Divorced parents and parties

So far we haven't run into this too much, but I know it's coming and I'm curious how others in this situation handle it.

For DS' birthdays we usually do separate parties, BUT when his communion and confirmation, and graduations start to happen, I'm assuming ExH and I will throw one joint party. If we do that, I guess it means my family, DH's family, ExH's family, and Step mom's family will ALL be at the same party together. Now, ExH and his new wife and I all get along. We're civil around each other, etc. I'm cordial to ExH's parents (DS' grandparents) and everything. But I haven't seen any of ExH's extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) in over 5 years. And I feel like it will be SO awkward. Especially since DS' step-mom has a small habit of kind of playing the mom role a little more than I care for and I can see this being weird for me when we're all together for a 3 hour party.

What's the norm for something like this. I mean it seems silly for DS to have 2 communion parties, but it also seems weird to have one with all of ExH's family and his wife's family, plus mine and my DH's family. I feel like that might even make the guests a little uncomfortable to be honest.

Re: Divorced parents and parties

As a child of divorced parents, my advice is to lead by example. If you and ex-DH can take the high road and put your son and his best interests above everything else, then I think the extended family can do the same.

My parents tried to do combined parties/events for the first few years but then when it was my turn they knew better (I'm the youngest) so I had everything separately for both sides. To me, I felt like they cared more about their petty differences than putting me first, but that's just MHO.

Divorced parents and parties

My Ex and I do combined parties and most times I want to rip his eye balls out. I do it for my kids to give them as much normalcy as possible.

ETA: We also split everything down the middle in terms of money

Message edited 2/13/2015 10:58:38 AM.

Divorced parents and parties

DH lives in florida so for the most part i dont have to deal with this. But when DS is 12 and will have his bar mitzvah we're going to combine the party...mostly because his father will be paying for half. I'm civil with my ex, but I don't speak to his wife. I also haven't spoke to my exMIL in 3 years. I already envision myself spitting on her, but I'll have to hold it together for my son. :)

Re: Divorced parents and parties

I have often wondered the same. My daughter is 8.5 and up til now all parties have been separate. Its been this way since she was 2, so its the norm for her. I imagine when big things come up like sweet 16 and graduation though, that we will do them together - - - ugh. I dread it, My ex is hard to deal with and we do not get along. I am civil with his family though so it is what it is...

Divorced parents and parties

I say AWKWARD!!!!!!!. Especially when each parent has there own new spouse. My parents divorced at 13 & we did things seperately which made my sister & I happy.

Divorced parents and parties

My parents were divorced and they always did combined parties for big events such as communion, sweet 16, graduation, etc. I could see how it could be awkward for them but honestly it meant a lot to me that they did it this way. Both of my parents remarried and had children with their new spouse and it always killed me that I NEVER got to have all of my siblings together in the same room. I looked forward to those parties because those were the only times I felt I was with my *complete* family.

Re: Divorced parents and parties

Combined. And always plan to do it that way. And our SOs and their family have attended and everyone followed our lead and were friendly. But ex and I are also still very good friends.

Divorced parents and parties

When we combined (15th bday) they had their side, my dad's family had the other. But they were all civil.

My dad was always above it all. Made others focus on him and not the tensions of family. It always worked like a charm.