Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

DH and I should be thanking our lucky stars that the grandparents offer to help but instead we feel like over a few issues, one of which is feeding. Both of our moms babysit sometimes and neither one of them believes in the idea that the baby is to feed on demand.

My mom babysat on New Years Eve and she did feed him on demand but she does not really agree with it. She always asks what time he is due to eat. He is due when he wants to eat!!! Mom is afraid that she will not know when he wants to eat, that he might want to eat all day long or that he might go too long.

Dylan has been sleeping through the night but he has been eating every 2 hours during the day for the past week. Today he was with DH's mom and she said he went 3 and a half hours between feedings. At that time of day he usually only goes 2 hours between feedings, but not every day is the same. Then she told me a whole story about how he was cranky for over an hour. I said, "he was hungry." She said, "he really wasn't." Yeah, but then she finally fed him and he was fine.

The whole idea of on demand feeding is extremely important to me because of some things I have read about it, esp. that babies fed on demand are less likely to develop juvenile diabetes. When we were babies, feeding schedules were popular and it was common for parents to force the babies onto a schedule that was convenient for the parents.

I am already devastated about having to stop BFing when he was 2 weeks old and then later having to discontinue milk based formulas. I want to do the right thing when it comes to feeding and not much has gone the way I have wanted it to!!

So, both grandmas in our family do not believe in on demand feeding. We cannot be the only ones experiencing this, right?

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

It's a different concept for the older generation. I believe that they really did work on a schedule and stuck to it so for us to just say feed on demand doesn't make much sense to them.

ETA: Have you tried explaining your concerns to them at all?

Message edited 1/2/2008 8:55:43 PM.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Unfortunately, previous generations were led to believe that all babies should be scheduled. I totally agree with you and would be furious if anyone made my hungry baby wait until the clock said it was time for him to eat before he was fed. I don't have much advice, but I completely agree with you and I think you are doing the best thing for your baby by feeding him on demand.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

you are not alone. our conflicts with our parents aren't about on demand feeding per se, but there are other things that they have given us a hard time about.

like, my MIL was highly skeptical of breastfeeding, and in the first few days after he was born made comments to the effect that i was STARVING my child.

then last week we were at my mother's house in NY and she made some comments implying that we don't change his diaper enough.

bottom line - i really, really resent my parenting style being questioned by my mother and my in-laws. it drives me absolutely nuts.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Message edited 11/15/2010 1:17:11 AM.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

we had the opposite problem in the beginning as my DS was pretty much eating every 2 1/2-3 hours and both our sides of the family wanted us to feed him on demand and more frequently (every time he would cry, they would say he was hungry). This was not what DH and myself wanted as we like having him on a schedule and he did pretty good with it. Finally, they backed off when he was a couple months old as they saw, he was fine and doing great with what we were doing. Now, me and my DH are more relaxed about his feeding schedule as he is older, eating baby food too, and on the bigger side for his age.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Posted by bayla

we had the opposite problem in the beginning as my DS was pretty much eating every 2 1/2-3 hours and both our sides of the family wanted us to feed him on demand and more frequently (every time he would cry, they would say he was hungry). This was not what DH and myself wanted as we like having him on a schedule and he did pretty good with it. Finally, they backed off when he was a couple months old as they saw, he was fine and doing great with what we were doing. Now, me and my DH are more relaxed about his feeding schedule as he is older, eating baby food too, and on the bigger side for his age.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Speaking as someone from the "older generation", I never had my children on a time schedule and I don't do it with my grandchildren. Not all of us were like this and, quite frankly, I never understood it. It didn't make any sense to me. I eat when I am hungry. Why shouldn't they. When my daughter drops the children off in the morning, I will ask when she last fed my granddaughter just so I can get an idea of when she might want to eat next. She eats when she is ready. The same applies to my grandson. Sometimes he eats a big breakfast; sometimes not. That's o.k. with me. Unless I intend to wrestle him to the ground and forcefeed him, he'll eat when he wants to eat.

You are the parents and what you say goes. Grandparents are the support system and need to abide by what you say. If they can't or won't, the need for a VERY serious talk is in order and if that doesn't work, other arrangements have to be made. This is YOUR child, not theirs and this needs to be made very clear. Of course, this should be done in a very tactful and kind manner.
Hopefully, the message gets through.
Honestly, I don't understand grandparents who go against the wishes of the parents. Drives me insane.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Posted by bayla

we had the opposite problem in the beginning as my DS was pretty much eating every 2 1/2-3 hours and both our sides of the family wanted us to feed him on demand and more frequently (every time he would cry, they would say he was hungry). This was not what DH and myself wanted as we like having him on a schedule and he did pretty good with it. Finally, they backed off when he was a couple months old as they saw, he was fine and doing great with what we were doing. Now, me and my DH are more relaxed about his feeding schedule as he is older, eating baby food too, and on the bigger side for his age.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by bayla

we had the opposite problem in the beginning as my DS was pretty much eating every 2 1/2-3 hours and both our sides of the family wanted us to feed him on demand and more frequently (every time he would cry, they would say he was hungry). This was not what DH and myself wanted as we like having him on a schedule and he did pretty good with it. Finally, they backed off when he was a couple months old as they saw, he was fine and doing great with what we were doing. Now, me and my DH are more relaxed about his feeding schedule as he is older, eating baby food too, and on the bigger side for his age.

This is what has happened to us a few times - the second Jack would let out a cry - everyone would say "He must be hungry".....ummmm - nooooo - he just had 6 ozs 30 minutes ago.

You have to learn to just ignore them. That's what I do. Everyone will always have something to say. You're his mom - you know what's best!

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Kerie my mom is the same way. She is insisting my DD is eating too often. I was at the pediatrician today and she reassured me that the baby should eat on demand.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

Posted by bayla

we had the opposite problem in the beginning as my DS was pretty much eating every 2 1/2-3 hours and both our sides of the family wanted us to feed him on demand and more frequently (every time he would cry, they would say he was hungry). This was not what DH and myself wanted as we like having him on a schedule and he did pretty good with it. Finally, they backed off when he was a couple months old as they saw, he was fine and doing great with what we were doing. Now, me and my DH are more relaxed about his feeding schedule as he is older, eating baby food too, and on the bigger side for his age.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

As far as eating my mom, and aunts are the opposite. If the baby cries they think they are hungry. My MIL over fed my DH when he was a baby. She "says" he was drinking 5 oz by the time he left the hospital. She also "says" that by 3 months old my DH was drinking cows milk and eating apple sauce. Hew was a huge baby. She also complains how he never slept through the night. I wonder why..he probably had a horrible stomachache. She also used to keep him up all day thinking this would make him more sleepy at night. I guess she didn't realize this made him over tired and more cranky.

As far as Breastfeeding my mom was very supportive when I tried BF in the beginning. My MIL on the other hand was weird about it. I remember the second day she came up to the hospital and my DS was crying and she asked if they allowed me to give him water or a little formula. She said this when she was sitting behind the hospital curtain as I was trying to get my DS to latch on. Would they allow me? First of all of course I could give him formula if I wanted to and second of all water? I never heard of giving a 2 day old water.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

my mom is the same way. With DD being only 2 weeks old, she insisted on a schedule of every 3 hrs. But, I think that is the her schedule too.. cause she'll sleep and wake up around than.

On the bright side, my DD is has a LOUD cry when she is hungry. And, after 6pm for some reason, she wants to eat every 2 hrs and my mom is only happy to offer her my boob

I think it was easier on me when she went on a 3 hr schedule, but when she is hungry, we definitely feed her.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

I'm not having this problem and my Mom and MIL agree with the feed on demand philosophy. However, I have a cousin who gave me cr@p over the holidays because she thinks babies should only eat every 4 hours. I just rolled my eyes at her-but that's a lot easier than dealing with someone who is helping me care for the child. If they didn't agree with but still did what you asked, then I don't really have a problem. However, if they are circumventing you and doing what they want when you are not around, I wouldn't let them watch her unless I was present.

Re: Anyone else find that their baby's grandparents do not believe in on demand feeding, or refuse to?

mt mom is the opposite, wants to feed him all the time and honestly he is making his own schedule so....oh well...my IL's thong we should feed him every 4 hours....doesnt work...just do whats best for you....