Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I had one and most of my family lives on Long Island/Queens. I have been to weddings where there were a lot of children and to me it reminded me of a sweet 16 and it took away from the wedding and the bride and groom. I didn't want to have to worry about 20 kids slidding across the dance floor.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

We had an adult only wedding reception. We don't have any little kids that we are close to in our family and we didn't have any kids in our wedding party. Weddings are expensive, I couldn't afford to pay for everyone's kids. Plus everyone was drinking and having a good time, it just wasn't the place for kids.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Im not reading 7 pages of answers. I will only speak of my own wedding. It had nothing to do with money. It was an expensive wedding and the cost for having very small children was minimal at best. For children over a certain age (I Cannot remember the age - but definitely under 12) it was half price.

We had one child under 3 - he was my nephew and ring bearer - he stayed for the entire party - there was a pack n play in the corner of the room and nobody knew it was there (ask the LIFers who atteneded). We had one 18 month old and her 5 year old brother. We had one 2 and a half year old and her 5 yrar old brother. They were part of the ceremony and stayed through the cocktail hour after which they were taken home by grandparents. The reception started at 9. Jewish weddings on Saturday nights often start late because of the Sabbath. I got married in the winter so the Sabbath ended early. Had I gotten married in the spring or summer, the reception may have started closer to 10 or 11. THOSE children were welcome to stay, but their parents wanted them to go home so they could enjoy the function.

Other than that, I did not want small children running around my wedding reception. I don't care what people think. I waited a damn long time to get married, it was my day and if someone was offended that their 2 year old wasn't invited, that is their problem. If someone did not want Abby at their wedding, I'd get a sitter. No questions asked.

Message edited 1/23/2010 11:53:27 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I had one, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

We did let DH's first cousins (the youngest was 10) come b/c they were traveling from all over the country, but we drew the line at that.

Now, as a parent, I wouldn't want to bring DS to a wedding, I want to have fun and not have to worry about a 2 year old being loud. I brought him to my cousin's ceremony last year b/c of timing and he was loud and annoying

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Kara

Posted by waterspout4



ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.

ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)

If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I didnt read through all the pages but it comes down to this for me...

I did have kids at my wedding bc "I" wanted them there. If I received an invite and I had no one to watch my dd ...plain and simple...I wouldnt go. No insult to the bride or groom but I would deal with my situation. I wouldnt be offended nor should they.
I agree its their wedding not mine. I wouldnt want to impose my child on someones wedding that didnt want children. The ONLY time I would be offended if it were mine or my dh's siblings. I truly believe FIRST neices and nephews should be there.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

double post

Message edited 1/23/2010 1:05:59 PM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Kara

Posted by waterspout4



ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.

ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)

If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost.

IN this case, I would ask the bride if she knew of anyone who would want to baby sit

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Kara

Posted by waterspout4



ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.

ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)

If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost.

IN this case, I would ask the bride if she knew of anyone who would want to baby sit

I would NEVER let a stranger watch my child so that would be out for me. I understand the predicament which would mean I would stay home.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Kara

Posted by waterspout4



ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.

ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)

If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost.

IN this case, I would ask the bride if she knew of anyone who would want to baby sit

I would NEVER let a stranger watch my child so that would be out for me. I understand the predicament which would mean I would stay home.

If the bride was your family (or your DH's family) and they recommended a sitter you wouldn't use them? I would! I trust my family!

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Although I had kids at my reception, I wouldn't care if someone didn't want them at theirs. I can see the bonus in no kids, and I see the bonus in having them. As a parent, sometimes it's nice to be without your kids!

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

We had an adults only reception also. DH fought me on this , but I won. We had our 3 nieces who were the flower girls, and they were picked up around 9 and went home. Receptions are not for children, and agree with all the PP's over the cost, the chance they may be uncontrollable, and for the sheer fact that parents can appreciate a night out with ADULT family and friends. I also didnt want guests needing to leave early, because their child was cranky. Some of DH's family had the audacity to call and 'tell us' they were bringing their kids, but a polite phone call from me nixed those plans.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Kara

Posted by waterspout4



ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.

ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)

If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost.

IN this case, I would ask the bride if she knew of anyone who would want to baby sit

I would NEVER let a stranger watch my child so that would be out for me. I understand the predicament which would mean I would stay home.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I had no children under 16 at mine in 1995, except for the bridal party who were my nieces and nephews. I personally thought that was the norm. I surely didnt want little kids running all around the reception hall and if you invite everyones children for 125 kids. it would have been double the amount of people. We had to draw the line somwhere. I don't think this is new, as far back as i can remember people have not been inviting children to weddings

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by Kara

Posted by waterspout4



ETA: If you had an adult only reception, was most of your family out of state?
TIA!

Most of the family was out of state. Even though we got married where I grew up, my brothers had since moved away and DH's entire family lives OOS. We had 4 nieces and nephews at the time and all of our cousins have children as well. It's not that we don't love them or want to spend time with them -- but our wedding wasn't the venue for that.

ETA -- I'll add that none of our siblings would have wanted to bring their children even if they were invited. (We discussed this.)

If it was OOS, who watched the kids? All the adults are at the reception. I am truly so lost.

IN this case, I would ask the bride if she knew of anyone who would want to baby sit

I would NEVER let a stranger watch my child so that would be out for me. I understand the predicament which would mean I would stay home.

If the bride was your family (or your DH's family) and they recommended a sitter you wouldn't use them? I would! I trust my family!

I would NEVER question what my family does for themselves. HOWEVER, Myself and my dh will be the ONLY two to make a decision of who watches my dd NOT my family NOT my dh family. Its not a matter of trust or not trust. Its a matter of me making an adult decision with my husband of who watches our child.

Message edited 1/24/2010 4:54:49 PM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

We are only inviting really close kids we know and interact with on a regular basis. I'm not inviting everyone's kids. I don't even think most people would want their kids there.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

Ours was Adults Only (we did have a FG & RB - so we had to invite their other siblings) so technically we had 4 children - but the youngest was 9 & the oldest 15. Besides the extra cost, we did NOT want to have the hassle of having kids running around, screaming, crying, getting lost, breaking things, etc. I've just seen too much $hit happen at other weddings where it was utter chaos with tons of young kids there. NO THANK YOU. We wanted & wanted our guests to be able to enjoy our evening! Not all of our guests were in-state, & some who had young children were able to find a babysitter & make it to the wedding, and then there were some that could not. We definitely made the right decision & if we had to do all over again - we would do the same thing.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I wanted one- less for the reception but more for the ceremony. I didn't want a baby crying during the wedding. I'm Jewish and our reception immediately follows our ceremony. I did have my 7 and 11 year old cousins there in from Paris. I was more worried about infants and toddlers. But no one i knew had any toddlers so that wasn't really an issue.

My cousin invited his infant baby. She wasn't invited, but he responded he was bringing her. I felt bad and didn't say anything about it. He was flying up from Floriday to NY and his entire family (who are not from this area) was coming- so it wasn't like someone could babysit. So I sucked it up.

The mom took the child out of the chapel for the ceremony. The only thing was when I left my wedding ceremony, she was the first person I saw. So in my fog I got to meet my new cousin for the first time. It was totally fine!!!! The baby was fine during the reception. It was silly of me to even worry about it.

Message edited 1/25/2010 9:22:03 AM.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I had an adult-only affair with the exception of my two nephews and DH's nephew. The ONLY reason they came was because they made a HUGE stink about it. My SIL, I could have made her deal with it....but DH's brother would have refused to come, and I didn't want them to cut ties with each other over it (which is what would have happened, unfortunately).

I never brought the matter up to them, but it still irks me when I think about it. It was extremely rude, but I know in THEIR minds, *I* was the one being rude by not having their children.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I would not go if I couldn't bring my little girl. No matter who the wedding is for.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

I only had my nephews at my wedding. Three of them. One of them cried, wailed, banged his head and threw tantrums throughout the entire ceremony, cocktail hour and sit-down dinner. (We didn't have a traditional "hall" wedding, my MIL died shortly before we got married so we made it very simple.) Anyway, I will never forget the sounds of that kid's screaming and hollering and could kill my sister and BIL for doing nothing to stop it. Blyat.

Re: Adult only wedding receptions- can we please discuss? (One more question added)

We wrestled with this. Our families thought we should allow kids. If we allowed kids across the board, it would've been another 30-40 people on our guest list and we were already tight enough (space and money wise!) as is.

We ended up not saying "Adults Only" specifically but we didn't include the kids' names on the invitation (with the exception of a handful of kids that were invited because they are very close to us or they are OOS). There were a couple that didn't get the hint, but it was fine.

I felt that I was justified in not inviting kids since the youngest people in our bridal party were 11 and 12 and they were junior members, not flower girls or ring bearers. The 12 year old was my brother and the 11 year old was my Goddaughter! I was okay with allowing OOS guests to bring their kids. I have step-cousins in Alaska so if they were going to make the trip, I wasn't going to say no to their kids!