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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
My DH was suppose to have his kids this past weekend but didnt b/c the mother was going away on business. So he has them today until Friday. She called and spoke to him yesterday regarding pickup time etc. He goes and picks them up this morning and apparently the younger one (5 years old) has coxsackie. (she still has the blisters so she is still contagious). His ex had told him this last night but he didnt tell me b/c he knew Id flip out. Well needless to say I did flip out. I guess I look at it this way..When one of my kids are sick and he has a planned visitation we call her and either he switches his days or he goes there or they come here .... BUT we always give her the choice before she sends the kids here...She doesnt pay me the same courtesey. I understand that it's not the little girls fault but you dont want your children subjected to illnesses unnessarily why do you think I do? I have 4 children here...DS is only 11 months..and I babysit!!!! SHe has gotten DS sick several times over the winter...to the point that my DH told his Ex that he couldnt take them any more if they were sick. This was after 2 weeks of no sleep b/c DS was so congested after the little one gave him a nasty cold. She doesnt listen when you tell her not to go near him. But that was in February apparently he has forgotten what he said or he feels that he has to choose between us or them???...KWIM????
Anyway...He has taken them to their mother's house and will watch them over there until she gets back...which is Friday. I got so angry at him...which is just not like me. But I had told him 3 weeks ago that it was going around and that if she got it she couldnt come here...and he brought her here any way!!! In his defense he didnt know how contagious it is but still I feel that I should have been consulted by someone!!!!!
If you've made it this far did I completely overeact????
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Posted 7/23/08 3:48 PM  |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Nope, you didn't. I would have done the same! 
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:50 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
no you did not overreact but don't be mad at DH, be mad at the ex for being inconsiderate
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:50 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I was going to suggest exactly what he did....stay at her house. I dont think you overreacted by not wanting a contagious child in your home but on the same note since hes the father and promised his ex....then I kinda think he should go stay at her house. So IMO end result is ok.
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:51 PM |
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I don't think you overreacted...I would be very upset...she should know that her daughter was still contagious and not put your children at risk...especially if you've afforded her that courtesy in the past!
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:52 PM |
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Theresa05
Sofialiciciousssssssssssss
Member since 10/06 4891 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by bicosi
Nope, you didn't. I would have done the same!
I think so also!
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:53 PM |
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elyssa222
******
Member since 5/05 1541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by stephanief
no you did not overreact but don't be mad at DH, be mad at the ex for being inconsiderate
not trying to defend the ex but she told him and he chose not to tell heather.
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:53 PM |
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elyssa222
******
Member since 5/05 1541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
oh and u didnt overreact at all. totally justified
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:54 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by elyssa222
Posted by stephanief
no you did not overreact but don't be mad at DH, be mad at the ex for being inconsiderate
not trying to defend the ex but she told him and he chose not to tell heather.
oops didn't read that, in that case, yes, I would be mad at dh
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:55 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Absolutely not, you didn't overreact at all. I hope DS doesn't catch it. 
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| Posted 7/23/08 3:58 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I don't think you overeacted at all!! I would have been mad too.
I don't send DD with her other family when she is sick.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:00 PM |
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Taylorsmom
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/06 432 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:02 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:02 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by DancinBarefoot
I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one.
why post then  I am sorry, I do not get that
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:06 PM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I would be mad too. He should have told you when his ex told him. In my situation though, DH would never stay at ex's place to watch kids - he wouldn't have it and she wouldn't have it, so I would have to have the contagious child in my house anyway. 
Sorry!!
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:07 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
Oh I hear you completely!!!!
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:09 PM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
This is a good point too...
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:10 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by stephanief
Posted by DancinBarefoot
I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one.
why post then I am sorry, I do not get that
We're good friends....I know EXACTLY what she is keeping to herself.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:10 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
As a step-child I completely agree with this.... it's a bad message to send to the child, "you're sick so you can't come over".. it isn't their fault.
with that said, DH should have given you the heads up so you could be pre-pared...
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:22 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by hbugal
Posted by stephanief
Posted by DancinBarefoot
I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one.
why post then I am sorry, I do not get that
We're good friends....I know EXACTLY what she is keeping to herself.
ah, sorry, I did not realize..... 
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:25 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
He should have let you know so that you could have taken precautions to limit exposure at the very least.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:26 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Sassyz75
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
As a step-child I completely agree with this.... it's a bad message to send to the child, "you're sick so you can't come over".. it isn't their fault.
with that said, DH should have given you the heads up so you could be pre-pared...
I completely agree. It's not the childs fault.
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:26 PM |
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Taylorsmom
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/06 432 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Totally right...it is a bad message to send...and to be honest I never thought of it that way (meaning the effect it would have on the step-child).
Not to get off the subject completely, but I sometimes have a hard time with the step-parenting thing..... Especially now that my DSS is almost 15 and is very hormonal!
He is so moody, and creepy lately!
Hey maybe we can get a new board for step-parents and step-kids...
Oh no.... not another board...LOL
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:27 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Taylorsmom
Totally right...it is a bad message to send...and to be honest I never thought of it that way (meaning the effect it would have on the step-child).
Not to get off the subject completely, but I sometimes have a hard time with the step-parenting thing..... Especially now that my DSS is almost 15 and is very hormonal!
He is so moody, and creepy lately!
Hey maybe we can get a new board for step-parents and step-kids...
Oh no.... not another board...LOL
I dont want to send that message to my stepdaughters at all...I could go on and on...if you knew me you know that Im a great parent to all the kids..Both my DH and myself were both "stepchildren" and come from divorced families....
BUT....while I understand completely then why is the other way OK??? She has the right to not let her come here when one of the other kids are sick or have head lice.. ...this is where I get stuck....
Just for a heads up on what Im dealing with here...My DHs ex PURPOSELY took the girls away when I was having DS so they'd miss him being born...
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:36 PM |
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Theresa05
Sofialiciciousssssssssssss
Member since 10/06 4891 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:37 PM |
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