How do you manage emotions?

I took today off to get some stuff done, clean my house, etc, just have a me day after the horrible horrible week we have had with all the news related to our infertility, BOTH cars needing repairs and me loosing my wallet. I sat down with the tv on, a snack, and waited for the laundry to finish and all of the sudden a wave of emotion like nothing I have ever felt came over me, like all of the sudden, feeling like having a child will NEVER be possible, that I will NEVER get pregnant, and all I can do is cry and just can't stop. This journey is so new to us and who knows what the future holds or if we will have success with treatment, but I just can't help but feel like I am drowning :( how do you ladies manage?

Message edited 1/22/2016 1:05:26 PM.

Re: How do you manage emotions?

The IF journey is one of the toughest things I had to go through. It takes a toll on all aspects of your life. You become consumed with everything IF and its especially hard on a marriage if both people don't see eye to eye on the situation.

make sure you still do things for yourself and keep some of the normalcy in your life. I found this board to be very helpful!

Re: How do you manage emotions?

The thought of I am not alone in this helps me, granted I have a child and didn't have any issues conceiving her been TTC for almost 3 years for #2. I look in the waiting room and say wow all these couples are going through the same thing right now. I trust my Dr and if its my destiny to have one child then I will live with that. You just need to take it one day at time other wise you will drive your self crazy. You just got this news so its only normal to get upset and its ok to cry and let it all out, your trying to be strong but at the end emotions take over and thats ok. You just need to be patient and be positive. This board is very helpful even if its just to vent we are here to listen.

Re: How do you manage emotions?

In the beginning you don't manage them. You cry. You cry because you can't think about anything else. I say cry. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then do something constructive. And when you feel like crying again, cry again! You'll find the times you cry become shorter and the time between cries become longer. And then you become more productive with your time and your focus will change little by little. It takes time. A lot of time, but you will get there.

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Message edited 1/22/2016 5:15:27 PM.

Re: How do you manage emotions?

Posted by IVFmiracle

In the beginning you don't manage them. You cry. You cry because you can't think about anything else. I say cry. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then do something constructive. And when you feel like crying again, cry again! You'll find the times you cry become shorter and the time between cries become longer. And then you become more productive with your time and your focus will change little by little. It takes time. A lot of time, but you will get there.

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Re: How do you manage emotions?

Posted by IVFmiracle

In the beginning you don't manage them. You cry. You cry because you can't think about anything else. I say cry. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then do something constructive. And when you feel like crying again, cry again! You'll find the times you cry become shorter and the time between cries become longer. And then you become more productive with your time and your focus will change little by little. It takes time. A lot of time, but you will get there.

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Re: How do you manage emotions?

i cry and curse a lot

its ok to sit there and cry. let it out. holding it in will make you feel worse and internalizing it isnt good.

Im grateful that i have a job I like and going to work most days is a good distraction. I also have a DS already which helps.

but I would say what is important to remember is that you have to realize that most of this is out of your control. We cant control how our bodies will react to meds, how many eggs we get, or control the outcomes. I had to let the dr's do their thing. Ultimately the dr. couldnt give me better eggs. I had to learn that I can't compare my results to someone else's. But I do take comfort in that Im not alone in this journey.

some days Im bitter. Some days i put on a good face to get through the day.

I find that doing things for me..like Zumba, or a manicure, or going to starbucks makes me feel human again. Some days I put on my favorite CD in the car and crank it and just rock out.

Find something you like to do. I take Zumba class at the gym at work. I didnt think I would like it, but its so much fun. I had to stop while doing the stims, but I plan to get back in it this month.

take a kick boxing class. Kick a punching bag and beat the shit out of IF
Support groups help. Everyone on here is a great support and sounding board.

you will get through this. one day at a time. one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

How do you manage emotions?

How I managed was knowing that I had to be a mom one way or another. I wouldn't rest until that happened. I pursued it with all I had and kept on going when the going got tough. The shower cry and the car cry happened often but on the exterior I would hide it. My DH didn't even know how much of a wreck I was. Just keep on trucking along and do what you can to make it happen. IF sucks and is so unfair but its the hand we were dealt so you work with what you have.

How do you manage emotions?

I read each and every one of your stories and responses and have taken each of your advice to heart. This is definitely one of the hardest things to deal with. I accepted long ago I had issues but it's now coping with DHs issues and him going cold turkey with smoking. It's been a tough 3 days but there's nothing I can do right now besides be supportive of DH quitting. He hasn't had a cigarette in 75 hours, since we left our appointment when we found out about his issues. I know where my line in the sand is for walking away from this journey. For now, I will take each of your advice of Doing things for myself and letting myself cry when I need to. I'm sure I will spend a good amount of time talking to you ladies. I appreciate all of you taking the time to give me advice and share stories with me. It means so much!

How do you manage emotions?

I agree with IVFMiracle. I cried A LOT. I was angry A LOT. It was a journey that changed me drastically. At times I didn't like who I was. I didn't want to be around my friends who all got pregnant at a drop of a hat and could never in a million years fathom what I was going through. It took me a while to come to terms that my journey to have a child of my own would be different from theirs and it would take longer and I had to try harder. Just keep your eye on the prize. I leaned a lot on the girls on this board bc at the end of the day they were the ONLY ones that shared my pain. Hang in there. It gets easier a little bit every day.

Re: How do you manage emotions?

I think having gone down this road almost 6 years ago with my ex has prepared me for this not to work on my own.

I have been mostly strong. But when I have needed to cry... I have.

How do you manage emotions?

I agree with the crying. I have dealt with most of my emotions internally and have vented with some friends who are going through their own IF journey. I've had many crying hysterical phone calls with my mom where I am certain she had no idea what I was saying between each sniffle. I recently started going to therapy to help me get out all I have worked on internally. Also starting up a peer support group so we can come together and manage together! If you are interested let me know. All are welcome!

How do you manage emotions?

What really helped me was talking. I would talk to anyone who would listen. I already had one, so a lot of times women would ask if I was having another, and I would tell my struggle. Who knows if they wanted to hear it or not, I would still talk about it. I know some are not as open, but I met so many women who struggled, had M/c's etc... It wasn't that their misery made me feel better, it was seeing they had children after their struggle. It helped me to stay positive, and know that it would eventually happen.

Message edited 1/25/2016 5:23:42 PM.

How do you manage emotions?

This all great advice. I wish I could contribute some advice, but I am just beginning this journey. Some days I cry, some days I get angry... Some days my husband knows exactly what to say and other days he doesn't know what to do/say. It helps knowing that we are not in this alone.

How do you manage emotions?

Iv2beach- didn't realize you saw and posted- know everyone is here to support each other as I said in your other post!!

I want to thank you ladies again- i took your advice and had a "me" day and am putting myself first. DH has been doing so well- he hasn't had a cigarette since we walked out of that office- Tuesday will be 2 weeks and I am so proud of him!! Thank you all for being a support and ear to listen. It truly helped me get through the first few days!

Re: How do you manage emotions?

Re: How do you manage emotions?

Yes, I did see this one! I think that was my first actual post. It is so helpful to hear all of the advice on this board, but something you just need to vent to someone that understands and won't judge!


So proud of your dh for quitting!

Re: How do you manage emotions?

It's rough at times. I've spent a lot of tears on this journey.

Message edited 1/31/2016 4:18:10 PM.