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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
So you think it is acceptable and nice to invite say 9 out of 10 or out of 11 boys just bc that one child or two doesn't play a lot if you are inviting the majority of the same gender? See I tell my kids the same thing but I also teach them about excluding and hurting people. I can certainly see your point if you were to say invite 4 or 5 kids but to invite 9 out of say ten boys where one or two are excluded does seem mean. From what I hear from the teachers and friends who are teachers, kids talk about their parties and the kids do know who is doing what and who went.
In my area people do not do this and think it is not nice from conversations I have had with others. IMO it is different from inviting say 5 kids total in a class of 24. But around here people don't exclude one or two kids, they have all invited all one gender or whole class, or done something with a total of say 3-4 kids from school. They just don't do things where one or two are left out. Interesting.
Where did she say she excluded one or two? I don't see anyone saying that at all! Most kids are not friends with EVERY single kid in the class, or even 3/4 of them. We invited 4 out of 20. It is what it is. I think parents make a bigger deal about it than the kids. It's so ridiculous. Invite who you are friends with and call it a day! Sorry can't fix quotes!
See I see nothing wrong with 4 out of 20. Some of the comments were suggesting possibly omitting only say one or two kids. But I think there is a big difference in inviting a small handful versus the majority of one gender omitting only a small few. I am ok with say 4 out of 20 bc that could be a regular play date. And ok with just one gender (I have invite only all the girls) just against inviting majority of one gender leaving a small few out. Several comments implied that they agreed with inviting most of a gender.
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Posted 4/6/14 1:58 PM  |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I don't think it's nice to leave out 1-2 children, but I think as long as you're not inviting the majority of kids, then picking and choosing the ones your child is friends with is just fine.
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| Posted 4/6/14 4:30 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by nferrandi
I don't think it's nice to leave out 1-2 children, but I think as long as you're not inviting the majority of kids, then picking and choosing the ones your child is friends with is just fine.
Thank you for clarifying...I understand that.
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| Posted 4/6/14 6:02 PM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
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A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Will your daughter go/went to 26 birthday parties this school year? 
I bet you the answer is NO. So, I can assure you lots of kids excluded her from their party, and I bet you she didn't care because they obviously weren't her close friends.
I would let her pick the classmates she is particularly close to and just invite those.
Message edited 4/6/2014 10:06:02 PM.
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| Posted 4/6/14 10:05 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by WhatNow
Will your daughter go/went to 26 birthday parties this school year?
I bet you the answer is NO. So, I can assure you lots of kids excluded her from their party, and I bet you she didn't care because they obviously weren't her close friends.
I would let her pick the classmates she is particularly close to and just invite those.
I don't think anyone was suggesting anyone have 26 kids unless then wanted to. I think people were only saying it can be hurtful to leave out one or two. My DC has 24 kids in the class and so far all the girls who have celebrated at school have had a party and yes they did invite all the girls (not the whole class). Invites are by evite too so you can see who was invited. I know kids in my daighter's class talk bc she knows who has had a party (even the boys who only invite boys) and where they have had them. Maybe older kids don't talk as much, but I agree with its anytime that the kids all know. Most party places (bowling excluded) do include10-13 kids in their price which is about all the kids of the same gender in a class right?
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| Posted 4/7/14 5:04 AM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
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A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by WhatNow
Will your daughter go/went to 26 birthday parties this school year?
I bet you the answer is NO. So, I can assure you lots of kids excluded her from their party, and I bet you she didn't care because they obviously weren't her close friends.
I would let her pick the classmates she is particularly close to and just invite those.
I don't think anyone was suggesting anyone have 26 kids unless then wanted to. I think people were only saying it can be hurtful to leave out one or two. My DC has 24 kids in the class and so far all the girls who have celebrated at school have had a party and yes they did invite all the girls (not the whole class). Invites are by evite too so you can see who was invited. I know kids in my daighter's class talk bc she knows who has had a party (even the boys who only invite boys) and where they have had them. Maybe older kids don't talk as much, but I agree with its anytime that the kids all know. Most party places (bowling excluded) do include10-13 kids in their price which is about all the kids of the same gender in a class right?
Pretty sure the original poster stated that her dilemma is inviting 10-12 kids from the class vs. the whole 26. So, that's leaving out more than half, not just one or two.
Yes, i am sure kids will talk and some kids will know they were left out and THAT'S OK!!!
I have no problems telling my kid that yes, Mary went to Jen's party because Mary and Jen are close friends, but that she will go/went to Chrissy's party because she is close friends with her! I guess I just see it as a none issue and now neither do my children. It's all in the delivery, I think!
BTW, guys, you do know that you can hide yoru entire guest list on evite so all the invitees only see themselves as a guest and nobody else?
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| Posted 4/7/14 8:38 AM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by WhatNow
Will your daughter go/went to 26 birthday parties this school year?
I bet you the answer is NO. So, I can assure you lots of kids excluded her from their party, and I bet you she didn't care because they obviously weren't her close friends.
I would let her pick the classmates she is particularly close to and just invite those.
. Love this. I also agree with whoever said it's more the parents issue. Kids, especially at that age, are pretty darn resilient and will get over it.
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| Posted 4/7/14 8:53 AM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Thanks a lot, everyone...I'm no closer to making a decision!  
Actually, I think I'm leaning toward having her choose 4 or 5 girls and 4 or 5 boys out of the 26. The topic came up once in our house when one of them wasn't invited and I just told them the facts...parties are expensive and so the parents probably had a difficult choice to make. There were no hard feelings.
Sometimes I think this parenting gig is not worth the emotional stress. Ahhhhhh!!!!!
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| Posted 4/7/14 9:06 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
I agree with this. For DDs 6th birthday we only invited a few kids from her class. Her classmates did the same. There were a few parties she attended that only a few kids from her class were invited too. I also know there are parties she hasn't been invited too and I'm fine with that..so is she. I wouldn't feel obligated to over extend myself financially especially if your DC doesn't really play with some of the kids.
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| Posted 4/7/14 10:45 AM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
We've only done family parties for my kids but I see nothing wrong with inviting only certain kids to a kids party. Especially as they get older they can tell you who they are closer with and would like to celebrate their day with.
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| Posted 4/11/14 3:08 AM |
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jlwd
LIF Infant
Member since 2/09 118 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I would never just invite some kids to my child's birthday party. I always invite all whether my child plays with the child or not I would hate to have any child feel like they were left out. Usually what happens is the kids that my child doesn't really play with declines the invite. At least the kid doesn't feel bad and my son/ daughter learns to include everyone.
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| Posted 4/11/14 7:04 PM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by jlwd
I would never just invite some kids to my child's birthday party. I always invite all whether my child plays with the child or not I would hate to have any child feel like they were left out. Usually what happens is the kids that my child doesn't really play with declines the invite. At least the kid doesn't feel bad and my son/ daughter learns to include everyone.
Does your child get invited to 25 parties a year?
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| Posted 4/11/14 9:05 PM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by Eireann
Thanks a lot, everyone...I'm no closer to making a decision!
Actually, I think I'm leaning toward having her choose 4 or 5 girls and 4 or 5 boys out of the 26. The topic came up once in our house when one of them wasn't invited and I just told them the facts...parties are expensive and so the parents probably had a difficult choice to make. There were no hard feelings.
Sometimes I think this parenting gig is not worth the emotional stress. Ahhhhhh!!!!!
Good luck.
Honestly, I get that kids are small and have sensitive feelings at this point, but this is a good time to remind them that no one will be friends with everyone. My DD and I have talked a few times when she's been left out- she was expecting an invite from a neighborhood friend last year and the mom only invited their Daisy troop. DD was hurt but she actually understood and took it well. She gets that she could not have every single friend and acquaintance at her party and knows it's true in the reverse.
Message edited 4/11/2014 9:26:08 PM.
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| Posted 4/11/14 9:25 PM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
It's interesting because even at 5 I think DS knows who his friends are at school. Every day I ask him how it went and he will bring up names of boys, but will also say, he's not my friend though because he never plays with me.
And girls......forget about girls.....they are Ughhhhhhhh right now. 
Even though one was all over him at a boys party and he didn't care then.
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| Posted 4/12/14 7:38 AM |
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jlwd
LIF Infant
Member since 2/09 118 total posts
Name:
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Actually we were invited to 10 this year he is in nursery school and the parents invite everyone in the class and we attended the ones we were able to go to  Same with my daughter who's in elementary school the parents invite all the kids.
Message edited 4/12/2014 8:17:11 PM.
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| Posted 4/12/14 8:10 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by jlwd
I would never just invite some kids to my child's birthday party. I always invite all whether my child plays with the child or not I would hate to have any child feel like they were left out. Usually what happens is the kids that my child doesn't really play with declines the invite. At least the kid doesn't feel bad and my son/ daughter learns to include everyone.
ITA with this and that has been my experience. All parties seem to be entire class or all boys or all girls. HOnestly, do you have to do this - no, you do what you feel is right. For me, this is the only way I would ever do a party during a school year. Not only is the alternative uncomfortable for the kids but, the parents as well. If you do the option you are planning I would do an evite or something where the parents can see that you are only inviting some of boys and some of girls. In my experience once the moms find out the opposite gender is invited they will assume everyone is and will feel awful if they mention the party to a friend that isn't invited. I will never forget one year when I did lunch duty and all the kids were talking about a white post party and one boy that was friends with my DS (and I knew from his mom wasn't invited) actually pretended he was at the party to not be left out of the conversation that was going on. My heart broke. Again, this is my experience and my feelings on the subject. There is no rule you have to follow.
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| Posted 4/12/14 8:43 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by jlwd
I would never just invite some kids to my child's birthday party. I always invite all whether my child plays with the child or not I would hate to have any child feel like they were left out. Usually what happens is the kids that my child doesn't really play with declines the invite. At least the kid doesn't feel bad and my son/ daughter learns to include everyone.
ITA with this and that has been my experience. All parties seem to be entire class or all boys or all girls. HOnestly, do you have to do this - no, you do what you feel is right. For me, this is the only way I would ever do a party during a school year. Not only is the alternative uncomfortable for the kids but, the parents as well. If you do the option you are planning I would do an evite or something where the parents can see that you are only inviting some of boys and some of girls. In my experience once the moms find out the opposite gender is invited they will assume everyone is and will feel awful if they mention the party to a friend that isn't invited. I will never forget one year when I did lunch duty and all the kids were talking about a white post party and one boy that was friends with my DS (and I knew from his mom wasn't invited) actually pretended he was at the party to not be left out of the conversation that was going on. My heart broke. Again, this is my experience and my feelings on the subject. There is no rule you have to follow.
This...that is how it has been in our area as well. No one says you HAVE to do anything. Your party your rules....but the above I completely agree with.
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| Posted 4/13/14 6:51 AM |
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