Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

At this point DS (9yo) dose not know about it. We did not plan to tell him about it. There is so much media out about it that I don't think we can shield him from it which will force a conversation.

Our school district provided some helpful links about how to talk to children about tragic events. I don't know if I can talk to him about this without crying.

What are you doing?

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

We talked about it last night. I'm glad I did. Both kids knew about it but due to misinformation floating around, it was translated as

"Gunmen are going into schools & shooting kids".

I told them it was one gunman & he was killed. Then reiterated the security procedures at their school & explained how they would deter a stranger or someone with a gun trying to enter a school.

I didn't elaborate that the gunman shot himself, that if someone wanted to get into their school, most of the security features wouldn't stop them, etc. My goal was to explain to get them to feel comfortable so they can feel safe going to school.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

My children are 5 and 3; I haven't had the news on when they've been up/around--as of now they do not know about the shootings. I will talk to them (her, my 5 year old) if she asks me or if it's mentioned in school.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

I don't think I should discuss it with my son because he is still upset about the hurricane & about a witnessing domestic incident that happened with my BIL. We have discussed safety because of my a-hole BIL. We had no choice b/c DS witnessed it.

Message edited 12/15/2012 3:45:40 PM.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

Yes, mainly to dispel rumors they heard, and also to know their school's lockdown policy.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

No, my kids are 6 and 3. I have had the t.v off since yesterday. I am going to ask the teacher how she is going to handle it if some kids brings it up in class as I am afraid there might be some kid who knows about it.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

I am so on the fence. I have a child in K. I'd rather she live in a bubble & be unaware, but I don't want her hearing talk from some kid in school and having to sit with it until she gets home to talk to us.

I am just unsure. The tip sheet the districts have posted suggests you say something, before they hear from someone else. But - that's not age/grade specific - maybe the advice for the wee ones is different?

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

One of my friends is a child psychologist and she wrote on FB what to say to young children. So I told it to DS. I did not want him inadvertently hearing something on TV or at school. I have not had the news on while my kids are awake to shield them from the news.

A lot of people are talking about something that happened today in Connecticut. I wanted to be the one to talk to you about it in case you have any questions. A man came into a school and hurt some people. The man isn't alive anymore so he can't hurt anyone else. The people in charge are doing everything they can to keep everyone safe. You are OK and I'm OK but I wanted to let you know. And please know that we love you very very much.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

As far as I can tell, my kids don't know about it yet. But several of their friends have older siblings in middle school or high school, so I'd imagine it was discussed in their homes. Plus my mom's best friend lost her granddaughter, and they've caught me crying a few times, so I feel like we should talk about it.

DH & I are trying to figure out what we want to say so that they aren't scared, but can process it before it's brought up in school and takes them by surprise. My dd has severe anxiety issues and we're really worried about how she's going to react.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

Yes. Mainly because of the rumors he heard on the bus and because he saw his teacher crying. He left his lunch money in class came back and saw her crying at her laptop. He was so worried about her.


We went over just the very basics of what happened. That the gunman was killed. I told him his school had very good safety procedures and security and that his teacher loved him as much as we do and she would always be there to protect him.

He seems ok with all that. Hasn't asked much about it since.

His school sent home a note Friday that went over safety procedures and said that they will take a few minutes in the morning to go over what happened, answer questions. They are going to have the psychologist in the classroom and available anytime in case anyone needs her.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

My kids are 7 and 5 and don't know about it. I won't bring it up unless they do. I will talk to them at some point about the drills and such that they do at school.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

I am hearing the schools may talk about it which I am afraid of. I kept the tv off all weekend hoping that it wont be known and life will go on for my child as she knows it. BUT, I also realize that one child may know or the school may be talking and then my whole game plan goes down the drain. I am so on the fence about just saying it and letting her know that she is safe.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

I have not said anything to my 6 year old and didn't plan to, but I am also afraid they will discuss this in school. I think I'm going to call the school in the morning and ask.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

They asked me about it. The news was everywhere and they called me at work to ask if I heard about the man who shot all the kids.

I told them the facts. A very sick man had gotten some guns and managed to do a lot of harm with them in a school.

My kids just wanted to know WHY. Why would someone do that? Why did he decide to hurt kids? Did the kids do something to him? Did the teachers hurt him?

I hate those questions because they are unanswerable. NO answer is good enough.

I told them sometimes people do terrible things. Sometimes people are sick and their thoughts are wrong. That there was no reason for him to do what he did.

They still don't understand. They are kids and they want answers. They want there to be a reason that he did these things. Even a bad reason.

And as much as it aggravates them that there is no reason.. I'm glad they don't understand it. I'm happy that this act is so completely unfathomable to them. I'm glad that they don't get that monsters do exist... just not the kind that hide under your bed at night.

Message edited 12/17/2012 8:10:54 AM.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

My DS is 5 and in k and I am starting to think I should have said something to him

Though I was also just told better to keep him in the dark because there is no good reason or answers, which is true as well

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

I wasn't going to say anything, but I did. I mentioned that something happened in another state at a school, and a bad man hurt a bunch of people. I also mentioned what to do if you ever see someone with a gun, or hear gun shots. I told them to get out if they can, or hide if they can't and be really quiet. It killed me to say these things, and I know a situation like this would be pretty rare, but I wanted them to be aware of what to do. It seems Sandy Hook had lock down drills in the past,and the kids and teachers knew what to do. I said that their schools might have some sort of drill in case there is ever an emergency in their own school. To my knowledge and after asking my children, our schools have NEVER had a lock down drill. Hopefully that changes this week.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

My kids know about it, only one is really old enough to really understand it though. i feel that i'd rather talk to them about it then have them hear it somewhere else.

Our school has said that they will not address it, but if a child does address it, they will talk about it in a safe way since they cannot control what the children say to each other.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

Absolutely NOT! My kids are 7 and 5 and they do NOT watch the news, so they really would have no way of knowing about the tragedy! I will probably mention a few things when it is time for their school emergency drill, which is coming up shortly for obvious reasons.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

My 13 year old knows but my 5,4 and 3 year old DO NOT and IMO there is no reason to tell them! What can a 5 year old gain other than fear?

Message edited 12/21/2012 8:04:32 PM.

Re: Do your children know about the CT tragedy?

No, thank goodness, they do not. I do keep asking leading questions when they get home to see if they may have heard anything and just didn't mention it, but so far, no, they do not.