Is it rude to ask?

My 4 yr old was invited to a birthday party. I don’t have a sitter for my 6 yr old. Is it rude to ask to bring the 6 yr old if I offer to pay for her? I have no problem with paying this and it’s an open play place anyway....

Is it rude to ask?

Can your six-year-old wait with you in the waiting area with an iPad or something?

ETA: It isn’t rude per se, but I think a lot of parents feel like they’ve been put on the spot

Message edited 1/29/2019 9:06:15 AM.

Is it rude to ask?

i would just let them know that you're paying for your older one to play since you don't have anyone to leave them with.
My DS had his 8th birthday at a trampoline place- there were about 5 or 6 siblings that came along. a couple of them, the parents paid for them to jump, too... and a couple of them just hung out in the "waiting" area, one of the moms ran a couple errands wit her older daughter while the younger one was at my son's party..... it all worked out. And luckily the mom were all good about keeping the "uninvited" kids out of the party room during pizza and cake... and then at the end i offered any leftovers to them.

Is it rude to ask?

Sorry but it is rude. It puts the bday party parents in a weird position and I personally wouldn't want random siblings at my child's bday. Just my opinion but but if you can't figure something out then decline.

I am always baffled by these posts. But then again it's the same thing as parents who can't rsvp timely. Just general common courtesies in life have gone out the window. But I digress.. lol

Message edited 1/29/2019 9:51:18 AM.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

I don't think it's rude. As long as you are sure to keep the sibling out of the food/cake/favor situation as they may not have enough for extras.

I would rather someone bring an older sibling who sits with an ipad or book or whatever with the mom or who pays their own way in an open play type situation than have to decline.

I like as many of DD's friends as possible to be able to make her parties as it means so much to her.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

I would not ask if I can bring a sibling, but I would respond that sorry I cannot make it because I have a 6yo at home and no one to watch her that day. Let the parent then decide how to proceed. They may offer to let you bring the child, or they may say sorry you cant make it. Most recently when that happened the parent said I can drop off DD and she would keep an eye on her (it was a girls only party so DS wasnt invited).

Re: Is it rude to ask?

If it's an open play place that is open to the general public at the same time as the party I think it's fine.

It would be understood that your older child would not be eating any of the food or cake or getting a goody bag.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

I’ve done this but didn’t tell the party

Meaning my one kid went to the party and I took my other kid and paid and they enjoyed the open play

So the party parent didn’t feel obligated to give a goody bag or pizza etc

It’s like they never knew they were even there

Is it rude to ask?

I would never want one of my child’s friends to decline because the parents couldn’t find a sitter so no, I don’t think it’s rude.

I also think asking a CHILD to watch other children play and then not be offered food or cake is horrible. We had an unexpected sibling at my DD’s party. The mom was so apologetic and was going to have her sit on the side. I told her that’s just silly and to go play (and eat pizza and cake with the other kids). The comfort and enjoyment of my guests was worth the extra $20.

Quite honestly, I think a party host who doesn’t make their guests feel comfortable and welcome, even if unexpected, is far more rude than someone who asks to bring their kid cause they can’t find a sitter.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Re: Is it rude to ask?

personally yes i hate when people do this and it is just as bad as telling me no because of a sibling.

because both of those answer will make me say OK just bring them its fine and i would pay for them and have food, and favors for them.

you are better off just bringing him with out telling them and just pay for them to play or just have them sit out.

ETA: anyone who did bring siblings without me knowing i offered food if the parent didn't already just take it for them and cake. also if i had extra i would give them one also.

Message edited 1/29/2019 10:44:37 AM.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

I don't think it's rude. Every party that I had for DD, someone asked to bring an older or younger sibling. I say "the more, the merrier". It's not like these few extra kids are going to add SO much more to the bill.

Is it rude to ask?

Im going to preface this by saying I have done it once or twice before bc of specific situations so I am not judging you .. but not withstanding that...

YES i think it is rude-- you are putting the host on the spot and in a situation where if they dont say yes they come off as the rude when in reality maybe they CANT afford the random extra siblings or space is an issue etc. If you can bring your child and really keep them separate and pay for them separately without involving the host then that is totally fine IMO. Otherwise I would not ask or mention it to the host.

Message edited 1/29/2019 12:15:32 PM.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Yes I think it's rude to ask if an uninvited guest can attend a party. Personally, I wouldn't care, but we don't know everyone else's situation.

If it's place that's open to the public during the party, just bring the 6 year old and don't even say anything. Pay for her to play, buy her food separately, make sure she knows she's not a guest at the party. I would not ask a parent if I can give them money to pay for an extra person at birthday party - that just puts them in a weird situation

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Is it rude to ask?

I don’t think it’s rude, where I live a lot of parents work weekends so it happens a lot.

The only thing though is that although 4 and 6 aren’t that far apart, there is a decent difference in maturity... I didn’t take older DS to parties younger DS was invited to once he hit elementary school... If my DH was working I would try to find him a play date instead.

Is it rude to ask?

Ok thanks for the responses. I will bring the extra sibling along and pay for her to do the open play separately and not mention it. Didn’t realize it’s such a big deal, I did state that I would be letting the mom know I would be paying for my extra child but I will just not mention it...

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Its rude. always. It puts the host in a weird position where they feel obligated to include your other child. I make it a rule that if I cannot take my child solo, we do not go.

Message edited 1/29/2019 8:26:09 PM.

Is it rude to ask?

I’m obviously in the minority here but I would find it completely and utterly bizarre if I noticed a second child tagging along with another kid/mom and subsequently in the food/cake area and the mom didn’t say anything.

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Re: Is it rude to ask?

Is it rude to ask?

if it's open play its fine. I wouldn't even say anything. Just pay for your other kid