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~Melissa~
Member since 5/06 1462 total posts
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Are we wrong? (pet related)
My inlaws have a new(er) dog. They found her last year, she was a stray... She is approx. 2-3 years old and is a pitbull mix. Obviously we know nothing about this dog's history...whether it was abused, etc. The dog growls, snarls, shows teeth, etc...
DH and I (dog lovers) DO NOT like this dog. We have two little girls (2 and 5) and don't trust the dog around our kids. She doesn't get along with Lexie, she growls at her and makes poor Lexie pee all over the house out of fright.
We live in CT, my inlaws live on LI.
So naturally, when they come up to visit, they stay for the whole weekend and bring their dog up too. It makes for an unpleasant weekend, and I cannot leave my kids alone since I am afraid of the dog biting them.
side note: The last two times the dog was here, she peed on my off-white carpet. So now I have two huge ugly stains on what was a brand new carpet... (  I'm a little bitter)
The point of this whole post is that my inlaws are going to be visiting tomorrow. And DH told them that their dog is not welcome...mostly because we have a brand new, 6 pound puppy who we don't want to be traumatized and/or hurt this weekend. Not to mention my KIDS. 
They are NOT taking this well at all. They can't bear the thought of leaving the dog with someone or leaving it home and having their daughter come over a few times a day to walk the dog and feed her. They told us that it is "cruel and unusual punishment" to leave the dog alone or to kennel it. They are giving us all sorts of guilt trips...
They said that this is going to cause an issue between us....blah blah blah.
I would love for others to weigh in on this situation, whether you agree with us or with them! I need to hear it! Thank you.
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Posted 6/12/08 12:47 PM  |
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MarisaK
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Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
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Marisa
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
IMO NO ONE should assume their pet is welcome in someone else's home - Inlaws or not. ESPECIALLY a dog with that kind of strength and that temperment. IMO your INLAWS are horribly inappropriate to expect that you allow that dog around your small children, not to mention the new puppy. Why should your OWN kids be afraid in their home b/c your Inlaws can't find a dog sitter?
I think ANYONE would be presumptious and inappropriate to just show up for the weekend at my home, with their dog.
If they can't leave the dog with someone for the weekend, well, then they can't stay for the weekend. - Sorry, it's part of the repsonsibility of pet ownership.
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| Posted 6/12/08 1:13 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
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Amy
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Wow- no way are you wrong. I NEVER bring my dog to other people's houses-even when she's welcome- purely because I know my dog can't be trusted to behave.
The fact that their dog peed and ruined your carpet is enough of a reason to say "No way" to another visit.
Stick to your guns- they are most definitely wrong to expect otherwise.
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| Posted 6/12/08 1:15 PM |
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Goobster
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:)
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
I will be honest. While you are certainly not wrong AT ALL, I can understand how they feel about not wanting to kennel their dog or leave it alone overnight, etc. I would feel the same way and probably would hope my family would try to tolerate my dog for the few days that it is. But then again, my dogs aren't mean (at this point, anyway). With that being said, I can also understand how you feel and why you don't want the dog there, and it is your house so it's your right.
I know personally, I probably would sooner not go than kennel my dog and I would personally never leave my dogs alone overnight. They would go insane (as would I), as they are very used to human interaction. I could never enjoy myself if I worried about them home alone, and it sounds like your ILs feel the same way. So for me, if asked by my MIL to leave my dogs elsewhere, I would just not go ( not to guilt trip anyone but b/c I would just be miserable and I just don't kennel). I do leave my dog with my mom though, so that would be the only way I would go with some peace of mind but if she couldn't do it, then I would be back to square one and not be able to go. But...I can see the position it puts both sides in (hence them saying it is going to make things uncomfortable).
Maybe since you have a small puppy, they should hold off on the visit if they feel there is no one else to watch their dog? Sounds to me that them not staying overnight/the weekend is the only solution if you don't want their dog there. And it also sounds like their dog could use some training (Or they could, lol). Ugh, that's what so hard about traveling to see family...things like this. If family lives close, you never have to worry about "staying over" etc. I know, b/c my ILs live in NJ and while they are driving distance now, we plan to move to Suffolk so it will be just too far for them and it might entail overnight and weekend stays (which I dread).
I don't envy your position at all, it's a tough one. And I wanted to add, definitely have your DH handle the matter. Should come from him, he is their son and it's going to be easier to hear from him, than you.
Message edited 6/12/2008 2:07:46 PM.
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| Posted 6/12/08 1:43 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
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BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
I love my dogs to pieces but if someone specifically told me not to bring them to their house, I would respect it and not give them a guilt trip over it.
On the other hand, if I were against kenneling my dog or setting up a sitter, I would rearrange my plans so that I wasn't away for an entire weekend.
My sister lives in CT and when my DH and I go we leave the dogs home and work out a plan with my SIL to come over and take them out.
I think it's VERY wrong of them to be laying a guilt trip on you guys.
ETA: I think REGARDLESS OF THE BREED, if their dog is showing aggressive tendencies they should really consider getting the dog some training and really think twice about having her around other smaller dogs and more importantly, children.
You should NOT have to worry about your children's saftey in your own home.
Message edited 6/12/2008 4:34:54 PM.
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| Posted 6/12/08 1:49 PM |
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lucyloo
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
I would never expect anyone to let Katie stay at their house with us, its there decision. If they welome here great but no one deserves a guilt trip.
Is their dog socialized with other dogs?
That would be a big thing too. Some dogs just don't get along.
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| Posted 6/12/08 1:54 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
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MJ
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
I don't think you are wrong at all. Their dog is showing agressive behavior and I'm surprised that they are not more concerned with what might happen if the dog turned suddenly and bit one of their grandchildren. I never would assume that my animals MUST come with me where I go. Growing up we had 2 dogs and if we had to go away on vacation, even just a weekend, we made sure the dogs were being watched or kennelled.
I don't think its right to try and guilt trip someone else and say "oh this is gonna be a future problem between us if you don't let us bring our dog", its very selfish IMO. You are a GUEST at someone's house, and should not try and make demands about bringing an animal. Family or not, I would respect what my son and DIL said if I were them.
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| Posted 6/12/08 2:01 PM |
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Kara
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Sorry, other people's pets (even family members' pets) aren't allowed in my home. So far none have taken offense. I don't blame you one bit -- You just should have laid down the law sooner rather than later. They'll get over it.
Message edited 6/12/2008 2:17:54 PM.
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| Posted 6/12/08 2:17 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Message edited 11/18/2011 8:42:06 PM.
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| Posted 6/12/08 3:27 PM |
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DeniseMarie
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
i cant even believe they expect to bring their dog to YOUR house when the dog is agressive towards the kids! I dont think you are wrong at all. AT ALL. I would not bring my child around a dog that was growling and showing its teeth, esp a pit!
Also , in regards to the puppy, I think* pits usually chase "small prey' squirrels, rats, etc. This can also include a 6lb puppy running around and a baby crawling on the floor. I would be very careful whenever you are around that dog
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| Posted 6/12/08 4:28 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
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BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Posted by DeniseMarie
i cant even believe they expect to bring their dog to YOUR house when the dog is agressive towards the kids! I dont think you are wrong at all. AT ALL. I would not bring my child around a dog that was growling and showing its teeth, esp a pit!
Also , in regards to the puppy, I think* pits usually chase "small prey' squirrels, rats, etc. This can also include a 6lb puppy running around and a baby crawling on the floor. I would be very careful whenever you are around that dog
This type of behavior is NOT EXCLUSIVE to pit bulls.
Any dog that is aggressive will behave this way.
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| Posted 6/12/08 4:33 PM |
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Goobster
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by DeniseMarie
i cant even believe they expect to bring their dog to YOUR house when the dog is agressive towards the kids! I dont think you are wrong at all. AT ALL. I would not bring my child around a dog that was growling and showing its teeth, esp a pit!
Also , in regards to the puppy, I think* pits usually chase "small prey' squirrels, rats, etc. This can also include a 6lb puppy running around and a baby crawling on the floor. I would be very careful whenever you are around that dog
This type of behavior is NOT EXCLUSIVE to pit bulls.
Any dog that is aggressive will behave this way.
Right.
My dogs are not pits and I would not trust them around other's babies at this point. They chase anything that moves. If I had my own baby in the home that I knew they "knew" what babies were and not to chase, then that would be different. But yes, my dogs are small terriers and they can get quite aggressive around small animals, and even go bonkers with most kids. That's just b/c they are not used to them (in my situation.
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| Posted 6/12/08 4:37 PM |
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~Melissa~
Member since 5/06 1462 total posts
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to let my hubby read this...
Thank you Goobster, I *do* understand and appreciate their side as well...
Oh and for the record, I have nothing against pits. ANY dog can be aggressive. I had a Rottweiler for many years that people were terrified of, until they got to know her and saw how gentle and loving she was. I don't discriminate based on breed.
Oh, and I agree that they should have paid for my carpet to get cleaned. I'm still pizzed about it actually.
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| Posted 6/12/08 5:07 PM |
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by DeniseMarie
i cant even believe they expect to bring their dog to YOUR house when the dog is agressive towards the kids! I dont think you are wrong at all. AT ALL. I would not bring my child around a dog that was growling and showing its teeth, esp a pit!
Also , in regards to the puppy, I think* pits usually chase "small prey' squirrels, rats, etc. This can also include a 6lb puppy running around and a baby crawling on the floor. I would be very careful whenever you are around that dog
This type of behavior is NOT EXCLUSIVE to pit bulls.
Any dog that is aggressive will behave this way.
True. Most dogs that I know chase small prey. My dog would chase squirrels all day long.
You have every right to say that their dog is not welcome in your home. However, I do agree that leaving a dog alone overnight is cruel. It is up to the dog's owner to find some accommodation.
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| Posted 6/12/08 5:31 PM |
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metagefken
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/08 679 total posts
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J
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
you are 1,000% right. you have two small children and this dog shows aggressive behaviour. stand your ground on this and dont let them guilt you into giving in. if your ILs dont understand, they should stay home. better they should have hurt feelings than any one of your children get bitten or worse and, yes i am a dog lover and owner.
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| Posted 6/12/08 5:47 PM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by DeniseMarie
i cant even believe they expect to bring their dog to YOUR house when the dog is agressive towards the kids! I dont think you are wrong at all. AT ALL. I would not bring my child around a dog that was growling and showing its teeth, esp a pit!
Also , in regards to the puppy, I think* pits usually chase "small prey' squirrels, rats, etc. This can also include a 6lb puppy running around and a baby crawling on the floor. I would be very careful whenever you are around that dog
This type of behavior is NOT EXCLUSIVE to pit bulls.
Any dog that is aggressive will behave this way.
let me clarify, I didnt mean it to come out that way. Pit Bulls with a history of agression, just scare me a little more than other dogs with agression bc they are so powerful. I know there are other dogs just as powerful, but pits are stroooong. thats really what I meant. Any dog can do serious damage to a baby/toddler if bitten.
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| Posted 6/12/08 5:49 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
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Kristin
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
OK So I would not kennel Rudy. I would also NOT leave Rudy home alone
HOWEVER When I got a dog I KNEW I wouldn't be able to travel as often. And I KNEW if I did want to travel I needed to have someone stay here or drop Rudy off at someone house (my parents watch him)
It is RUDE to think it's ok to just show up with a dog.
They should have thought about this before taking in a dog.
And if the dog is not nice they should invest in some GOOD training ASAP!!!!!!!
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| Posted 6/12/08 7:17 PM |
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Goobster
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Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Posted by june262004
OK So I would not kennel Rudy. I would also NOT leave Rudy home alone
HOWEVER When I got a dog I KNEW I wouldn't be able to travel as often. And I KNEW if I did want to travel I needed to have someone stay here or drop Rudy off at someone house (my parents watch him)
It is RUDE to think it's ok to just show up with a dog.
They should have thought about this before taking in a dog.
And if the dog is not nice they should invest in some GOOD training ASAP!!!!!!!
I so agree, no kennels for me and no way to alone overnight, ever. So I would suffer and not go, rather than put someone out.
We knew our lives would change and planned for that change. But in their case, I guess they didn't expect the dog to have "issues" and knew their son and DIL were dog people. Sounds like the OP wouldn't mind at all if the dog was friendlier and more obediant. I guess I just sort of feel bad for them in a way b /c they did rescue this dog and didn't know what they were in for, as many rescues have some issues. And I would hate for them to get rid of the dog b/c they can't go see their grandkids. I have seen people give away pets b/c of grandchildren and that horrifies me that someone would do that, so that's why I sort of can empathize with them and admire their dedication to their dog. I really do, and it's not that I can't relate the OP's dilemma either. I just would hope they seek out a trainer rather than give up the dog who already probably had instability before them.
I guess they have to find another solution but when you don't want to leave your dog alone at night or too long in the day alone, and you don't feel comfortable using a kennel, there are not many choices left. It's a tough situation but I hope the dog doesn't have to pay the price and they find a solution. Otherwise, as they said, it will create an issue. I personally don't think it was a threat on their part, I really don't, I think it's the truth. They are forced to make a choice b/w their dog and their visits with their family, since it's not close enough for pop over quick visits. It's just not as simple as a kennel for some who have pets and don't ever plan to use a kennel.
This is a tough situation, hopefully a solution can be found .
Message edited 6/12/2008 8:36:07 PM.
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| Posted 6/12/08 8:20 PM |
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sunnyplus3
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Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Melissa, the last time I "allowed" my child to be around a dog I didn't trust, he was mauled by that dog. It wasn't a relative's dog & it wasn't in my home but it was a complicated situation. So my answer is 100% NO.
And for the record we are animal lovers & have dog guests & babysit pets in our home often, but ONLY if they are well behaved & we trust them
Here's a link to my post about my son getting bitten, how I had a bad feeling about it because its too long to retype
my dog bite story
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| Posted 6/12/08 8:41 PM |
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RadioLau
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2179 total posts
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Laura
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
I am a huge dog lover but under the circumstances I agree with you. It doesn't sound that bad if their daughter just comes over to walk it and feed it. At least it won't have to be kenneled and then they can relax and enjoy their time away.
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| Posted 6/12/08 8:55 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
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Kristin
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Posted by Goobster
We knew our lives would change and planned for that change. But in their case, I guess they didn't expect the dog to have "issues" and knew their son and DIL were dog people. Sounds like the OP wouldn't mind at all if the dog was friendlier and more obediant. I guess I just sort of feel bad for them in a way b /c they did rescue this dog and didn't know what they were in for, as many rescues have some issues. And I would hate for them to get rid of the dog b/c they can't go see their grandkids. I have seen people give away pets b/c of grandchildren and that horrifies me that someone would do that, so that's why I sort of can empathize with them and admire their dedication to their dog. I really do, and it's not that I can't relate the OP's dilemma either. I just would hope they seek out a trainer rather than give up the dog who already probably had instability before them.
But I guess I feel like while yes they did a good thing and rescued a dog... they should have thought long and hard. Were they willing to not visit family. They could have helped to get that dog to another loving home if they couldn't.
What if god forbid Melissa's daughter was allergic. Or scared of the dog. Thats not fair.
I just feel they should have been better prepared, Thought it out before taking the dog in.
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| Posted 6/12/08 9:08 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
its your house. you say what goes. i can see there defensiveness BUT you have a 6 pound puppy, that ALONE should be reason enough. they should respect that. pits are huge compared to Shelby.
i hope it works itself out.
(sidenote: pits are more proned to biting other DOGS not humans)
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| Posted 6/12/08 11:15 PM |
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Gertyrae
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
I love my dog and we travel with her often...but, if she is not welcome that's the end of the story. We wouldn't dream of taking her somewhere she isn't welcome and we always ask if it's okay to bring her somewhere.
It's just common courtesy....
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| Posted 6/12/08 11:17 PM |
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DirtyBlonde
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
You are concerned about your children - their grandchildren - yeah, the kids safety has to come before their dog's comfort. And your pup! I dont' think that you're wrong.
Message edited 6/13/2008 9:31:45 PM.
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| Posted 6/13/08 9:30 PM |
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~Melissa~
Member since 5/06 1462 total posts
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Re: Are we wrong? (pet related)
Thank you ALL so much.
Their daughter (my SIL) is taking care of the dog for the weekend. Phew. I think she is sleeping at their house...
Oh and I do let relatives (including my own parents) bring their dogs here when they come for a visit...but I TRUST those dogs and have watched them grow up from puppyhood. Actually all of the dogs that come here to visit have young children at their homes, or were raised with kids. My inlaws dog is never exposed to kids, or ANYONE but them for that matter. It's a sticky situation, and I am sure that once the kids are bigger/wiser and the puppy is grown up, we might let the dog stay here, but until then...gotta follow my instinct. 
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| Posted 6/13/08 10:59 PM |
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