1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do? - update

So over the summer, my son's friend kicked one of my son's classmates in the head at the playground at our local pool (it was awhile ago obviously so my 6 year old can't remember if it was on purpose or accident).

So anyway, walking home from school today - my son tells me he's upset. This boy's mom told him that he can't play with my son because he's not a "good friend". My son was there but, didn't hurt this other kid - and if he did - he would've been hysterical since he is very sensitive - but, the kid listens to his mom and has told other kids my son is not a good friend because his mom says so.

I do like this boy - he is a good kid and I think my son is a good kid as well. My son is friends with kids I think are not so good kids but, I don't let my son know my feelings - I do say at times I think they make bad choices but, I don't say they are bad friends and you can't play with them...

I know the mom pretty well, I viewed her as a friend before this - do I reach out to her? Normally I would say no but, since she was the one who brought this about (since the kid seems to hold no ill will towards my son) I feel like maybe in this instance I should mention how much this is upsetting my son... And he thinks this will spread and others won't want to play with him...

Thoughts? Sorry so long!

Update:

So I kept on thinking I'd see the mom and wanted to address it in person... In the meantime, I asked my son most days who he played with at recess and the kid in question was always mentioned...

I finally saw her yesterday and spoke with her for awhile. The boys played together for a couple of hours at the holiday party we were at and she said really nice things about DS. So since so much time had passed, and she was happy they were at the party together, I decided not to bring it up (because I am a chicken when it comes to confrontation).

Thank you all for your advice - I was so frustrated in the beginning and sad for my DS because I feel that he is a good friend to others.

Message edited 12/12/2016 1:04:37 PM.

1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Ugh... Really tough situation... I am quickly finding that some of these parents can be worse than children... Whatever her reasoning, I would teach my child that if someone doesn't want to be her friend, so be it... there's plenty of other good friends to be had... I feel like this whole parent intervening is not necessary. Teach your child to be confident in themselves and their self worth. It will take them much further in life.

1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Things like this really piss me off. I would absolutely contact the parent and to tell them to stop bad mouthing my child over something he did not do. If she doesn't want to have play dates, that's fine but to tell her child not to talk to yours is absolutely terrible. Her child is going to be very lonely if she keeps telling her son to alienate kids because she doesn't like them.

If the kids themselves decide not to play with each other that is their choice and just tell him to find other kids to play with but if it is only because of the parent, I'd be saying something.

Re: 1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Id contact the mom. Im sorry your lil guy is sad. He didnt do anything!

1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

I think it's key to remember that we can't go by what other kids say. They get stuff wrong all the time. Before getting upset or jumping to conclusions, I would kindly reach out to her.

1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Thanks for your feedback.

I definitely will reach out to her kindly... and tell her my son is very upset since B told him that you won't let him play with him anymore since you think he's a bad friend.

This boy isn't his best friend but they have always gotten along for the most part. My son says sometimes they argue (which usually means disagree to him). He does blow things out of proportion sometimes but this seemed to be more legit.

I'm just kind of annoyed that she said something about him that could be taken that way. But then again, nobody wants to see their child hurt.

Message edited 10/14/2016 9:37:15 PM.

Re: 1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

From what you wrote it seems that it is only your perception that if the mom said this to her son it would
Be based on that one incident? Is it possible that maybe other things have happened or been said that caused the mom to tell her son that your son is not a good
Friend?

I do agree one hundred percent that if you like this mom and the child I would reach out to her. I wouldn't automatically put her in the wrong. I wholeheartedly disagree with what Karen posted above. My DD is
That age and I do tell her that kids that are mean to her or treat her bad are not friends. Kids need to know that. At 6 years old they are just figuring things out and they need to be taught that someone that makes you feel bad about yourself, treats you badly or bullies you- even sometimes - is not your friend. I'm not saying that this is the case with your son at all or that your son is in the wrong - this could all be a misunderstanding based on what you said that your son does have friends that are not the nicest maybe something got lost in translation.

I would simply reach out to the mom and mention what DS relayed to you and ask her if something was going on or If something happened or was said that you were not aware of. That you know your son really likes hers and would not intentionally hurt him and that you would like to address the situation if there is one. I think that will give the other mom a chance to tell you what is going on and give you the chance to clear up any misconceptions.

Good luck! I hope it works out!

Message edited 10/15/2016 6:34:55 AM.

1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

That is an interesting take - maybe it was more of a blanket statement. I think I will see her personally today at soccer. And maybe her son viewed mine as mean by association. The kid wants to play with my kid - he told my son he is sneaking behind his mothers back...

My one friend suggested maybe my son should approach her and ask directly .


She has no problem with him playing with the kid I view as bad - for example he came over for a play date and was rummaging through my closet and had my 4 year old in tears. He kicked my son very hard in the stomach and knocked the wind out of him as well - So I was quite surprised. In that instance - we did mention that someone is your friend doesn't hurt you...

Message edited 10/15/2016 7:51:15 AM.

Re: 1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Re: 1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Re: 1st Grade Friend Issue - What Should I do?

Are you sure this mother doesn't view what happened at the pool as more of an issue than you do? If my kid was kicked in the head by a child and there were other children present who didn't help, you bet your arse I would tell my kid they aren't good friends.

As for getting involved, I'd mention it because it seems your child likes this other kid- If anything it might clear the air.