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Alli06
Baby #3 coming this June
Member since 8/05 6721 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
he just asked me "what do you want to do tonight? Do you want to do anything?" 
ugh...I just wish he would take some initiative!!! I don't want to say "well I want YOU to take me to dinner and I want YOU to take me here or there" It's pointless if *I* have to put all the thought and effort into planning my own day.
Honestly my response to him would be super sarcastic.
"It's my 30th birthday, what do YOU think I want, since I told you MONTHS ago I wanted to be out of the house on my birthday doing something fun?"
And then I'd get REALLY drunk.
well, I told him...and he said "well now I feel horrible" and it took every fiber of my being not to say "you should" I know that sounds mean...but we've been together for 12 years...this is not the first time we've been through this scenario. when he asked me that he had just opened up a window on his computer to see about roller skating. Am I crazy to feel like alost 5pm is probably not the time you want to START looking into where to take your wife for her 30th birthday? Should I have given him til the end of the day to FULLY disappoint me when we end up having grilled cheese and tomato soup by the tv for my 30th...because thats what was on the agenda? Then NOW when I say something it's "well of course I wanted to take you to dinner! I didn't really wanna have soup and sandwich for dinner' oh...how convenient...bc you even mentioned US (translate to *ME*) baking my own birthday cake. then he got all  and went upstairs to shower...I guess now *I* was mean and made *HIM* feel awful.
it never fails...every year...
Your birthday might not be the right time to bring up the idea of counseling but man, that would piss me off, the whole guilt trip. 5pm is way late to be planning anything, IMO, it should have been done this morning at the latest.
If it's been 12 years of this, I might just call a friend and leave his ass in the shower.
Yes really!! Call a friend and go out. Leave his butt home. I would be pissed and you need to get out and let out some steam. Go get dressed. Its your 30th Birthday, you should be doing something special.
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Posted 12/27/12 5:10 PM  |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Alli06
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
he just asked me "what do you want to do tonight? Do you want to do anything?"
ugh...I just wish he would take some initiative!!! I don't want to say "well I want YOU to take me to dinner and I want YOU to take me here or there" It's pointless if *I* have to put all the thought and effort into planning my own day.
Honestly my response to him would be super sarcastic.
"It's my 30th birthday, what do YOU think I want, since I told you MONTHS ago I wanted to be out of the house on my birthday doing something fun?"
And then I'd get REALLY drunk.
well, I told him...and he said "well now I feel horrible" and it took every fiber of my being not to say "you should" I know that sounds mean...but we've been together for 12 years...this is not the first time we've been through this scenario. when he asked me that he had just opened up a window on his computer to see about roller skating. Am I crazy to feel like alost 5pm is probably not the time you want to START looking into where to take your wife for her 30th birthday? Should I have given him til the end of the day to FULLY disappoint me when we end up having grilled cheese and tomato soup by the tv for my 30th...because thats what was on the agenda? Then NOW when I say something it's "well of course I wanted to take you to dinner! I didn't really wanna have soup and sandwich for dinner' oh...how convenient...bc you even mentioned US (translate to *ME*) baking my own birthday cake. then he got all and went upstairs to shower...I guess now *I* was mean and made *HIM* feel awful.
it never fails...every year...
Your birthday might not be the right time to bring up the idea of counseling but man, that would piss me off, the whole guilt trip. 5pm is way late to be planning anything, IMO, it should have been done this morning at the latest.
If it's been 12 years of this, I might just call a friend and leave his ass in the shower.
Yes really!! Call a friend and go out. Leave his butt home. I would be pissed and you need to get out and let out some steam. Go get dressed. Its your 30th Birthday, you should be doing something special.
 Thanks ladies. I did think of that but I'm so upset right now I don't know that i'd have much fun...I'm sure after the 2nd glass of wine that might change. But good god...if this is what turning 30 feels like...I demand a refund!!!
now he wants to take me to dinner and go to hot skates...if he had just done that from the start all would have been well. Now I have to drink a few glasses just to calm down and try to make the best of it.
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| Posted 12/27/12 5:18 PM |
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moonmist09
Thank you, St. Gerard!
Member since 2/11 5043 total posts
Name:
Antonella
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
he just asked me "what do you want to do tonight? Do you want to do anything?"
ugh...I just wish he would take some initiative!!! I don't want to say "well I want YOU to take me to dinner and I want YOU to take me here or there" It's pointless if *I* have to put all the thought and effort into planning my own day.
Honestly my response to him would be super sarcastic.
"It's my 30th birthday, what do YOU think I want, since I told you MONTHS ago I wanted to be out of the house on my birthday doing something fun?"
And then I'd get REALLY drunk.
well, I told him...and he said "well now I feel horrible" and it took every fiber of my being not to say "you should" I know that sounds mean...but we've been together for 12 years...this is not the first time we've been through this scenario. when he asked me that he had just opened up a window on his computer to see about roller skating. Am I crazy to feel like alost 5pm is probably not the time you want to START looking into where to take your wife for her 30th birthday? Should I have given him til the end of the day to FULLY disappoint me when we end up having grilled cheese and tomato soup by the tv for my 30th...because thats what was on the agenda? Then NOW when I say something it's "well of course I wanted to take you to dinner! I didn't really wanna have soup and sandwich for dinner' oh...how convenient...bc you even mentioned US (translate to *ME*) baking my own birthday cake. then he got all and went upstairs to shower...I guess now *I* was mean and made *HIM* feel awful.
it never fails...every year...
Your birthday might not be the right time to bring up the idea of counseling but man, that would piss me off, the whole guilt trip. 5pm is way late to be planning anything, IMO, it should have been done this morning at the latest.
If it's been 12 years of this, I might just call a friend and leave his ass in the shower.
honestly, if its been like this for the past 12 years i would be fed up! and then to top it all off he is giving YOU a guilt trip! oh man this would not fly with me at all! If this was my and i was in this scenario, i would be harassing DH for weeks on end to make sure he had planned something so that when the day finally arrived, I would know for sure that something was planned.
I don't know why he is allowed to get away with this but it sounds like you've let it go on for so long that he's used to not having anything expected from him so he knows he can get away with doing nothing. I'm sorry this sucks for you.
BUT - wishing you a very Happy Birthday and a wonderful year ahead!  
That said, in regards to your original post - i would not be mad about him not getting you any christmas presents -*HOWEVER* your DH not getting you anything does not constitute as the same as your DS getting you something for Christmas in my book. Your DH could have easily have picked up a card at any pharmacy for $3 and could have had your son scribble on it to show that it was from him and could have gotten you some equally meaningless trinket that would probably mean the world to any mother since it comes from her child. THIS would upset me and my DH knows it. so while he may not get me something, he knows to not NOT get me something from my child. (and again, it doesn't have to be anything expensive, evensomething handmade to show the thought, a gesture was there)
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| Posted 12/27/12 5:47 PM |
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Duchamp
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/06 5 total posts
Name:
Marcela
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
12 years of forgetting birthdays is one thing. I still can't believe nobody wanted to address this when it was first posted:
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
He comes home from work with a NASTY attitude every day now. Always has snide comments and basically talks to me like I do everything wrong. Sometimes he'll start up in front of the baby and I ask him to stop bc I don't want to fight in front of the baby but he keeps picking and picking until finally I say something and it escalates. We both have bad tempers and one time when this happened I started slamming the pot I was washing saying "STOP STOP ******* STOP ALREADY!" and he charged at me to ram me like a bull. I tried to take the baby and leave but he wouldn't let me and physically blocked me from leaving.
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| Posted 12/27/12 6:14 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Duchamp
12 years of forgetting birthdays is one thing. I still can't believe nobody wanted to address this when it was first posted:
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
He comes home from work with a NASTY attitude every day now. Always has snide comments and basically talks to me like I do everything wrong. Sometimes he'll start up in front of the baby and I ask him to stop bc I don't want to fight in front of the baby but he keeps picking and picking until finally I say something and it escalates. We both have bad tempers and one time when this happened I started slamming the pot I was washing saying "STOP STOP ******* STOP ALREADY!" and he charged at me to ram me like a bull. I tried to take the baby and leave but he wouldn't let me and physically blocked me from leaving.
Um, maybe because it's not from THIS THREAD?
Obviously a serious issue, and if I were married to this ass, I'd probably be long gone, but how can you expect people to magically know what's been said in other posts?
Message edited 12/27/2012 6:22:52 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/12 6:22 PM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9923 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
 Happy Birthday and I'm sorry it is/was a crappy one Misery loves company so here was my post about my 40th birthday last year I want to kill my family on my 40th post
I have since learned my lesson. I told my DH unless I know well in advance of his plans for my birthday, I will make my own plans with friends. There will NOT be another birthday spent home with not even a friggin' birthday cake (which is what happened this past birthday).
So yes, I now how you feel. And I felt the same exact way you do. BUMMED OUT.
As for christmas, after 7 years of being married there was finally something in my stocking (without me having to put it in there). Of course this was after 7 years of complaining about it for days.
I would not mince any words and let him know that while gifts were not supposed to be exchanged, some kind of thought should have been expressed.
DH and I were not going to exchange gifts either but we always do manage to give each other something.
As for the "found" money, I would be annoyed and I'd let DH know it. For all my ********, DH came through and surprised me this year. He started a new job in September and was not expecting a bonus. Well he did get one and instead of telling me he took the bonus money and surprised me with a present. However if he had used that money to go buy himself a $100 gift I'd be ticked off. 
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| Posted 12/27/12 6:58 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Are you sure he didn't plan something for this weekend this a surprise?
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| Posted 12/27/12 7:04 PM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Duchamp
12 years of forgetting birthdays is one thing. I still can't believe nobody wanted to address this when it was first posted:
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
He comes home from work with a NASTY attitude every day now. Always has snide comments and basically talks to me like I do everything wrong. Sometimes he'll start up in front of the baby and I ask him to stop bc I don't want to fight in front of the baby but he keeps picking and picking until finally I say something and it escalates. We both have bad tempers and one time when this happened I started slamming the pot I was washing saying "STOP STOP ******* STOP ALREADY!" and he charged at me to ram me like a bull. I tried to take the baby and leave but he wouldn't let me and physically blocked me from leaving.
This is just wrong. You have way too much time on your hands, get a life.
Message edited 12/27/2012 7:21:41 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/12 7:21 PM |
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KellyNYC
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/05 650 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Wow... What just happened here? That is so wrong. Stalker much? Get a life.
To the OP...happy birthday! I hope your night takes a turn for the better.
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| Posted 12/27/12 8:32 PM |
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mamasita27
OHANA
Member since 8/07 5974 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
that IS sad...I'm sorry :( I would be pissed about that too! If I were you (because this is how I am) I'd say " Ok, well, I'm going out with my girl friends for dinner/drinks/dancing and you can babysit" !!!
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| Posted 12/27/12 9:41 PM |
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mamasita27
OHANA
Member since 8/07 5974 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Mrs213
Are you sure he didn't plan something for this weekend this a surprise?
i hope this is true!!
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| Posted 12/27/12 9:42 PM |
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mamasita27
OHANA
Member since 8/07 5974 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
he just asked me "what do you want to do tonight? Do you want to do anything?"
ugh...I just wish he would take some initiative!!! I don't want to say "well I want YOU to take me to dinner and I want YOU to take me here or there" It's pointless if *I* have to put all the thought and effort into planning my own day.
Honestly my response to him would be super sarcastic.
"It's my 30th birthday, what do YOU think I want, since I told you MONTHS ago I wanted to be out of the house on my birthday doing something fun?"
And then I'd get REALLY drunk.
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| Posted 12/27/12 9:46 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Duchamp
12 years of forgetting birthdays is one thing. I still can't believe nobody wanted to address this when it was first posted:
it's not 12 years of forgetting. He never forgets, ever. It's more like lazyness, he'd rather have someone do all the thinking for him.
I'm not sure why that old post was brought up but it wasn't recent I can tell you that much. I'm not sure if you had ill will in posting that or if you honestly just thought it was appropriate to post something from the relationship board here. (seeing as though the name only has 3 posts yet you know of this old post from another board I'm going to assume it's ill will)
I'm not an idiot...if my husband EVER hit me...he'd better leave the country and change his name...he knows that. That post you dug up was us hitting a low point. He DID NOT hit me...but we argued it out and nothing like that has happened since. Sure he's still a cranky ass often and we still have a long way to go...but we are also going through a tough financial situation right now which has put serious strain on our relationship AND we have a toddler boy which is also exhausting at times. We are not perfect. I am also not perfect, but we love each other and have faith that we can get through it. I wouldn't stick around if I felt it was a lost cause or there were no good times. We had many good years and still have many good moments and I refuse to give up over a few rough ones.
He tried to make it up to me tonight. Unfortunately it took me busting his chops to get him off his butt and take me to dinner and skating with friends at united skates, but he did it, he apologized and said he screwed up and that he had called friends to tell them of his intentions but never set anything in stone and "time got away from him" I set him straight and told him that was a BS excuse and that the real issue behind today and most of our other issues all boils down to laziness. I told him how it hurt me to feel like I wasn't worth the effort. He agreed and promised it will never happen again. Time will tell...but he did come up here with candles in my entenmanns donuts...I thought that was cute.
I'm still not happy about it and it's still not ok...but there are two choices...work on it, or leave...and I'm not ready to leave, nor do i want to. Especially with a son involved.
He said we will definitely do something special this weekend. So...we'll see.
Thank you ladies, for listening to me, letting me vent, giving opinions and also the well wishes and sharing your own stories. I appreciate it. I just needed to vent
Message edited 12/27/2012 10:29:13 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/12 10:19 PM |
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Duchamp
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/06 5 total posts
Name:
Marcela
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
this was posted on the parenting board.
http://www.lifamilies.com/chat/topic.aspx?ID=717425
"or if you honestly just thought it was appropriate to post something from the relationship board here."
Message edited 12/27/2012 11:32:14 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/12 11:30 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
ok, my bad...see...you keep better track of my posts than I do. same point though. It's a shame bc I was keeping it real and being honest. Most people create fake names to talk about the not so perfect aspects of their life but I was honest because I was certain other people might be able to relate. Of everything else in that post (from JANUARY when my son was only 6 months old, first time parents, with financial problems) you took the worst part and posted it here. reading that thread again I can see how supportive everyone was and I just don't get why that post from January needed to be dug up and what purpose it served. Yes, my husband and I had a bad fight in January, Yes, it got ugly...he didn't hit me, and he never has...SO WHAT? what does that have to do with me being disappointed in his lack of birthday preparations? If you have never had a nasty fight that went too far in your relationship well then god bless you and I hope you can always say that. I really do. I just really don't get why you felt the need to go back and find that to repost it here besides the possibility that it was done with malicious intent.
Message edited 12/28/2012 12:00:46 AM.
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| Posted 12/27/12 11:40 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
I think it was BS to bring up a post from another board.
However, just based on what you posted on this thread I think it boils down to a lack of respect for you and what you are doing.
You said you got gifts for your husband, just a few small things because he is the breadwinner and you thought he deserved something.
You sell yourself short. What you are doing, staying home with your child is every bit as important as him earning an income. You should respect you position as much as you respect his and he needs to respect it as well.
I almost feel like his attitude isn't so much because he is lazy but because he is selfish and doesn't think about what you do, what you might want and what would make you feel good. I don't know your DH, but that's just what it smells like to me. He gets
when you tell him why you are upset and gives you a guilt trip. That is messed up.
I am glad you were able to pull the night out and have a good time but I would have a follow-up conversation about this so he knows that the jig is up and he needs to be more thoughtful. COming home on your birthday with new headphones for him and not even a card for you is not going to cut it going forward.
Good luck!
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| Posted 12/28/12 12:13 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by CrankyPants
I think it was BS to bring up a post from another board.
However, just based on what you posted on this thread I think it boils down to a lack of respect for you and what you are doing.
You said you got gifts for your husband, just a few small things because he is the breadwinner and you thought he deserved something.
You sell yourself short. What you are doing, staying home with your child is every bit as important as him earning an income. You should respect you position as much as you respect his and he needs to respect it as well.
I almost feel like his attitude isn't so much because he is lazy but because he is selfish and doesn't think about what you do, what you might want and what would make you feel good. I don't know your DH, but that's just what it smells like to me. He gets
when you tell him why you are upset and gives you a guilt trip. That is messed up.
I am glad you were able to pull the night out and have a good time but I would have a follow-up conversation about this so he knows that the jig is up and he needs to be more thoughtful. COming home on your birthday with new headphones for him and not even a card for you is not going to cut it going forward.
Good luck!
I think you are 100% right, with everything you said. He does tell me from time to time how proud he is of the job I am doing with DS...but saying it and showing it are two different things. He's not all bad...he does sweet things sometimes, like bring me cupcakes and milk in bed but he really does need to be more thoughtful when it comes to holidays. You're also right about respecting my position. I love staying home with DS...I am so grateful to DH for encouraging me to do so (although in the beginning he resented me bc i got to stay home and spend so much time with DS) BUT, I do sell myself short. My house isn't always spotless...I haven't figured out how to balance everything just perfectly yet (although I'm getting better at it) and so I get down on myself when I don't accomplish as much in a day as I wanted to...I often feel like I'm not doing enough and I need to give myself more credit. I'm not wonder woman, nor am i a slave...I'm just doing the best I can to balance caring for and teaching my son with the rest of the house chores, I need to remind myself of that more often.
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| Posted 12/28/12 12:42 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Duchamp
12 years of forgetting birthdays is one thing. I still can't believe nobody wanted to address this when it was first posted:
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
This was really mean, another reason why I hesitate to post certain things on this site.
Message edited 12/28/2012 2:15:39 AM.
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| Posted 12/28/12 2:14 AM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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I'm bummed, how would you feel?
First of all happy belated birthday. Sorry your dh is an ass and sit down and talk to him. Dh used to not realize how impt a card is for every holiday now he does because one year I just lost it. Try talking to him about it at first and if that doesn't work try counseling. He sounds very selfish in my opinion. Or maybe he is clueless but it sounds like after 12yrs he doesn't think he has to put in any effort and that's not a good attitude to have ever.
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| Posted 12/28/12 7:10 AM |
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mommyago
♥ Lucas and Layla
Member since 8/08 2979 total posts
Name:
Jenise
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
I just wanted to give you lots of and let you know that your DH sounds EXACTLY like my dh. We get in a fight every year on my birthday pretty much bc he puts no effort into anything. I turned 30 in september and we did nothing. His birthday is in october so i decided that Im doing nothing at all for his birthday anymore bc im sick of putting effort in when he doesnt. Well he didnt seem to care (I guess thats why he never cares about mine? He thinks birthdays are no big deal, just another day) Im still waiting for the year he does something remotely special but men are dumb lol
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| Posted 12/28/12 7:39 AM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
That would def upset me. Not so much about the Christmas gifts but the lack of thought going into your birthday.
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| Posted 12/28/12 7:57 AM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by Duchamp
12 years of forgetting birthdays is one thing. I still can't believe nobody wanted to address this when it was first posted:
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
He comes home from work with a NASTY attitude every day now. Always has snide comments and basically talks to me like I do everything wrong. Sometimes he'll start up in front of the baby and I ask him to stop bc I don't want to fight in front of the baby but he keeps picking and picking until finally I say something and it escalates. We both have bad tempers and one time when this happened I started slamming the pot I was washing saying "STOP STOP ******* STOP ALREADY!" and he charged at me to ram me like a bull. I tried to take the baby and leave but he wouldn't let me and physically blocked me from leaving.
Whoever you are, you're a complete MORON. This is exactly why I hesitate in posting things or looking for advice here at times. Pathetic. I'd love to see you pull something like this in real life instead of sitting behind your computer. Bravo, even two days after Christmas, you can be cruel and hurtful. There is a special place for people like you.
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| Posted 12/28/12 8:18 AM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Happy Birthday!! I missed your post yesterday but I hope that it turned out fun and that you had a great time with DH. Listen, most things in life are not perfect, relationships are not PERFECT!! Sometimes you have to work on it and sometimes men can stink but try to focus on the fact that you did go out for your bday and you do have a DH and son who love you dearly. That in itself is the best gift you could ever have. I almost lost my DH this year and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I was more thankful to have had him at midnight mass with me than for any of the gifts I received. Enjoy your 30's, they are fun! :)
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| Posted 12/28/12 8:20 AM |
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
ok, my bad...see...you keep better track of my posts than I do. same point though. It's a shame bc I was keeping it real and being honest. Most people create fake names to talk about the not so perfect aspects of their life but I was honest because I was certain other people might be able to relate. Of everything else in that post (from JANUARY when my son was only 6 months old, first time parents, with financial problems) you took the worst part and posted it here. reading that thread again I can see how supportive everyone was and I just don't get why that post from January needed to be dug up and what purpose it served. Yes, my husband and I had a bad fight in January, Yes, it got ugly...he didn't hit me, and he never has...SO WHAT? what does that have to do with me being disappointed in his lack of birthday preparations? If you have never had a nasty fight that went too far in your relationship well then god bless you and I hope you can always say that. I really do. I just really don't get why you felt the need to go back and find that to repost it here besides the possibility that it was done with malicious intent.
I think the worst are the people like this poster who create fake names with the sole intent to stalk what others have said in the past.
There was someone doing this a few weeks ago to a woman who had talked about having financial problems.
Maybe this is this person, reincarnated yet again.
Anyways, I hope you have a nice birthday weekend. 
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| Posted 12/28/12 8:24 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: I'm bummed, how would you feel?
Happy 30th Birthday! Hopefully he will make it up to you with something special this weekend. You deserve it!
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| Posted 12/28/12 9:37 AM |
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