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kathleeng
Member since 5/05 3775 total posts
Name:
Kathleen
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by johnsae
There just aren't enough hours in the day to do both WELL.
I completely disagree with you and think that is a silly statement. I am a BETTER mom because I work and I am damn good at my job--present work issues aside of course 
Are there enough hours in the day, never...but each minute I have is doing what I love and spending time with my darling Bella...I spend a lot less time napping or being bored.
And in re: to bonding...my DH will be the first one to say with an eye roll and much frustration that when I am in the room, no one else exists to her...I am the first thing she sees in the morning and the last thing at night (most of the time) and I love her...we do what works for us.
Not trying to add fuel to the fire and I am not a mom yet, but I agree with Kelly's post. As I said in a previous post, I admire and respect both Working moms and SAHM's.
My mom was very similar to how Kelly describes herself. She loved to teach AND be a mom. While it was hard, she found the balance rewarding and it worked for her. It also made her a happier mom because her career gave her fulfillment. ALL of my mom's extra time was spend with us. Even if my dad made all the money in the world (which he far from did) she probably would have worked.
I think this discussion always gets heated becaused every mom is just so different. Some find the fulfillment staying home with the kids, others prefer going back to work.
What is right for the mom and what makes her happy, generally makes a happier family.
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Posted 10/11/06 2:05 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by kathleeng
What is right for the mom and what makes her happy, generally makes a happier family.
exactly...
It does get heated, but I do see it from both sides.
My thing is never tell me I am LESS of a mom because I work...then I get mad...
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| Posted 10/11/06 2:13 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
there is nothing wrong with being a working mom, you do what you need to do for your family.
We as woman are not only moms, we still need to feel fullfilled in every aspect of our lives.
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| Posted 10/11/06 2:19 PM |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Let's just all agree that each family does what is right for them. Let's be happy for each other - happy for the SAHMs who are satisfied and happy for the working Moms who are satisfied.
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| Posted 10/11/06 2:24 PM |
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johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by Kate
Let's just all agree that each family does what is right for them. Let's be happy for each other - happy for the SAHMs who are satisfied and happy for the working Moms who are satisfied.
I agree. 
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| Posted 10/11/06 2:28 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by Aliasmom
We as woman are not only moms, we still need to feel fullfilled in every aspect of our lives.
i agree.
wherever your happiness stems from... following that is all that matters.
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| Posted 10/11/06 2:28 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by Aliasmom
We as woman are not only moms, we still need to feel fullfilled in every aspect of our lives.
Well said.
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| Posted 10/11/06 2:33 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:34 PM |
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johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
Like I said before - we are all entitled to our opinions. Until I see someone in my own life that does both well, I will continue to feel the way I do. Maybe I have just observed women that have set bad examples for the rest of the world, but I can't help what my experiences have been.
Message edited 10/11/2006 4:47:56 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:46 PM |
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TwoGirls4Me
Treasure what you have
Member since 5/05 1839 total posts
Name:
Marie
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:48 PM |
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lorich
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Member since 6/05 9987 total posts
Name:
Grammie says "Lora Gina"
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by johnsae
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
Like I said before - we are all entitled to our opinions. Until I see someone in my own life that does both well, I will continue to feel the way I do. Maybe I have just observed women that have set bad examples for the rest of the world, but I can't help what my experiences have been.
Understood, but if you have women on this board telling you differently either from their own experience as a child (like myself) or as a Mother like many on here....don't you think you should be a little more open minded?
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:49 PM |
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johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by lorich
Posted by johnsae
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
Like I said before - we are all entitled to our opinions. Until I see someone in my own life that does both well, I will continue to feel the way I do. Maybe I have just observed women that have set bad examples for the rest of the world, but I can't help what my experiences have been.
Understood, but if you have women on this board telling you differently either from their own experience as a child (like myself) or as a Mother like many on here....don't you think you should be a little more open minded?
Doing it and saying it are two different things. I am definitely open minded to watching it happen with someone I know 
ETA: to add that I have only had negative experiences with working with women who are not good at doing both, hence the reason I feel so strongly about this.
I wish I could tell you some of the heartbreaking things that I saw with my old bosses who were both very successful women....their kids were literally hanging onto their legs begging for more attention. I have no doubt that other women can be better at the balance than the women I watched on a day-to-day basis for so many years. All I know is that I left those jobs being very jaded (obviously).
Message edited 10/11/2006 4:53:47 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:50 PM |
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lorich
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Member since 6/05 9987 total posts
Name:
Grammie says "Lora Gina"
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by johnsae
Doing it and saying it are two different things. I am definitely open minded to watching it happen with someone I know
Yeah...I see your point. Well...I promise you...no *stories* here! My Mom ROCKED! 
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:52 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by johnsae
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
Like I said before - we are all entitled to our opinions. Until I see someone in my own life that does both well, I will continue to feel the way I do. Maybe I have just observed women that have set bad examples for the rest of the world, but I can't help what my experiences have been.
Ignorance is no excuse - take a look on the parenting board for just one day and you'll witness a MULTITUDE of professional, career-driven, successful mommies who are raising the most adorable, sweet little babies, while advancing their careers.
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:56 PM |
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johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by johnsae
To me (and there are many, many studies that prove the point) - IF you can afford to stay home it is more beneficial to your children.
I think you need to be careful to make these kind of judgments before you're even in the position to grapple with this issue personally. As for studies, there are a gazillion studies that also state that raising a child as a working mother, and bringing your child to daycare is tremendously beneficial - to both mom and child. I grew up with a working mother, and I have nothing but the most tremendous respect for her. She raised myself and my brothers to be honest, independent, ambitious, kind, intelligent people. Never once did I ever regret it or hold it against her, in fact, I look up to her as the best role model that a woman can be for teaching her young daughter that she does not have to put her professional goals and aspirations on hold, or at a halt completely... it can be done Johnsae, and it CAN be done well, as my mother did, as I am doing with my daughter, and as all the wonderful working moms do on the Parenting Board.
Like I said before - we are all entitled to our opinions. Until I see someone in my own life that does both well, I will continue to feel the way I do. Maybe I have just observed women that have set bad examples for the rest of the world, but I can't help what my experiences have been.
Ignorance is no excuse - take a look on the parenting board for just one day and you'll witness a MULTITUDE of professional, career-driven, successful mommies who are raising the most adorable, sweet little babies, while advancing their careers.
You know I am really getting sick and tired of being called IGNORANT on this thread. I am entitled to my opinion people!!!!!! I swear...can we not have an adult conversation without it turning into name calling?
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| Posted 10/11/06 4:58 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by johnsae
Posted by nov04libride
I just don't know how I could possibly be a mom with my job! I am exhausted as it is...I feel like I would be being a mom half-@ss and doing my job half-@ss too! I'd like to be a working mom...But I work late, come in early, take work home with me...
Anyone with me?
Exactly my point. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do both WELL.
my Mom did it all and them some
she was a teacher and union rep-
ran a special sports program after school for special needs childern- which she started
she coached everything for us, was the girl scout leader
never missed a beat, dance recital, game
she cooked dinner, cleaned- went out on dates with my Dad- worked out every day
she was truely a super woman and a role model for me in every way
would I have liked her to be able to be the class mom - sure- but she was working for OUR future
all 3 of us went to college paid for by my parents- and we weren't given any restrictions- that is pretty valuable to me plus we made the most of the weekends- she was always home to help with homework etc
and like I said on the other post- I also had a great nanny who was a huge part of my life- and also helped shaped who I am- so I had 2 great women to help me learn
she gave everything her all-
edited to add- nevermind
Message edited 10/11/2006 5:07:37 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/06 5:04 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by johnsae
I wish I could tell you some of the heartbreaking things that I saw with my old bosses who were both very successful women....their kids were literally hanging onto their legs begging for more attention. I have no doubt that other women can be better at the balance than the women I watched on a day-to-day basis for so many years. All I know is that I left those jobs being very jaded (obviously).
Ok, I'm sorry about the ignorant comment - it was unjustified - my apologies - BUT, let me ask you this - why is it these moms, in your opinion, were BAD moms because they were working moms? DId it cross your mind that maybe they just s&ck generally? Why does it necessarily have anything to do with the fact that they are WORKING MOTHERS? Mothers can be bad - SAHM's AND working moms... and I really don't think that working per se equates to a bad mother or a neglectful one...
Message edited 10/11/2006 5:07:04 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/06 5:06 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by lorich
Ok...I need someone to shed a light as to why it's bad to be a working Mom????
really EASY...UNCOMPLICATED, NO ROOM FOR MISINTERPRETATION ANSWER....
are ya ready
are ya sure
this is a good one
a real dooooooooozy
ANSWER: IT ISN'T
 
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| Posted 10/11/06 6:42 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
My mom was a working mom because she had to be, she was a single mom and I definitely feel I suffered for it. Did she do the best she could and do I appreciate it, sure but I feel like I missed out on a lot. I remember being in different daycares, babysitters some of which weren't all that nice, being a latch key kid, never having my mom be able to be the one to go on field trips or pick me up from school if I was sick. Things like that. I want to be their for my children and participate in their lives as much as possible and I am grateful that I have the option to do so.
My mom was also exhausted and stressed out at the end of the day after commuting to NYC and really didn't have much left to give me when she got home.
I feel like maybe we would be closer if things were different. Maybe not though. It's one of those things you just have to wonder.
It's not bad to be a working mom it's just not something I want to do FT given the choice.
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| Posted 10/11/06 6:50 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by monkeybride
My mom was a working mom because she had to be, she was a single mom and I definitely feel I suffered for it. Did she do the best she could and do I appreciate it, sure but I feel like I missed out on a lot. I remember being in different daycares, babysitters some of which weren't all that nice, being a latch key kid, never having my mom be able to be the one to go on field trips or pick me up from school if I was sick. Things like that. I want to be their for my children and participate in their lives as much as possible and I am grateful that I have the option to do so.
My mom was also exhausted and stressed out at the end of the day after commuting to NYC and really didn't have much left to give me when she got home.
I feel like maybe we would be closer if things were different. Maybe not though. It's one of those things you just have to wonder.
It's not bad to be a working mom it's just not something I want to do FT given the choice.
But you CAN do those things AND be a working mom. I have worked throughout my children's lives and have gone on field trips and have picked them up everytime they were sick. I have chosen to work closer to home so I can be there for them if they need me. Yes, the money might be better if I commuted, but right now, it is about the kids.
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| Posted 10/11/06 7:25 PM |
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VirginiaDeb
Don't eat me, hippo!
Member since 5/05 9252 total posts
Name:
Deb
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
My mom was guilted into being a SAHM for the first four year by my grandmother... which probably wasn't very beneficial. She had to go back when my dad left her though...
I think it's a personal choice and just not right for everyone. Me, I know that I want to stay home for the first year or so, but after that I just would feel guilty about not using my degree...
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| Posted 10/11/06 7:35 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by monkeybride
My mom was a working mom because she had to be, she was a single mom and I definitely feel I suffered for it. Did she do the best she could and do I appreciate it, sure but I feel like I missed out on a lot. I remember being in different daycares, babysitters some of which weren't all that nice, being a latch key kid, never having my mom be able to be the one to go on field trips or pick me up from school if I was sick. Things like that. I want to be their for my children and participate in their lives as much as possible and I am grateful that I have the option to do so.
My mom was also exhausted and stressed out at the end of the day after commuting to NYC and really didn't have much left to give me when she got home.
I feel like maybe we would be closer if things were different. Maybe not though. It's one of those things you just have to wonder.
It's not bad to be a working mom it's just not something I want to do FT given the choice.
But you CAN do those things AND be a working mom. I have worked throughout my children's lives and have gone on field trips and have picked them up everytime they were sick. I have chosen to work closer to home so I can be there for them if they need me. Yes, the money might be better if I commuted, but right now, it is about the kids.
Maybe YOU can but not everyone can so please don't generalize.
My mom worked in the city and we lived in Long Beach. She wasn't some big shot and couldn't just leave or take of whenever she needed to so NO she couldn't be a working mom and do those thing.
I also could NOT do those things with my child if I worked FT. I am a pharmacist. We put our vacation for the following year in during the month of November of the previous year. If I'm lucky sure I can get off but that doesn't always happen with a shortage of pharmacists. I would have to work holidays (Christmas and Thanksgiving included) and could not drop my child at school or get them off the bus so again not everyone is in your situation.
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| Posted 10/11/06 8:29 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by monkeybride
My mom was a working mom because she had to be, she was a single mom and I definitely feel I suffered for it. Did she do the best she could and do I appreciate it, sure but I feel like I missed out on a lot. I remember being in different daycares, babysitters some of which weren't all that nice, being a latch key kid, never having my mom be able to be the one to go on field trips or pick me up from school if I was sick. Things like that. I want to be their for my children and participate in their lives as much as possible and I am grateful that I have the option to do so.
My mom was also exhausted and stressed out at the end of the day after commuting to NYC and really didn't have much left to give me when she got home.
I feel like maybe we would be closer if things were different. Maybe not though. It's one of those things you just have to wonder.
It's not bad to be a working mom it's just not something I want to do FT given the choice.
But you CAN do those things AND be a working mom. I have worked throughout my children's lives and have gone on field trips and have picked them up everytime they were sick. I have chosen to work closer to home so I can be there for them if they need me. Yes, the money might be better if I commuted, but right now, it is about the kids.
Maybe YOU can but not everyone can so please don't generalize.
My mom worked in the city and we lived in Long Beach. She wasn't some big shot and couldn't just leave or take of whenever she needed to so NO she couldn't be a working mom and do those thing.
I also could NOT do those things with my child if I worked FT. I am a pharmacist. We put our vacation for the following year in during the month of November of the previous year. If I'm lucky sure I can get off but that doesn't always happen with a shortage of pharmacists. I would have to work holidays (Christmas and Thanksgiving included) and could not drop my child at school or get them off the bus so again not everyone is in your situation.
Believe me, I am no one at work-lol!! I understand that not all jobs are flexible. Mine is really not but I saved up alot of vacation time over the years and now it is used for when my kids are off or need to go someplace. I would love to stay home or at least just work pt but we need the money and my job is just that, a job. I do not want a career as I have too much on my plate now with a house, husband, dog and 2 kids.
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| Posted 10/11/06 8:57 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: 6 millionth spinoff to SAHM
I think it's awful that WOMEN are so judgemental towards each other regarding this whole SAHM vs. Working Mom thing .....Doing what YOU FEEL is best for YOUR FAMILY is what makes a good mother - Staying home 'for your kids' doesn't automatically = Mommy of the year, Going to workdoe snot automatically = Selfish and Neglectful
I think there are 2 sides to the coin in BOTH situations.
IF choose to be a SAHM I"m sure there will be a part of me that feels I'm missing out on my career, that I'm wasting my education, that I could be doing more, contributing more financially etc etc
If I choose to be a Working Mom, I'm sure there will a part of me that feels tremendous guilt for doing so, like I'm missing things I shouldn't be missing, like I'm leaving my kids for someone else to raise ...etc etc. -
I don't have any children yet, but I KNOW that being a Mother HAS TO BE the single most DIFFICULT thing a woman will do -
It's not 1940, our 'expectations' of our lives are not as simple anymore. - We have a million more opportunities, and CHOICES - CHOOSING to be a SAHM or CHOOSING to be a Working Mom -
Don't attack or judge a mother for either ......it's her personal decision. As long as her children are healthy and happy, who is ANYONE to say whether it's right or wrong ??
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| Posted 10/11/06 9:14 PM |
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