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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by MM2004
Let them host.
After she realizes how much work it is she will be begging to come back to your house next year.
Exactly. I love to have guests but I am even happier going to someone else's house and making a speciality dish and relaxing.
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Posted 11/13/15 5:45 PM  |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1217 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
I'd be disappointed, too  But, you can't control what others will do. SIL probably wanted to host a party in her home. She should've coordinated it with you, though.
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| Posted 11/13/15 5:47 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Is it possible they didn't invite you because they knew you host your dis family? I think that maybe she felt, "I'll just host my family."
Feelings are never right or wrong, but I wouldn't make an issue over it.
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| Posted 11/13/15 6:28 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by nferrandi
I just want to respond to a couple questions I saw throughout...
They have spent their past two Thanksgivings at our house. She said that Thanksgiving isn't that big of a deal with her family, which is a big part of why I'm miffed now.
No, we were not invited to their Thanksgiving. No one on DHs side was.
No, none of this was discussed before hand.
I can see why you are upset, but based on this info, I can say that you are being a bit oversensitive.
Even if she says that Thanksgiving isn't a big deal, she may want to host. She probably didn't invite you because she knows you do Thanksgiving. I also don't think this is something that needed to be discussed.
I also don't do holidays with both sides. This just wouldn't work logistically for me. I also don't enjoy spending holidays with my in-laws because my SIL invites her family and I don't really know them well. It's enough that I have to deal with my in-laws, but to deal with the in-laws of my in-laws is just too much. You sister may want to keep holidays separate. She has every right to do this.
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| Posted 11/14/15 12:22 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
I think you have every right to be upset about it.
In my family, holidays are a big deal and we have a schedule set up so that everyone gets a chance to host at least one holiday (well, everyone who wants to). When something changes, we talk about the changes and figure out something that works for everyone.
For example, my parents usually host Thanksgiving....my husband and I would go to his parent's house, and then my parent's house. A couple of years ago, my mother-in-law decided Thanksgiving was too much work for her, so my husband and I sat down with my parents and discussed us taking over Thanksgiving, so we could invite both families to our home. They understood and the tradition shifted.
Changes happen, families grown, traditions shift. But there needs to be communication so that feelings aren't hurt.
They were wrong to just decide to host without including you, or speaking to you about it. 
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| Posted 11/14/15 8:39 AM |
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jacksmom09
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 687 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Posted by nferrandi
No, I'm sorry I will not do that. I'm not going to spend two days cooking and then rush to clean up, ask my family to leave, so that I can pack up my two kids and go somewhere else. That's the entire reason we started hosting thanksgiving the first place.
And I get wanting to host. I just don't understand why they couldn't do something like Christmas Day when there's no established routine for that day. It switches every year. That could be their new tradition in their new home.
Ok that's cool. I can totally get that.
But did they invite you? If they didn't extend the invite, I would be miffed - but I would be miffed at not being invited, not that they are hosting.
i can just get your SIL's angle I guess. When I moved into my home and bought my dining set and chandelier and all, I was so excited go finally host. And I went all out inviting everyone and it was wonderful. It didn't mean I would do it every year, but that first time hosting was so great.
The thing people forget is that you can arrange dinners and such throughout the holiday (or the year) and spend time together. I'm sure there's a solution to this so everyone ends up happy. Would you like one year to be a guest? It may be nice to take a break from hosting one year and Maybe you guys can take turns in the following years?
I guess what I'm saying is, don't let this ruin your holidays or family dynamic. Totally not worth it. She may host this year and see how much work it is and never wanna do it again! :)
I agree! I wish I could host something here in my home-I would be really excited! I have come to the conclusion that sometimes plans change and people's circumstances change. I wouldn't let it take the joy out of hosting for you and your family.
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| Posted 11/14/15 8:51 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by jerseypanda
Honestly, I do think you are being a bit oversensitive.
As we get older, families change, situations change and sometimes traditions change.
Sadly, this is true and sometimes really sucks.
OP............I get being upset but unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do about the situation. Hopefully you can still enjoy your holiday and have a Happy Thanksgiving!
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| Posted 11/14/15 8:57 AM |
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ANR1211
My loves
Member since 2/11 2131 total posts
Name:
A
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Am I being overly sensitive?
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
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| Posted 11/14/15 9:13 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by ANR1211
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
....maybe they want to start their own new traditions in their new house though. There are other holidays for you to host as well, right?
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| Posted 11/14/15 9:16 AM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by nferrandi
I just want to respond to a couple questions I saw throughout...
They have spent their past two Thanksgivings at our house. She said that Thanksgiving isn't that big of a deal with her family, which is a big part of why I'm miffed now.
No, we were not invited to their Thanksgiving. No one on DHs side was.
No, none of this was discussed before hand.
Maybe thanksgiving want a big deal with her family bc they had no one who wanted to host. It's a lot of work (as I'm sure you know) so not having someone up for it is tough. Last year my aunt pulled out after years of hosting and we had no one willing to take on the whole family. It stinks. Maybe her family has more set traditions on Christmas so this was her only chance to take on a holiday. I get you being hurt but I think you need to be understanding that families change and grow and traditions sometimes change along with that.
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| Posted 11/14/15 9:28 AM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
My gut reaction was that maybe his fiancée's family asked them to host her side. I mean, maybe her parents always host and saw them buying a house as an excuse to take a break. I, personally, think you are being too sensitive. I understand why you are upset, but DH's brother now has to consider his soon to be wife's family. Were you planning on having her WHOLE family over too? That's just my take on it.
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| Posted 11/14/15 9:28 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by ANR1211
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
....maybe they want to start their own new traditions in their new house though. There are other holidays for you to host as well, right?
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. I don't think someone new to the family should start a new tradition on a holiday that's already established. This was the ONE holiday I host. I'm Jewish and my in laws are Catholic, so it's not like I would host any religious holiday for all families to attend.
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| Posted 11/14/15 9:39 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
It's only natural to be bummed but when people get married and have to combine their 2 families it's only natural that this kind of thing will happen. My brother just got married and they won't be joing us for thanksgiving this year. They are going to switch off thanksgiving and Christmas every other year between our family and her family. It's just the natural progression of life...
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| Posted 11/14/15 10:00 AM |
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
I get why you would be annoyed but just because she said thanksgiving isn't a big deal to her family doesn't mean she should never see her parents on that day. Could it have been handled better? Absolutely. But I don't think you can be annoyed at someone for wanting to see their family on a holiday.
FWIW my mom always claimed that Easter wasn't a big deal in our family. It is in DHs so I decided we would just spend Easter at their house. Well guess who decided to get miffed one year that we never spend Easter with them? Maybe something like that happened and you just don't know it.
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| Posted 11/14/15 10:01 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
I wouldn't do this and I always include the whole family but not everyone is like this unfortunately. I think that it's rude she didn't invite you or your in laws, it's a line in the sand for sure, odd to me, it's one thing to want to host but invite everyone and let them decline, even though that would be annoying bc you host it wouldn't be excluding you.
If it were me I would offer to host a holiday, like Christmas that no one has planned on hosting, to me it speaks to her idea of family which includes her parents and husband.
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| Posted 11/14/15 11:40 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by ANR1211
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
....maybe they want to start their own new traditions in their new house though. There are other holidays for you to host as well, right?
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. I don't think someone new to the family should start a new tradition on a holiday that's already established. This was the ONE holiday I host. I'm Jewish and my in laws are Catholic, so it's not like I would host any religious holiday for all families to attend.
Ok see this I where I think you are being way overboard on this. She is starting a new family and wants to host with Her family. She has every right. New to your extended family or not she still has her own family and like it or not your Brother isn't going to be at every holiday now. He is expanding his family. It's life. I think you need to be a bit more flexible.
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| Posted 11/14/15 11:44 AM |
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SHOPAHOLIC
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1712 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
On some level you must know you are being overly sensitive or you wouldn't have asked.
From what I am reading this woman spent the last two thanksgivings with you and her FH's family. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend this thanksgiving with her own family.
Family dynamics are constantly changing and evolving. It may be annoying but you just have to roll with it.
My mom doesn't make a big deal about thanksgiving. That doesn't mean that I don't still want to see her/ my side occasionally even though my MIL makes a big deal of the holiday.
I'm sure before she met your BIL she had her own traditions for the holiday.. even if they weren't a "big deal" those traditions changed when she met him. Now some of his will have to change. It's part of the compromise.
Eta - Look on the bright side. More dessert and wine for you guys! 
Message edited 11/14/2015 11:48:31 AM.
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| Posted 11/14/15 11:47 AM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by nferrandi
I don't think someone new to the family should start a new tradition on a holiday that's already established.
If that's the case, you probably shouldn't be hosting either since someone on your DH's family most likely hosted Thanksgiving before you came around. YOU were the new addition to the family at one point and YOU started a new tradition and changed theirs.
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| Posted 11/14/15 12:06 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by alli3131
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by ANR1211
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
....maybe they want to start their own new traditions in their new house though. There are other holidays for you to host as well, right?
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. I don't think someone new to the family should start a new tradition on a holiday that's already established. This was the ONE holiday I host. I'm Jewish and my in laws are Catholic, so it's not like I would host any religious holiday for all families to attend.
Ok see this I where I think you are being way overboard on this. She is starting a new family and wants to host with Her family. She has every right. New to your extended family or not she still has her own family and like it or not your Brother isn't going to be at every holiday now. He is expanding his family. It's life. I think you need to be a bit more flexible.
ITA with alli
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| Posted 11/14/15 12:20 PM |
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by alli3131
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by ANR1211
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
....maybe they want to start their own new traditions in their new house though. There are other holidays for you to host as well, right?
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. I don't think someone new to the family should start a new tradition on a holiday that's already established. This was the ONE holiday I host. I'm Jewish and my in laws are Catholic, so it's not like I would host any religious holiday for all families to attend.
Ok see this I where I think you are being way overboard on this. She is starting a new family and wants to host with Her family. She has every right. New to your extended family or not she still has her own family and like it or not your Brother isn't going to be at every holiday now. He is expanding his family. It's life. I think you need to be a bit more flexible.
ITA with alli
Sorry, so do I. I HATE change too but nothing is ever forever. There were many Thanksgivings and Christmas's that we didn't even spend with family as they were either far away or were with spouses family. One Christmas my dh and I actually went out to eat, just by ourselves so we could get out of the house as I was so depressed. Every Easter we are alone and it has gotten better over the years but I normally cry every year.
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| Posted 11/14/15 12:38 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
You have a right to feel the way you feel.
However we cannot control the actions and behaviors of others. Find a way to be happy on this holiday whether it's just you and your DH and kids or 10 other people.
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| Posted 11/14/15 1:05 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Did you invite her family to come to your house? Maybe that's why she's hosting. If I were her, I'd be pretty annoyed at not getting to ever see my family on Thanksgiving. I would extend the invite to her family also and if they don't take it, let it go. Not worth getting upset over.
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| Posted 11/14/15 1:23 PM |
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racheK
Hudson's Momma
Member since 10/10 2853 total posts
Name:
Rachel
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Am I being overly sensitive?
First, nobody can ever say you are being too sensitive. You feel how you feel. I don't like telling someone that their feelings aren't valid.
That said, I'd try to get past it and focus on enjoying Thanksgiving with your parents and everyone else that is attending your dinner. This is the first year I'm spending Thanksgiving with my parents in years---I've been going to either my DH's father's house or DH's mother's house every other year. It's possible that BIL & SIL want to spend the holiday with her family for the first time and thought this was the best solution.
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| Posted 11/14/15 1:59 PM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by alli3131
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by ANR1211
I am basically in the same boat as you this year! We ALWAYS host thanksgiving. This year SIL bought a new house and invited only my inlaws. My inlaws and SIL always come here- she could easily host Xmas for inlaws since they do nothing for that holiday.
My siblings switch off- one year they're all at their inlaws' and the next year we're all together. This is a year where no one is coming by us from my family.
I understand that people are excited and families grow, etc, but I think hat makes me upset (and sounds like what is making you upset too) is the fact that there are other holidays for the person to host that no one has plans for! It just seems silly to make more traveling for everyone.
....maybe they want to start their own new traditions in their new house though. There are other holidays for you to host as well, right?
I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. I don't think someone new to the family should start a new tradition on a holiday that's already established. This was the ONE holiday I host. I'm Jewish and my in laws are Catholic, so it's not like I would host any religious holiday for all families to attend.
Ok see this I where I think you are being way overboard on this. She is starting a new family and wants to host with Her family. She has every right. New to your extended family or not she still has her own family and like it or not your Brother isn't going to be at every holiday now. He is expanding his family. It's life. I think you need to be a bit more flexible.
I agree.
I have no relationship with all three of DH's sisters because because they would be passive aggressive and throw full on tantrums (they were in their late teens/early twenties at the time) when DH and I got engaged and had to start splitting holidays. Their family traditions were more important than understanding that I had a family too, and that, among other things, was hurtful and set the tone for my relationship with them. I say hi and bye when we see them and that's pretty much it.
I'm not saying this is you at all, but I'm saying to see things from her perspective. I'm sure you were excited to host your first holiday at one point too.
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| Posted 11/14/15 2:15 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I being overly sensitive?
Posted by nferrandi
I just want to respond to a couple questions I saw throughout...
They have spent their past two Thanksgivings at our house. She said that Thanksgiving isn't that big of a deal with her family, which is a big part of why I'm miffed now.
No, we were not invited to their Thanksgiving. No one on DHs side was.
No, none of this was discussed before hand.
than i really don't think you need to be upse. who cares if she is hosting her family so you have 2 less people at your house now. they didn't invite anyone that normally goes to your house so i see no reason to care or be upset she isn't trying to steal people from you party she and fiancé simply aren't attending
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| Posted 11/14/15 5:00 PM |
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