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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
The other thread reminded me of a book I just read, Baby Proof by Emily Griffin (POSSIBLE SPOILERS (not telling the ending though) below if you're planning to read it)........
The premise of the story is that this woman dates this guy & they both don't want kids.... they feel very strongly about it.... she says it was a deal breaker in other relationships...... but they totally agree they want to be childfree & get married.
Well a few years into the marriage, the husband changes his mind completely & decides he does want a baby after all (when couple friends of their have kids). He tries to convince the wife, but she is committed to remaining child free..... and they end up getting divorced because having a child is obviously not something you can compromise on.
Throughout the book, she wonders if she made the right decision. She's angry at him for changing his mind, breaking the deal they had that they didn't want kids. She also wonders since she loves him so much, if she should have had a baby to be able to save their marriage.
I thought this is such an interesting scenario...... if you & your DH are childfree by choice, how would you feel if this happened to you???? Have you ever worried that your DH (or you) might have a change of heart??? Do you think it would be "wrong" or unfair for him to change his mind or back out of your agreement to not have kids?? Would you have a baby to save your marriage if your DH wanted you to, if the alternative were divorce?? Do you feel strongly enough about being childfree that you would get a divorce if your DH changed his mind???
This book raised a lot of questions & I was wondering how others feel about it.......
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Posted 4/14/11 11:00 PM  |
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
I have not read the book but am fascinated by the story..I wouldn't mind being in that position to be honest, if the only sour issue within my marriage is DH's desire for a kid..I hate to admit it - but if DH did change his mind drastically about kids, I would stronly consider getting pregnant and having the child, partially because I feel DH wants it so badly that he would be a great father and love it more than me..
Of course, there are strings attached to that decision. If I opted for motherhood just because DH wants it, he has to promise me to assume a lot of the daycare responsibilities I dont want to deal with!! (that means if the baby is screaming at 3 am, he has to get up and take care of it - not me!! )
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| Posted 4/14/11 11:22 PM |
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DirtyBlonde
*****
Member since 11/07 7344 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
Message edited 4/16/2011 2:30:20 PM.
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| Posted 4/16/11 2:30 PM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
Exactly. There are MANY bandaid babies out there. So sad because they didn't ask for it.
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| Posted 4/16/11 4:19 PM |
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PrincessVonTrockel
Trophy Wife in Training
Member since 11/09 2953 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
This is the best answer, EVER! ITA. I'd be sooo mad if DH changed his mind. We would probably have to go to therapy or something b/c I'm super stubborn and I wouldn't budge on this one.
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| Posted 4/16/11 9:04 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
ITA! One of my former co-workers had a baby to "save the marriage" and now she's a single mother of 2.
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| Posted 4/16/11 10:49 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
Definitely.
But I do know someone - they had both agreed for all the years (7) that they were together - they "always' wanted children - got married - the DH started talking about trying about 2 years after they got married (they time frame they had always talked about) and she said nope! Not having kids - and here was the reason - because she didn't want to "ruin" her body by getting pregnant. The DH was devastated, this was one of the reasons they divorced.
I'm very happy to say he met a wonderful woman, they married and have a son.
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| Posted 4/18/11 11:19 AM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
I'd be very resentful...and I probably would not have the child. Unless I really wanted one and got onboard with the idea...which I don't think will happen.
But...I don't think he would be wrong for changing his mind. People change. It's hopefully not something I would ever have to deal with.
I'd have to end the relationship...I'd rather be single and childless than married with a kid that I was pressured into having.
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| Posted 4/18/11 12:12 PM |
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jilliibabii
Mrs. O'Connor
Member since 6/10 12821 total posts
Name:
Jillian
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Personally, DH and I are childfree for now. We plan to have kids in the future. If that changed and DH DIDN'T want to have kids... geez I don't know. I guess it would depend on WHY. I think I'd be okay with it though. But I don't think he ever would change his mind. He's a big kid.
On a side note, I didn't like that book at all. I enjoyed her other books, but I really had to slog through that one.
ETA: I probably would be mad at first, but he has every right to change his mind.
Message edited 4/18/2011 3:25:44 PM.
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| Posted 4/18/11 3:23 PM |
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jilliibabii
Mrs. O'Connor
Member since 6/10 12821 total posts
Name:
Jillian
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Posted by IrishLass
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
Definitely.
But I do know someone - they had both agreed for all the years (7) that they were together - they "always' wanted children - got married - the DH started talking about trying about 2 years after they got married (they time frame they had always talked about) and she said nope! Not having kids - and here was the reason - because she didn't want to "ruin" her body by getting pregnant. The DH was devastated, this was one of the reasons they divorced.
I'm very happy to say he met a wonderful woman, they married and have a son.
Don't know your friends, but that sounds like an excuse. What about adoption??? Surrogates?
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| Posted 4/18/11 3:25 PM |
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DirtyBlonde
*****
Member since 11/07 7344 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Posted by IrishLass
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Having a baby won't save a marriage.
Definitely.
But I do know someone - they had both agreed for all the years (7) that they were together - they "always' wanted children - got married - the DH started talking about trying about 2 years after they got married (they time frame they had always talked about) and she said nope! Not having kids - and here was the reason - because she didn't want to "ruin" her body by getting pregnant. The DH was devastated, this was one of the reasons they divorced.
I'm very happy to say he met a wonderful woman, they married and have a son.
that's rough.
to go into the marriage agreeing and then changing your mind about kids - it's a deal breaker to so many and rightfully so.
Message edited 12/17/2012 10:34:28 PM.
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| Posted 4/18/11 5:12 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: SPINOFF of how do you know... interesting scenario about changing your mind
Ive read that book... although rather quickly so I forgot what it was about... Love all her books btw!
Before DH & I got married, we were both on the same page... we want kids... just not right away... Then at some point during our marriage, I went through a phase where I said I didnt want kids AT ALL... I guess I was enjoying the "us" life to the extreme... DH still wanted them... I think he brushed it off though bc he prob knew it was just a phase... And now I am completely ready for baby making again.... 
So I can def see how someone can change their minds on that topic... And honestly, yes, I do think couples should part ways if their thinking on that matter differs... I wouldnt want to have someone hold me back from what I really wanted... or force me into something I really didnt want... You dont want to have regrets
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| Posted 4/19/11 9:35 AM |
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