Friend Issue...who's right?

I have a good friend who lives in So. Jersey (2 hour ride)..she has 3 kids. We made tentative plans for them to come up today. Well Wed she calls & says, I'll have to let you know Fri. w/ the weather coming...(no problem). Friday I call her at 2pm & she says its pretty bad here, not sure if this is going to work. I'll call you in the am, not sure if DH is going to be working either. At this point I'm like, they're not coming.

Well, I get up today go about my business. DH goes out w/ his dad to do some errands & such & she calls me at 11am & says, we're going to make it, we plan on leaving at 12, so pls. call back. I'm like "uh oh", no way!

At that point we had already made plans to go to dinner w/ DH's parents & DH plans on doing some work on the house & I kinda was b/c who calls an hour b4 they are going to come. I was truly sure they weren't going to come, given her past history.

When I just called her back (she left a vm), she seemed kinda miffed at me.

I told her we made other plans w/ his family when I didn't hear from her sooner & said he was at his uncle's fixing the sink (he is).

ETA: they have yet to see the baby & our new house. We've made the trip to them for the last 2 years (except for our wedding).

Also she is extremely flaky..she was going to make it to the christening & backed out that am...I truly thought she was going to flake out again, hence making alternate plans.

I'm sure she'll be fine...I felt bad calling to tell her...DH thinks we were right. Me..:confused

Message edited 2/23/2008 1:00:36 PM.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

She is. Although, I would have called her when she didn't to find out what her plans were.

But then, she probably would STILL get miffed....

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I guess b/c she said she'd call you in the AM (meaning today) she did just that at 11am. I don't have children but travelling onto Long Island from New Jersey (where they got hit a lot more w/the snow) may be a bit difficult.

I don't want to say who's right or wrong, but in all fair-ness she did call in the AM.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Posted by Porrruss

She is. Although, I would have called her when she didn't to find out what her plans were.

But then, she probably would STILL get miffed....

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I hate to say who is right and who is wrong, but I think if I didn't hear from her, I would have called and asked what were her plans, cause you were to asked to make other plans and you wanted to see what she was doing.

So no offense, I think it is a little of both

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I'm sorry but i have to say she is Right, she said she was going to call you in the am to let you know that if she can make it or not... I've would have waited to see what her plan's were before making plans with Dh parents.I'm sorry about the sticky situation now.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Posted by hayleyandsteve

Posted by Porrruss

She is. Although, I would have called her when she didn't to find out what her plans were.

But then, she probably would STILL get miffed....

ITA. She DID say she'd call in the AM, although I'm sure you were thinking much earlier than 1 hour before.

Sorry for the stinky situation!

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

It may be a bit of a miscommunication, but I'm more inclined to say that your friend is right. She said she'd call you in the morning, which she did. I think you assumed when you didn't hear from her that she wasn't coming. I would've gotten in touch with her first before making any plans for myself.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Not sure who's RIGHT, but I will say that I HATE when people call or confirm one hour before they are due to come over. It's like there's so little time on the weekends and you set aside a day to entertain, but they may or may not be coming and you're expected to wait around and possibly not do anything.

It's happened to me and I don't like it. But when it has happened, I've happily received my company, especially because it's usually hard for them to make it so if they're willing to come still, I welcome them. Since your friend lives so far, I would have told her to come and cancelled the other new plans you made. Not that what you did was wrong, just going by what I would have done. Sorry.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I would say that your friend was right. You made the assumption yesterday that she wasnt coming. When i say "I'll call you in the morning" I usually mean 11am. I dont like to call people to early (since I'm not an early person). I certainly would have waited until at least noon before I made alternative plans.

I would like to say Kudos to you guys for getting so much acomplished before 11a.m. since my lazy butt was still in PJs until 12:30pm

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

i would have tried called her again before making the calls. obviously she is your friend and you thought you knew her better and assumed she'd flake out---but she did tell you she would call you in the AM to let you know. i would have just let her come and told the ILs that you had company coming--they would have understood.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I think you were right. If she said she was going to call, she should have called first thing in the morning to tell you whether or not she was planning to come after all. Also, given her past history of flaking out, I can't blame you for making other plans when you didn't hear from her when she said you would. I'm sure she'll get over it and is probably just miffed because she now has to make other plans.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I would have called her before making plans just to make sure.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I think she is right...she called you in the a.m. like she said she would and she has been updating you.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I can definitely see how you would assume she wasn't going to come. I've been in that situation before and, more often than not, the plans wind up canceled. At the same time, though, I think you owe your friend an apology. She did everything she said she was going to do and you went ahead making other plans without giving her a chance to give a definite answer. You probably should have at least given her a call to make sure she wasn't coming before making other plans. I guess in my eyes, it seems like after the conversation on Friday, the invite was open and you were just letting her decide if they could make it.

If letting you know today was going to be a problem, you should have just called it off and rescheduled it yesterday when you spoke to her. I think I probably would have been a little miffed, too. I can imagine she had already started getting her 3 children ready, which is no small feat. And if my other plans were just dinner with my ILs and errands, I'd probably have canceled them knowing the friends were coming after all... but that's just b/c my family would totally understand. (Not knowing your family or the plans, hard to say if they would have been easy and drama-free to cancel...)

I don't think you did the worst thing ever -- I think it was an honest misunderstanding and not malicious -- but I think a small apology is in order, even just "I've been thinking about it, and I really should have checked with you before making other plans. The weather was just so bad I assumed you wouldn't be able to make it. I should have called. I'd definitely love to reschedule so you can come see the house and the baby!"

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I am going against the majority here and saying you are correct. plus I dont think you even owe her an apology. She sounded as tho she was leaning towards not coming and to me to call at 11am is not early enuff in the morning as far as i am concerned. by 11:00 id have assumed she wasnt coming that day..i think she was rude to decide at the last minute leaving u with no plans had she decided she wasnt coming.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

I don't think I agree with the majority here either. The friend has a history of being flaky and yesterday when she said she would call in the morning, I would have thought that was just a copout and she did not want to come right out and cancel. I would have thought that the call this morning was never coming. At least that has been my experience with flaky friends. Cindy has a young baby, and probably has to catch up on errands and things on the weekend. I can totally see where she arranged her day differently after the conversation yesterday (Friday).

Maybe just call and apologize for the confusion.

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?

Re: Friend Issue...who's right?