I don't know how to deal with this

After 2.5 years of trying, we finally got our BFP. I was so excited and started to plan for our baby. Wednesday we found out that the pregnancy wasn't viable. I am beyond devestated. How do you deal with the pain? I just feal like this is a cruel joke-we finally got the one thing we have been hoping for only to have it taken away.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

Time and support from friends and family. Im soo sorry you are going through this unfortunately I know how you feel. Hope you find peace real soon & are able to smile again.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

I'm so, so sorry.
I know it feels like the roof caved in on you. That's how it felt when I had my mc. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better...

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

It really is horrible I envy the people who look at a blaring BFP and automatically assume it means they'll be taking a baby home - and then then everything works out just fine. I wish that could be me ... but no such luck ..

I think the best way is to just take it day by day. After having losses, it made me fear negative cycles less. My feeling was, if I'm not going to have a baby from that cycle, better to just cut to the chase with a bfn than get strung along to believe something that is not so. I am so sorry you are going through this.

As someone who has gone through MANY losses over the years... ranging from a chemical to a loss in the 17th week, to losing triplets all at once... it's just SO hard, and I totally get it.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

I think everyone said it.

And as much as I hate to repeat this...

Time.

I'm still waiting for AF after our loss. We found out Jan 17th that the pregnancy wasn't viable and then a week later that it was ectopic. Long story short, I got my BFN on Feb 20th. It was finally over. I have cried from January 17th until now. A little less each day.

Support from DH, friends and family helps a lot. But nothing helps more then time.

The other thing that keeps me hopeful is after all that time, I finally got a BFP. That never happened before. So you can look at that as a step in the right direction. I know it's hard to see any silver lining right now, but I promise you will. And that will be it.



i'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Before my first daughter I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It was beyond heartbreaking and I couldn't deal with my loss. Like the other posters here have said, time will make things easier to deal with. You will never forget your first pregnancy as time goes by but slowly the pain won't be as cutting as it is now. What kept me going was having hope that i would get pregnant again and that I wasn't alone. After my miscarriage I realized many women were in the same boat as me. I wound up getting pregnant again a few months later and hd to go on progesterone for my daughter to survive. When I decided to try for a second child my husband and I went through 2.5 years of infertility. Then we tried clomid and got pregnant. I know it's hard now but believe with everything you have inside of you that it will happen for you again.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

I am so very sorry for your loss. I apologize for sounding repetitive but it's what everyone else said. Time and support from your family and friends that know. There is no timetable that one can place on grief.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

I'm so sorry...everyone has said it. It just sucks :( it's heartbreaking and scary.

No one should have to go through this. At 12 weeks when I found out my baby stopped growing I couldn't believe it. It wasn't fair that I was having a 2nd miscarriage :( I already had mine..but the truth was I lost the baby.

I am terrified to go at it again. AFter my first loss it took forever for me to get pg..I am not sure I can go through that again, but I don't know if my heart can handle another loss either.

but it's what we do for the miracle of a child I guess...for me it helped to know I wasn't alone. This board was amazing to vent. I hope you have the support you need for whatever comes next.

Re: I don't know how to deal with this

I bought myself a necklace after my first pregnancy ended in m/c. It said Patience on it and it had a rose quartz which is symbolic for fertility. I bought it as a reminder of the child we lost and the lesson I felt I was meant to learn from that difficult experience. I never took it off until the day I entered the delivery room to give birth to my son. Every time I felt sad, sorry for myself or just was thinking of the child I could have had I always touched that necklace and held it between my fingers and kissed it. Having that necklace as a physical item to hold and help me direct my grief was a really helpful tool.

I was so hurt with my M/C and I put alot of pressure on myself to get pregnant again before my original due date bc I didn't think I could bare to wake up on that day without a baby. putting that pressure on myself did no good. The day came and went and I finally had to face it...without a baby in hand or in womb. It was hard but oddly enough, the weekend after my due date, I got pg again. I took that as a sign that once I gave up pressuring myself and trying to force it...it happened. And, as much as I wanted that baby and as devastated as I was to lose it...my son wouldn't be here if I hadn't

Message edited 3/22/2013 12:31:46 AM.

I don't know how to deal with this

I am so sorry