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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
No, both of our families are from the NYC metro area. We did have a few couples from out of state though, they just left the kids at home...we didn't have anyone not show because of not bringing the kids....though I wouldn't have been offended if that was the reason.
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Posted 1/21/10 10:33 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
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Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
No most everyone was here.
But that would not have affected my decision at all.
Still my wedding, still my day and choice.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:34 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss?
I've never been to a wedding that wasn't adults only. I have been to a couple where there were children in the bridal party, but most of them didn't even come to the reception.
Our wedding was adults only. The reception ended after midnight, hardly the timing for a kid-friendly party. We didn't write "adults only" on the invite, though. It was clear from our envelopes that kids weren't invited. (Note we put a "Number attending" line on the response card to make sure people figured it out.)
As far as I see it, if you can't make it due to a legitimate child care issue, then you can't make it. If you can make it, great. I don't think it's cause for drama, though, and I don't think someone should refuse the invite on principle just because their children weren't invited.
ETF typo. "Bridle" is a horse thing. "Bridal" is a wedding thing. 
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:37:55 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:34 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by BigB
I seriously have no idea why anyone would want to bring their children to a wedding any way! It is a long day/night. It is not play time for the child. There isn't a playground or playroom.
Believe me, I am quite fine not bringing my toddler. We are lucky to have my MIL close enough to the reception. But the rest of my family, including the bride's sister have to fly out of state.
I grew up with the fact that weddings were a family experience. It was the only time we got to see all of our family, except for funerals. So I guess I was just expecting to see my family. 
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:35 AM |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!
Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.
ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:36:47 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:36 AM |
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ruby
you rang?
Member since 6/08 5573 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Kara
As far as I see it, if you can't make it due to a legitimate child care issue, then you can't make it. If you can make it, great. I don't think it's cause for drama, though, and I don't think someone should refuse the invite on principle just because their children weren't invited.
ITA
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:36 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Kara
Posted by waterspout4
ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!
Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.
ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)
If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost. 
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:39 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
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me
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
That was a hot topic at the time we both got married. You must have missed the threads on this.
I think a couple is allowed to do as they please since this is their wedding. But they also have to expect that a lot of people won't make it. That's it!
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:40 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by ruby
Posted by Kara
As far as I see it, if you can't make it due to a legitimate child care issue, then you can't make it. If you can make it, great. I don't think it's cause for drama, though, and I don't think someone should refuse the invite on principle just because their children weren't invited.
ITA
I completely agree. People should not do things out of spite. My siblings are trying to figure out if they can fly in alone, without their spouses.
I just feel for them because my one brother had it all planned with his kids (ages 6 and 8). They were making a long weekend of it and they already had the plans of what the kids were going to see in their first trip to NYC.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:42 AM |
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InfinitiGal
LIF Infant
Member since 5/09 153 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
No most everyone was here.
But that would not have affected my decision at all.
Still my wedding, still my day and choice.
I agree with this. It was not about money for me either. I had been to weddings before mine that children were invited to, and it was a circus. Kids running all over the dancefloor, a couple of screaming babies. temper tantrums, screaming during speeches, etc. It's just not something I wanted for myself, or for the rest of my guests.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:42 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Babysitters or in-laws. In my family, not all babysitters have to be related.
One brother had his regular baby sitter watch the kids overnight. One brother had his in-laws watch their child.
My DH's sister had a friend watch her son. Not every single person our siblings know and trust in this world was invited to our wedding...
ETA -- for others, we arranged for a babysitter in the hotel where most of our guests were staying. This way, if people wanted to bring their kids to NY, they still could, but the kids didn't come to the wedding.
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:45:24 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:43 AM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by headoverheels
Honestly, I thought it was the norm! I have never been to a wedding where children other than those in the bridal party were invited.
Me either. Not a formal wedding at least.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:44 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by smdl
That was a hot topic at the time we both got married. You must have missed the threads on this.
I think a couple is allowed to do as they please since this is their wedding. But they also have to expect that a lot of people won't make it. That's it!
Yours is a very special example though. 
Of course they will do as they please. I am fine with the decision personally, because I have childcare. I get to drink and stay overnight and be a WIFE!  
I am afraid of the drama my mother will bring. SHe always brings drama to every wedding and this may get ugly.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:44 AM |
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KittyKatCopper
missing my handsome boy
Member since 3/09 1579 total posts
Name:
Kat - HamptonsBride (LIW)
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
we had an adult only reception except for the niece & nephews in the wedding party...all of Dh's guests were OOS with kids...so we provided & paid for babysitting at a nearby hotel using an agency.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:44 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
Many of my dh's family was from out of state. My sil had 2 young children, 2 1/2 (was our ringbearer) and a 1 yr. old. The older one came to the church and then they dropped him back off with her dh's family for the night.
My sister just went to a wedding out of state and my mom actually went with her to watch her kids for the night as it was her dh's family and they were all going too.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:45 AM |
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Mkr09
.....
Member since 5/05 7550 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Our wedding was basically adults only. We had a lot of kids in our family and if we invited one we would have had to invite them all. The only kids that were invited were my sisters kids and my cousin who were all in the bridal party.
My mom's cousin did decide to bring her 8yo granddaughter to the wedding as her guest. We didn't specifically write adults only, but we only included parent's names on the invites. Well she is not married and had legal custody of her granddaughter and when my mom called to ask her if she was coming (she didn't RSVP) she said yes and she was bringing the granddaughter.
We were annoyed b/c we thought other family members would get annoyed that she was there when their kids were not invited. But my mom said she felt bad b/c she didn't have any other option for childcare and wouldn't be coming otherwise. This was also a few days before my wedding so we were kind of stuck. She was very well behaved though and hung out with my niece and nephews the whole night.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:45 AM |
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We paid a sitter to be at one central location for those that were OOS or had little ones come to the ceremony but not the reception.
For my sister's wedding they satyed at my mom's house. For my wedding they stayed in a hotel room where we had a block of rooms.
ETA: I have also gone with friends to watch their infants in a hotel room for them while they were at a wedding, both OOS and in the city. No, I didn't charge them!
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:47:48 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:46 AM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
I don't have a lot of children in my family and most of my friends didn't have kids when I got married either, so this wasn't really an issue in general. There were a few out of town guests with children that we welcomed to come. I'd rather have those family members/close friends of the family be able to celebrate with us than not be able to come because of childcare issues. But kids don't really bother me, I think they're fun.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:46 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by smdl
That was a hot topic at the time we both got married. You must have missed the threads on this.
I think a couple is allowed to do as they please since this is their wedding. But they also have to expect that a lot of people won't make it. That's it!
I don't know if I would expect "a lot" of people not to make it. We are both the youngest in our families -- almost all of our siblings and cousins have children. Not one person declined the invite because their children weren't invited or because they couldn't find child care.
I completely would have understood if people couldn't make it because of child care issues, but this was not the case for us (and we had a pretty big wedding).
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:47 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I decided on a child free wedding reception after seeing kids run around a reception hall banging into waiters that were carrying hot food.
A 4 hour reception is a long time to expect children to behave like angels. It's one thing to have them on the dance floor, goofing around. I saw kids crawling under buffet tables while their parents were distracted talking to guests or off taking pictures. I didn't want my guests to deal with that & wanted them to have a good time.
Also for my plate charge for children, I could have hired individual clowns to entertain them at their houses. Instead I opted to pay several babysitters for my OOT guests.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:47 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Kara
Babysitters or in-laws. In my family, not all babysitters have to be related.
One brother had his regular baby sitter watch the kids overnight. One brother had his in-laws watch their child.
My DH's sister had a friend watch her son. Not every single person our siblings know and trust in this world was invited to our wedding...
ETA -- for others, we arranged for a babysitter in the hotel where most of our guests were staying. This way, if people wanted to bring their kids to NY, they still could, but the kids didn't come to the wedding.
Oh duh, I forgot about in-laws.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:48 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
We had several family members comes from out of state, or upstate.
My brother has 2 kids, and they totally understood that we didn't want kids at the wedding. They actually were happy with an excuse to get away.
DH's brother was not as happy, and opted not to come to the wedding. (He lives in Colorado and has 5 children) I believe this was more the doing of his wife than his decision. But in the end, he had a choice and he chose what he wanted to.
So we experienced people on both ends of the spectrum understanding and not liking our decision.
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:51:17 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:50 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by CouponMom
I think it's just because kids can rowdy and not fully enjoy the meaning of a wedding reception. I had mine as adult-only so all the adults could enjoy the reception and not worry about kids running around. IMO it's a very expensive occassion to have ruined by uncontrolled kids (and I would be the FIRST to voluntarily leave my uncontrollable kids home too )
I agree
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:50 AM |
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FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We had an adults only wedding. About 99% of the weddings I have been to have been adults only! My 2 nephews (ring bearers) went home immediately following the ceremony (it started at 8:00 PM!). DS was in a wedding a few months ago and did the same thing. I personally prefer for my children to not come to the reception. I couldn't enjoy it as much as if they were there.
We are going to my cousin's wedding in California in May. His entire side of the family is traveling to get there as we are all from NY/NJ. While my sister and I are making it into a vacation and bringing our children, we will be getting sitters for the night of the wedding. We don't even care if other children will be there, we just don't want our kids there 
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:52 AM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We had an adult only reception - at the request of DH's cousins who have 16 children between them. They wanted to be able to attend a function without their children.
I was planning on inviting all the children, but heeded the cousins' requests.
The only children on my side are my niece and nephew, who were both in attendane as part of the BP.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:53 AM |
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