How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

For dh to work? What do you girls consider late?

My dh works to nearly 9 pm every single night. To say I'm annoyed is an understatement. I can't stand his work schedule anymore. He's home so late that he barely spends time with me or the baby. I feel like he gets maybe 2 hours a night if most to spend with us. What would you say is too much? Do your dhs work late and how the heck do you deal? It's tearing me apart. We've been fighting a lot and it's been really hard. To not have anyone here all day long is really hard and it's not like he gets home at a normal hour. Im really at my wits end. All I do is cry because I feel so alone and almost like a single mother. That and I just miss him so much. It's been really hard on our relationship. How do you girls deal?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I feel like a single parent often, too...my DH works late hours and doesn't get home until a bit before midnight.

I guess I just got used to it, and now we have a routine.

He spends time with the boys during the morning and early afternoon, until he goes to work.

Message edited 6/14/2011 8:56:39 PM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

DH doesn't work late every night but I know exactly how you feel. When I had my first DS, I would cry too bc I felt so alone. I was home all day & some nights with DS all alone & I felt like DH never got to spend time with us.

Now that I have #2, I still feel like a single mom at times. DH has made it more of a point to leave later in the am, so he can help me get squared away in the am but he really doesn't have "set" hours since he is in & out of meetings/consulations everyday.

There are weeks at a time that DH gets home at 8pm & both my boys are fast asleep by 7:30. You do form a routine but I think the resentment does stay with you. I get it still bc DH does get to go out on the weekends in the am for the gym & to play hockey & I honestly don't get a break at all.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by LadyBugN2Buggies

I feel like a single parent often, too...my DH works late hours and doesn't get home until a bit before midnight.

I guess I just got used to it, and now we have a routine.

He spends time with the boys during the morning and early afternoon, until he goes to work.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

No advice except I totally know how you feel. Dh works nights so when I get home from work at 6pm with 2 kids in tow he is gone. In the morning he is asleep or just getting home as I am walking out. On the weekends he sees his friends, his family, works overtime, goes to th gym, plays sports, etc. I have often started to wonder why I am not a single mother because at least then I might get a break at some point.

Have you tried telling him how you feel? Is this his normal schedule or is this overtime or busy season?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this too.

Message edited 6/14/2011 9:08:17 PM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by LadyBugN2Buggies

I feel like a single parent often, too...my DH works late hours and doesn't get home until a bit before midnight.

I guess I just got used to it, and now we have a routine.

He spends time with the boys during the morning and early afternoon, until he goes to work.

see the biggest problem is he spends hardly any time home. He is gone from 8 am- 9pm. I'm just afraid of what's going to happen when dd gets a routine and is in bed by 9. What is he never going to see her for 5 days a week?!?! I'm so done with this. I can't take it anymore. I'm miserable.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I classify myself as an almost-single parent. DH travels for work and is gone either 3 or 4 nights each week. The days that he is home, he's in the office from 8-6, not counting travel time. Weekend mornings he's on-call.

It's more of our "normal" for him to be gone that it is to have him home. At some point, I just had to suck it up and realize that this is the way it's going to be. I'm thankful that he has a job.

Yeah, the majority of things fall on me - everything around the house, the dog, our TODDLER, on top of being a FTWM, but you adapt and make the most of the time you do get to spend together.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by LadyBugN2Buggies

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by LadyBugN2Buggies

I feel like a single parent often, too...my DH works late hours and doesn't get home until a bit before midnight.

I guess I just got used to it, and now we have a routine.

He spends time with the boys during the morning and early afternoon, until he goes to work.

see the biggest problem is he spends hardly any time home. He is gone from 8 am- 9pm. I'm just afraid of what's going to happen when dd gets a routine and is in bed by 9. What is he never going to see her for 5 days a week?!?! I'm so done with this. I can't take it anymore. I'm miserable.

I'm sorry

was his work schedule always like this?

it must be so rough. Is there anything he can do to modify it?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Don't take it out on him. He is just doing what he has to do to support his family. Find other mommy friends to be your support.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by omg2forme

No advice except I totally know how you feel. Dh works nights so when I get home from work at 6pm with 2 kids in tow he is gone. In the morning he is asleep or just getting home as I am walking out. On the weekends he has military drills and various club sports. I have often started to wonder why I am not a single mother because at least then I might get a break at some point.

Have you tried telling him how you feel? Is this his normal schedule or is this overtime or busy season?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this too.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by scarletbegonia

I classify myself as an almost-single parent. DH travels for work and is gone either 3 or 4 nights each week. The days that he is home, he's in the office from 8-6, not counting travel time. Weekend mornings he's on-call.

It's more of our "normal" for him to be gone that it is to have him home. At some point, I just had to suck it up and realize that this is the way it's going to be. I'm thankful that he has a job.

Yeah, the majority of things fall on me - everything around the house, the dog, our TODDLER, on top of being a FTWM, but you adapt and make the most of the time you do get to spend together.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Tons of

My DH works afterernoons/ evenings, so he's gone from 1:15pm- 11:45pm. Ive gotten used to it and actually look forward to it- no dinner and tons of alone time, my twin daughters go to bed around 6ish. I have him from 8:30am- till he leaves for work. We have other issues besides him working nights, I just wanted to give you pleanty of .

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Where do you live? The best thing you can do is to find other moms who are living this to share with. I'm in Great Neck if that is anywhere close to you and always looking for more friends. My girls are 6 and 3, so I've been living life as a workaholic's wife for a while now. My husband is routinely home after I'm in bed. So I know your pain very, very well.

Believe me, your DD will know who he is as long as he puts in quality time over the weekend. In fact, she will adore him because she will only know him as a playmate -- just today my six year old was saying "Daddy is so much more fun than you mom!" Of course that because whenever he actually is home, he is all about playing.

His hours are not unusual for many industries in NYC.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I understand completely. Right no dh is living in Boston m-f and dd and I are living in ct. I am basically a single mother. We are moving in a few weeks but he still won't get home until 6:30 or later and she's in bed usually by 7. Right now we don't have achoice. We do FaceTime almost everyday so she can see him and sometimes even when we are all together he doesn't see her. It sucks so bad. We do it. He works so I can stay home right now but it sucks. I never saw my dad may e an hour a day after school before he went to work. Its so hard. I know.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

No advice here, but I know how you feel. My DH works about 80 hrs a week and it varies sometimes nights, sometimes long days. If it's a week of nights, it's awful, we are currently on week 2 of nights and it's totally miserable. He has to sleep a good portion of the day in order to be functional (he's a doctor) which means I have to some how get a baby and a dog out of the apartment or semi quiet in the apartment, so he can get a little rest. I keep saying it will be better next week when he goes back to days, but even then it's 5:30-7 if I'm lucky and much more likely to be 5:30-9. Blah, I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Lots of hugs!

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I often feel like a single mother as well. It can be so hard but since DS turned one it seems to have gotten easier. Maybe I just submitted to what it is, IDK. We make the most of the time we do have and I appreciate him that much more when he is around. I am hopeful that this won't be forever and I know that he is busting his azz for us so I can only be grateful. It kills him to not see DS as much as he wants to but things are not always ideal in life.

All I know is that it does get easier once you fall into a routine, keep yourself busy, etc. I hope it gets better for you soon! Hang in there.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

The past 3 months my husband has been working evening shifts as well as doubles because they are short-staffed.

I get home from work and the babysitter has been here for about 2 hours. He's supposed to get home at 10:30 but he can't leave until the last flight is in for the night so with the crazy storms we've been having, sometimes he doesn't get home until 1-2 am (he works at the airport as a ground supervisor). He also works doubles on the weekends.

The two days a week he gets off are days that I'm working, so he can be home with our kids. Those are about the only days we see each other and it's for about 4-5 hours and then we're off to bed. We try to make those 4-5 hours count. No housework, we try to play with our kids, put them to bed early, then cuddle on the couch.

Life sucks for us right now because we have a lot of stressors lately but I try to remind myself that it's GOING to get better and life could always be worse. We both have jobs that pay well, a house in a neighborhood we love, and our children are healthy. Right now we're doing what we have to do and eventually it will pay off.

I understand what you say about feeling like a single mother, but truthfully, the life of a *real* single mother is MUCH harder than what you or I have to deal with.

I have to be honest- being home alone with one is a dream to me. You can do fun things during the day like take a Mommy and Me or a Stroller Strides class. You're LO is so portable right now, take advantage of that. Many kids don't see their daddy often during the week, so try not to worry that she won't *know* your DH- because she will.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by scarletbegonia

I classify myself as an almost-single parent. DH travels for work and is gone either 3 or 4 nights each week. The days that he is home, he's in the office from 8-6, not counting travel time. Weekend mornings he's on-call.

It's more of our "normal" for him to be gone that it is to have him home. At some point, I just had to suck it up and realize that this is the way it's going to be. I'm thankful that he has a job.

Yeah, the majority of things fall on me - everything around the house, the dog, our TODDLER, on top of being a FTWM, but you adapt and make the most of the time you do get to spend together.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

mine works around the clock...
so I found another mom who has a dh who travels sunday night to friday night every week.

we hang all the time together.
most of the girls i hang with have dh's that work crazy amounts of hours.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

My DD is 6 months and we are in a similar position except my Dh is sometimes in the office or our home office till 2-3am. It was so so so hard in the beginning but once I went back to work and got a nanny I felt so much better. I still do EVERYTHING for our DD but I have gotten used to it andhave learned to resent less and appreciate more! My DH now tries to get home by 7 to see DD for 20 or 30 minutes before her bath and bedtime and eats and heads back to work at least twice a week. It's hard for him too and I know he misses us like crazy. All he can think about is supporting us and giving us all that we want and need so in turn works like a horse. It's so hard, but I knew what I signed up for so I just do whatever I can to make our lives easier. It really just took me time and I would say at about 4 months I started accepting and adapting to the way things are.

Message edited 6/15/2011 9:51:17 AM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I know EXACTLY how you feel. DH works 8:00a-9p 3 days a week. Mondays he works until 5, and Wed he works 4:30-9. However, when I was on maternity leave, he ended up having to work extra hours a lot...so he usually ended up doing 8:00-9, 5 days a week. Add to it our commute, and he is out of the house from 7-10. I was so upset and so angry and hating his job while I was on maternity. It got better when I went back to work. I don't feel like every day is taking 3 years. I am a much happier person. DH doesn't get to see DS much during the week. I get the baby up and dressed while DH is getting himself ready. DS is asleep when DH gets home. DH does do the daycare drop off, and picks him up on Mondays when he gets out on time. Last Wednesday (my first week back to work) he hung out with DS until he had to go to work, and dropped him of at my MILs. Tomorrow, he got the entire day 'off', but he has a full day's worth of stuff to do at home for work, so I'm dropping DS off at daycare. Weekends we try to spend a lot of time with the three of us. Also, some Saturdays I have to work, so the boys get alone time.

Basically, you just fit in time with DH and DC whenever possible.

I recommend trying to get out whenever possible...even if it just for a drive around the neighborhood. I can't even tell you how often I drove out to Riverhead and back (like an hour round trip for me) or went to Target and just walked around with the stroller "window shopping". You need to break up the day, otherwise it feels so much longer than it actually is.