has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I dont think i'm cut out for them. They make me so sick. ive been on bedrest for 2 weeks after my ER and I feel like Im getting sicker and sicker. We had to cancel my transfer and I don't really have much hope. I think we froze 7 good embryos, 4 of questionable quality but I don't think I'll ever be able to handle a fresh cycle again. This is not a normal life.

In the other post, people talk about their "before and during infertility" personas. I am realizing how different my "during" persona is and its really sad.

I don't know if I'd ever get pregnant naturally and I'm not getting younger. But I don't know how much longer I can put my life on hold for this. I really hope I have a successful FET but I have to think realistically. After each failed cycle, I'd power through in hopes that it would just take one more time. I havent even been at this relatively long, but it's been intense and painful.
Not sure whats the point of this but thanks for listeinng.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I'm so sorry your not feeling well and I hope you feel better soon. I want to say don't give up you still have 11 chances of a baby! Some of the questionable embroyos are the ones that work! My fresh cycle did not work for me however it was a frozen cycle that got me my Talk to your RE some people do a natural frozen cycle with no meds. I did a medicated frozen cycle and it was so easy compared to what you have been through already. It's normal to get down and feel like giving up that's what makes this board so important it gives you hope and support to get through the down days. I still lurk this board and hope to see your BFP in the near future. Good luck and hang in there it is so worth it in the end!

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I think many of us may have thought about that one time or another. This battle is not easy. I have been off of the boards for over a year, at least. I did multiple IUIs and was preparing for IVF when at the last minute the doctor claimed the follicles weren't as large as he wanted. I had to think long and hard and told myself I would no longer continue with anymore shots or pills. I couldn't take the toll it was taking on my body. My husbands low SA and low count was the overall issue and I let him know that he would have to start to get his act together. Tough, but ultimately he had to get his weight under control and stop smoking.

Well since the latter part of 2010 I have not proceeded with anymore fertility treatment. I sort of caved in. Now remember, everyone's situation is different.


I wish you and all the other girls here all the best. The journey is not easy. After being almost I week late. I decided to test and I never thought it but I did get my BFP.

Please know that you must be strong for you ultimately. It is so easier said than done. I know bc we have been ttc for 4years.

This board was a sort of comfort for me at times because it was a place to vent and just not feel alone. You can do this and not matter what make sure you find ways to treat and pamper yourself.

Message edited 2/23/2012 12:41:58 PM.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

Yes, I think everyone has at one point or another.

Only you can decide when you've had enough and are willing to be childfree, or move on to plan B (adoption, etc).

I'm giving up treatments and I haven't even done IVF.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

that your FET is it!!

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

First i hope you are feeling better.
Definitely you are not alone in this thought. I can't tell you how many times I have thought that over my three years of IF. There are a lot of peaks and valleys that you find yourself in and amazingly you will see that you get to a point where you want to do it again. It's Hope that will get you thru along with the support of this board. Many times the devastation seemed too much for me to go on but now I can look back and say I gave it my all, stuck with it and I got pregnant. Hang tough and lean on as many shoulders as you can. This board helped me so much

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

so the day of my last ivf..the day we transfered...dh and i got into one of our worst fights ever!!! i left the house at 10 at night....went to the movies by myself and was crying and hysterical. ( mind you i should be resting bc of the transfer)

because of my losses and emotional issues surriounding all of the if treatments...dh was losing it and was basically saying that he couldnt handle doing this anymore becuause he felt it was destroying me.

so then of course ilost it on him...and around and around.

my point is.... ohhhh yes. many times i was going to stop.

and i dont know..perhaps if my last cycle didnt work...that i would have.

whn you are in the shiit moment ...the idea of keeping trying... just seems so veryyyy not worth it.
and i do believe in lots of breaks and lots of therapy if possible.

please know that unless you get pg and stay pg relatively quick i think its normal and healthy to question continueing.
only you and your dh knows what you want or how far you can go.
there is no right or wrong...
but just wanted to say i am thinking about you and hope you feel better soon xoxoxo

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

this is only a decision you can make..

i am not a break person,i hate them but i am also so so impatient ..

a break can be a good thing...maybe u need time to heal to rst up both physically and emotionally

and u know now the whole process and what it entails so next time u will kow how u will feel etc

but i pray there will not be a need fora next time

and also cut yourself some slack..you are much much stronger than you give yourself credit for..u r def cut out for this..u made it this far

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

thanks guys. i am not too good with breaks. i definitely can see the virtues of them but mentally i cant handle them.

i have plenty of hope and drive to move forward to each cycle. I'm just wondering if its not the smartest idea- the meds & outcomes of the cycles make me so physically sick and disfunctional. It's just not the kind of life I want to be living- not sure how much longer I can put everything on hold for.

If I was to give up fertility treatments, I think I'd continue to try naturally. I have no clue if I'd be able to handle that though. I dont really know wtf, i just hope this fet works and i dont ever have to think about it agian.

i havent even told DH this. thank you all so much for your support, i definitely feel less alone.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

It took us 4.5 years to conceive, yeah I threw in the towel a few times! Eventually, I changed my expectations, accepted that it might not happen and set a definite end game in place. You have to do what is best for your physical and mental well being!

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

Are you hopping on my bandwagon?
Just kidding--- but I can say yes, I've been there--- especially lately. Take some time, it's not fair on yourself to make a decision like this w/ everything that's been going on lately. FM me if you want to talk.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I gave up several times for different reasons. But the hole in my heart always keeps me coming back!

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I can absolutely identify with wanting to stop everything... just putting a solid endpoint to all this bulllshit...


You know my story- but figured I'd post here in case it could help someone else too.. We were told to do surrogacy by the doctor I loyally stuck with for my entire journey. I went to 5 other opinions, because I had to know that I was doing the right thing with moving forward with surrogacy.


Some doctors agreed... some had random ideas they thought could work, though even those doctors didn't seem entirely optimistic or enthusiastic about taking on my (as they put it) complicated case.


I decided I've had enough of all this crap and YES.. threw in the towel on getting pregnant.

I did that for the sake of my physical and emotional wellbeing... I tend to be an introvert and I feel like people around me didn't realize how terribly I was hurting inside from all my cycles and losses.. but my decision to do surrogacy stems from this piece of me that wants to scream out "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK EVVVVVVERRRRYTHINNGGGG.. I'VE HAD ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!" ... because I literally cannot take it anymore.

I've had enough of being the lab rat .. the the ball of constant emotions over something I kept getting so close yet so far from actually achieving... and I saw little point in going forward when I was told I had such a high possibility of continued miscarriages in the first tri or serious complications in the third. I actually had a hematologist today confirm ALL of that.

So, yes, I totally understand the physical and emotional need to throw in the towel on trying.. and physically these drugs really did a number on me too.. I'm just so glad to be done.


I know that's not a decision for everyone and I know that I could not have come to this decision without my many experiences. I was an infertility war hero before this.. I felt like there was no end in site .. It really took my last miscarriage which 'sunk my battleship' that really confirmed in my mind that I am done.

Getting back to the point, it's totally normal to feel this way... but rather than focus on the bigger picture right now, just look at the baby steps. Take it one step at a time in this cycle you've been gearing up so hard for.. I think you will come out of this a rock star.. just you wait.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I pretty much have. I've done numerous IUI's medicated and non-medicated; which I respond excellent to; and even that doesnt get me PG. Im in this over 4 years already; yet noone has any answers for me either. I seem to look great on paper......after that, science takes over; and we all know thats a mystery all in itself.

I dont have IVF converage nor the savings to use it for; so thats out.

I gave myself another try this past November at North Shore. 12 Eggs; excellent sperm count.......AF still showed two weeks later.

At $50 a visit; wasted gas and constant let downs--I had to stop. IF Sux but I still pray on it!!

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?

I wanted to add something in here.

My DH and I are trying, on and off.

Im 42.

We decided to start every month now and are going to give it a year, I think. But we decided to go forward. My OB says all is well and hopefully there wont be any issues.

But we also made a very specific decision. Although we would love to have kids, for *US* there is no buring desire. There are many reasons for this. We have seen too many friends, family memebers etc loose thier marraige over IF. We have seen too many friends get divorces and strain their marraiges to the point of no return. We have seen some friends get sick and have the "before and after" personna, just like you said.

We decided no IF issue would ever get in the way of our relationship.

And reading this board....I just dont think I'm cut out for all the stuff you VERY brave women go through.

I have never worked myslef up to the mindset of "I must be a mother at any cost", becuse I KNEW that if it didnt happen, it really could be devistating. So I have just never allowed mylef to go there. Plus, for ME, there is nothing I want, including children, that is worth the cost of loosing my DH.

S if the time comes, I will take a look at clomid or some other help, But I just wont go the IVF route.

And you all are amazing women. I look at this board all the time, because I want to know that there ARE options to me in case I have IF issues. At 42 its a VERY real thing. You are brave and face such bad odds. I pray for all of you to have the babies that are just waiting for you.

ETA: I dont even want to IMPLY that you ladies want to be mothers at *any* cost. I by NO MEANS think, IMPLY or accuse ANY of you of that. This was a comment SOLEY about me, and NO ONE else here.

Message edited 2/24/2012 2:07:46 PM.

Re: has anyone considered giving up fertility treatments?