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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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upset about maternity leave
so after about a million back and forths with my bosses, i have pretty much confirmed that i am only getting 6-8w off. 3 weeks are paid in full and the rest i have to claim disability which will give me 60% pay for 3 more weeks if i have vaginal delivery and 5 more weeks if i deliver via c-section.
so i will first say that i KNOW this is better than many people who get no pay at all. its not the pay that bothers me at all and im grateful to get anything paid in full.
my company has only about 30 people right now so i dont get FMLA. i cannot even IMAGINE having to come back after only 6w. its literally breaking my heart to think about it...
i have to go back to work, its not an option not to. i offered a few options, including working from home a few days which i thought they would go for, but in the end i dont think they even really considered it.
i work for a company thats a startup. its in the city so its a long commute and a TON of work. if the company becomes what i KNOW it can become, i will have a nice payday at some point in the future, likely YEARS from now. i just feel so sad about leaving  so soon. i dont know if i can do it. i like my job and i never ever give up on anything. im super productive and a great worker. i would feel terrible if i left the company and miss out on money that could allow me to stay home for years after. but ive also never had a baby before. and i dont know if can actually ever choose a job over my child. i dont like to look at it as choosing one over the other - but it seems like a majority of the options i was hoping to have to balance it out are not available to me.
i could explore going back to an old company thats in long island and prob get a comparable paying job. but i hated the company at the time and in the end i know i have a better chance at a big payday with the new company than with the old. there is prob a ceiling with the old. BUT its 15 minutes from home and i love my old coworkers.... i know its silly to consider this an option when i havent tried yet and dont know if they would def take me back... but i left on good terms and my old bosses loved me so i dont think its out of the question to get involved if i chose to..
anyway sorry for the long drawn out post.. dont know what im really looking for here.. just need to vent cause i spent 20 minutes crying in a stairwell after the meeting with my bosses today. im still gonna push for more but i feel like a failure 
ETA - at this point i have no option to take any more time paid or unpaid. im going to ask for more, but my company doesnt track vacation days (they are pretty laid back and since we've only been around for a year no one has taken more thn 2 or 3 days off at a time). so i cant take vacation days either.
Message edited 4/12/2011 9:49:13 AM.
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Posted 4/11/11 10:40 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Silibee3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/11 799 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: upset about maternity leave
Oh my gosh - you are making a very tough decision, don't feel like a failure. I wish I could offer a solution, but the best I can do is 
Hang in there and do what feels right for you and your LO.
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| Posted 4/11/11 10:47 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: upset about maternity leave
Is it possible for you to take additional time off unpaid?
I don't think it's ever easy to leave a baby. I took 4 months off with DS#1. I lasted 6 months back at a very demanding job. The absolute earliest I could ever leave was 7pm and I'd be lucky if I could see DS for 5 minutes before he went to bed. I was absolutely miserable and I eventually switched jobs.
If I were you, I'd go back to work and see how good/bad it is and then make a decision then.
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| Posted 4/11/11 11:25 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: upset about maternity leave
i know how you feel. i can only use 1 week vacation before i go into FMLA/ disability for 6 weeks. I can then use any remaining time i have IF the dr deems it necessary. My husband doesn't want me to go back to work...but considering he has been laid off for the past month I don't think me not going back is the smartest thing for us right now. If he goes back to work and it seems stable Maybe i'll consider quitting...but I will still have to go back for a while before we know for sure we can make it work without that extra income.
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| Posted 4/12/11 12:14 AM |
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Harlow-J
Mason's mommy!
Member since 12/09 3623 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: upset about maternity leave
So sorry you're going through this
The only thing I can tell you is that all these feelings you have now will be magnified 100% once you have your baby.
I too worked in the city and every day was 11-12 hours between office hours and commuting. I thought I'd be fine going back to work after 12 weeks....well I wasn't.
I literally started having massive separation anxiety from DS as soon as we got home from the hospital. I sobbed every day at the thought of being so far away from him for so many hours. So I decided to take a few steps back in my career.....I go back to work in 3 weeks-I'll now be working on LI (10 miles from home) in one of our retail locations. I took a big pay cut, and will be working weekends. But to me it's worth it to have more day to day time with my baby.
Bottom line is, explore every option now while you're PG. DH and I didn't, and this sudden change in career/salary has definitely been stressful for us-but it is the best decision for our baby.
FM me if you need more advice  Good luck!
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| Posted 4/12/11 6:40 AM |
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BabyLoveBug143
Alyssa Rose is here!!!
Member since 9/10 3288 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: upset about maternity leave
Do you have any vacation time you can add to that??
cuz my job only gives us std which is 6 weeks paid, but the first week is your own time...i have saved up all my time so far for the year, so i plan on taking a another 2-3 weeks of my vacation time on top of that!!
i hear ya! i want nothing more to stay home with my LO but its impossible.
maybe after the baby is born you could find another job, that is closer to your home that has the same kind of positives as your current job, instead of going back to the old company?
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| Posted 4/12/11 7:51 AM |
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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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Re: upset about maternity leave
Posted by BabyLoveBug143
Do you have any vacation time you can add to that??
cuz my job only gives us std which is 6 weeks paid, but the first week is your own time...i have saved up all my time so far for the year, so i plan on taking a another 2-3 weeks of my vacation time on top of that!!
i hear ya! i want nothing more to stay home with my LO but its impossible.
maybe after the baby is born you could find another job, that is closer to your home that has the same kind of positives as your current job, instead of going back to the old company?
edited above to add that there is no option to add vacation days cause we dont accrue them like a normal company.
as far as finding another job that has the same positives - i dont think its possible. the opportunity here is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. im sure there are lots of other jobs with perks, but i know there are no opportunities like this one that are just going to fall in my lap.
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| Posted 4/12/11 9:51 AM |
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BethanyLynn
Love these munchkins
Member since 10/09 6295 total posts
Name:
Bethany
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Re: upset about maternity leave
I hear ya! I only get 2 weeks paid vacation and then NYS Disability for 8 weeks at $170 a week! Thats it! 
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| Posted 4/12/11 9:53 AM |
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maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
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Re: upset about maternity leave
That is such a rough situation Seems like there is no easy answer here, something always has to give with the balancing act When I was struggling trying to figure out what to do about going back, my BFF kept telling me to try not to over think it so much till the baby comes, ...." everything will change when the baby gets here, you have no idea how you will feel till that time comes". I know PLENTY of women who consider the happiest day of their lives the day their baby were born, and the 2nd happiest, the day they WENT back to work You just never know how you will react. You will do what is right for you when the time comes. Right now you may feel it is not worth it to work in LI, but when LO arrives, it won't even be a question. KWIM? Everything always has a way of working out.
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| Posted 4/12/11 10:05 AM |
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summerbaby11
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/10 779 total posts
Name:
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Re: upset about maternity leave
Posted by FlowerWife
ETA - at this point i have no option to take any more time paid or unpaid. im going to ask for more, but my company doesnt track vacation days (they are pretty laid back and since we've only been around for a year no one has taken more thn 2 or 3 days off at a time). so i cant take vacation days either.
that's BS. I get that they are a start up but they need to start thinking long-term as if they are a going concern, which means you should have some sort of vacation/sick policy in place. My company doesn't officially "track" days either, but more in the sense that they won't allow us to carry forward vacation days. We still have a stated policy that gives us up to 4 weeks vacation (depending on your level) and 12 sick days.
I also only get 8 weeks at 60% but have the option to use all my sick and vacation days. that's 30 days right there. Your company needs to give you some more options, IMO. It doesn't sound like they considered your discussion at all... are they saying their official policy will be to give you 8 weeks off and only 3 weeks paid? where does that even come from?
as far as going back to work.... I would honestly wait and see how you feel. I think if at all financially possible, you should tell them you are taking an additional 4 weeks unpaid. Would they go for that? Are they amenable to a reduced work schedule, or flexible in terms of you needing to leave to pick up the baby from daycare or whoever is watching him/her?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I know what it's like. I also work in a high pressure environment in the city; my commute isn't terrible but I have no idea how it's going to play out once the baby is here. I hate my maternity leave policy but decided not to fight the battle since a reduced/flexible work schedule after the fact is more important to me.
Feel free to FM me if you want to discuss it further.
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| Posted 4/12/11 10:43 AM |
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MrsG102
LIF Infant
Member since 11/10 256 total posts
Name:
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Re: upset about maternity leave
My company is only "keeping my job for 3 months" ... and not paying me anything. I have to apply for disability from day 1. Thank God I have 3 weeks of vacation that I can use.
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| Posted 4/12/11 11:05 AM |
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InShock2011
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/11 722 total posts
Name:
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Re: upset about maternity leave
I think that maybe the closer to home job will be more appealing once comes along.
1-your there to make money and get home to your (I think your goals will change, instead of doing everything for the job, now you will be doing whatever it takes to support your family and get home)
2-your closer to your baby in the case is sick, your off work earlier, DH is off work etc Assuming daycare, nanny is here on LI
Everyone is different but I know I would HATE the train ride home every night thinking if I just took that other job I could be with right now
its not an easy decision! good luck
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| Posted 4/12/11 11:19 AM |
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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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Re: upset about maternity leave
thanks for all of the feedback.
i dont know what will feel worse. not being able to be near in the early days, or losing out on the one legitimate opportunity to set my family up for a long time financially...
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| Posted 4/12/11 12:07 PM |
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JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: upset about maternity leave
Posted by FlowerWife
thanks for all of the feedback.
i dont know what will feel worse. not being able to be near in the early days, or losing out on the one legitimate opportunity to set my family up for a long time financially...
That's a very difficult decision for you to make. I'm mad at your bosses for putting you in this position. Can you request another meeting to "appeal" their decision? Even a minimum of 8 weeks would be better than 6. Is it possible for you to take a couple of weeks completely unpaid after the disability runs out? I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
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| Posted 4/12/11 1:02 PM |
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ar1stbaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/10 844 total posts
Name:
Alisha
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Re: upset about maternity leave
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I think maternity leave for us, sucks. It goes back to the double standard we have babies and then have to make a choice work or motherhood. When do work, we get no time off to be with our babies.
I thought everyone is entitiled to the FMLA? I would try to speak to them again. Its a tough when you finally got the oppotunity yoiu have waited for and becaise of their lack of flexibility you have to chose. I would wait til is born and then see what you feel in your hear is the way to go. Good luck
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| Posted 4/12/11 1:16 PM |
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DeeGoody78
LIF Infant
Member since 1/11 71 total posts
Name:
Dee
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Re: upset about maternity leave
my company has only about 30 people right now so i dont get FMLA. i cannot even IMAGINE having to come back after only 6w. its literally breaking my heart to think about it...
I don't understand why your company doesn't "have" FMLA. This just doesn't make sense to me.
http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/
No, your company does not have to pay you- but they must retain your position for up to 3 months and you are entitled to keep your benefits.
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| Posted 4/12/11 4:37 PM |
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AnxiousPants
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/09 864 total posts
Name:
EDD 10/22!
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Re: upset about maternity leave
I feel your pain!
My situation is a little different because its my family business, but I'm terrified of how little time I may be able to take off from work after arrive.
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| Posted 4/13/11 9:09 PM |
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