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Teachergal
We made a snowman!
Member since 1/08 3239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I agree with many of the PP about this topic. Yes children learn by example and modeling but many children need explicit teaching about how to socialize with others. Saying "please" and "thank you" is becoming lost in our society. I can tell you from first hand experience in a school setting, as teachers, we are needing to directly teach social skills because the kids are NOT picking it up at home.
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Posted 1/19/11 6:41 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Manner, even the simplest "please" and "thank you", go a long way in my book.
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| Posted 1/19/11 7:02 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Hmm, well, I happen to think that "forcing" a child to say please and thank you is helping them to learn to function in society. Gratitude and appreciation are things that many adults don't even have, but that doesn't give them the right to be rude.
It's natural for a child to be narcissistic, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't have manners. Who cares if they really feel grateful? It's part of functioning in our society in the appropriate way.
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| Posted 1/19/11 7:23 PM |
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
All I can say is I don't care. Sienna will learn please thank you and I'm sorry or it is going to be a very long and boring life for her. And she will learn what a thank you note is.
I do agree with the fact that it shouldn't be forced in the sense it should be genuine, which is why not only have I used please and thank you from day 1, but the reason why I will consistently explain to her the importance of please and thank you as she grows. Yes, at 18 months, she may not grasp the complexities of thankfulness, but as she grows she will. But I still think in the meantime until she knows what it means that I should coach her until she is old enough for me to really make her understand.
I also agree with the PP who said this society is getting too "me" driven. You want to be an individual? Great. But you will be a polite individual. That is on my list of non-negotiables.
At what point do we stop deferring to our children? All we are doing is teaching them that if it is not fun or exciting or self gratifying, it is not worth doing. This is going to leave us with a generation of young people who have no work ethic, who are lazy, self indulgent, and sorry to say, but stupid as compared to children raised in other countries where they aren't so free to be "me".
This is just an example. What's next? Is Mayim Bialik going to tell us how she doesn't make her children sit in car seats because they are too confining and they should have freedom of movement?  Come on.
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| Posted 1/19/11 7:38 PM |
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
As adults, we have to falsify our feelings all the time- for example, how many of us work with people we dislike? But we have to create some semblance of harmony. The reality is, part of what we do prepares kids to deal with those situations where you feel one way but must act in another.
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| Posted 1/19/11 7:38 PM |
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FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
We used to say "Say please" to DS1 so often that he thought the word was "a-peeze" 
DS2, on the other hand, one of his very first words was thank you (even before momma!)
I think, in many cases, like AP have said, it is a "learned thing", as in, if you are saying please, thank you and I'm sorry, the child will have it as a part of their vocabulary. If all they learn is give me that or the like, that is what they will learn 
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| Posted 1/19/11 7:42 PM |
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curiousgeorge
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 867 total posts
Name:
MAMA
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I think we can lead by example. My 18 month old has been saying thank you for the past two months. I hand her something that she likes and she thanks me. I give her food and she says thank you. She also says please and YES please. Now that I know she understands, if she does forget, we will remind her and then she will say it.
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:13 PM |
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labonnevie
sometimes 1+1= 4 <3
Member since 8/09 3869 total posts
Name:
the lucky one
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
First, I want to address that I will ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY be teaching my DD manners. I've encountered so many RUDE children during my teaching 'career' and daily life that it sickens me. It's a part of life, and I will not FORCE but TEACH my DD what it means.
Posted by mommyIam
But why wouldn't he be "taught" from your example, or caretakers example alone?
So do you plan on not showing or teaching your son how to brush his teeth or take a shower? Those daily hygiene 'tasks' need to be taught and sometimes forced when kids get older. What if your son never catches on? You're just going to let him wait to catch his cue from you?
Let's be real, somethings need to be TAUGHT and ENFORCED, not just shown the way.
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:17 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by neener1211
It's amazing what a simple please and thank you will do in certain situations.
I think anyone not teaching their child please and thank you are doing them a disservice.
ITA
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:23 PM |
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labonnevie
sometimes 1+1= 4 <3
Member since 8/09 3869 total posts
Name:
the lucky one
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by dawnygirl25
Posted by neener1211
It's amazing what a simple please and thank you will do in certain situations.
I think anyone not teaching their child please and thank you are doing them a disservice.
ITA
AMEN!  
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:26 PM |
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jerseychick
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3923 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by Teachergal
I agree with many of the PP about this topic. Yes children learn by example and modeling but many children need explicit teaching about how to socialize with others.
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. As a teacher, I can model all I want, but the bottom line is that many children need explicit instruction.
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:31 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I know two children who have been raised this way....without forcing manners. I can tell you they have a terrible reputation and rarely get invited places. Their parents are doing them a terrible disservice.
Ages 7 and 4.
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:38 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
I don't force it....but I do lead by example. And Lily has wonderful manners (most of the time )
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| Posted 1/19/11 8:41 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Manners are EXTREMELY important in our family. I have zero tolerance for an ill mannered child.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:13 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
In my house.....
You say please....
You say thank you....
You speak when spoken too...
You say excuse me....
You say bless you when someone sneezes...
You say you're sorry when you are wrong....
If you dont I will remind you of what proper manners are and what is expected of you. End of story....
Message edited 1/19/2011 10:22:02 PM.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:21 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by nrthshgrl
Yes I force manners on my kids but more importantly I say please & thank you too. Young kids follow by example.
I think she's doing a disservice for her kids not to teach them it.
I get the theory that the feeling of please & thank you should be there along with the words but my feeling is you get the words first & then your kids can put the word to the feeling - just like having them say "I'm angry" to be able to express anger.
I completely agree!
I force manners..I prompt my son when he fails to be polite or show appreciation and above all...DH and I make sure that please and thank you are stated often.
I think it's important to say please and thank you to my children as well. To Barb's point...you have to lead by example.
Beyond that I tell Lucas constantly.."everytime you pass a friend you have to say hello" I am so disappointed by what I see around me. There is such a disconnect but I refuse to allow that to be acceptable.
Message edited 1/19/2011 10:36:16 PM.
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| Posted 1/19/11 10:33 PM |
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
No, No reason to teach good manners. . 
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:16 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by hbugal
In my house.....
You say please....
You say thank you....
You speak when spoken too...
You say excuse me....
You say bless you when someone sneezes...
You say you're sorry when you are wrong....
If you dont I will remind you of what proper manners are and what is expected of you. End of story....
I agree!
I laugh because my 3yo may not listen when I ask him to do something, but he will turn to me and so "no thank you mommy, I dont want to doXXX"
I also laughed when I heard him lecturing his cousin about how its rude to ignore someone when they speak to yoU!
I force manners, I have no issue with that, I used to have to say "say thank you or say please or say good bye to Grandpa....
Now I say "where are your manners" and he knows!
I get compliments on how well behaved he is so I do feel my "forcing" has done some good!
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| Posted 1/19/11 11:35 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by Salason
Manners are HUGELY important in our house. We model it but if he "forgets" to say it, he is strongly reminded to (eg "What do you say?"
Same here
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| Posted 1/20/11 7:17 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by hbugal
In my house.....
You say please....
You say thank you....
You speak when spoken too...
You say excuse me....
You say bless you when someone sneezes...
You say you're sorry when you are wrong....
If you dont I will remind you of what proper manners are and what is expected of you. End of story....
now, can you teach these to adults such as my IL's.? They never learned them as kids & it shows.
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| Posted 1/20/11 7:33 AM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by MrsMagoo
Manners are important in our family, and our 15 month old knows to say "Peeaz" when she asks for something. We are still working the "Thank You" and she does say it in her own way sometimes. I dont think we are "forcing" it on her, but "teaching" her to be polite.
I totally forced Peeez on my child. Thank you.. we are working on it. It's two words and he just really isn't there yet with two words at 20 months. So I just say.. "oohhh Say Thank You, Thank You" and move one.
I think it will come.. but, yeah.. teaching mannars is important. But, i guess this person is teaching by example.. In other words if her child is always with her then she models the correct behaviors. I think it could work. Don't our kids pick up bad habits without being taught them? I yelled "no" at my Mom's crazy azz dog and waved my finger in his face.. guess what Liam is doing all day long to the dog now? KWIM?
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| Posted 1/20/11 7:59 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
LOVE it! LOL!!
"Daddy but I want an oompa loompa NOW!!"
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| Posted 1/20/11 8:23 AM |
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jprimrose
I love my little munchkins!
Member since 10/05 3939 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
We teach our kids manners both by example and directly teaching them. I definitely think they learned a lot of their manners by watching other people. For example when I am trying to pass one of my children I always try to say excuse me and now I hear my 2 and 3 year old say it when they are trying to pass each other. If they ask me for something and they forget please I always say, What do you say, and they say please. We taught them about saying sorry when you purposely hurt someone or do something by mistake and now they just say it.
I mean we teach them a lot of words to children before they truly understand them and then as their language gets better they learn how to use them in context. I think it is the same with manners. We don't force them on them with time outs and punishment we teach them like we did other language.
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| Posted 1/20/11 8:41 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
If you dont force it on them, how will they learn it then?
Yes i force it, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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| Posted 1/20/11 9:15 AM |
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labonnevie
sometimes 1+1= 4 <3
Member since 8/09 3869 total posts
Name:
the lucky one
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Re: Do you force manners on your kids (question regarding blog from Mayim Bialik)
Posted by hbugal
In my house.....
You say please....
You say thank you....
You speak when spoken too...
You say excuse me....
You say bless you when someone sneezes...
You say you're sorry when you are wrong....
If you dont I will remind you of what proper manners are and what is expected of you. End of story....
This is what I will do, as it was expected from me, and I led *by example*
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| Posted 1/20/11 10:13 AM |
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