Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted by MrsDamonSalv7319

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by MrsDamonSalv7319

Posted by nferrandi

She's just bitter because she hasn't been able to complete the very "easy" task of getting someone to marry her.

This was my first thought!

Honestly, I feel sorry for her that she feels she has to "accomplish" so much in order to validate her life. I feel sad for her. Maybe she will feel awesome after backpacking through Asia alone, but she may never feel the sense of accomplishment from looking down at a content, sleeping baby suckling from her own nipple, or the pure love of a toddler throwing her arms around you and saying "I love you mom."

I also feel she has it wrong, as there is NOTHING more important than raising a child to be a contributing member of a future society. Cliche as it is, children ARE the future, and she can accomplish everything she ever dreamed, and more than likely her legacy will die with her...

As a SAHM, I'm not even offended by her ignorance...she has built up these lies she tells herself in order to feel better about her own, seemingly lonely, life.

I don't mean to single you out - but this is exactly my point. You are defending yourself, by going on the attack - Why do you feel sad for her? Backpacking through Asia is a huge experience ........and not hearing a toddler say "I love you mom" isn't going to make her less of a human being. -

and to YOU there is NOTHING more important that raising a child - b/c it's the most improtant thing YOU are doing in your life .......but it is not, in general the most important thing ANY woman can do w/ her life ........KWIM??

I am NOT defending what she wrote or the way she wrote it. - But I can pull some sense from it ........

I respectfully disagree with you. I do think a woman's and a man's most important job is being a parent. I don't look down on those who choose not to become parents. That is heir choice and I respect it. But deep down I honestly feel sad for them. That's my opinion, and I dont apologize for it.

ETA, I have no desire to backpack through Asia. Zero. And yet the author clearly thinks I'm missing out, and I'm sure she feels sorry for me that I'll never experience that. I said I wasn't offended by her article. IMO, she's the one missing out!

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted by alli3131

Posted by MrsDamonSalv7319

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by MrsDamonSalv7319

Posted by nferrandi

She's just bitter because she hasn't been able to complete the very "easy" task of getting someone to marry her.

This was my first thought!

Honestly, I feel sorry for her that she feels she has to "accomplish" so much in order to validate her life. I feel sad for her. Maybe she will feel awesome after backpacking through Asia alone, but she may never feel the sense of accomplishment from looking down at a content, sleeping baby suckling from her own nipple, or the pure love of a toddler throwing her arms around you and saying "I love you mom."

I also feel she has it wrong, as there is NOTHING more important than raising a child to be a contributing member of a future society. Cliche as it is, children ARE the future, and she can accomplish everything she ever dreamed, and more than likely her legacy will die with her...

As a SAHM, I'm not even offended by her ignorance...she has built up these lies she tells herself in order to feel better about her own, seemingly lonely, life.

I don't mean to single you out - but this is exactly my point. You are defending yourself, by going on the attack - Why do you feel sad for her? Backpacking through Asia is a huge experience ........and not hearing a toddler say "I love you mom" isn't going to make her less of a human being. -

and to YOU there is NOTHING more important that raising a child - b/c it's the most improtant thing YOU are doing in your life .......but it is not, in general the most important thing ANY woman can do w/ her life ........KWIM??

I am NOT defending what she wrote or the way she wrote it. - But I can pull some sense from it ........

I respectfully disagree with you. I do think a woman's and a man's most important job is being a parent. I don't look down on those who choose not to become parents. That is heir choice and I respect it. But deep down I honestly feel sad for them. That's my opinion, and I dont apologize for it.

ETA, I have no desire to backpack through Asia. Zero. And yet the author clearly thinks I'm missing out, and I'm sure she feels sorry for me that I'll never experience that. I said I wasn't offended by her article. IMO, she's the one missing out!

I would post this over on the child free board. I bet every single one of them will tell you they absolutely do not feel they are missing out on anything by not having children.

As much as you feel she is judging....so are you.

We all have different priorities. Doesn't make one right or wrong.

I took my 20s and most of 30s and did many of those things you can't do with a family (or do easily). It was completely my choice. I chose not to have a husband or family in my 20s or early 30s.
My choice was great for me and I understand it isn't for others.

But to say someone is missing out because they are not a parent is a bit much IMO.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Clearly, her mission is accomplished.

Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

She is definitely entitled to her own opinion. As we all are. I just don't understand the point of people writing stuff like this.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted by nferrandi

She's just bitter because she hasn't been able to complete the very "easy" task of getting someone to marry her.

Message edited 1/24/2014 11:46:00 AM.

Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Eh... Until she HAS children, her opinion on how "hard" it is to be a mother means nothing to me. I thought I knew everything about being a wife and mother before I was one too so she just gets a big old eye roll from me.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

While I disagree with the author, I can understand the general premise. This may be controversial but I really don't think being a mom is THAT hard (shhh...don't tell my dh). Yes, it has it's challenging moments but I have to agree that it is not brain surgery in its complexity. I have certainly done more difficult things in my life. People have been doing it, and doing it well, since the beginning of time.

I do think being a mom is just as important as being a brain surgeon it us just not as complex. I also don't see the mere act of having children as an achievement.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

I think she needs to get laid.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

I just want to point out one more thing- she compared motherhood to being a Dr. And certainly they're different occupations. But let's be fair, most working people (both men and women) are not Drs and are not out there saving the world or inventing the cure to cancer. I can tell you for certain that my DH doesn't love his job, nor does he feels he's making some grand positive impact on the world. It's a job, a paycheck. And I think most people would agree that raising a child is potentially more of a world changer then crunching numbers at a desk.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

omg, she is awful!!

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

She is a bitter *****, and that is why she is not married. Her opinion means nothing

Message edited 1/24/2014 1:20:53 PM.

Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

She really has no clue. Her choice of language and tone is so condescending. She is trying to make comparisons of tasks that you can't compare. If a woman or a man decides that they want to stay at home, that is their own personal choice.

"You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids." - Each person's definition of exceptional will be different. Not everyone has the same goals. I'm content with what I'm doing now and think I'm exceptional at what I do.

And I have to say, whenever a friend has been promoted or left the state for another opportunity, there has always been a celebration. Maybe she isn't being invited because of her snarky attitude!

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

So what does she have to say about me? I have my doctorate and got married at 25 (didn't have DD until 34, but not by choice). The whole point of feminism is that we can make choices for ourselves and make our lives what we want them to be. It's not all or nothing in either regard. Guess what? I didn't have a baby shower for religious reasons (except for one at work), but I did have a graduation party when I finally completed my doctorate. You know which accomplishment is going to mean more to me in the long run? My DD! I have no interest in backpacking anywhere, FTR.

I have no problem with a well thought out piece about life choices and preferences, but this was just obnoxious and self-righteous. Hey, she's getting attention for it though, and that's clearly what she wanted.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted by MandJZ

Posted by MarisaK



While I agree, her writing style is obnoxious and abrasive.

I don't completely disagree with her message. The WAY she said it is awful, and it's coming off as the perspective of a bitter spinster ........but as a woman with a husband, and children - I CAN see some of her points.

Would anyone argue that doing laundry is an accomplishment on par with performing heart surgery?

I'd spin it differently though - I think a lot of the time, since getting married and having children while not "easy" as she put it, IS the socially acceptable and expected norm - Young women who have not hit those 'milestones' are looked down on by those who have with a sort of pity -
And they also, feel about themselves that their lives aren't as important or they haven't accomplished as much -

I had this exact conversation with my best friend the other day - We're childhood friends, and planning to celebrate out 35th togather - I told her 35 bothered me this year. I don't know why, I just felt like, "GOD!! 35, there's so much more I wanted to accomplish at this point in my life" - her response?
"are you kidding me? at least you're a REAL grown up" When I questioned it she said "You know, the husband, the house, the kids .........." - no where in there was any mention of my education or professional accomplishements, as if all that matters as a woman is your husband, your house and your kids -

This infuriates me. I wasn't mad at her - I was mad FOR her, and for myself.
I was mad b/c she feel that at 35 she 'has no life' and is a failure and is embarassed if we bump into people from HS b/c she is single and childless - as if it's some diesease. As if her professional and educational and personal accomplishments don't matter at all - and mad for myself b/c since I AM married with children, the rest of my OWN prodessional or personal accomplishements for the rest of my life will have little to no significance b/c the only thing that really 'matters' is how well I raise my kids, and clean my house and keep my husband from cheating on me -

I do agree though, that promotions, and major life events SHOULD be celebrated for ALL women - NOT just those who aren't married, as if it's some kind of consolation prize - "Oh well, she didn't get married or have babies, so let's go out and celebrate her new VP promotion" .........

This mentality and judgement keeps us ALL on the defense, and at each other's throats constantly -

but it will never change - b/c women, are AWFUL to each other.

I also don't disagree with absolutely everything she said. However, her overall message about motherhood being 'nothing' is absurd. I do think that all accomplishments should be celebrated, and that an independent, single woman who gets a huge promotion or some such thing should be insanely proud and have nothing to be ashamed of. But the rest of it is utter ********.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Sounds like someone is bitter no one threw her a party for backpacking through Asia or getting a job. If she lost her judgmental attitude, maybe she'd make some friends to do that for her. On the other hand, she'd just offend half of them when they get married or have a child.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

This just made me laugh my a$$ off...my a$$ which is larger these days due to the average, effortless task of baring two children. I had what I considered to be great accomplishments in my life, personal and professional, before having kids. But being a wife and a mother for me personally tops anything I ever did or wanted to do. As a friend of mine & I always say of people like this, she just doesn't know.

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Glass writes: "You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids."

See, she's wrong.
I do.

I have both a husband who adores me & 2 kids who are the lights of my life!



I have a great career. I'm equal to my co-workers (even the male ones). I get my work done by 5PM most days by getting in at 6AM (my husband respects me as his equal because I am).

I don't do yoga, don't know what yogalates is... and have a few extra pounds around my midsection & a few grey hairs (who has time to spend hours at a hair salon more than twice a year?). I may not be there for the "breakfast with mommy" events at school, or even know what my son's new teacher's aid looks like, but...

BUT I DO IT...

I potty trained my kids on 3 day weekends, saw them take their first steps, am teaching them to read, taught my DS how to ice skate. My mama's kisses heal their boo boos. I praise them, punish them, wake them, put them to sleep, dress them, feed them... even cook (sometimes).

Ms Glass, you can give me a call, but sadly, as with everything, the answer to your quest to be excellent is just to work really hard... and to smile.

Guess what? I have some friends who are are just like me!

OK, OK, I'm done here!

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Re: Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

Posted by MarisaK



While I agree, her writing style is obnoxious and abrasive.

I don't completely disagree with her message. The WAY she said it is awful, and it's coming off as the perspective of a bitter spinster ........but as a woman with a husband, and children - I CAN see some of her points.

Would anyone argue that doing laundry is an accomplishment on par with performing heart surgery?

I'd spin it differently though - I think a lot of the time, since getting married and having children while not "easy" as she put it, IS the socially acceptable and expected norm - Young women who have not hit those 'milestones' are looked down on by those who have with a sort of pity -
And they also, feel about themselves that their lives aren't as important or they haven't accomplished as much -

I had this exact conversation with my best friend the other day - We're childhood friends, and planning to celebrate out 35th togather - I told her 35 bothered me this year. I don't know why, I just felt like, "GOD!! 35, there's so much more I wanted to accomplish at this point in my life" - her response?
"are you kidding me? at least you're a REAL grown up" When I questioned it she said "You know, the husband, the house, the kids .........." - no where in there was any mention of my education or professional accomplishements, as if all that matters as a woman is your husband, your house and your kids -

This infuriates me. I wasn't mad at her - I was mad FOR her, and for myself.
I was mad b/c she feel that at 35 she 'has no life' and is a failure and is embarassed if we bump into people from HS b/c she is single and childless - as if it's some diesease. As if her professional and educational and personal accomplishments don't matter at all - and mad for myself b/c since I AM married with children, the rest of my OWN prodessional or personal accomplishements for the rest of my life will have little to no significance b/c the only thing that really 'matters' is how well I raise my kids, and clean my house and keep my husband from cheating on me -

I do agree though, that promotions, and major life events SHOULD be celebrated for ALL women - NOT just those who aren't married, as if it's some kind of consolation prize - "Oh well, she didn't get married or have babies, so let's go out and celebrate her new VP promotion" .........

This mentality and judgement keeps us ALL on the defense, and at each other's throats constantly -

but it will never change - b/c women, are AWFUL to each other.

Article: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

I hope she trips over a tree root while backpacking though Asia and lands on a rattle snake...