Consequences of loss...

It's three weeks since my 2nd miscarriage. I have begun to have "bad" dreams the past 3 nights. First one I was dying of a brain tumor and it was awful, so vivid. Second dream I was lost in a huge house and someone was coming after me, wasn't safe. Third dream last night was fuzzy but there was another death and we all tried to cover it up and then I ran into people from college and they all had children, and I felt so empty.

All this loss plus desire just to keep moving is a lot to take.

I barely even talk about it. I am tired of crying so I don't. I don't want to fall down again like I did with the first MC so I don't.

I am excelling at numbing and acting like it didn't happen.

But it did. I lost my 2nd angel baby and with it, a piece of my heart and hope.

Pregnancy whiplash is a beast.

I hate being in limbo land and waiting...waiting...waiting.

I hate not knowing. What will our future hold? Baby? No baby?

How will we find satisfaction with no baby? I know it's going to really do our heads in if that's the end conclusion. We talk about moving, quitting our jobs, anything....to make it all different and seem ok without children.

I am so tired of this place....limbo land. Or purgatory...LOL. The waiting room for heaven or hell as per the Catholics. Will this sure is a waiting room....

Re: Consequences of loss...

I just want to give you a big hug!

Consequences of loss...

Big hug coming your way! I know for me, and believe me, I know everyone is different and heals differently, but for me, it was VITAL to talk about it. I told anyone and everyone about it, probably a bit of TMI here and there, but you'd be SHOCKED who else you know has experienced a loss or more! My cousin, after about 1.5 years of TTC and MULTIPLE losses, both early and late, is starting acupuncture. On that side of our family we have a history of losses, our aunt had something like 5 or 6 before having her two daughters. It's very lonely because there is such a stigma with it. That's why I talk about my experience, because I don't believe there should be a stigma with it... I think we should be able to talk about it openly and freely and NOT feel as alone as we do, because WE ARE NOT ALONE! There are many of us! Just keep breathing as best you can. And allow yourself to feel however you need.

Consequences of loss...

Thanks Ladies...after writing this this morning I began looking up miscarriage, reading blogs, other stories etc. - facing the reality of it. By the end I knew all I wanted to do was go back to bed. Called out from work and got into bed and cried. I cried and cried and cried till there was nothing left.

I needed to do that - acknowledge the pain of losing my baby, motherhood, and happiness.

There is no way around but through.

Re: Consequences of loss...

I know exactly how you feel. It is a huge process of mourning and the not knowing why eats you up inside. You need to get it out somehow and find little ways to take care of yourself.

Re: Consequences of loss...

I've been there. Dreams and all. I'm so sorry. You're not alone.

Re: Consequences of loss...

Posted by SummerMom

I've been there. Dreams and all. I'm so sorry. You're not alone.

Consequences of loss...

Im good at staying numb as well, I try not to feel anything. Prior to my transfer I was having dreams. In one I was preg with twines and one died...

lots of hugs coming your way

Re: Consequences of loss...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

Maybe change doctors? That way you feel like you are starting something new, getting a new set of eyes. After my loss, the last thing I wanted was to go back to my doctor's office. Too many memories. I felt awful when I saw someone pregnant in the waiting room bc it reminded me of when that was me sitting there.

Re: Consequences of loss...

I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered my fourth miscarriage two weeks ago. I have been much more vocal about this miscarriage with people. I have received more support from friends and family. It just stinks. Hugs to you.