| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 |
kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
for me, I'm a full time working mom who commutes from LI to NYC, so the weekends are time with my son. Therefore going to occassions during the day without him bums me out big time. I grew up in a family where kids went to EVERYTHING. Only evening events were adults only. If you have an occassion/event during the day, yea, it bums me to leave the little one. BUT, I do follow the rules and never show up with him knowing he isn't invited.
|
Posted 6/3/11 3:35 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Wow... the drama!
All I'm getting is it's going from one extreme to the other. I LOVE spending time with DS, but I also feel (this is just me) that it's healthy to have time away from him every once in a while.
Again, I'm not saying all vacations are going to be without DS or all vacations will always include him.
He is apart of our lives. We love spending time with him and we also spend time with eachother without him. My parents did this as well. Had babysitters every weekend so they could go out and enjoy. My parents both WFT and we all took vacations together.
They still are adorable together and go out on the weekends, but once in a while I ask them not to or my IL's so DH and I can go enjoy each other or adult time with friends.
To each their own.
I'm also not into co-sleeping either, but lots of pple do. My bedroom is mine and DH's. I like that DS goes to bed at 7 so I have time to myself after to get things done and sit outside on nights like tonight with DH. He'll have a beer and I'll have some water (since I'm prego). 
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:35 PM |
| |
|
Shorty
.
Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by kerrycec03
for me, I'm a full time working mom who commutes from LI to NYC, so the weekends are time with my son. Therefore going to occassions during the day without him bums me out big time. I grew up in a family where kids went to EVERYTHING. Only evening events were adults only. If you have an occassion/event during the day, yea, it bums me to leave the little one. BUT, I do follow the rules and never show up with him knowing he isn't invited.
same, but I don't commute to NYC, I just have a 35-45min drive from suffolk into nassau.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:36 PM |
| |
|
JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
My husband and I LOVE doing things with our 2 boys. Whether it be the zoo, the mall, food shopping, the park, the library, family homes etc. They are usually what we build our weekends around.
We do this. BUT....we also do the following:
girls night out, boys night out and date nights with our friends.
There is a way to do both and doing both is healthy....to me at least.
24/7 with your kids and no bonding with your DH or alone at the spa will most likely hurt yourself and your relationship. At least for us.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:38 PM |
| |
|
curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by Ophelia
wait, who said that they NEVER EVER go anywhere without their child?
Go back and reread the post......it's all in the way you say things.....
I know people that could make me believe the sky was purple just by the way they say it....and others who need to realize the things that come out of their mouth are just plain offensive...whether they mean it or not.....
no, I meant your OP. b/c I realized you were asking those who NEVER want to go out without their kids, and I think most people have had a more mid-way answer than what your question lended to.
but beside that, you don't think that reading someone say that their views are "not healthy" could potentially be offensive???? THAT is what I mean by double standard.
hmmm, I could see that.... I was more focusing on the adult time part.....
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:41 PM |
| |
|
pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Some people have no choice. I am a single mom. Steven comes with me when he is not with at his father's. period. But, with that said, if it is an adult party with no kids and it occurs on a weekend I have him, I simply don't go. I am a FTWM with every other weekend visitation to his father. My time with him is limited and prescious.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:47 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Ophelia
G, I love you but
double
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
standard
Posted by curliegirl
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
YESSSSSS! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one....
I have to agree with Jess here. I am confused, you said you wanted to understand but it seems as though you want to assume that those who do spend every waking moment with their child(I am not sure if I am one of them), are unhealthy or that somehow their marriage is lacking GLUE. While you are upset that other people's assumption that you don't want to spend time with your child? It's an assumption on both levels. I am really not trying to be snarky just trying to understand. 
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:47 PM |
| |
|
curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by CookieMomster
Posted by Ophelia
G, I love you but
double
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
standard
Posted by curliegirl
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
YESSSSSS! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one....
I have to agree with Jess here. I am confused, you said you wanted to understand but it seems as though you want to assume that those who do spend every waking moment with their child(I am not sure if I am one of them), are unhealthy or that somehow their marriage is lacking GLUE. While you are upset that other people's assumption that you don't want to spend time with your child? It's an assumption on both levels. I am really not trying to be snarky just trying to understand.
And I told Jess that I seemed to have glossed over the "unhealthy" part of that statement and was focusing more on the positivity of having adult time. I guess when someone questions "why even have children if you don't want to spend any time with them" really struck me as offensive more than the "unhealthy" part, which I was not referring to, but I guess How would you know what was in my head? 
I guess my main part of not understanding is that for me, being a mom is PART of my life, not ALL of my life, so why would I not take the time to nurture the other aspects as well as the Mom part........but obviously not everyone thinks like me.
Also, to play devil's advocate..
I HAVE noticed a lot of the responders HAVE stated that they DO need to spend more quality time with their DH or girlfriends or go to the spa.....is it safe to say that some alone time IS somewhat healthy for a relationship?
Message edited 6/3/2011 3:58:21 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:52 PM |
| |
|
hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by JenBenMen
My husband and I LOVE doing things with our 2 boys. Whether it be the zoo, the mall, food shopping, the park, the library, family homes etc. They are usually what we build our weekends around.
We do this. BUT....we also do the following:
girls night out, boys night out and date nights with our friends.
There is a way to do both and doing both is healthy....to me at least.
24/7 with your kids and no bonding with your DH or alone at the spa will most likely hurt yourself and your relationship. At least for us.
ITA with you and this is how our relationship is too.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:58 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by CookieMomster
Posted by Ophelia
G, I love you but
double
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by jgl
Because I actually enjoy being with my son! I enjoy being out as a family. I think it is fine to have alone time with DH but why have a kid if you dont want to go out with them ever?
See, now this is going over to the dark side a little.
standard
Posted by curliegirl
I don't think it's healthy for your DC to be the absolute CENTER of your every moment. We do tons of great stuff together but DH and I remember that OUR RELATIONSHIP is the glue that made this family and will keep it together. Subsequently our individual selves make up that relationship and so if I need to take 3 hours to unwind at a spa or have a few drinks at a shower then to me it is all for the best.
YESSSSSS! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one....
I have to agree with Jess here. I am confused, you said you wanted to understand but it seems as though you want to assume that those who do spend every waking moment with their child(I am not sure if I am one of them), are unhealthy or that somehow their marriage is lacking GLUE. While you are upset that other people's assumption that you don't want to spend time with your child? It's an assumption on both levels. I am really not trying to be snarky just trying to understand.
And I told Jess that I seemed to have glossed over the "unhealthy" part of that statement and was focusing more on the positivity of having adult time. I guess when someone questions "why even have children if you don't want to spend any time with them" really struck me as offensive more than the "unhealthy" part, which I was not referring to, but I guess How would you know what was in my head?
I guess my main part of not understanding is that for me, being a mom is PART of my life, not ALL of my life, so why am I not taking the time to nurture the other aspects as well as the Mom part........
Of course I saw that after you replied above! Leave it to me to be behind.
Here is my thing...while it may work for you and DH and your family that it is a part of your life, for others, they have different scenarios, different mind sets, different moods, and their personality in general is different. That is what works for them. Neither should bash the other, we should embrace, and hope that we can all be different and meet in the middle. I say rock out the mom you are and let other's rock too! It's hard to understand if you don't walk in their shoes everyday, all day!
|
| Posted 6/3/11 3:59 PM |
| |
|
MamaLeen
:)
Member since 10/09 4594 total posts
Name:
E
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by mikeswife06
I just really like being with my kid 
Me too! I think he is so fun to be with so of course I want to spend as much time together as possible. I also feel like the first year or two can be very important for the child to feel secure knowing the parents are always there. When DS is older and can understand that when I leave I will be coming back I will feel more comfortable doing so. I have years and years (hopefully!) of life so spending a couple focusing solely on my DS is TO ME part of being a Mom.
ETS: I do leave my DS with family but until he is old enough to communicate I would rather not leave him with a stranger.
Message edited 6/3/2011 4:14:02 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 4:09 PM |
| |
|
2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't know if I should even answer because I do go plenty of places with my kids & without them so it's really not directed toward me.
However, I think it's healthier for a child to have time away from the parent & vice versa. As a BTDT, who has seen countess kids with separation anxiety in pre-school, kindergarten, hysterical sobbing in 1st grade & 2nd grade, I do think it's a disservice to your child to not expose them to other caregivers (whether it be daycare, aunts, uncles, grandparents).
THIS!!! This is me as well. Last weekend DH and I went out and had a swell time and tomorrow night we will be going out again. Alone time for couples are VERY VERY important and healthy. I also, want my kids to see that it is ok for mommy and daddy to go out and enjoy ourselves and that it is ok for them to spend time with their grandparents and other family member sometimes.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 4:12 PM |
| |
|
hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by 2PreciousBlessings
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't know if I should even answer because I do go plenty of places with my kids & without them so it's really not directed toward me.
However, I think it's healthier for a child to have time away from the parent & vice versa. As a BTDT, who has seen countess kids with separation anxiety in pre-school, kindergarten, hysterical sobbing in 1st grade & 2nd grade, I do think it's a disservice to your child to not expose them to other caregivers (whether it be daycare, aunts, uncles, grandparents).
THIS!!! This is me as well. Last weekend DH and I went out and had a swell time and tomorrow night we will be going out again. Alone time for couples are VERY VERY important and healthy. I also, want my kids to see that it is ok for mommy and daddy to go out and enjoy ourselves and that it is ok for them to spend time with their grandparents and other family member sometimes.
I totally agree.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 4:16 PM |
| |
|
Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I'm a new mom. I love bringing her to family events, but I also enjoy going to some things without her, if I can leave her with my mom or MIL. I mostly stay home except for part-time yoga teaching. Reasons I love having her with us? Family gets to see her, everyone loves her, we finally have our precious baby and love to show her off, and of course, she's awesome! Reasons I sometimes like to leave her with my mom or MIL if i can? DH and I can relax and not "worry" about her, sometimes she's cranky at things and then I stress out, lots of packing her up for the day/event. I can totally understand both sides. We just went to a christening and everyone asked where she was and I happily answered, "With my parents! Mommy and Daddy are gonna enjoy a nice lunch and have a few drinks!" I also love when she gets to spend time with our families alone (our moms and dads.) Sometimes, she cries if DH or I aren't the ones holding her. I want her to get comfy with everyone, and leaving her with them is a good chance. Everybody wins.
Message edited 6/3/2011 4:18:58 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 4:17 PM |
| |
|
hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Xelindrya
Posted by Bella0701
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by lynnd126
Posted by Xelindrya
she is the complete and utter CENTER of my life and our lives and she IS the glue that holds this relationship together.
I'm not trying to be snarky- I just don't relate to that. Our ds is a huge part of our world and we would both lay down and die for him- but I see our relationship on two different levels. On one wonderful new level we are mom and dad but on the other level we are best friends and lovers- and that is outside of ds (obviously the two get intertwined in certain ways at certain times). I know ds is our "present" as you explained but I guess I just don't see the addition of the present excluding the past. Maybe I'm the minority but that's just how I see it- for us.
ITA with you.
I have heard before and do believe that the order should be:
Yourself
Your spouse
Your kids
This does not mean that you don't take care of your children in the proper way BUT you need to take care of yourself first. Your husband was there before and will be there after BUT that does NOT mean that relationship should be pushed aside for 18 years. There definately will NOT be a relationship after all that time if you do.
Children do bond you BUT they also put a lot of stress on a marriage (especially as they get older). If you don't have that bond the entire time you are raising them, you won't have that when they leave.
I don't necessarily agree with this but that is just my opinion and I will leave it at that.
meh to each their own
*shrug*
But to be fair.. I said I spend time without her. As a matter of fact she's sort of moving out of our house in less than 5days to go live with my aunt for the summer. We will have her back on weekends. Yes, I've done stuff without her but I *WANT* her there all the time. Maybe my relationship with my husband is different than yours.
I repeat to each their own.
My own, is not me, him, then kids. Its me and her through and through. But that's because I'm the product of a divorced family, maybe. I love him and he's a great father but I don't and won't say that he comes before her.
Again we're not talking life choices. I mean jeez this was about vacations and going out and about. I don't see how that matters to who comes first in your life. Cause My dad outranks my hubby too, big deal. *shrug*
For me. AJ outranks everyone. Just is what it is (FOR NOW) I'm not naive enough to think it will be that way forever.
Yes, it does sound like your relationship with your husband is much different than mine.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
We love our kids and do everything for and with them that we can but our relationship is just as important if not more as we were together alone before kids and will be together alone after.
I personally (again, my opinion only) don't think you can put any relationship on the back burner for a long period of time (18 years or more if you are speaking about kids).
Message edited 6/3/2011 4:34:54 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 4:34 PM |
| |
|
babybird2010
Baby brother coming soon!
Member since 3/10 2288 total posts
Name:
Jeanette
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I have no problem going places without my DD. But like a lot of the other posters I work FT, she is at the babysitters for 9 hrs a day M-F.
I cant wait for the weekends when I can spend time with her, I cherish that time so much especially because all I hear all day long is "they grow up so fast". I miss her so much during the week. If she can come with me to parties, showers etc. she is with me. If shes not invited I leave her or dont go. I dont HAVE to bring her I just want too.
And I couldnt see going on vacation without her...atleast not for like 15 yrs or so 
|
| Posted 6/3/11 4:56 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I am a mom that I guess is in between. I am still not ready to do overnights without her, let alone vacations (DD is 15 months and still BFing), but I need to have my own time, such as date night, the rare girls night, the gym, etc. I do miss her, but it makes my time with her that much sweeter. I also know that when they get into the toddler stage, where they don't really get that some of their behaviors are not tolerable, the time away is for my sanity.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 5:00 PM |
| |
|
charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I won't bring my son if he isn't invited, but we do bring him everywhere for the most part.
We are FTW parents, we enjoy spending time with our child (soon to be children).
I wouldn't rule out ever going on vacation with DS, but our lives are about him now, so we bring him with us. It doesn't stop us from going places, we brought him to Las Vegas at 10 months and Hawaii at 15 months.
I actually hate when DH's friends want to go out to dinner and don't want to bring the kids. We have children who are the same age. But it's because they don't bring their kids to restaurants. We bring DS out to eat all the time.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 5:01 PM |
| |
|
pickles16
Real Estate Professional
Member since 11/07 17227 total posts
Name:
Jen
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
For me and our relationship I know we need alone time, date nights, sep girls nights, boys nights etc we need it...we need to destress a little and call me evil but I destress without DD....granted I am a SAHM and need my adult time and time away from DD and DH works crazy hours and needs his down time too and we need our ADULT time and time not talking about kids stuff etc...
|
| Posted 6/3/11 5:27 PM |
| |
|
Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9923 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
There are many circumstances where I wont attend functions if DS is not invited. A lot is because my babysitter options are limited. Sometimes it has to do with what kind of function it is. A good example was a Memorial Day BBQ at a friend's house that we have been going to every year for the past 10 years. We were allowed to bring DS last year because he was "not mobile" but this year the invite was specifically "Adult Only." Frankly I was a bit insulted but her house, her rules...whatever...but I was not going to an all day into evenning time BBQ where everyone was with their families and leave one of hte most important members of my family home. I also did not go to my brother's wedding because DS was 5 months old and anyone I felt comfortable leaving DS with was going to the wedding. There obviously was more to it than that but that was part of it.
Thought I'd also add: When my mom or DH's neice or SIL are able to babysit we do not mind going out alone as we have done with both of our birthdays. Vacations I do not see how we could swing without DS as again, there would not be anyone available to watch DS for that length of time.
Message edited 6/3/2011 5:39:20 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 5:35 PM |
| |
|
JRD2008
CT. here we come!!
Member since 5/08 2944 total posts
Name:
Kathleen
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by JenBenMen
My husband and I LOVE doing things with our 2 boys. Whether it be the zoo, the mall, food shopping, the park, the library, family homes etc. They are usually what we build our weekends around.
We do this. BUT....we also do the following:
girls night out, boys night out and date nights with our friends.
There is a way to do both and doing both is healthy....to me at least.
24/7 with your kids and no bonding with your DH or alone at the spa will most likely hurt yourself and your relationship. At least for us.
\
ITA 100%. DH and I LOVE doing things with our 3 kids. But one Sat night I will stay with the kids so he can have guys night, and the following Sat night he stays with them so I can go out for girls night. A majority of my friends do not have kids yet, so if it weren't for these girls nights I would probably never see them. DH and I also do date nights alone. Our families are in LI but we have great babysitters from our daycare. Yes,our children are # 1. BUT our relationship with each other and with our friends are important as well and we work to keep those strong.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 5:36 PM |
| |
|
Deedlebugs
Blessed
Member since 12/05 10281 total posts
Name:
Kiki
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I do not like to leave my kids for more than a few hours. I am just a nervous mommy and not that I think something will happen to them, I just worry that they will miss me and feel sad. I actually remember being younger and hating being away from my mom and dad. They rarely went on vacation but it was the worst week of my life, when they would. I don't want my kids to feel that way because I remember how bad it felt. That being said, I am sure as they get older I was loosen up a bit. As fast as dinner, weddings, parties, shopping, I BEG to find people to take them so I can enjoy myself. I do not think it is necessary healthy for kids and parents to spend every single second together. Same was with spouses, friends, etc.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 5:42 PM |
| |
|
nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
Posted by Xelindrya
meh to each their own
*shrug*
But to be fair.. I said I spend time without her. As a matter of fact she's sort of moving out of our house in less than 5days to go live with my aunt for the summer. We will have her back on weekends. Yes, I've done stuff without her but I *WANT* her there all the time. Maybe my relationship with my husband is different than yours.
I repeat to each their own.
My own, is not me, him, then kids. Its me and her through and through. But that's because I'm the product of a divorced family, maybe. I love him and he's a great father but I don't and won't say that he comes before her.
Again we're not talking life choices. I mean jeez this was about vacations and going out and about. I don't see how that matters to who comes first in your life. Cause My dad outranks my hubby too, big deal. *shrug*
For me. AJ outranks everyone. Just is what it is (FOR NOW) I'm not naive enough to think it will be that way forever.
V, I can tell how much you adore AJ, but if you feel like you want and need to be with her all the time, why the post on the other thread that says that she spends Fri-Sun at your aunt's every weekend (unless you all stay there?)?
|
| Posted 6/3/11 6:57 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I love getting invites for showers bc i know it'll only be me going!!!
I can deal with a few hours away from them but that's it. I can't do over nights-not yet. Maybe in 3 years me and DH will go away for the weekend to boston or something.
I just physically can't leave them over night yet. It's not even just that- it's a lot to ask someone to watch 4 kids. I would never put that burden on someone.
eta: We do date night often but to actually take a vacation or a weekend get a way is just not happening any time soon.
Message edited 6/3/2011 7:24:11 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 7:21 PM |
| |
|
katiebug
I'll love you for always
Member since 2/08 4624 total posts
Name:
Katie
|
Re: Can I ask a question? And this is honestly me not understanding so bear with me....
I am gong away over night next weekend for a wedding without DS. I feel like I won the lottery with getting away with DH for a night! So I guess you know where I stand on going out without my kid
ETS: I have very limited babysitting, so it is rare I get out with DH. I love it being just him and me.
Message edited 6/3/2011 7:28:16 PM.
|
| Posted 6/3/11 7:27 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 |
