Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

Please don't quote, for confidentiality I may have to eventually erase some things on here. God for bid anyone ever did a google search and found this and put 2 and 2 together. Call me paranoid.

Just started a new job. I have 2 LO's 18m and 4m. My 18m old got sick last week, high fever, cough, breathing problems, negative for flu, but sick and history of febrile seizure. I work remotely from home and I don't go to an office every day. So Monday my boss wanted me to see her in CT. I had to take DD#1 for a follow up appointment and my boss seemed cool about it. I didn't "blow off" the day. I made some calls and took care of a lot of administrative things I had to do. I had to go out of town for a few days, unfortunately, DD#2's temp went up to 101.1 on my last night away and she had trouble breathing. DH gave her the older one's nebulizer and had to take her to the hospital per the doctor, the next day - again she's only 4m old. Maybe I'm a "bad employee" but I was very worried about my baby.

Today my boss tried to reach me on my cell and I missed the calls b/c I had turned down the ringer last night b/c my DD#2 is sick with the same thing DD#1 had last week (and we had a ped appointment for her). #2 was in the ER yesterday b/c of the fever and the fact she's under 6m old. Turns out she was RSV positive so she required breathing treatments via the nebulizer through the night and we were to keep an eye on her breathing. So I had her sleep in the swing to keep her upright, in the living room with me on the couch. I didn't want my phone's ringer to startle the baby should I get a late or too early text message or call. Anyway I missed the call and I guess it angered my manager - I forgot to turn the volume back up this morning. I called her back and she kind of went off on my "commitment" to the job. It's a high salary position and I got to hear what is expected of me in order to maintain this. I was told of the concern that I've now taken 2 days off ( ) to deal with my kids within the first few weeks. I was also told basically... daycare kids get sick so get over it and you better find someone else to watch them when daycare won't let them in b/c of illness. I basically said... if it were a cold I would not have made a big deal... these were fevers and a fever on a VERY young baby. I also did NOT take 2 days off. I did a ton of work related things both the other day when #1 was sick as well as today.

Now, I know this is the struggle of the working mom, how to put the kids first and not get fired, but in today's economy with money being tight I was just in tears. DH just said to just let it go and next time make sure I'm available and also to stop saying so much to professional contacts about our family and just keep work to professional convo. Maybe he's right. We need this salary. We almost lost our home without it. How have other's managed to balance this? I know you can't be "perfect" at everything, but I want to be a good mom and that's honestly the most important thing to me, however, I want to be able to keep my job... unfortunately, today's 'no jobs and lots of job seekers' situation I find only causes employers to act like they have you by the cahones. 10 years ago employers couldn't do enough to take family life and work life balance into consideration - they cared about what Working Mother magazine thought. Today your supposed to dump your feverish kid off at your mom's house and forget all about it while you make "the man" money. Should I even care? I mean, yes I need the job, but there is low income housing out there. Not that I want that, but seriously, is this worth it? I did mention from Interview #ONE that I had 2 little one's. I figured if they knew and it was an issue - then don't hire me. If they did, then there's an understanding that these things will happen.

I have a co-worker who b*tches about leaving her dog home and finding a pet sitter for overnight meetings. But that's okay?

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

I completely agree with your DH. Don't discuss personal stuff in the office until this has long blown over.

If it were me, the next time I met with my boss, I'd reaffirm my commitment - especially being new to the job.

I know it's a delicate balance - and RSV is not a cold. I had to leave my baby with RSV with my MIL & mom to go to work. It was a bad time of year & I had to be in.

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

Posted by nrthshgrl

I know it's a delicate balance - and RSV is not a cold. I had to leave my baby with RSV with my MIL & mom to go to work. It was a bad time of year & I had to be in.

Message edited 12/4/2009 5:45:58 PM.

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

See though, I don't have a mom or MIL to watch the kids. It's me and DH, no family and no friends willing or able to help. I would not think that this should mean that we cannot hold jobs and enjoy creating a family of our own. I will pretend though that this is not the case for the job by just suggesting that my family will help out, even though they will not/can not. In a few months I'll enjoy a lot of autonomy and I guess as was suggested, I'll just keep this kind of stuff under wraps. Apparently despite what the company does... help the sick, they don't actually care about the sick... just profit from them.

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

Its so hard- my DH and I try to balance who stays home especially since he works from home so he can sneak in a day to take care of a sick child and still work with no one realizing.

I think you have to do what DH says- stay professional, do not discuss your children at work and reaffirm your commitment to the job. Especially if they are paying a bunch of money- they really do have you cornered there.
Hang in there

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

see my post from last night on being laid off and feeling guilty... I didn't even make that high of a salary and felt I needed to proove myself because I was few "mothers of young" at my office. Sure there were dads but there were only 2 women with toddlers there and I felt the rest of the group just didn't get the commitment you have to have as a mommy to a little one.. hope it turns out better for you...

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

I think for the next few weeks/months you need to have a solid backup plan in case either of your DD's get sick. You need to show this company that you are committed to the job. This has been a tough winter already illness-wise, so I understand where you are coming from, but I can also totally see your bosses' side.

Personally, I find it much more stressful to work at home, because if you are not instantly available bosses' assume the worse.

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

Ugh - I am so sorry. I don't envy you. I couldn't imagine starting a new job AND having two young DC at home.

I agree with the PP that say to keep your personal life under wraps. I never talk about DS unless asked specifically. He is 9 months old and I took off the 3 days before Thanksgiving because he had H1N1. Luckily it was a slow week, so it wasn't that big of a deal, but it could've been. This week I was slammed with work to make up.

Would you consider finding a backup to daycare that you trust who would come to your home to help out if DC is sick and neither you nor your husband can miss work?

Re: Another working moms post.... When your BOSS makes you feel guilty! Vent

Uggg...It's a constant battle. Everyone needs a 110% of you and it's impossible to give.

To make up for the some of the 'mommy" situations, I tried to give a lot more when I can. So I rarely take lunch and work through them, I come in early since I can't stay late. I offer to do the off hour things when I can (this is not so much of an issue anymore.) I offer to do extra work or projects when I know the work load is down.