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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Someone on FB posted a blog she wrote about attachment parenting...(she won't really call it AP, she doesn't like labels but i guess that is what it is..).
I was kinda surprised that she wrote she doesn't force manners on her kids..the words "say please" and "say thank you" have never escaped her lips.
I don't think this prob goes along with all principles of attachment parenting although I'm not sure.
I don't care how she parents (although it couldn't be more opposite from me, lol) but that ONE thing bothered me.
I definitely have taught my kids manners from day one. And i know there is prob a difference of "forcing" versus "teaching". I get that. But if someone gives my child something, or if they want something they are ALWAYS to say please and thank you. I think it is one of the best things you can do for your child.
Even my 18 month old says "PEEEZ?" and "fank you!" to everyone.
Thoughts?
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Posted 1/19/11 10:46 AM  |
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MrsMagoo
LIF Infant
Member since 1/07 111 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Manners are important in our family, and our 15 month old knows to say "Peeaz" when she asks for something. We are still working the "Thank You" and she does say it in her own way sometimes. I dont think we are "forcing" it on her, but "teaching" her to be polite.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:49 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I do push manners on my kids because it's one of the things that is important to me. My older DS has some behavioral issues and it's challenging enough to deal with that sometimes, I refuse to allow for him to be rude/disrespectful as well.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:51 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
It's amazing what a simple please and thank you will do in certain situations.
I think anyone not teaching their child please and thank you are doing them a disservice.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:51 AM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I wouldn't say I practiced attachment parenting per se, I'm not into a label for my parenting, though we did practice some aspects of it (no CIO, wearing DS when very young and colicky, etc.). Basically we did what worked for us.
But I don't see why teaching manners at a certain point goes against attachment parenting? I don't think it does really, this owe Mom probably choses not to do it. I think it's a diservice though--kids need to learn some basic manners. DS is 3 now, and we often get orders from him "I want milk now," etc. So I insist that he ask nicely (he knows what this means) before I get him milk. Usually he does it--I don't see this as forcing my will on him, but whatever.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:52 AM |
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mommyIam
Member since 7/09 9209 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I don't know about AP, but I know about RIE, its a little unheard of but in a whole approach in parenting that gives kids confidence, starts with infancy.
It also teaches, not to force a child to "say please" and "say thank you" or even "im sorry", those things should come genuinely from the child. If they don't that's fine. They learn from example. So you make a point to have manners, I'm sure your kids will follow.
Its not about not teaching them manners. Its about not forcing them to falsify their feelings.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:57 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Yes I force manners on my kids but more importantly I say please & thank you too. Young kids follow by example.
I think she's doing a disservice for her kids not to teach them it.
I get the theory that the feeling of please & thank you should be there along with the words but my feeling is you get the words first & then your kids can put the word to the feeling - just like having them say "I'm angry" to be able to express anger.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:58 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by cjik
I wouldn't say I practiced attachment parenting per se, I'm not into a label for my parenting, though we did practice some aspects of it (no CIO, wearing DS when very young and colicky, etc.). Basically we did what worked for us.
But I don't see why teaching manners at a certain point goes against attachment parenting? I don't think it does really, this owe Mom probably choses not to do it. I think it's a diservice though--kids need to learn some basic manners. DS is 3 now, and we often get orders from him "I want milk now," etc. So I insist that he ask nicely (he knows what this means) before I get him milk. Usually he does it--I don't see this as forcing my will on him, but whatever.
Yeah, i don't think the manners thing goes along with attachment parenting...
But i thought maybe it has something to do with forcing something upon children that isn't their natural response...who knows?? I'm going to look up more about it b/c I'm curious.
They may very well teach their kids to say please and thank you, however maybe she means that she will never make her kids say it if it doesn't come out of their mouths...
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:59 AM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Manners should be taught and if it means forcing them to say "please" or "thank you" until they get the concept - so be it.
IMO - This world is so "me, me, me" driven - not teaching/forcing children to have manners is just adding to this mentality.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:01 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by mommyIam
I don't know about AP, but I know about RIE, its a little unheard of but in a whole approach in parenting that gives kids confidence, starts with infancy.
It also teaches, not to force a child to "say please" and "say thank you" or even "im sorry", those things should come genuinely from the child. If they don't that's fine. They learn from example. So you make a point to have manners, I'm sure your kids will follow.
Its not about not teaching them manners. Its about not forcing them to falsify their feelings.
Do you think its falsifying feelings though to have a child say thank you if handed a gift? I don't think thats the case at all..I think that a child is a child, and although they are happy to get a gift, they don't always say thank you...and i believe parents should reinforce "say thank you" if they aren't doing it on their own...EVEN if the child doesn't repeat it, i think a parent should encourage it. No?
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:01 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by BriBri2u
Manners should be taught and if it means forcing them to say "please" or "thank you" until they get the concept - so be it.
IMO - This world is so "me, me, me" driven - not teaching/forcing children to have manners is just adding to this mentality.
Couldn't agree more.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:02 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I agree with you. There's a difference between teaching and forcing manners. You teach your child to say please and thank you - but you can choose to not force them to eat dinner sitting down or with a fork 
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:02 AM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by BriBri2u
Manners should be taught and if it means forcing them to say "please" or "thank you" until they get the concept - so be it.
IMO - This world is so "me, me, me" driven - not teaching/forcing children to have manners is just adding to this mentality.
I completely agree.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:03 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
While they aren't a necessity like food and water, manners go a long way for socialization and getting what you want out of this world, so yes, I teach it very firmly to my children.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:05 AM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by mommyIam
I don't know about AP, but I know about RIE, its a little unheard of but in a whole approach in parenting that gives kids confidence, starts with infancy.
It also teaches, not to force a child to "say please" and "say thank you" or even "im sorry", those things should come genuinely from the child. If they don't that's fine. They learn from example. So you make a point to have manners, I'm sure your kids will follow.
Its not about not teaching them manners. Its about not forcing them to falsify their feelings.
Not trying to start an argument, but I disagree with this. Maybe when they are really little, it's fine to let it go for a bit (especially if the speech is not there), ,but once they can speak well, some basic manners are needed. At 3, my son's natural response is to bellow his demands and snatch things without saying thank you. Totally normal, but at this point, he has the words, and I think it's time for him to learn how to respect others by asking without shouting and sayind please or thank you. How is this falsifying his feelings?
If I don't teach him now, I really think it's going to get harder later. JMO.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:07 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Just this morning johnny goes "i need a juice box mom". So i stood there with it in my hands and he kept saying "juice box mom, i'm thirsty!!" and i go "its funny because i didn't hear a nice word with that request.." and he goes "oh, please mom can i please have a juice box?".
LOL.
So even though i have taught manners from an early age doesn't mean its always natural. But i will NOT give my kids something if it is demanded...manners go a long long way...I LOVE when i see polite kids using please and thank you...it is so important in todays world...to me, at least.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:07 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
hell yes.
hell hell hell yes.
what is the reasoning?
I force a lot of things on my kid. manners. good behavior. discipline. tennis
I thought that is what we were for. guiding them. teaching them. instructing them on the "rights" and the "wrongs".
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:07 AM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I don't care what type of parenting you want to call it but if my child is misbehaving and hits me (accidentally or on purpose) an "I'm sorry" is mandatory. Just like when he wants a drink I don't accept "Mommy, juice" he needs to say, "Mommy, juice please". The only way he will learn that is by example or by us prompting him and I see nothing wrong with that.
I think manners are important, it is a form of respect and everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:09 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by nrthshgrl
Yes I force manners on my kids but more importantly I say please & thank you too. Young kids follow by example.
I agree.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:09 AM |
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mommyIam
Member since 7/09 9209 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by maybebaby
Do you think its falsifying feelings though to have a child say thank you if handed a gift?
NOT AT ALL! But I wont be over his shoulder, "now say thank you to Aunt Sara"
I will say thank you, from myself, if I am thankful. And if my child can verbalize he will have learned from me to be thankful for gifts and say it on his own. If he doesn't or hasn't yet grasped that a gift is something to be thankful for, then be it, I wont force it.
Posted by maybebaby
I don't think thats the case at all..I think that a child is a child, and although they are happy to get a gift, they don't always say thank you...
and i believe parents should reinforce "say thank you" if they aren't doing it on their own...EVEN if the child doesn't repeat it, i think a parent should encourage it. No?
I disagree I think children who are happy to get gifts will show thanks in their own way, until they learn to express it the way the receiver expects. And when they do learn, they should be genuine about what they know and understand.
I think its fine, for a parent to say "Thank you for the gift you gave Johnny, that was very nice" But I will never say "Johnny, say thank you". I hope that he will pick up, that its generous for someone to give any gift and will be thankful genuinely regardless of what it is.
I think "say thank you" teaches them nothing, but that they are your puppet.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:09 AM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by maybebaby
Just this morning johnny goes "i need a juice box mom". So i stood there with it in my hands and he kept saying "juice box mom, i'm thirsty!!" and i go "its funny because i didn't hear a nice word with that request.." and he goes "oh, please mom can i please have a juice box?".
LOL.
So even though i have taught manners from an early age doesn't mean its always natural. But i will NOT give my kids something if it is demanded...manners go a long long way...I LOVE when i see polite kids using please and thank you...it is so important in todays world...to me, at least.
This is exactly what we do--we don't yell at him or give him time outs for not saying please or thank you, but we remind him to ask nicely, he usually does it right away, but he doesn't get what he wants until he does ask nicely.
I think it's really important kids learn some basic respect for their parents, and others (teachers, other kids, etc.)
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:10 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by BriBri2u
Manners should be taught and if it means forcing them to say "please" or "thank you" until they get the concept - so be it.
IMO - This world is so "me, me, me" driven - not teaching/forcing children to have manners is just adding to this mentality.
I totally agree.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:14 AM |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by Ophelia
hell yes.
hell hell hell yes.
what is the reasoning?
I force a lot of things on my kid. manners. good behavior. discipline. tennis
I thought that is what we were for. guiding them. teaching them. instructing them on the "rights" and the "wrongs".
This (minus the tennis)! 
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:14 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by mommyIam
I think "say thank you" teaches them nothing, but that they are your puppet.
no. it instructs them the proper way to respond to a situation.
I can say thank you to the gift giver for my part. but having THE CHILD also give thanks, and instructing them how to say it the child to 1)verbally express feelings and 2) it gives ownership.
it's not MY place to say thank you for something given to my son. it's his place. and MY job to teach him his place.
Message edited 1/19/2011 11:16:21 AM.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:15 AM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Manners are very important to me and DH and I expect my children to have good manners. It does kind of bug me sometimes if DH requires DS to say please for things that he needs and can't do for himself. I don't want to make my child beg for his dinner if that makes any sense. I'm not even sure it makes sense, but I do somethimes find myself feeling bad about it. Maybe i'm just crazy, idk.
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:15 AM |
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