kids pick up everything as we know. Correct and then ignore is all you can do at some points.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

We do a warning and then a time out. After the first time out that day for the language they are no warnings they are immediatly put in time out. It may not work the first few times but he will realize he doens't want to sit in time out all the time for constant bad language. The reason he is probably still doing it is becuase there are no consequences of him using the bad language.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

Is he in school? I notice that kids easily pick up from things they hear sometimes from their classmates..

I would start a timeout each time the word is said or simply ignore.. he is looking to get a rise out of you.. so long as you keep your cool, it will get old and he will stop using those words.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

I usually just calmly say "I don't like that word, please don't use it again."

That's what school would do too.

If he uses it again (which is rare) I give him a warning that if I hear it again he'll get a time out.

Third time (never happened yet) would be a time out for 2 minutes.

I'd figure out where he's hearing these things (you guys, school, TV) and make sure to be aware of it.

Re: Discipline HELP! ( back talking/bad words)

It is getting better! I tried taking things away and it was working but not 100%. So I spoke to his old Parent trainer from EI and she suggested the ognoring it. Extinstion behavior method. THAT is working very well.

He started this AM with it...and I didnt even look him in the eye, just walked around ignoring him and he was trying SOOOOO hard to get my attention, to catch my eye and it ended FAST when he didnt get that chance.

Then every time he would say a word we choose to rpelace the bad ones...ex..Silly, mean, angry etc, I would PRAISE him over and over...and he was so excited to hear that, he was bragging to DH he used "good" words.


I think I just got soooo shocked, this is not typical of him, we don't talk like that here in the house etc.

Oh and BTW...Disney movies are not for kids! i couldnt believe once we started paying attention what was said in those movies....stupid...idiot...etc!!

Thanks everyone!!