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Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Let me cut right to the chase:
I asked the ped (whom I love) about DS, 3, hitting DH. He suggested putting DS in his room, and it he doesn't stay in there, to LOCK DS in his room.
I asked him, doesn't that traumatize a child? and he said not really, and that he will get the point quick enough and it will stop the hitting.
What do you make of this?
Have you been told this?
Have you tried it for this reason?
What were the results?
I'm soooooo not on board with it - I'm so afraid it will traumatize him - but the ped. says we have to take back the control and this is the only way.
Here is the background info:
DS, 3, has been hitting DH.
He does it when he doesn't get his way.
Being 3, when he's good, he's great. When he's bad -- he's really bad.
He doesn't hit me.
(this started before baby was born)
We have tried:
- limited sugar, making sure he has enough sleep
- saying "Daddy doesn't it like when you hit him -it hurts him."
- taking away toys, activities
- distracting him
- we explain at a calm time that we don't hit in our family
- acknowledging his anger ("we see that you're mad right now, and that's okay)
etc, etc
Message edited 4/20/2011 4:30:41 PM.
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Posted 4/20/11 4:30 PM  |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I simply do time outs!
I haven't sent my DS to his room yet, nor, would I lock him in there!
When I was younger, I remember being sent to my room..no big deal, I just played! LOL
With Time Outs, they're basically short "and sweet", (sometimes)! No toys around, they get bored and thats it!
When time is up, it's all forgotton about.
On another note: Have you physically shown DS nice touches? That may help.
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| Posted 4/20/11 4:45 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
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Dina
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
At three I have put my DD in her room for punishment, although honestly, i think a "naughty spot" is better- I would definitely do time outs.. for us, hitting was right into time outs, no warning.
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| Posted 4/20/11 4:47 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
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g
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I wouldnt lock him in his room. Time out yes, beavior chart/reward system yes, locked in somewhere no.
IMO I wouldn't expect my pediatrician to know how to handle behaviors. If you are super concerned, I would see a psychologist.
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| Posted 4/20/11 4:51 PM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Posted by jgl
I wouldnt lock him in his room. Time out yes, beavior chart/reward system yes, locked in somewhere no.
IMO I wouldn't expect my pediatrician to know how to handle behaviors. If you are super concerned, I would see a psychologist.
ita! I don't think you should lock a 3 year old in their room. A pediatrician isn't a behavioral specialist.
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| Posted 4/20/11 4:59 PM |
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snowprincess
My happy babies
Member since 3/06 3428 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
when my parents first bought the house i first grew up at - there were hook and eye hooks above the two children's room doors - my parents were shocked by them and took them off - fast forward to when my brother was three they were back because his room was completely child proofed andwhen he was out of cotrol it was a safe place
so it may work for some - i would try timeouts first but if that does not work then maybe a timeout in his room would work - but it could mattter what toys you have in there
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| Posted 4/20/11 5:07 PM |
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VTTG0609
My loves <3
Member since 8/09 3294 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
DS is only 2 but we have some hitting issues also. We tried time out and it was always a joke he always laughed. The last month we have been just bringing him to his bed and closing the door. I never locked the door because we did put a child proof thing on the door knob prior to all this. He stays in there till he calms down and stops crying and being upset and then we go in and talk to him.
I dont think putting him in his room is a bad thing but I'm not so sure about locking him in there.
ETA putting him in his room has done more for his behavior than time outs.
Message edited 4/20/2011 5:16:21 PM.
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| Posted 4/20/11 5:14 PM |
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
With Teddy he now gets "go to your room". I take all the toys out of their during the day and he has to sit "criss cross apple sauce with his hands in his lap". This has helped him. He is 3 1/2! We did time outs up until her was 3 and then swapped because we were having behavior issues.
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| Posted 4/20/11 6:13 PM |
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KangaMom
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Member since 1/06 4593 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
We would NEVER lock our Children in a room
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| Posted 4/20/11 6:14 PM |
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Diana1215
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Diana
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I had to start time outs again with Jack a couple of months ago (just over three) because he was crazy fresh.
He wouldn't stay in the spot that I put him in (in the living room) so I decided I needed to remove him completely from the situation.
If we are on the first floor he gets put into the office/playroom. I shut the door. I stand there - if he opens it I shut it again.
Same thing goes for his bedroom if we are upstairs.
Time outs have never worked better, and I only had to do that a handfull of times before he started behaving better.
I wouldn't necessarily lock him in there but I do think it's better to take him out of the situation completely.
Message edited 4/20/2011 6:18:24 PM.
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| Posted 4/20/11 6:18 PM |
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tara73
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Buttercup
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Sometimes a child needs to be removed from the situation. We've had to do it with DD1 when she's acting out, hitting and screeching. It is what it is. She also won't stay in the corner or any other time out spot. If I put her in her room and close the door she gets it out and calms down. Every single time it's happened she has come out and said "I feel better now mommy". She's 3 as well. She is a handful, very bright and extremely verbal but also very independent and very stubborn.
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| Posted 4/20/11 6:29 PM |
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hope07
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Member since 12/06 1050 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I think that is AWFUL that your pediatrician suggested that!
I dont believe a child should be LOCKED in his room ever for anything!!
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:03 PM |
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Jacksmommy
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Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
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Liz
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Posted by hope07
I think that is AWFUL that your pediatrician suggested that!
I dont believe a child should be LOCKED in his room ever for anything!!
Don't judge until YOU have been in the situation.
Flame away but I locked my son in his room during sleep training on the recommendation of his pediatrician and it was the BEST move I ever made. I don't know if I would do it for hitting b/c I would be afraid the room would become aversive and he would refuse to sleep in it. However, DS was climbing out of his crib at 18 months. We switched him to the toddler bed. He would come into our room every night. We put a gate on the door. He would jump it. it got to the point eventually where he was self inducing vomit whenever he went in his room. After 3 nights of sleep training and puttnig a hook and latch on his door, he slept in his room great. That was the worst 3 months of my life. I really don't think anyone should judge until they have been put in the situation.
TO the original poster - Instead of locking him in his room - could you buy a booster seat and put him in it, buckle him in, and leave the rooom for a few minutes every time he hits? In addition, I would suggest you get the book, hands are not for hitting and read it after every time he hits. I would also make sure you give him lots of praise when he doesn't get his way and doesn't engage in inappropriate behavior!
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:13 PM |
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maybebaby
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Maureen
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I take this a diff. way....I am assuming if you put DS in his room, he is opening the door and getting out so your ped. suggests locking the door for a short time and letting DS deal with it in his room (whether or not he tantrums in there or just sits until you get him).
It SOUNDS harsh but i don't think anyone would want you to lock him alone for a long amount of time...
I honestly would put him in his room with NO toys around him and hold the door closed for some time until he calms down and stops the behavior as opposed to locking it.
I know you know this...but obviously DS HAS to stop hitting his father. Johnny smacked DH once and DH smacked his backside...harder than i think he intended. I was upset, he was upset but he didn't smack him ever again. I am not condoning hitting, lol...i know hitting a child for hitting sounds awful but my husband was SO MAD..I have never seen him so mad.
Good luck. Hope it gets better!
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:15 PM |
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A3CM
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Mommy
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
as a mommy who has a child on the spectrum and has/have/had 10 different ABA therapists at once, who deal with behavior issues also, your pediatrician has a point.
now i wouldnt lock him in there for hours. but he would be sent to their room, (hold the door knob, and they get 3 min (1 min per age) and it starts once they settle down.
flame me, bash me, call me a mean mom, but it works and it is NOT AWFUL that her pediatrician suggested it. behavior specialists will suggest that when all else fails. a child will learn that 1. they do not like to be in their room with no way out, 2. whatever they did wrong is wrong.
i had to do it with my 2 year old, and guess what, she has NOT bitten me again since.
so try it, it will NOT harm, scar or traumatize your child
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:17 PM |
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jmf423
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Member since 5/05 6372 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
i put my DS is time out for hitting and he has to sit on the bottom step and not move. if he gets up he goes right back and if need be i will stand close to keep him there.
i have put him in his room when he was acting up when company was here or he was acting over the top fresh.
i think the ped saying lock him in the room isn't the worst thing ever. he didn't say lock him in his room for hours on end. but remove him from the situation and show him that his behavior is not acceptable.
i don't see a problem with making him go to his room when he hits your DH and if he comes out, putting him back and close the door etc. i know its not for everyone but i don't think its excessive punishment.
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:21 PM |
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wjb5707
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/07 788 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Posted by LadyBugN2Buggies
We have tried:
- limited sugar, making sure he has enough sleep
- saying "Daddy doesn't it like when you hit him -it hurts him."
- taking away toys, activities
- distracting him
- we explain at a calm time that we don't hit in our family
- acknowledging his anger ("we see that you're mad right now, and that's okay)
etc, etc
I know this isn't directly related to your question, but my DS was just like your DS and we finally cut out artifical dyes and flavoring about a month or two ago and what a difference. By no means is he an angel but he is able to control himself and not go off the deep in.
(It has been in news lately - google just one dye -Red40 -tons of articles on it)
Just a thought!!
Jaymi
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:32 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Posted by maybebaby
I take this a diff. way....I am assuming if you put DS in his room, he is opening the door and getting out so your ped. suggests locking the door for a short time and letting DS deal with it in his room (whether or not he tantrums in there or just sits until you get him).
It SOUNDS harsh but i don't think anyone would want you to lock him alone for a long amount of time...
I honestly would put him in his room with NO toys around him and hold the door closed for some time until he calms down and stops the behavior as opposed to locking it.
Good luck. Hope it gets better!
I agree with this...its really hard to judge this I think unless you're experiencing it. I could say I'd never do this but I don't have a 3yr old so I really don't know. I think I would give it a try, it sounds like you exhausted other possibilities.
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:34 PM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
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Christine
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I would hesitate locking him in his room. I would try to enforce time outs. But I did read in a book... I forget which one, but a popular one... that if the child keeps coming out of times outs, to lock the child in his room for duration of time out.
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:37 PM |
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
thank you so much for all your thoughts!
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| Posted 4/20/11 10:03 PM |
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mbg1007
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
When i was little my mother "locked" me in my room on the advice of my uncle (a pediatrician). She stood outside the door and held the doorknob. I got the message. I wasnt traumatized and Ive never needed therapy 
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| Posted 4/20/11 10:27 PM |
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utopia123
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Member since 4/11 16 total posts
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nicole
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
Just a word of advice... make sure there is nothing he can hurt himself with. As long as the room is free of any major disaster probably not a bad thing. Also make sure you are totally committed to a time frame because you dont want to "back out" of discipline mid way through. Good luck!!
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| Posted 4/20/11 11:11 PM |
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LJSMommy
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I will tell what WE do here:
DS is almost 3. He like any kid has the occasional hit us, throw a toy, throw food moments.
He gets a time out in a designated spot. (he sits on the floor in the hallway in front of his closed bedroom door, all doors in the hall closed with the light on).
I decided against time outs being in his bedroom for ONE main reason: I do not want to associate crying, upset, mad moments with is bedroom so as not to interfere with bedtime.
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| Posted 4/21/11 12:01 AM |
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GoldenRod
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Shawn
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I don't see anything wrong with locking DC in a room for short periods of time. They spend most of their young lives "locked" in a crib, in their stroller, in a gated room, in the house, in a carseat, in a room with a child-proof knob cover, etc. Time-outs don't work for every child, just like nothing works for "every" child. Some kids need to be physically removed from distractions and people in order to calm down, or realize they are being reprimanded for their behavior.
When a child is too young to open the knob of their bedroom door, and it's closed for fire safety reasons every night, they are "locked" in their room.
We've locked DD in her room when needed, and she is far from traumatized. She sees her room as a place for solace now, and she's locked herself in her own room more than once, on purpose.
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| Posted 4/21/11 7:41 AM |
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DeniseMarie
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Re: Can I pick your brain re: advice from a pediatrician? This kind of shocked us. need your opinions, moms!
I don't think his opinion is way off, maybe thats what he did with his kids.
However, I wouldnt put DD in her room as a punishment because I wouldnt want her to associate her room with being punished. I want her to play in her room.
DD hits, I do time outs, it works. TO for us is in the hallway where there is nothing to do and nothing to look at.
Message edited 4/21/2011 7:48:15 AM.
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| Posted 4/21/11 7:46 AM |
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