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td123
LIF Infant
Member since 3/10 294 total posts
Name:
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Like others, I work FT and dont get home til 7 during the week. I feed DD, bathe her and then she falls asleep for the night. Its not enought time with her at all. So I only plan events on the weekends that I can include her in. Bc then I feel like I have to wait a whole week to get more quality time with her. I know many people wont understand simply bc most of my friends are SAHM, but I'd rather just not attend an event than feel even worse than I already do during the week, that i am not with her.
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Posted 6/3/11 2:11 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
For me it's because DH is always away for long periods of time. To me this makes me their constant. I am the one thing in their life that doesn't change. I do go out with out them though. If I go out to dinner with a friend, or for a girls night. But for me I don't want to miss a second of their lives, because I have the rest of my life for them to be on their own, they are only small for such a short time and before I know it, they will not want to be with me so much. HTH
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:11 PM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
Name:
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I love to bring my son everywhere that is appropriate for him to be at (i.e. vacations, family parties, bbqs, etc.)because he is the best kid in the world to be around and we just love doing things with him. But, I think certain places are off limits for him, for example, weddings, showers, etc. We haven't taken any vacations without him yet bc we just never had the chance and I would prefer for him to be with us and have family come with us so that they can watch him as we go out a few nights.
But I'll be honest, more often than not, I prefer to do things with my son bc we just enjoy being with him.
ETA: I'm also a FTWM and my husband works as well so we're away from my son most of the time. This probably has a lot to do with it as well.
Message edited 6/3/2011 2:13:46 PM.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:12 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Well for me the answer is...
Why not?
*shrug* of course I do stuff without her now that's she's 2 and my aunt keeps her.
But Id rather NOT go or do anything without her. I like experiencing life with her and her experiencing life with me. Especially vacations. When I was preggo I knew my solo life was over. She would be the center of my life going forward. I understood, accepted and rejoiced in it. I don't see it odd for me. She's everything. Why would I not take her on vacation with me? Alone time with hubby? Really? Nah. I can get that at home or when we retire. For now everything is about her.
So to repeat my answer...
Why not?
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:13 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I am sure people have a variety of reasons.
personally I am like Tilde. I work out of the home and I don't get much time with him during the week (or as much as *I* would like)
I absolutely LOVE being arond my son. taking him places. exposing him to different things. having the things that WE love to do/see become so natural to him that he will know how to behave in certain situations etc.
he is also a pretty good and happy child. I don't know how I would feel if he was not.
that being said, I do get out to do things with my dh and my friends from time to time. he's not my constant +1 by any means NOW, that he is older.
but, taking the other OP into consideration, 2 months. FORGET IT. I would not leave him for any longer than I had to. ever. I was already back at work. I was still struggling with nursing. I missed him and his sweet baby smell desperately. my anxiety was SKY HIGH.
we all have different reasons. and they are ALL valid.
I honestly feel it's not better than thinking someone is weird or too attached or whatever for chosing this is just as bad as saying someone is less of a mother for not.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:18 PM |
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sarahbelle
Little drummer boy
Member since 5/05 2377 total posts
Name:
Sarah
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I put vacations in a different category than shower or wedding. I have no problem leaving DS and DD for a few hours, but I have no desire to go on vacation without them. We are going to a destination wedding in September and if it wasn't adults only then I would definitely bring the kids. I like being with them. I like going places with them. I like spending time with the whole family and making new memories.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:19 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Xelindrya
Well for me the answer is...
Why not?
*shrug* of course I do stuff without her now that's she's 2 and my aunt keeps her.
But Id rather NOT go or do anything without her. I like experiencing life with her and her experiencing life with me. Especially vacations. When I was preggo I knew my solo life was over. She would be the center of my life going forward. I understood, accepted and rejoiced in it. I don't see it odd for me. She's everything. Why would I not take her on vacation with me? Alone time with hubby? Really? Nah. I can get that at home or when we retire. For now everything is about her.
So to repeat my answer...
Why not?
Exactly how I feel.
Of course we have our date nights occasionally, and there are events that children are just not part of normally (weddings, bridal showers). But as for vacations? We are a family, we have family vacations. Doctors appointments, they come with me... I have no one around to help, and besides, they are well behaved and pretty easy to take with me (they are 7, 6, and 3)
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:21 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Besides having nobody to watch her (and I don't think you were asking that, I think you want to hear from the people who WANT to take their kids everywhere with them even if they have the option of a babysitter), we just enjoy having DD around.
I like seeing things through her eyes and providing new experiences for her. If I had the choice between the zoo with her or the spa alone, i'd choose the zoo every time.
We both work full time so seeing her 2-3 hrs a night is not enough. She comes out to dinner with us, to family functions, vacations, etc.
We've only been without her a handful of times in her almost 22 months of life. We are actually going out tonight to celebrate our 5 yr anniversary a week early since DH's mom is here and wants to hang with her. But we'll only lose about an hour with her since she's in bed by 8. 
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:23 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I leave my DS a lot with my MIL but I am a SAHM and my MIL being 5 blocks away, amazing, and dying to take care of him all the time is a luxury most people don't have.
I think I would need alone time either way but knowing DS is in great hands that are always available I think I can really enjoy that time to the max. If DS was with some random babysitter I's prob be nervous the whole time.
DH and I went away without him twice- for 2 nights each time. Now we are all going to Sesame for 3 nights as a family.
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:25 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by sarahbelle
I put vacations in a different category than shower or wedding. I have no problem leaving DS and DD for a few hours, but I have no desire to go on vacation without them.
I agree with this. DH and I are actually planning a vacation for our 5 yr anniversary and I am already freaking out about leaving them for a whole week.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:26 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:30 PM |
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Babylove10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/10 814 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I work five days a week eight hours a day, why should I leave my child when I don't have to? My son is 7 months old and sometimes I don't even want to leave him with dh alone. My ds and I have a very good routine and sometimes it gets thrown off when I'm not around. I also don't want to end up in jail because I will kill someone if my child gets hurt and they were suppose to be watching him.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:30 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by lynnd126
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I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
please don't take this the wrong way but I just have to say that this is JUST as inflammatory a statement as it is to "imply" that someone doesn't enjoy their child if they DONT spend all the time.
who are we to judge the "health" of any other relationship b/c they chose to dine or not to dine with their children. b/c they chose to take them to parties or to get a break and leave them with a sitter.
it's an unfair double standard.
and I am not flaming you or picking on you. others have expressed similar views on other threads today so it's not just you.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:33 PM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Different strokes for different folks. I'm a FTWM and I *gasp* went away on vacation for 4 days to St. Thomas when DS was 6 months old not b/c I didn't want to be with my son  but b/c I got the opportunity to enjoy time with DH for our anniversary and we went. I don't regret my decisions, it was so refreshing but not everyone can do it.
But I would say he comes with us everywhere besides weddings/showers etc . . . he's my family, he's got not choice but to be tortured by us 
I enjoy girls nights once in awhile just like DH enjoys guys nights once in awhile. It's been a LONG time since DH and I went on a date, we just said that this past weekend & we need to desperately and I'm ok with leaving him with my Mom or sister or someone to watch him, never feel guilty for it either.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:33 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by lynnd126
I leave my DS a lot with my MIL but I am a SAHM and my MIL being 5 blocks away, amazing, and dying to take care of him all the time is a luxury most people don't have.
I think I would need alone time either way but knowing DS is in great hands that are always available I think I can really enjoy that time to the max. If DS was with some random babysitter I's prob be nervous the whole time.
DH and I went away without him twice- for 2 nights each time. Now we are all going to Sesame for 3 nights as a family.
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
YESSSSSS! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one....
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:34 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by BethanyLynn
I work FT so I WANT to spend all my time with her.
THIS! ppl see their kids 2 days a week due to working full time
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:34 PM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
I have to agree with curlie here . . .eeek!!! 
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:34 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
G, I love you but
double
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
standard
Posted by curliegirl
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
YESSSSSS! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one....
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:37 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
I agree--that was unnecessary--no one said "dont want to go out with them ever". I think everyone on here agrees that we're talking about the rare special occasion that people want to bring the DC.
But I too put vacations in a diff. category. We don't go on many, or often, so I want that time w/ DS. I too enjoy being with him, but just because I think he's the bestest kid in the world, I recognize that everyone else feels that way about their own DC, and in reality, other people don't feel that way. So I acknowledge that bringing him to a shower, wedding, etc. is an imposition on some people.
That said, I think we have been out 3 times and DS is 2 at the end of the month. We rarely, rarely leave him, in part because we don't have anyone to watch him, but I don't mind. Our lives changed, but I don't mind not going out at night or out to eat.
Message edited 6/3/2011 2:37:39 PM.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:37 PM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by dita
I'm a FTWM so I try to plan things that will include DS because I feel like I don't see him enough. However I wouldn't want to take him to a wedding or shower because I feel those are adult things and it would be distracting to bring him. I can't imagine going on vacation without him though.
This.
Also, if I didn't have someone to watch my DS that I trusted, then I would opt out of the event.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:38 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by DPerotti
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
I have to agree with curlie here . . .eeek!!!
That wasnt meant to be taken as you are taking it. What I am saying is the reverse. She doesnt get why people dont want to do things with out DC. I dont get why people have kids but want to do everything without them. Im just saying what I dont understand.
Again. i see nothing wrong with doing things with Dh from time to time.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:39 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
This is an interesting question.
I have absolutely NO problem leaving my three children behind to go on "date night" with my DH, or to a wedding, or to a shower, etc. I reallly like time spent as an adult WITH adults. However, I SAH (even when I did work FT though, I jumped on the chance to have a nice dinner out sans kid...) so I see them plenty; also, we take them out to eat at least twice a week and enjoy our time with them then.
The one thing I have no desire to do without them though is travel. To me it's so exciting teaching them things, watching them learn, watching them get excited about new experiences. I LOVE that! I love them telling people, "We went to ....!!!" For example, DH and I went to Italy for our honeymoon; that was AWESOME, but now I want to show THEM the Coliseum, or the Bay of Naples, or take them on a gondola. Trust me, not now when I have three ages 5 and under but I can't wait to do that when they're a bit older...wow, I'm excited even thinking about it right now!! Beside that, I really don't want to spend more than say a day or maybe two without them--that's not something I can articulate any better than that...
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:42 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Ophelia
G, I love you but
double
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
standard
Posted by curliegirl
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
YESSSSSS! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one....
Really?
One seems to making a generalization that I don't want to EVER spend time with my kids, and the other I am agreeing that Parents DO need adult time to themselves.....the first being a sweeping generalization and the other a rational well thought out statement.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:44 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by lynnd126
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I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
please don't take this the wrong way but I just have to say that this is JUST as inflammatory a statement as it is to "imply" that someone doesn't enjoy their child if they DONT spend all the time.
who are we to judge the "health" of any other relationship b/c they chose to dine or not to dine with their children. b/c they chose to take them to parties or to get a break and leave them with a sitter.
it's an unfair double standard.
and I am not flaming you or picking on you. others have expressed similar views on other threads today so it's not just you.
I agree. As I'm one of those who viewed an opposing opinion. I find my relationship very healthy, for me. To each their own. I wouldn't say that those who choose to have their children with them on vacation are neglecting them. This was (I thought) a question to those of us who do want our kids with us and why.
Ultimately - to each their own.
As long as you and your child are happy then good for you. Obviously what works for you may not work with others.
I personally think going on vacations without my child would ruin us as a couple. Because our child is the absolute center of 'our' lives. Sure we had lives before her and we still get time alone. But if she weren't here with us, we as a couple would no longer exist. Sure we did before, but that was before. For us we live in the present. She is our present. In High School I'm sure she'll hate me and beg for alone time (if not by middle school) so for the PRESENT, she is the complete and utter CENTER of my life and our lives and she IS the glue that holds this relationship together.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:45 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by curliegirl
Really?
One seems to making a generalization that I don't want to EVER spend time with my kids, and the other I am agreeing that Parents DO need adult time to themselves.....the first being a sweeping generalization and the other a rational well thought out statement.
that's b/c you AGREE with the latter.
I see them both as generalizations. one implied and the other overt.
ETA: you called one poster out for overgeneralizing yet agreed with another.
Message edited 6/3/2011 2:47:58 PM.
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| Posted 6/3/11 2:46 PM |
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