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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I will add this question to the top: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state? My cousin now resides in NYC, but isn't orignally from there.
Our "policy" for our wedding was "no children under five", and even then, it was only close family. We had our flower girl and ringbearer, obviously, and then a few cousin's children who fell within the age range, and my nephew, who was 1 1/2, but he was an exception, as I am very close to my sister and her family.
We had family who came up from Florida and down from Ithaca. We found a baby sitter (a friend of a friend who I knew), and she watched the kids at the hotel.
I LOVE children, and wouldn't have minded having more at our wedding, but our parents were paying, and did not feel it was appropriate to have all of those little ones there. I also have to add that my sister hired a babysitter to help care for my little nephew during the wedding, so that she could enjoy herself without so much responsibility.
I have been to many adult-only receptions, as well as those who have similar age limits, or who only had the children in the wedding party to the reception.
ETA: I definitely understand the difficulty of finding someone to watch the kids when it is a wedding away from home. Several years before my wedding, we went to a cousin's wedding in GA, and my older nephew was 2 years old and a difficult child. My sister had to leave him with a babysitter at the hotel, and he was screaming. She felt terrible....so I definitely see both sides.
Message edited 1/21/2010 10:55:24 AM.
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Posted 1/21/10 10:53 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had an adult only reception also. Honestly, we spent A LOT of money and it just wasnt the type of affair to have children running around at. Most receptions Ive gone to are adult only, in fact I think Ive only been to one that wasnt, and I dont think anything of it.
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| Posted 1/21/10 10:57 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I also will add that I do not think this is a "NY only" thing either. I lived down south for several years and was a wedding videographer throughout college OOS. I've been to a LOT of weddings (well over 100, more like 200), most of which have been OOS. I can count on one hand with fingers to spare how many weddings I attended that had children other than those in the bridal party.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:04 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by headoverheels
Honestly, I thought it was the norm! I have never been to a wedding where children other than those in the bridal party were invited.
Same here. I didn't invite any children to my wedding but the furthest that people had to travel were 2 hours by car. My reason for not having kids was the expense. I would have had to pay full price for anyone's plate over 5 years old and that would have been a few thousand dollars.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:06 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I think some of the brides arranged to get a babysitter for all the kids. That way, people from OOS can come and their kids are taken care of by someone.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:06 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
We had an adult only reception but none of our immediate family had young children. The closest relative with young children is my husbands 2nd cousins. They got a baby sitter. IMHO a wedding is not for kids unless the bride and groom want them there. I brought my kids to my BFFs wedding because she wanted us there and invited us. She had a lot of children in the wedding. Personally, I feel like the people hosting the wedding are spending a small fortune and why should they have to spend 50-65 for my kids to barely eat anything.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:08 AM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by rojerono
Posted by headoverheels
Honestly, I thought it was the norm! I have never been to a wedding where children other than those in the bridal party were invited.
I assume all receptions are adult only unless my kids are on the card - and I have had a few of those.
I actually sent invitations to the families and the children for my wedding because I really WANTED kids there and I made special accommodations to encourage their attendance.. kids only tables with special centerpieces, babysitters, etc..
ITA - even if it doesnt say Adult Only reception, unless my DS name is on the card, I never even think to bring DS. I didnt note it on our invite and no one brought kids.
Also wanted to add, now that I have kids, it still doesnt bother me.
ETA: most of DHs family is OOS and they ALL made it, without their kids.
ETA again - my DH cousin just got married in DC and it was an adult only wedding, we had no one to watch DS, so he went and I stayed home.
Message edited 1/21/2010 11:15:46 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:10 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Ours was an adult only reception (sat night formal wedding) we had a lot of people coming from out of town but mostly local people were the ones with children. In fact most people asked us to NOT invite their children (including my ILs so they could have a night away) so it was never an issue for us.
My girls have never been invited to any weddings and come to think of it I think I have only been to one wedding that had children -and the bride HAD a child so I expected children there.
I don't think adult only receptions are unusual. It really depends on the type of wedding you have- more formal ones at night tend not have children (unless there is one or two b.c they were the flower girl or ring bearer).
In fact my cousin was married several years ago in TX and they didn't invite children. His sister is getting married this spring (memorial day weekend) and we are not going b.c they are not inviting children. I would have to bring my girls to TX and then they would have to stay at the hotel and I don't have anyone to watch them since my parents will obviously be attending the wedding. They completely understood why we are not going. I would like to go but don't really want to go without DH and that is the only way it would work.
I think the B&G have to understand that they might lose some guests and as long as they are okay with it - it is their day and their wishes. I am never offended if my girls are not invited if someone chooses to not have children in general.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:14 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I had an adult only reception.
In NY.
DH's family lives in MA, FL, and PR.
They thought I was a lunatic. Why is he marrying someone who doesn't like children??
I got a lot of calls...looking for exceptions...I suggested what my parents always did...there was 7 of us. If it was my mom's cousin getting married, my mom went and my dad stayed home. and vice versa....then they thought I did not like children and i was suggesting they party without their husbands.
I have been to weddings, mainly spanish, were kids are running around all over the place. Teeny boppers are bothering DJ to play InSync..
For me, it was an issue of drunk driving as well. More sober seats for carpoolers if their kids weren't coming along.
At the end of the day, one cousin brought their daughter. Some did not come. And that was fine.
eta: i offered up my mother's home and I would hire sitters, they weren't hearing it.
Message edited 1/21/2010 11:15:46 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:15 AM |
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MrsList
Sweet cheeks
Member since 4/09 1696 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I agree with PPs about the extra expense of having little kids and also that they get tired, cranky, and fussy later at night.
They also MAY get bored during the ceremony and start acting up - I couldn't even count how many LIW brides said something about being afraid of a baby crying during their vows when this topic comes up.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:15 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I know this isnt what is being discussd, and that I really lucked out BUT I had a great time with the children at my wedding and am so glad that they are in my pictures. They ate, and danced and drank Shirley Temples and I got down on the floor and played with them - great memories. Then, they fell asleep on some chairs pushed together.
My niece was only 2 at the time, and talks about when Zia was a princess 
The ONLY child who caused a problem was one at the church. The mother decided he would be too rowdy for the reception, but wanted to bring him to the church  and you hear him multiple times in the video, and she never took him out.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:22 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by waterspout4
I grew up with the fact that weddings were a family experience. It was the only time we got to see all of our family, except for funerals. So I guess I was just expecting to see my family. 
Yeah, that's how we were raised as well - all events, weddings, funerals, bar/bat mitzvahs, included all the family, even young toddlers/babies, so the adult only reception really is a novel thing for me.
I think it's also a mostly American thing. My husband literally balked the first time we were told to leave the kids at home, and he's Israeli. Apparently this is a HUGE no-no in Israel (to tell anyone not to bring their kids to an event).
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:24 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Message edited 1/26/2010 10:30:28 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:33 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Message edited 1/26/2010 10:29:14 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:39 AM |
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maybesoon
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Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
ETS that was the only wedding (swan club) I've ever been to that was adult only. My other cousin got married in Oheka castle and all the kids where there.
Message edited 1/21/2010 11:47:37 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:42 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I don't think it's rude at all. I go out with my friends and family who have kids ALL the time. They don't need to bring their children absolutely everywhere with them. It's up to the host of the party to decide who to invite, not the guests to decide who they are entitled to bring.
If you want to pass on a wedding because you have child care issues, fine, I think everyone would understand that. I don't see how it is rude to invite only adults to an adult party, though.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:46 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
I don't have a lot of kids in my family or DH's.
My FG and RB were invited no other kids were--there was only one other relative--they brought their child eventhough her name wasn't on the invite  I did not care at all she is a cutie.
A cple of family friends with kids told me it was their "night off" to have drinks and dance, so they did not want to bring their kids--had they asked I would have said yes.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:47 AM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
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Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I personally think it's rude to expect a couple to pay for EVERYONE'S children to attend a formal affair.
And rude to expect everyone at the wedding to have to step and trip over misbehaved children on the dance floor, the buffet line, wahtever.
Where do you draw the line?
Should we have hired a clown to entertain them as well?
Maybe have the wedding at Chuck E Cheese to accomodate everyone's kids?
I don't see how anyone's wedding guest list is anyone's else's business.
Unless you are paying for it, you shouldn't have a say.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:47 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by Kara
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I don't think it's rude at all. I go out with my friends and family who have kids ALL the time. They don't need to bring their children absolutely everywhere with them. It's up to the host of the party to decide who to invite, not the guests to decide who they are entitled to bring.
If you want to pass on a wedding because you have child care issues, fine, I think everyone would understand that. I don't see how it is rude to invite only adults to an adult party, though.
ITA with you.
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:47 AM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I personally think it's rude to expect a couple to pay for EVERYONE'S children to attend a formal affair.
And rude to expect everyone at the wedding to have to step and trip over misbehaved children on the dance floor, the buffet line, wahtever.
Where do you draw the line?
Should we have hired a clown to entertain them as well?
Maybe have the wedding at Chuck E Cheese to accomodate everyone's kids?
I don't see how anyone's wedding guest list is anyone's else's business.
Unless you are paying for it, you shouldn't have a say.
chuck e cheese , a clown Please 
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:48 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I personally think it's rude to expect a couple to pay for EVERYONE'S children to attend a formal affair.
And rude to expect everyone at the wedding to have to step and trip over misbehaved children on the dance floor, the buffet line, wahtever.
Where do you draw the line?
Should we have hired a clown to entertain them as well?
Maybe have the wedding at Chuck E Cheese to accomodate everyone's kids?
I don't see how anyone's wedding guest list is anyone's else's business.
Unless you are paying for it, you shouldn't have a say.
I could not agree more and I have 2 kids
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:49 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I personally think it's rude to expect a couple to pay for EVERYONE'S children to attend a formal affair.
And rude to expect everyone at the wedding to have to step and trip over misbehaved children on the dance floor, the buffet line, wahtever.
Where do you draw the line?
Should we have hired a clown to entertain them as well?
Maybe have the wedding at Chuck E Cheese to accomodate everyone's kids?
I don't see how anyone's wedding guest list is anyone's else's business.
Unless you are paying for it, you shouldn't have a say.
chuck e cheese , a clown Please
it's a joke, lighten up
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:49 AM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by maybesoon
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
I personally think it's rude to expect a couple to pay for EVERYONE'S children to attend a formal affair.
And rude to expect everyone at the wedding to have to step and trip over misbehaved children on the dance floor, the buffet line, wahtever.
Where do you draw the line?
Should we have hired a clown to entertain them as well?
Maybe have the wedding at Chuck E Cheese to accomodate everyone's kids?
I don't see how anyone's wedding guest list is anyone's else's business.
Unless you are paying for it, you shouldn't have a say.
chuck e cheese , a clown Please
You mean you've never been to a wedding at Chuck E Cheese?
They have a killer "mocktail" hour for the kids.
And the wedding cake is amazing!
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:50 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by maybesoon
my cousin had an adult only reception, at the time I had no kids so I didn't have any issues. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. if it were someone I was not too close with I would pass on the wedding. I personally think its rude to not include a couples children.
ETS that was the only wedding (swan club) I've ever been to that was adult only. My other cousin got married in Oheka castle and all the kids where there.
I think after you have children you will see why others enjoy the night out. 
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:51 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)
Posted by maybesoon
. but if I did have children I would have a big problem with it, and woudl insist my baby come with. .
if you were my family member and INSISTED on bringing your child to MY wedding which is an adult only wedding, I would have told you to stay home...that is a pretty nervy thing to say 
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| Posted 1/21/10 11:51 AM |
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