Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

REWORDED......

For the people that want to bring their kids everywhere and are hesitant to do things without them......

Why?

And I'm HONESTLY asking, not being malicious or rude in any way.
I just don't understand that frame of mind and would love some perspective.

Thanks

Message edited 6/3/2011 3:53:40 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Where are you speaking of...everywhere like as in each trip to the bathroom, or like bbq's and dinners?

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Message edited 6/3/2011 1:23:49 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Well, I posted on the shower thread that I would think twice about going to a shower if I had a newborn and couldn't bring them.

Just because logistically, it is hard for me to line up care for a newborn-my toddler and my preschooler are much easier to line up a sitter for. And, this is only if DH is unavailable.

If I can work out the logistics, I have not problem leaving the kids home/with other people.

I think everybody needs a break from their kids.

But, I do also love family style events where kids are welcome. Most of my stuff (showers, etc) are those kinds of events.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I'll be honest about myself. With DD#1 I was terrified to leave her alone with anyone buy my Mom, my sister or my DH. Looking back on it I know it was because we had lost a son who was a month old and FEAR ruled my world. I really did make an effort when I could but it did not happen as often as I wanted it to.
I am much better now with DD#2 around and no longer in the baby stage. I wish I had family closer to have watch my girls and am now totally fine with it.

But the baby stage was really rough for me. Toddler stage I willing to drop them to anyone who offers

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

DH and I really dont do anything without DD. For us its more an issue of no babysitters, but also she is only 16 months old..I hate leaving her. I work FT so I WANT to spend all my time with her. Give me a few more months and Im sure I wont feel the same


- We dont take her to weddings but functions, vacations, dinners, shopping, day to day stuff yes!

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I am with you- I honestly don't understand it either- I think it is healthy for you and for your kids to be away from each other. I leave the baby with my husband, sister, mom, mil- it gives me a chance to enjoy adult time and gives them the opportunity to build a bond with him

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I do go places without DD, but it is hard for me.

1. I work full time. I am away from her for 50 hours a week. I hate to be away from her for more than that.

2. If anyone other than my mom or DH is with her, I get nervous. Actually, only my aunt has watched her for me for an hour so I could go to a Good Friday mass! My own MIL has not watched her. I just picture these horrible things happening in my head.

So, if I can help it - I do enjoy bringing her with me. She is at an age where she either falls asleep or just takes in what is going on around her.

BUT, if she is not invited - she stays with my mom. Or if we have a date night, or if I want to go to the spa.

I just try to space these things out

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Posted by BethanyLynn

DH and I really dont do anything without DD. For us its more an issue of no babysitters, but also she is only 16 months old..I hate leaving her. I work FT so I WANT to spend all my time with her. Give me a few more months and Im sure I wont feel the same


- We dont take her to weddings but functions, vacations, dinners, shopping, day to day stuff yes!

Message edited 6/3/2011 1:34:53 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Weddings, gyno appts, I have no problem not bringing DS...lol. I doubt I would plan a vacation without DS. He is a part of our family, and I couldn't exclude him at this point.

Also, you have to remember, that some people do not have babysitter, like myself.

And, in general DS is pretty cool kid, and loads of fun to be around...I wouldn't want to attend a function (where kids were welcome) without him!

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I work full time so when I have free time I want to spend most of my time with her. She pretty much goes where I go unless its a wedding, funeral, work function, and once or twice a month DH and I go out to dinner just the two of us but thats usually once she's already gone down for the night and either my mom or one of my sisters will watch her.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I feel the same way as you. While I LOVE my DS, I also love "me" time, girl's night out or date night with DH. I think it's healthy. That's how I grew up. My parents got babysitters just about every weekend and they went out either just the two of them or they went with friends.
When I was prego with DS DH and I said that we want to make the LO apart of our lives and not make our lives around him. Just like we were raised.
At first it's easier said than done, but I'd do little breaks like... mani/pedi or shopping.
I also WFT so sometimes it's hard. I took a girl's trip to Chicago in October right b4 I got prego with #2 and it was sooo worth it! Loved to relax, drink, shop, enjoy girl talk. I knew DS was safe with DH and our family.
Haven't done too much alone time, but once in a while DH and I go out. DS also goes to bed at 7 so I still get to put him to sleep.
This is all b/c we're very lucky to live so close to family. My parents are walking distance from our house and we love it. My IL's live on LI and visit a lot and they love alone time with DS as well

Oh, and to add when I went away for a girl's weekend I took off on Monday to have a mommy and Mason day.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I'm a FTWM so I try to plan things that will include DS because I feel like I don't see him enough. However I wouldn't want to take him to a wedding or shower because I feel those are adult things and it would be distracting to bring him. I can't imagine going on vacation without him though.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

The number one reason my DD would be with us at certain events is really because I don't have an easy childcare solution. I have to find a sitter and with her being only 6 months I am not comfortable with having just anyone. I need to meet them prior and go through her schedule etc. We don't have family to ask so many times it's either she comes, one of us doesn't go or we both don't go. I am working on getting a few sitters I like so I have ones to call on but for now this is how it is.

Forget vacations...I have no idea how or if DH and I will ever get to vacation alone unless our nanny wouldn't mind doing 24/7 for a few nights. I wish we had family to count on who wanted to care for my DD...but the only option is in Florida and that's not too convenient right now.

Message edited 6/3/2011 1:47:30 PM.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I think it probably is a little different being a SAHM... And having twins! It is actually really difficult for me to take both of them out on my own. And, since I am with them a majority of the time, I don't feel bad leaving them now and then.
That being said, I will only leave them with DH, My mom (who lives oos), my MIL, and my best friend (who is moving away). I NEED my time away, so my MIL actually watches the babies once each week. It's the best thing I can do for myself... And the babies.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I'm a new mom. DS is 4.5 months old.
I enjoy my time with him BUT he has colic and acid reflux and there are times where I just cryyyy because he wont stop crying. So I do enjoy getting out w/o him.. Just to get a little break when my mom is watching him. I NEED it. It does not mean I love him any less. It makes me a better mommy. Most of the time I'm out w/o him I'm either looking at his pic saying how much I miss him or talking to someone about him.
DH and I brought him to a party last week (he was invited as well) and it was just too much for him b/t the noise from 150+ people and the DJ. He was a wreck.

So while I love him more than anything, I need me time too

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I leave my kids for appointments, weddings or stuff like that but I would never go away without them. When I got pregnant I knew my life would change and was prepared for it. I am a very hands on mom and don't feel other care for my children the same way I do. I still co sleep with my dd and she is still nursing at almost 21 months. It would be very hard for her to be away from me. The only time I have been away from my ds overnight was to have dd. It is just how I am. I have a healthy relationship with my dh and we have time for each other when the kids go to sleep. Or we can get a sitter to go out to dinner but that's it. We don't vacation often so when we do it is as a family. We will have plenty of time as a couple when the kids are older and are not so dependent on us. They just grow so fast I wouldn't want to miss any of it.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

We just don't like to leave him behind... he goes everywhere with us. There are times when he obviously can't go (wedding or something) and he has to stay home, but it kills us to leave him. The only time that DH and I go out, just the 2 of us, is after we put him to sleep and someone can come sit at our house and 'babysit'. Vacations without him just won't happen. If I or DH want to go somewhere, then one of us will be home with DS. It's just the way it is for us... now. Ask me when he's a 3 year-old terror, then maybe my tune will change! lol

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

I bring my DD everywhere because i have NO ONE to watch her, i have no family in the area so when i have to go somewhere she is always with me. If i had someone to watch her then it would be easier, makes going to the OB a little difficult sometimes.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

For us, DH literally only sees the kids on the weekends, so he does not want to spend any more time away from them than is absolutely necessary. I like seeing them interacting with him so I try not to do too much without them on the weekends either too.

During the week, due to DH's work schedule it's really hard for me to find a babysitter that my DD is comfortable with. Everyone she is comfortable with works full time so I have to work around their schedule too.

As far as vacations, DH is so limited with the time he can take off if we went anywhere without the kids he wouldn't be able to take a vacation with them that year.

Plus we genuinely have a lot of fun traveling with our kids and honestly have no desire to go away without them.

Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....

As a FTWM that has very little time with DS during the week, I truly do enjoy my time with DS on the weekends. He is a very adaptable baby because he goes everywhere with me. We only take 1 real vacation a year, so we do it as a family. I enjoy spending time with my DH and my son at the same time.

However, that's NOT to say I haven't been out without him. We've gone to a few events that started late and we've left him sleeping at home to go out. And I took a class on a weekend and left him with my mom. Stuff like that.

But in general, no I do not leave him with family or a sitter every weekend or very often. Only when the situation warrants it.