Not The Relief I Expected.

So off they went today. Scrubbed and fresh faced, backpacks full of new supplies - clean notebooks and pointy pencils.

All the build-up.. shopping, prepping, organizing, writing notes, making sure the routine was understood, early to bed, hearty breakfast, clean socks, kiss and hug and "HAVE A GREAT DAY!"

And I expected some sort of relief. No more five calls a day at work telling me "Noah called me a jerk!" and "Robbie told me I couldn't play in the fort!". No more lazy, unstructured days where I need to wrestle them away from digital media. Back to school. But I feel SAD.

This - I suppose - is the curse of the working mom. I watched them trudge up the sidewalk until they got swallowed up by the growing crowd of children and then disappeared behind the heavy doors to the school. And I pulled away and then pulled over - and cried.

A whole summer has passed. I no longer have a 1st grader and a 3rd grader. A whole summer has passed and the definition of who they are has changed with that summer. And I worked most of the time that they celebrated their freedom from the confines of their school. I missed most of their bug hunting, imaginary spaceships, their races, their leaping off of the swings and dancing in the sprinklers. A summer flashed by before I realized it.

And next summer won't be the same. Next summer I'll have a 10 year old and an 8 year old. And they will be into different things and onto different moments. And I'll be working and I'll miss so many of those.

Until one day I won't drive them to school. They won't want me to or need me to - they will go with friends or drive themselves or walk. And then one day they will be off to University - and before you know it they will be grown men with families of their own.

It's years away. But watching them walk up the sidewalk I could still see the babies that they were once upon a time.

It goes so fast.

Message edited 9/7/2010 12:13:00 PM.

Re: Not The Relief I Expected.

You are an incredible mom.

Just wait for the day they dance with you at their weddings.

Re: Not The Relief I Expected.

Re: Not The Relief I Expected.

Watching them become independent is the single most hardest thing I have dealt with being a mother

Re: Not The Relief I Expected.

I feel the same. Despite wishing someone would open school earlier, over the last few days I felt sad and then this morning I didn't want to leave. I felt so disconnected from them in a weird way... then I ran into the parent of one of my son's friends. His younger sister goes to PreK with my 4 yr old and apparently school started for them today too. I felt like a dope but in a matter of 10 minutes I went from thinking I was hanging with him to driving him in late for the first day.
I came home miserable. Not the "Yay school began" feeling I thought I'd have at all.

Re: Not The Relief I Expected.

You write so beautifully. Boy can I relate, although I thought i was ready to have a 2nd and 8th grader, turns out I wasn't.

At the bus stop this morning, I actually started crying with my neighbor as she sent her youngest to kindergarten. All i said to her was "how are you doing?" and we both started crying.

Later on we had breakfast with a group of neighbors, and she asked me who were you crying for, and I had to tell her "both of us."

Boy, did it hit me like a ton of bricks, seemingly out of thin air. It seems like just yesterday that my oldest was starting kindergarten and next year she's going to high school.

Re: Not The Relief I Expected.

Posted by Bops



Watching them become independent is the single most hardest thing I have dealt with being a mother