Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

So we're leaving our infant class tonight and I say to DH, ohh, I want to get some ice cream (not a special night, I've been having it all along)

So DH is like ok, but makes an OBVIOUS annoyed face, so I'm like what?

He says, "You know I always get annoyed when it comes to spending money. We just spent $350 today for the glider and will have to buy a stroller and pump soon. From the next 18yrs I'm going to get annoyed when we spend money"

W-T-F...yes, I completely agree buying a glider, stroller and pump close to each other is a lot, but the last line about spending money for the next 18yrs he's going to get annoyed That's being a bit dramatic and pretty immature I think, considering we're having a baby and obviously going to be spending some money.

I mean, granted we have to cut back some now because I'm still working on my PhD and not working, so I get that....but making comments like the next 18yrs....I want to kick him in the head

So of course I'm being very mature and not talking to him right now because I'm already annoyed with my pregnancy-carpal-tunnel and heartburn....and don't want to deal with him


What should I say? Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

I think that your DH better get used to the fact that babies (and children) cost a ton of money.

Wipes
Diapers
Formula (if you are not BF'ing)
Food
Clothes with every change of season.
New toys with each age group

The list goes on and on. I would tell him that you are buying the essentials. It's not like you just went out and spent all this money on something that won't get used!

I hope you got your ice cream BTW!

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

It's like he knows its not frivolous, he said we should get a glider, a good stroller, and those other things....

but what the eff is his problem? its like he's mature enough to know all this, yet he's being immature by reacting like this....i want to tell him to grow a pair and get over it but I don't think that would help

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

let me be very clear.

a pregnant woman is NEVER unreasonable!



but i think your DH might want to curb negative comments like those from now on. true or not, you didn't get pregnant by yourself, and i am sure he didn't think having a baby was going to be free.

enjoy your ice cream and i hope he apologizes before it melts!

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Posted by brownie

It's like he knows its not frivolous, he said we should get a glider, a good stroller, and those other things....

but what the eff is his problem? its like he's mature enough to know all this, yet he's being immature by reacting like this....i want to tell him to grow a pair and get over it but I don't think that would help

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by brownie

It's like he knows its not frivolous, he said we should get a glider, a good stroller, and those other things....

but what the eff is his problem? its like he's mature enough to know all this, yet he's being immature by reacting like this....i want to tell him to grow a pair and get over it but I don't think that would help

I think that before the baby is actually here it's much harder for men to see the purpose of these things. The second your baby is born and they need something to soothe them - or whatever it is, your DH will be running to BRU trust me!

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

wow i could have written this myself. DH has always been crazy when it comes to money. he gets very stressed very easily about money. especially since i got laid off in november and couldn't get a job until it was too late. he always gives me crap when i wanna get something yet he'll go out and get fast food every night but then complain we spend a lot of money on stuff for the baby. babies need a lot and we didn't get a lot for the shower :-/ i'm hoping the nagging stops once the baby gets here but who knows. i hope you got your ice cream. i got my ralphs that night he gave me crap

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

I agree with Diana. Perhaps your DH isn't fully "into" the baby yet. Especially since the baby is not here yet, it's difficult for fathers-to-be to grasp things right now. I remember feeling like DH was totally not into the baby until he felt her kick. Once she came though, OMG, it was like Daddy's little girl and he already wants to buy her a friggin pony.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Posted by AcquiredTheBGene

I agree with Diana. Perhaps your DH isn't fully "into" the baby yet. Especially since the baby is not here yet, it's difficult for fathers-to-be to grasp things right now. I remember feeling like DH was totally not into the baby until he felt her kick. Once she came though, OMG, it was like Daddy's little girl and he already wants to buy her a friggin pony.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Posted by AcquiredTheBGene

I agree with Diana. Perhaps your DH isn't fully "into" the baby yet. Especially since the baby is not here yet, it's difficult for fathers-to-be to grasp things right now. I remember feeling like DH was totally not into the baby until he felt her kick. Once she came though, OMG, it was like Daddy's little girl and he already wants to buy her a friggin pony.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

He may always be one to keep an eye on spending, but trust me, once that baby is here he will totally loosen up. Everyone wants what's best for their kids- no matter what the cost.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think both of you have a point. I too am a student, I'm 1 year away from my PsyD and haven't made real money in years. To top it all off, we are in the process of buying a house and should close in 2 weeks. My DH has gotten really weird about money. And he's someone who would spend lots on really nice things. Now he doesn't even want to get take-out!

I think it comes down to the fact that your DH is the sole financial provider for the family and now that includes a baby too. I imagine that must be really scary especially given these tough economic times. His comment was upsetting but probably said out of fear and momentary panic. He knows the baby needs things but probably worries about where all money is going to come from. Give him some more time to adjust.

P.S. I've been buying ice-cream at the supermarket lately. I look at the circulars for sales and bought this amazing flavor of Edy's for $1.99 last week and am buying some $1.99 Turkey Hill today. Costs a lot less than 1 sundae at Baskin-Robbins or Carvel.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Sometimes I have to look at it from his POV...he's working all the time, comes home to do stuff around the house, put baby stuff together etc and all $ being spent right now is on him.

He apologized this morning for making a comment like that, and that he was "kind of joking". I said I know you werent joking but making comments like that is not going to help. And then I reminded him I didn't magically get pregnant by myself

I'm glad you are feeling better about things. It's really hard being a student and knowing that you don't contribute financially (well, except for student loans - $106K to be exact). I did it because I was miserable at work and because I knew that finance wouldn't allow me to have the type of family life i wanted. But it's equally difficult to then see your husband worry about money. I've felt guilty for going back to school for years now even though my husband has been supportive all the way. I'll be doing my inetrnship starting in September. 50 hours/week for about $20K, and all that will go to child care. But at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Can't wait to put the cap and gown on in May 2010! Good luck. Believe me, I know what you are going through.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

My DH can be like this too. He is very cautious with money and especially now that I will be a SAHM. I completely understand where he is coming from because the financial burden will be on him. But he also has to realize the children cost $. He has made some comments like your DH but I tihnk they come from a little bit of fear on his part.

The thing I have done that I think makes him feel better is shopping craigslist or yard sales or with coupons or on clearance at certain stores for the necessities we will need for baby. Of course, most things we bought new or got from the shower, but things that I know he can't really see the use for, I try to get either very cheap or as a hand me down or whatever. I think he appreciates the efforts I make to seek these things out. and I am also proud of myself when I get a great deal!

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Amen sisters!! My DH is the same way. Like i have been wanting to stock up on diapers and wipes and hes like we dont need that right now, and i said what is he gonna poop in his clothes, i mean give me a break, i was out of commission for 4 months on bed rest and i didn't spend a dime, i said F this im getting stuff for my baby. they just have no idea, what does into all of this. lol my hubby hates to spend money, like he likes a certain number in the bank, and if it goes off like by 50 dollars, hes like oooooooo we got to slow down, im like relax. lol MEN. I hope you got ur Ice cream.mwah

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

Sometimes men get anxious in a different way. They start to think about how they are going to provide for their kids, family, etc. I think maybe he's just anxious as a dad. JMO.

On your side, you are not being unreasonable at all. I can understand why you are upset.

Re: Am I being unreasonable? (buying baby stuff and DH)

It sounds like he is feeling the pressure, as being the only one woprking right now. He may feel like he is contributing so much. Explain that when you comoplete your phd, you will also be adding to the money...etc.

He was just making a dumb comment like they all do...