Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

My DH and friends and family are sick of hearing me stress about this so I figured I'd talk to you all about it...

Anyone else having a hard time getting truly excited about DC#2 b/c they feel guilt or betrayal towards DC#1?? I was SO ready to start trying for another, expecting it would take a few months and I'd have time to get used to the idea of two, but I got pregnant so quickly this time and I feel so unprepared. I never imagined the guilt I'd feel towards DD. All I thought about was giving her a sibling, and having another baby before I turn 36. Never ONCE did I consider the emotional aspect of having another DC.

Anyone else?

PS...DD will be just about 2 years old when this baby comes along.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

This seems to be more severe with people who have kids closer together in age...I guess because you haven't had as much alone time with the first...

I didn't feel this way while pregnant but I had over 3.5 years between my first two.

I did however, feel some of that guilt AFTER the baby was born. But seeing my two boys together, how much they love each other, how they play with each other and make each other laugh...well, all that guilt washes right away. Most days I wish they were even closer in age.

My son had a hero project at school...and of course Daddy is always the hero. But this year, his hero was his little brother. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that makes you feel!

Try to enjoy your pregnancy thinking about the amazing sibling moments your little ones will bring you and share together. You are giving your older DC a wonderful gift on so, so many levels.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I admit I feel a bit guilty as well. Dd will be 21 months when dc2 is born. I feel bad because she will never remember a time when it was just her dh and I. I'm scared for how out of place she will feel. I feel like she is only a baby herself, how will she understand. I guess I just pray that they will be close as they grow older. I had IF treatments to get pg and I still feel shocked as stupid as that sounds, so I can totally relate. I want dd to have at least one sibling and I know in the end she will be thankful to us that she was able to grow up with a brother/sister.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

LOTS of guilt, but I also try to remember she won't remember any of this so it'll be like she was never alone. Does that make sense. In my mind I know it's all me and she'll be fine, but it is hard. DD will be between 22-23months older. I'm just trying to snuggle her now and when the baby comes we'll do our best to keep her involved and feeling special. She is just now loving her baby doll so I see more playing and imitating of me then being sad. DD was a very good baby so if ds is I should have time to give her special attention. Plus I plan to babywear so I can still play with her and have him with me.

The hardest thing for me is knowing i'll be in the hospital. I will more then likely have a c since he's still breech and dd and I have never been apart that long and when we are together I am jungle gym mommy so she crawls and plays all over me. That will be the hardest. Not playing with her like we do and not snuggling her like normal.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

My dd #1 is 27 months old. we have been tellkng her since I started tk show that she was getting a sister and a baby would be here soon to play with. We drilled it into her hoping when the baby would come it would be smooth. We included her In doing the room and everything. I made my whole pregnancy about her and I doing things just us, i signed her up for gymnastics we did play dates and lunch dates. I don't regret doing that one bit. She and I had a blast I have only ever spent one night away from her and i was having a section so I was worried about this but she seemed to have done well at my parents house. I was allowed to be discharged after 3 days or could stay the 4th. I opted to go home and I'm glad I did. My dd#1 is besides herself and absolutely loves her sister we include her in every feeding, diaper change she loves to help. But we have made sure to continue doing things solo with her even just a trip to get eggs from dairy barn. I do feel a little guilt about not being able to pick her up and hold her but I find getting on tje floor and holding her that way makes it easier I showed her my scar and explained that mommy had a boo boo so we could climb or hit/lean on my belly she totslly gets it and will kiss it and get band aids.

Try not to feel so guilty it will work out. Make your pregnancy about bonding and enjoying #1! Congrats!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

Yup totally normal to feel that way! This is my 3rd pregnancy and I still have that guilt feeling, my kids arent that close in age, DD is 6 and my DS is 3 1/2, but its another change I have to get use too. Its hard in the beginning but everything smooths out.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I defintiely have days where I feel this way. My son is 21 months (he will be 22 months when baby comes in a few weeks). Our relationship is incredible- we are SO SO close. I'm so scared of our relationship changing and it is compouonded by the fact that I know he is too young to fully understand why things are changing. He LOVES babies- he is so sweet to any baby he ever comes in contact with. He loves to hold babies and rub their bellies gently and tickle their feet. When I see him like that, it makes me think it will all be ok, that he is going to love this baby just as much as we do. He is a very laid back child, thankfully, and has always been pretty go-with-the-flow. So I think he will proudly take on his new role as big brother. He already LOVES to help out mommy and daddy with everything (cleaning, feeding the dogs, whatever) and we are going to run with that and have him help us with the baby as much as possible. I think it's really important for him to know how special and irreplaceable he is in our family unit, no matter how much that unit might change. We are going to try to help him understand that no matter what, he will always be needed and special in our family.
I also know that every single mommy and daddy worries about this when #2 is on the way and it of course always works out!! Try to spend your pregnancy focusing on and relighing your time with your older one, rather than worrying about what may or may not happen a few months down the road!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I just had #2 and I felt the exact same way my entire pregnancy. Since I had DS 2wks ago, my anxiety and guilt has almost completely disappeared. There are moments when I tear up because I feel as though I can't give DD the full attention she needs but she is a tough cookie and rolling with the punches. FWIW, DD will be 2 next month. She's been great so far and loves having her baby brother around.

It definitely gets easier. The anticipation and guilt of the upcoming birth is way worse during pregnancy. I blame it all on the hormones It'll all be okay!

Good luck!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

i was so scared i would feel guilty but to be honest with you i am so thrilled that DD will have a sibiling :)
it will be all oK :)
DD will be almost 3 when DC#2is born.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

Posted by Torts

I just had #2 and I felt the exact same way my entire pregnancy. Since I had DS 2wks ago, my anxiety and guilt has almost completely disappeared. There are moments when I tear up because I feel as though I can't give DD the full attention she needs but she is a tough cookie and rolling with the punches. FWIW, DD will be 2 next month. She's been great so far and loves having her baby brother around.

It definitely gets easier. The anticipation and guilt of the upcoming birth is way worse during pregnancy. I blame it all on the hormones It'll all be okay!

Good luck!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I felt super guilty at first because I got pregnant without trying and wasn't really ready for number two. At the beginning I was tearing up constantly feeling bad for DD. But, the further along I get, the more excited I get. I've been telling DD about how she's going to be a big sister and there's going to be a baby here with us all the time. I show her the pregnancy update pictues of what the baby looks like. I *think* she gets it but only time will tell.

I just want to make sure she gets plenty of one on one time with me or DH when the new baby comes. I also plan to include her in EVERYTHING.

DD will be 2.5 when #2 comes along.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I feel guilty that it's going to change his world as he knows it, but I firmly believe it will be for the better I think he is going to love being a big brother. I couldn't imagine my life without my siblings!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

Thanks so much! It helps to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm soooo excited to give her a sibling, I'm just not good with change and feel like I'm somehow betraying her and all of our memories with only her.

Thanks again!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I feel sad to think that my time with DS alone will be over soon. I'm a SAHM and with him 24/7 so he is very attached to me. But, at the same time, I know that we will all adjust to the change and in the long run a sibling is the best gift I could ever give him.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

Don't feel guilty. When you see your two kids together this feeling will be a distant memory.

My first son lives for his brother, and my younger son adores his big brother. The way they run to each other when they wake up in the morning is the best part of my day.

I'm excited to have another child just so I can give them this gift all over again.

And, what you are feeling is totally normally. Every mother of 2 or more has felt this way before, I promise you. But, you will love the second as much as you love the first, and they will have a built in best friend for life.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

im not even pregnant nor trying and i already feel this way!!
right now i just cant imagine having another baby to take my attention away from DD!! i would love DCs close in age but the thought of having to divert my attention away from her just seems so overwhelming and unfair. i haven't even gone back to work yet because of that

im sure in the end it will be absolutely fine and your DD wont even know the difference. heck if it wasn't we'd all be single children (which i happen to be )

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

I feel exactly the same way. I've even cried thinking about it. DS is such a sweet little boy and still such a baby (he's 19 months old and will be 22 months when DD arrives). I feel so guilty that he won't be the center of our universe anymore and will have to share our attention with his sister. I sometimes feel like I haven't had enough time to fully enjoy him.

Hearing some of the positive stories on these boards about how much the older siblings love their little brother/sister helps and gives me hope. DS is a pretty easy-going, laid back kid so I am hoping he adjusts fairly easily.

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

DS will be almost 4 when the new baby arrives

He has been begging us for a brother AND a sister lol

I cherish my time with him now because I know that will be changing next year. I have a brother and a sister and I am very close to them (despite our 11 and 9 year age difference) I cant wait to see how protective he will be. How he will teach him/her to do all the things he loves..

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

Haven't read all the replies yet but I look forward to, as I was just about to post this very same sentiment. Obviously I am over the moon about our second baby girl on the way. But, I can't help but feel so sad that my time with my "little buddy" and me will be drastically altered. I'm a SAHM and it's been her and me in the trenches day in and day out for the past two years. She's my best friend and little partner and I will miss having the ability to devote all of my attention to her, not to mention the guilt I will feel about having to put her on the back burner in the first few months.

Sorry no advice as I'm not a BTDT mom of 2 yet, but just wanted to let you know I can sympathize!

Re: Those pregnant with DC#2 re: mommy guilt...

My DS will be 16 months when baby #2 comes!..im not feeling too much guilt, but i do wonder how im going to give him all that much needed attention he loves to get from me. He's my buddy and he's super attached already. I do look foward to him having a playmate all the time though!