Wakes/funerals and kids

My grandpa is very sick and will likely pass in the next few days

I have 5 year old twins and a 3 year old

Wwyd regarding the wake and funeral?

Bring them keep them home?

We have a relatively small family not sure that plays a role

Any suggestions on how to prepare them?

Wakes/funerals and kids

I just lost my Grandma last week and have a 9 year old (she has autism so socially she is about 7 years old). We did not bring her to the wake or funeral. We saw my Grandma alot and I did not want her last memory of her to be laying in a coffin. I really didn't do anything to prepare her for the death but told her when she passed. DD was sad, cried for a bit and then asked a million questions - what happens when someone dies, can they see you from heaven, can I talk to her....She drew a picture and wrote a note to my Grandma to say goodbye to her and we put it in her coffin at the wake.

Wakes/funerals and kids

I'd keep them home. It's a lot for them to be there and having to explain everything. Explaining why everyone is crying, etc,

For us I take them to shiva, but deer not the funeral or cemetery

Wakes/funerals and kids

Keep home

Wakes/funerals and kids

I'm in the minority, but I would bring my kids.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

It's a judgment call for sure but I say bringing is fine.

DH's grandmother passed when DS was 4 and we really had no choice but to bring him.

He had some questions which we answered honestly and he didn't probe too much. They're so easily distracted at that age.

Grieving is a normal human emotion and he knew his great grandmother so we didn't want to hide the whole process from him. It didn't seem right for her to just "disappear" so to speak.

Also he lightened the mood!

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

Sorry
I would say you know your family, follow your judgement. I think 3 is bordeline. I probably wouldn't bring my 2 year old because she would try to run around the whole time, but my 3 year old would probably be ok if I had no one to watch her.
I recall going to wakes as a child and mostly the kids would stay in a lounge area and the adults would take turns watching them. Our family wakes were not really the somber kind. The wakes I've been to for DH's family, I probably wouldn't bring children or would just bring them, and stay for a very short time.
For the funeral, I would bring them.

Message edited 8/7/2016 9:19:22 PM.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

I am so sorry

Sending prayers and hugs

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

I brought my kids to my grandmothers wake and funeral (Brooklyn) and burial(Staten Island). My sister also brought her two year old.

They were all great. They were a great distraction to those who needed one. My six year old is an angel though and my two year old is a social butterfly so I knew they'd be ok. I brought lots of snacks and quiet activities (water wow, crayons and coloring books, those crayola markers that only work on crayola paper, Melissa and Doug sticker sheets) with them and set them up in a small room at the funeral home. People took turns spending time with them etc

I felt like they belonged there with us. I'm glad I brought them even though they were two very long days and nights

That being said you should do what's best for you


For my six year old I told him that grandma was old and tired etc and she went to heaven to live with God and become a guardian angel. Explained that we won't be able to see her or give her hugs but that she will always be able to hear and see us so we have to do our best to make her proud
Sorry you're going through this. It sucks.

Message edited 8/8/2016 9:16:22 AM.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

My grandma passed when my DD was a little over 1, and I took her because she really didn't know what was going on. Now, she's 4 and I don't know if I would take her. It's such a personal decision though. You know your children and what they can handle.

I'm so sorry!!!!!

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

My grandmother passed away last week and myself and my sisters all brought our children to the wake/funeral. They are ages 5-7. They were very close with my grandmother and I think the same way wakes provide closure for adults they do for children too. They needed to say goodbye.

Wakes/funerals and kids

I think kids should be brought to wakes and funerals. My mother didn't bring me to any and unfortunately the first one I had to goto was hers. It made everything a million times worse.

Wakes/funerals and kids

I'd leave them home for the wake. The funeral perhaps I'd bring them. There is no right or wrong, but I tend to agree with a pp who said let them remember him alive.

Sorry and many prayers for your grandpa and family!

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

sorry you are going through this

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

My MIL passed away very suddenly in June.
My DS will be 6 later this month.
The funeral was out of state and we decided to take him with us. I left my 8 month old baby with family.
I knew for us it was the right thing to do. My DS was very sad about his grandma's passing and it was so good for him to be around his teen cousins and the rest of DH's family while we were all mourning. Plus, he brought such joy to the rest of the family just being there.
That being said... I didnt want my son to see an open casket etc. So we didnt have him there for that.
So sorry you are going through this.

Wakes/funerals and kids

My DS is 4 and we have lost 7 family members since he was born. I hve always brought him. 2 were very recently.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

My mom is in hospice and can't really talk/doesn't look like herself... i still brought my almost 4 year old with me to the hospice. she sits and colors in the bed next to her. She doesn't get upset when any of us cry, she just consoles us or asks why and tries to understand. She doesn't like it obviously but we explain how we can be happy and sad at the same time. Like sad my mother is dying but happy we have my daughter around to make us smile and bring us together... she has been really good throughout this entire process. I will bring her to the shiva too.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

My 4&6 yo stayed home when DH's grandma passed. Didn't want them to remember her that way. It was a huge problem for his family, but I did what was best for them. The other kids there were made to keep going up to the casket (different culture) so horrible and I was glad mine were home ! I told them she passed away, went to Heaven and they were fine with that simple explanation .

Message edited 8/9/2016 3:25:50 AM.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

im sorry you are dealing with this

I would leave them home.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

I was always taken to wakes and funerals as a child, and it didn't have any adverse effects on me. Actually, I think it gave me a better sense of what death is and a stronger ability to deal with it as I grew up.

Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Message edited 8/9/2016 11:40:32 AM.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

I'm not sure.. My first memory as a child is my grandfather's funeral (I was 3.5) and I remember being confused as to why my dad was crying.. I think it IS a part of life and I remember being very sad about it. A friend was murdered a while back and although it was so painful to see his child there (also around 3 at the time), he was a definitely a welcomed happy distraction to the family at the time. I think it all depends on your child/how emotional they are/how well behaved they are. I would probably lean towards yes, to take them.

Re: Wakes/funerals and kids

Thank you everyone for your support and answers.

He's still with us but the end is near ??

I'm still undecided but have lots of sitters lined up