Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I am new to these 'adult only' receptions. What is the reason for them? Are they a new trend? I'm not from this area, so don't know if they have been the norm here.

I'm a bit taken back because one reception is a Sunday night, which means we need to find a babysitter that needs to work their regular job the next morning. (But we were dealing with this one just fine.)

Now my cousin is saying that hers will be an adult only reception. My mom is going to be so angry when she finds this out because it means all my siblings won't be coming. (They can't leave their kids to fly to NYC for a wedding.)

I've never heard of these, so could you please enlighten me?


ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:30:05 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I think it usually comes down to money.

You have to pay per head and usually children are only 1/3 or 1/2 off the cost of an adult.

Most of the people I've spoken to who have adult only weddings do so to cut back on costs.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I think in some cases, people don't want to have the extra expense of a bunch of little ones. You pay for them also! And while they can 'technically' say yes to a few it becomes hard to draw the line.

Also - some people really don't want children at the event. They find them to be distracting or messy or noisy or - on occasion - annoying. I know one bride who wanted it to be adults only because she felt little kids would pull attention away from her on her day.

I have no problem with Adult only receptions. To each their own, right? I go if I can, and if I can't find a sitter I RSVP no. If they ask why, I tell them I don't have an option for childcare.

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:14:46 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I think it's just because kids can rowdy and not fully enjoy the meaning of a wedding reception. I had mine as adult-only so all the adults could enjoy the reception and not worry about kids running around. IMO it's a very expensive occassion to have ruined by uncontrolled kids (and I would be the FIRST to voluntarily leave my uncontrollable kids home too )

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

One of my closest friends had one of these. I was a bridesmaid AND it was out of town, on a Sunday, when Alex was just a few months old and still collicky and we had absolutely NO ONE to watch her.

My friend tried to convince me to actually pay for another room at the hotel to bring my mother to watch her. It would have been a 7+ hour drive for my mom to get there.

We got into several fights about it. I compromised and used a sitter that her mother knew, at the hotel, while we attended the wedding, but I will never do it again. I get that some people don't want children at a wedding reception, and can respect their wishes, but I simply won't attend the wedding in that case.

ETA - her reasoning for no children at the wedding was because she didn't want it to draw the attention away from her.

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:16:01 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I had an adult reception. FOR US (DH AND I) we did NOT want kids there. It was our time, a late reception (over at 1:30am). We had no children in our wedding party and honestly didn't want them there at the party.

Now, with that said. I had 4 kids at my reception becasue some people chose to ignore my request. And one of these kids, can be seen during my BM/MOH speeches flying across the dance floor. I was NOT thrilled. I was even more mad that the parents of said child told me, "Well we are bringing him anyway" It was a close family member of DH and I really couldn't tell her to go suck a fat one.

I look at it this way, its my day, I dropped a pretty decent chunk of change on MY wedding and I wanted it MY way.


ETA: It was clearly written on the invote "Adult Reception to follow"

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:23:54 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Honestly, I thought it was the norm! I have never been to a wedding where children other than those in the bridal party were invited.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I think the trend is not to have everyone's children at weddings now. At least, children under 16 not invited. But my sister was not invited to a wedding that both my brother and I were invited to, and she was 17 and grew up next to this family her whole life. She was seriously offended (and I would be too).

I had my aunt's 6 young children to our wedding, bc I wanted them there foremost, I don't know who she would leave them with if I hadn't invited them, plus 2 of them were in my wedding. I couldn't invite 2 and not the rest.

Now, I am in a wedding in October, and DS is in it as well. But I have been told that my new DC is not invited. So I have to find a babysitter for one child, in another state no less. I can understand the child will be a baby, but it's still hard to leave that DC with someone.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I had an adult only reception simply because i didn't want little kids there. Had nothing to do with price, for me, it was a saturday night wedding, and it was an adult event. I didn't want little ones running around everywhere, just not MY idea of how I wanted my wedding to be. After having a child my opinion has still not wavered in the least. If invited to a wedding now I would not even think to bring my kid, it's an adult night out for me and DH. No backlash from any invitees who had kids, they got a sitter and had a fun night out.....maybe it's normal around here, or just normal for my family and friends but I've never really been to a wedding with kids unless they were in the wedding party.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

We had an adults only wedding reception, and made sure to note it on our wedding invite.

The reason for us was simple, there was no way we could accommodate everyone bringing their kids. Because in my family, if you let one, you have to let them ALL.

It would have added approximately 25 children ranging in age from 18 mos to 13 years old.

I know how my family is, and they would expect a roomful of babysitters. Nope no way, no how. The last thing we needed was 20 younger kids (about 5 of the kids are a little older and wouldn't be so crazy), running around, screaming, yelling, and jumping in front of the videographer and photographer and just acting out.

That was our choice and while some family members didn't like it, they respected it. Only one child was allowed, and that was the FG.

Also, even paying 1/3 off a 25 kids, adds up. And I would hate the idea that I'm paying $65 bucks for them to eat chicken fingers.


ETA: When I was a kid, I never attended a wedding with my parents....not once. Because my mom was a firm believer that something like that is NOT for children, and is an adult party. So I guess she kind of passed down that thought process to me.

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:20:58 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Posted by JennZ

I had an adult reception. FOR US (DH AND I) we did NOT want kids there. It was our time, a late reception (over at 1:30am). We had no children in our wedding party and honestly didn't want them there at the party.

Now, with that said. I had 4 kids at my reception becasue some people chose to ignore my request. And one of these kids, can be seen during my BM/MOH speeches flying across the dance floor. I was NOT thrilled. I was even more mad that the parents of said child told me, "Well we are bringing him anyway" It was a close family member of DH and I really couldn't tell her to go suck a fat one.

I look at it this way, its my day, I dropped a pretty decent chunk of change on MY wedding and I wanted it MY way.

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:21:31 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I was married almost 17 yrs. ago and had an adult only reception so don't think it is just recent. My parents would have been married over 40 yrs. and they said they had one too.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

We had adults only, but DH's cousin brought her then 1 yr old to show her off She KNEW we wanted it adults only, but ignored our wishes.

MIL thought we were just awful for not wanting kids there.

Now I have kids and would never bring them out of respect to the bride and groom, but also to actually enjoy the wedding and not chase after a toddler.

I thought they were more the norm

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

We had an Adult Only reception. There were a few factors that made this our choice-
Cost per Child, we didn't see it necessary to have a meal (chicken fingers or spagetti) for $60p/c and have them taking seats, which means more tables, centerpieces etc..

# of kids in the family- We had about 20-25 children UNDER 11 years old. which meant that that was 2 tables of kids, of parents who are sopposed to be watching them.

Knowing that there are a FEW people who would NOT be attending to their kids, who let them do what ever they want- including screaming, throwing tantrums and throwing objects.
We did not want this. It is not a backyard or house party where they can run free and have fun.

Our wedding reception started at 730pm and would be over after 1am. We felt it was not the place for kids and wanted our friends and family to have a good time with out having to attend to their, or other peoples children.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Message edited 1/21/2010 10:29:37 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I seriously have no idea why anyone would want to bring their children to a wedding any way! It is a long day/night. It is not play time for the child. There isn't a playground or playroom.

When I was married, none of my friends had children so this wasn't a problem for me. However, now that I am a parent, I still do not want to bring my children to adult type events, (showers, weddings, birthday parties at reception halls etc..)

If we can't get childcare, then we swap out who goes to what. That way we have a great time without chasing children.

However, if one of my children was in a wedding, I would expect the other to be invited!

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I just had an adult only reception and our decision was partly based on money since it would have added another 20 people and only some were at the discounted price because of age. The other reason was I have many people in my family that would not look after their own kids.....I have been in many situations with them where they let their kids run wild (and I mean WILD) so I did not want that to happen at my wedding.

Each couple I think has their own reasoning. I know I never attended a wedding when I was growing up....I think my first wedding was in late HS.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I had an adults only reception. I felt that a wedding reception was not a place for children to be. I have attending many other weddings where the children get way out of hand and I wasnt spending all that money to make it a kiddy party. The only children that did attend were my Ringboys and they walked in then my aunt had someone pick them up because it was too much for them and she said she wanted to enjoy herslef. Not to mention it would have cost me close to $100 per kid

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I had an adult only reception... for me there were 2 reasons:
1. Cost
2. “Ambience” for lack of a better word

For the cost, we were very budget conscious & didn't have the extra money to spend on children's meals. We had a fairly small wedding.

Ambience isn't really the word I am looking for, but not sure how else to say it. We didn't want kids running around the dance floor and between tables and being loud. We didn't have 'regular' music. We just had like soft background music. Not all parents do this, but I do see parents who will just let their children ‘run wild’ at weddings and don’t really ‘parent’ the children. I KNOW the children who are in my family and I KNOW their parents and this is what would have happened.

We wanted an adult event. We are both older (at the time I was 33 and DH was 43) and we are childfree by choice, we don't want to be parents, so we didn't want to have to deal with possible misbehaving children at our wedding… again, I am not talking about *your* children, I am talking about the children who are in MY FAMILY that I KNOW FOR A FACT misbehave and are not properly parented.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?

Most weddings I have been to are adult only.
I invited children to my wedding and a bunch of the adults called to complain that now they felt obligated to bring their children since their cousins would be there. You can't win!

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)