My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

I have been having many problems with my dd. Many things I have noticed since she is young. I will say she is VERY smart. She knows her name and how to spell it, can count to 20, spell and read many words. But things with her beahvior are getting out of control lately. Thought it was an attention thing because of my 2nd DD being born. She has many "habits". She chews her tongue. She since 3 months always stuck her tongue out. Always thought how cute..Dr. always said she would grow out of that. Then as she turned 3 it went to tongue chewing. Its constant and im always telling her not to chew her tongue! She does not hurt herself while doing it but she does it. Then her other "habit" which is always hard to talk about is her leg rolling. She has done this since 5 months. Well I have asked drs, and her physical therapist about it when she was 1, oh she will (Late walker) grow out of it. Well now at 4 I know its hard for me to say but she crosses her legs and starts (grinding) Rolling..I know its being done as pleasure..i always tell her to stop wiggiling as I dont want to shame her or make her feel embarrassed. But sometime she does it so much she is hurting herself down there that she crys it hurts. My Poor Dh gets so embarrased about it. Sometimes she hand flaps when she is excited.. All brought up to the Dr. and was told its not Austism.
She gets easily frustrated when she cant do something. Her fine motor skils to me are delayed. Still trouble eating with a fork. Now lately when she is doing something bad I yell at her and on purpose she laughs in my face. I have tried timeouts..taking toys away. I get nowhere because when I try to talk to her about what she did wrong she doesnt get it..for Example. Ava your not supposed to push the baby because she can get hurt..Her response would be "what time is it?" Why is the wall blue?. I get so mad lately..me and my husband are getting so frustrated. I keep telling myself that something is just not right. Oh i almost forget..she is the worst sleeper! She gets up several times at night and then by sometimes 5:00am she is up for the day. Her sleeping late is 6:00am. Not sure if that has something to do withher behavior? I feel lost..not sure what to do. Especially since bringing it up to the Dr. and being told its terrible twos, or threes. Oh she just has a habit she formed. Ava is always bad, she is gentle, loving, and very friendly. She will ask how you feel..tell you how much she loves you and so on..but then there are somedays she is looking for negative attention. Can someone please tell me what I should do or reccomend a Dr. who will listen to some of my concerns. Mostly the habits she has. I love my little bug and if something needs to be done than I want to help her anyway I can. I feel like a bad mommy and end my day crying from the frustration.

Message edited 3/24/2014 9:41:33 AM.

My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

does she attend school? What do her teachers say?

I believe 100% in mommy gut...if you think something is not right...follow up. Get second opinions and seeks answers.If your pediatrician doesn't help you might be able to see a developmental pediatrician. I am sure there are others with will have more advice and leads. Good luck

My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Have you done a full EI evaluation through your school district? I would start with that. Do you think she feels bad when she pushes her sister? Does she show empathy towards others?

Message edited 3/24/2014 10:02:17 AM.

My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Call your district to set up an evaluation for her. It will not be through EI as your daughter is older than three, it will be through the districts CPSE team. Hopefully the team will be able to give you some advice and insight after evaluating her in person. I would also seek out a developmental pediatrician to evaluate some of these behaviors. It sounds like your daughter has some sensory seeking behaviors.. profrssionals can help you tremendously in this area if this is the case. It always feels better to have a plan and information after having a professional set of eyes on your baby!! Good luck!

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

It sounds like she is seeking lots if sensory input and probably has trouble with self regulation and modulation of her arousal level. I agree with pp, speak to her PT regarding any abnormal sensory processing/behavior she/he might see and tell them you are planning to call the district and request an OT Eval. Tell the district you have concerns regarding her fine motor and self care skills and when you schedule the Eval tell the OT that you also have sensory concerns and would like to complete a 'Sensory Profile' questionnaire. Keep a journal of these behaviors, what preceded it, what she did and what happened afterward so that the info you give becomes more objective and less subjective.

In the mean time, put her on a simple behavior plan (sticker chart) to have her earn something for good listening like an iPad, TV time, special time with mom etc. And, provide her with lots of opportunities to get sensory input & movement throughout the day (swings, bike rides, trampoline, massage, pillow squishes....)

Message edited 3/24/2014 11:39:55 AM.

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

As the PP said, call the local school and get her evaluated. EI is over at 3, but she can go to school. My 4 yr old has sensory issues. I knew something was off before 1. He's been in EI since before 2 and now goes to preschool where he gets speech, OT and physical therapy. He speaks so much better, but he had issues with expressing and he had some receptive delays. He also seeks sensory stimulation, but in a different way. He's very passive, but when he gets upset he wants to put something in his mouth to bite, but since he has sensory and texture issues he just open his mouth. He used to hit himself, but he's grown out of that.
If you have any questions you can FM me. Good luck!

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Thank you soo much everyone!! You all have made me feel a little better. I will definatley call our school district. We are going to be in the Sachem district. so I hope they are good. She is not in any school as of now, but we are trying to work out something to get her in at least 2-3 days a week. She takes dance classes and so far she is doing good, but I can see where she has trouble following instructions. I hope they can evaluate her and point me in the right direction. Thank you all soo much!! You all are so helpful.

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Just a rec,I have heard many success stories coming from Dr. Michael Elice in woodbury.

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Get her evaluated ASAP so she can get services before kindergarten. My son does some of the things you mentioned your daughter does. He is currently in an integrated preschool and receives OT and PT.
He has yet to be diagnosis with anything specific. I'm seeing a Developmental pediatrician which I highly recommend you do. Wait time for appointments is crazy so make one now. I see Dr. Marci Silverman. I also here there is someone good out of Stony Brook.
I always new there was something up with my son since he was very young. I had him evaluated at 2 and didn't qualify. I also was concerned about his muscle tone and was told by Pediatrician everything seemed fine after she examined him. No one was listening to me or taking me seriously. Finally his three year old program teacher brought up concerns and said maybe I should consider getting him evaluated. So I did in the summer before preschool. He qualified for a lot. He scored low on many things. His IQ is normal. He has other issues like poor muscle tone. Social issues. Gross and fine motor delays. Poor eye contact. Though I'm told he is not on the Autism spectrum.
He also will smile at me when I'm yelling at him and answer me in other questions when I'm trying to tell him what he did wrong. Things like that. It's getting much better after this year and him getting older. Still have a long road ahead. If you have any questions feel free to FM me. I have been through a lot this last year and may be of some help.

Re: My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Totally agree with lots of prior suggestions about possible sensory processing deficits. I would also recommend seeing a developmental/behavioral pediatrician. You mentioned you will be in the Sachem area....
Check out Stony Brook

Stony Brook Developmental/behavioral Pediatricians

Message edited 3/24/2014 4:46:45 PM.

My 4 year old DD and her behavior (long)

Sachem will give you a list of agencies to choose from to have the eval done once you register with them and contact their special education office.