Misc. Questions.

I have so much stuff rattling around my head and I wondered how you guys handled this stuff.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse?

Did you name your babies that you lost?

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask.

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?

Thanks

Re: Misc. Questions.

I have so much stuff rattling around my head and I wondered how you guys handled this stuff.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?

For my first loss at 17wks, we knew the gender because at the 16wk sono they told us. When we found at the gender, I didn't know there was any kind of problem..... When the sono first started, we were told we had a perfectly healthy baby boy.

For my triplets, I asked. I found out one was a girl.

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse?

I don't think it makes it worse- but that's ME personally. I found the losses so traumatizing that I didn't think knowing the gender would make me feel any different.



Did you name your babies that you lost?

My first baby who we lost later on is named Jack. We had selected that name before we lost him ... We decided if we had a boy, his name would be Jack... and then when we found out he was a boy, it was immediately what we called him.

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?

I went through fertility treatments to get pregnant. I had a D&E, which is different than a D&C. I was told to wait 2 months.

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask.

I've lost 4 pregnancies. One was my 17wk baby Jack, then I had a chemical, then lost triplets, then a singleton last December.

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?

I never gave up TTC .. although it was suggested to me by my doctors to get a gestational surrogate. Right now we are in the search process and hopefully found our match. I should know more this week and very excited about the possibility!!


I'm so sorry you are going through this.. FM anytime!!

Re: Misc. Questions.

Message edited 4/4/2012 2:32:39 PM.

Re: Misc. Questions.

Re: Misc. Questions.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I've only had one m/c--and it was just before 10 weeks although I knew it was likely at 8 weeks.

I miscarried naturally but I did have a "procecure" in the office; I don't remember them sending out the tissue for testing, but if so I would not have requested to know the gender. I know that would have haunted me. Hence, names weren't an issue, also because we didn't discuss names prior anyway...

My OB counseled me to wait two cycles. I was prepared to disregard his advice because I so badly needed to be pregnant again, but my DH was adamant that we wait as we were told. After that it took a whole year to conceive again and yes, I occasionally did think of giving up--or anyway, we discussed "If it doesn't happen by..." maybe we should reconsider, etc. Like you, I had two healthy kids already and I had so many mixed emotions...Am I pressing my luck? I should be grateful for what I have? I feel so selfish. What if something goes wrong again. Time is not on my side. Yet, I always envisioned having at least three DC...

I hope you will find peace and solace down whichever path you choose...

Re: Misc. Questions.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?
**Nope, I was way too early. Only 6 weeks.

Did you name your babies that you lost?
**Nope

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?
**My OB said to wait one cycle after my D&C

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask.
**One....and hopefully that'll be the only one

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?
**I thought of it, because I'm terrified of having another m/c. But my desire to have a child outweighs my fear of miscarrying.

Message edited 3/26/2012 11:45:25 AM.

Re: Misc. Questions.

I had 2 mc's of which 1 I found out the gender. We named him and buried him because I was 23 weeks along.

For me that was the best thing to do at that point was to find out the sex and name him and go from there.

The second mc i was about 11.5 weeks along and i didn't find out the sex, it was sooo much going on for me and I was numb to it all. While I wanted to know, I didn't want to know. For me, I needed to move on and enjoy my time with my kids who were here.

I got conflicting opinions on when to start TTC from different dr's in my practice. The high risk ob's who read all my post mc ultrasounds suggested that I wait atleast 1 cycle before TTC. My Dr said i could start whenever I felt emotionally ready. Another dr that I went to after the mc to get a different opinion from told me to wait 4-5 cycles so everything is back to normal- those were his words. honestly, I didn't like his opinion or his attitude about the whole thing so I went back with my original ob's suggestion and started TTC when we were emotionally ready.
We did think about stopping TTC and decided that we will give this one last chance to TTC, if we carry a baby to term then it was meant to be, if not, then we're gonna be happy with the family we already have and go on from there.

Re: Misc. Questions.

Thanks everyone

PennyCat - please keep us posted - crossing everything for you. I know each loss is a stake to your heart but you have suffered above and beyond and I truly hope the light at the end of your tunnel is beginning to shine for you

I am so much more antsy this time around. My first miscarriage last may just broke my heart and I couldn't contemplate TTC for months afterwards. Then I got pregnant and miscarried again and said I was done but I am having a change of heart and I want to get pregnant again immediately. Like I dont even want to wait even though I know I will as I want to get the all clear from the doctor.

I am 40 and part of me is thinking I should be grateful to have two healthy kids and that my last two miscarriages are surely a sign that its time to be done with having babies but then I have a conflicting urge to try one more time. I am afraid if I dont give it one more shot that I will always regret it and always wonder "what if". But the other side of the coin is telling me that I dont think I can survive one more miscarriage.

Aggghhhhh I honestly never thought this would to me. How arrogant is that? Why would I think it would not happen to me? And I am feeling kind of betrayed and angry at my body for letting me down. I eat a healthy diet, work out when I can, live a healthy life and then I cannot carry my babies to term? I hate to have to agree that my age must be factoring into it but I guess it is.

Enough venting...thanks for listening and replying

Re: Misc. Questions.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?

I was over 20 weeks and we already knew it was a boy...

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse?

I am sooo grateful that i knew he was a boy. It was better for me to have a connection. I also had 4d us pictures before we lost him and i have to tell you i treasure them.

Did you name your babies that you lost?

We already had a name picked out. We also had our son cremated so we chose to put his name on the death certificate.

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?

I had a d&e. I was told by 2 perinatologists to wait 2 periods, i was told by my ob to wait as long as i was pregnant which was 5 months. We started ttc right after my second period and have not gotten the bfp yet (5 months later)

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask.

This was my first pregnancy and first loss

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?

not once, loosing my son made me want to try even more.

Hope this helps, hugs to you!

Re: Misc. Questions.

Posted by beachgirl

I have so much stuff rattling around my head and I wondered how you guys handled this stuff.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost? yes one i found out was a girl. the other was too early

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse? didnt make the pain worse

Did you name your babies that you lost?
no
How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?
my re said 2 cycles..i waited 3
How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask. one chemical mc, one mmc at 9weeks

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage? yes

Thanks

Re: Misc. Questions.

Posted by beachgirl

Thanks everyone

PennyCat - please keep us posted - crossing everything for you. I know each loss is a stake to your heart but you have suffered above and beyond and I truly hope the light at the end of your tunnel is beginning to shine for you

I am so much more antsy this time around. My first miscarriage last may just broke my heart and I couldn't contemplate TTC for months afterwards. Then I got pregnant and miscarried again and said I was done but I am having a change of heart and I want to get pregnant again immediately. Like I dont even want to wait even though I know I will as I want to get the all clear from the doctor.

I am 40 and part of me is thinking I should be grateful to have two healthy kids and that my last two miscarriages are surely a sign that its time to be done with having babies but then I have a conflicting urge to try one more time. I am afraid if I dont give it one more shot that I will always regret it and always wonder "what if". But the other side of the coin is telling me that I dont think I can survive one more miscarriage.

Aggghhhhh I honestly never thought this would to me. How arrogant is that? Why would I think it would not happen to me? And I am feeling kind of betrayed and angry at my body for letting me down. I eat a healthy diet, work out when I can, live a healthy life and then I cannot carry my babies to term? I hate to have to agree that my age must be factoring into it but I guess it is.

Enough venting...thanks for listening and replying

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You will have 15000 internet buddies cheering you on!

Thank you SO much for that

Re: Misc. Questions.

Posted by beachgirl

I saw this the other day and didn't respond but then I started thinking about how much this board helped me.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?

We did for one only and sometimes I wish I had found out for the others and sometimes I'm glad that I didn't.

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse?

For me, I feel that I mourn her a little more than the others which doesn't make sense entirely because I was further along with others. So I don't think I'd find out again.

Did you name your babies that you lost?
Just the first one. In my head I thought that he or she deserved a name even though they were not born so I chose a unisex name. Past that, I felt that naming was bad luck while pregnant and I never named any after they were lost.

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?

1 month with most, 2 months with 1, 4 months with my twins, no waiting with my chemical.

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask. Ugh...8 losses, 9 babies, no known reasons.

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?

I did give up and talk myself into adoption because it would be easier emotionally. But I found that it hurts more not to try than to try. Still, I am so glad that I took the time off the months that I needed to.

Regardless of anyone's stories, do not be discouraged!

Thanks

Re: Misc. Questions.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?

1st one, i didnt look to see but i was 6 and half weeks but i felt it was a girl so i named it Kelly ( my maiden name) my 2nd , even tho techically i didnt miscarried til 9-10 weeks, the baby died prior to 5 weeks so the body wasnt visible in the sac. my 3rd, at 8 weeks- i researched how to tell the genders apart at that age and it looked exactly like a girls parts so i consider that baby a girl and say " her/she" when talking about her but i named her a unisex name just in case " Tristan". However i refuse to do testing on all of my babies.

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse?

I find knowing the gender more bonding. i wish there was a way i could be 100% sure of mine but i wanted to keep my babies intact so testing wasnt an option.

Did you name your babies that you lost?

Yes, the 1st one is Kelly, 2nd one i never named (because i didnt have a visible body) 3rd one is Tristan.

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?

Never spoke of it.

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask.

3....

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?

With this last one i did, it was so traumatizing and i dont know how i'll ever survive another ultrasound again nevermind a whole pregnancy. But 2 months later me & my hubby have baby fever and keen on having a 3rd baby but am holding out until we move & have money saved for the expensive progesterone meds i need. However, I havent had my period since my m/c ( in Jan. ) and techically not since November so im starting to worry. I tested negative last week but gonna test again next week. Yikes....

Re: Misc. Questions.

Did you find out the gender of the babies you lost?

]yes, i wanted to know. it was a girl.

If you did was it helpful in any way or did it make the pain worse?

i don't think knowing the gender helped or hindered me emotionally. i did find out that it was a chromosomal defect, that she would have never survived - which i "thought" would give me some closure. but it didn't.

Did you name your babies that you lost?

yes, we named her summer. because that is when she was born, and died.

How soon did your OB tell you to wait TTC after you miscarried and more specifically if you had a D&C?

i did have a d&c, and my doctor told me that once i got my period, i could start trying again. my d&c was 8/5/11, i got my period about 7 weeks later and immediately started trying.

How many losses have you had? This is a tough one to ask.

i've only had one... **god willing** so far. my heart bleeds for those with multiple losses.

Did any of you think of just giving up TTC after having a miscarriage?

i never thought of giving up necessarily - while i am PETRIFIED of another loss, i guess like another poster said, my desire to be a mother/have children outweighs my fear.

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to all of you.