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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Theresa05
We knew when DS was coming b/c I was going to be induced that week...She took them upstate at the last minute so they wouldnt be here for him to be born. She claimed she forgot we "had that going on"...
I know one doesnt relate really to the other...but I guess it helps to know that she complicates things for us from time to time...
Message edited 7/23/2008 4:41:18 PM.
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Posted 7/23/08 4:40 PM  |
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Taylorsmom
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/06 432 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by hbugal
Posted by Taylorsmom
Totally right...it is a bad message to send...and to be honest I never thought of it that way (meaning the effect it would have on the step-child).
Not to get off the subject completely, but I sometimes have a hard time with the step-parenting thing..... Especially now that my DSS is almost 15 and is very hormonal!
He is so moody, and creepy lately!
Hey maybe we can get a new board for step-parents and step-kids...
Oh no.... not another board...LOL
I dont want to send that message to my stepdaughters at all...I could go on and on...if you knew me you know that Im a great parent to all the kids..Both my DH and myself were both "stepchildren" and come from divorced families....
BUT....while I understand completely then why is the other way OK??? She has the right to not let her come here when one of the other kids are sick or have head lice.. ...this is where I get stuck....
Just for a heads up on what Im dealing with here...My DHs ex PURPOSELY took the girls away when I was having DS so they'd miss him being born...
She most definitely should extend you the same exact courtesy...and not withold the kids from seeing their dad (and you for that matter)
That is totally not right! And she should be ashamed of herself for taking them away when you were having DS!
I am so sorry she is being such a jerk!
I'm lucky in the respect that I am friends with my DH's ex.... We've gone out together, we are kinda of sisters....
It took a while but when there are kids involved there you gotta do what is best for them....
I didn't cause DH and her to break up.... that happened way before I ever met him so there is no reason for us to be friends!
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:41 PM |
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Belladonna219
HOT MAMA
Member since 2/07 2642 total posts
Name:
Belladonna219
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I think it was inconsiderate for the EX. She should show the same consideration you do because having sick kids is not fun. Esp coxsakie. DS has had it all week and it is a nightmare along with being very contagious.
But as the other poster said if alternative dates for them to visit was not an option there is not much you can do as their parents (stepparents). Just make sure they all wash their hand frequently and use lots of lysol and bleach 
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:46 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by hbugal
Posted by Taylorsmom
Totally right...it is a bad message to send...and to be honest I never thought of it that way (meaning the effect it would have on the step-child).
Not to get off the subject completely, but I sometimes have a hard time with the step-parenting thing..... Especially now that my DSS is almost 15 and is very hormonal!
He is so moody, and creepy lately!
Hey maybe we can get a new board for step-parents and step-kids...
Oh no.... not another board...LOL
I dont want to send that message to my stepdaughters at all...I could go on and on...if you knew me you know that Im a great parent to all the kids..Both my DH and myself were both "stepchildren" and come from divorced families....
BUT....while I understand completely then why is the other way OK??? She has the right to not let her come here when one of the other kids are sick or have head lice.. ...this is where I get stuck....
Just for a heads up on what Im dealing with here...My DHs ex PURPOSELY took the girls away when I was having DS so they'd miss him being born...
I'm sure you are a super mom- being a step-parent isn't easy- and being a step kid isn't easy- and it gets easier and doesn't get easier (heck, i'm 32 and STILL have issues)
I think the rule is visitation is visitation.... and yes, while her mom is rude... just tell her- that no matter what- visitation holds- whether her kids are sick, or yours!
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:50 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Heather,
I don't think that you overreacted I think that your DH was wrong. He knew his daughter has coxsakie. He should have told you so you were prepared. The ex is wrong she should have rearranged her trip to care for her ill child and not put you or you dh in the situation of having to choose. Coxsakie is FAR worse than a normal cold
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| Posted 7/23/08 4:53 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by stephanief
no you did not overreact but don't be mad at DH, be mad at the ex for being inconsiderate
ITA you were warranted for your reaction but be mad at him. The situation is a difficult one. You are a strong woman--this shall pass.
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:07 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
I agree.
Hrmm. I don't think you will like my response.. but I am going to say it anyway.
Kids get sick. And kids spread sick.
If Ariel were sick - you would live with the risk that she would get Caden or the twins sick. You wouldn't send her out of the house. You'd deal with the potential for having a houseful of sick kids. Your stepdaughter is still your husband's child. She may not live with you - but she is their sibling just the same and sometimes you have to deal with the idea that when one sibling gets it - they can all go down like dominos. It sucks - but she is part of the family.
I would still be annoyed with DH - because full disclosure is part of the deal when you are married. But maybe he feels like you are making a seperation between YOURS and HIS with preferential treatment going to your own flesh and blood since they live with you.
I still think you are a rockin' chick and a great mom though!
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:15 PM |
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
ITA!
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:18 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by rojerono
Posted by Taylorsmom
Can I play devils advocate here? And I am only doing so b/c I know what you are going through b/c I am a Step-Mom also.
Yes it would have been nice if your DH had told you before hand, and I think it is nice that you give her the option of having the kids come or not come to your house when your kids are sick. ( I do the same thing when my DD is really sick like with a stomach flu) I call my DSS mom up and say hey listen... T has a stomach virus...just wanted to give you the heads up. etc.
Okay so here is the devil's advocate part. What do you do when one of your other kids is sick? Do you ban them from the house? Nope of course not.
Whether we like it our DH kid(s) are our kids too....only they just 'live with us" part time.
And believe me I know your concern with the little one.... I used to go through the same thing when DSS used to come over when he was sick...but what can we do...If I had two bio kids living with me and one of them was sick... I would just have to try to make sure the two stayed away from each other.
It's not easy being a Step-parent.
I agree.
Hrmm. I don't think you will like my response.. but I am going to say it anyway.
Kids get sick. And kids spread sick.
If Ariel were sick - you would live with the risk that she would get Caden or the twins sick. You wouldn't send her out of the house. You'd deal with the potential for having a houseful of sick kids. Your stepdaughter is still your husband's child. She may not live with you - but she is their sibling just the same and sometimes you have to deal with the idea that when one sibling gets it - they can all go down like dominos. It sucks - but she is part of the family.
I would still be annoyed with DH - because full disclosure is part of the deal when you are married. But maybe he feels like you are making a seperation between YOURS and HIS with preferential treatment going to your own flesh and blood since they live with you.
I still think you are a rockin' chick and a great mom though!
Oh ITA!!!! I think I was more peeved b/c he knew and didnt tell me....I told him that I should have been consulted and given time to prepare. I dont think he understood exactly how contagious it is. Basically he thought that as long as she didnt touch him he'd be OK. Truth is she bites her nails constantly and always has her hands in her mouth. He didnt realize she could spread it that way....
I guess basically I get annoyed b/c his ex runs the show and it's what is convenient for her all the time...But that's another story entirely...
My girls see there father every week and we have good communication. We are both considerate of each others time etc....DH doesnt get the same consideration from his ex and I just find it unnecessary.
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:26 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
nope didn't overreact
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| Posted 7/23/08 5:48 PM |
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JustBrowsin
LIF Adult
Member since 2/07 1147 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Im going to have to agree with some of the other people on here that feel you may have overreacted because you wouldnt send one of your own kids away if they were sick. She is his daughter and should be allowed to visit her father, sick or not. It sounds like the anger is coming from a general resentment towards the ex, rather than about this specific incident. Blending families is never easy.
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| Posted 7/23/08 10:41 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by JustBrowsin
Im going to have to agree with some of the other people on here that feel you may have overreacted because you wouldnt send one of your own kids away if they were sick. She is his daughter and should be allowed to visit her father, sick or not. It sounds like the anger is coming from a general resentment towards the ex, rather than about this specific incident. Blending families is never easy.
While I do agree that I wouldnt send one of my kids away when they were sick if they were at their fathers and had the flu or coxsackie I would have had them stay there....which their father would suggest so the baby wouldnt get sick.
As far as the resentment towards the ex goes if you knew me you'd know that I truly take a ton of stuff that someone else would go crazy over. I guess what really bugs me is that she is constantly cancelling his visitation for one reason or another...family parties, play dates, she took the day off and is taking them somewhere, rearranges things so they dont get to sleep here, etc....jumps at the chance to not send them here any chance she gets....yet will gladly send them here sick without question. But that's a whole other story...
I too flip back and forth over the well if they were our kids they wouldnt leave yada yada yada...but the truth is that isnt the situation. So while I agree I dont know if that is the answer....It's a tough one.
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| Posted 7/23/08 11:02 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
I was at work when I posted my initial response.. and I hadn't really fully read/absorbed the whole post. I apologize because I think I just kind of answered without really thinking things through.
I think you reacted in context. I think that it is obvious that you aren't angry about your stepdaughter or about the potential that your kids will get sick. I think you are just frustrated about the situation in general - feeling like his ex takes advantage and feeling as though DH didn't honor you by simply letting you KNOW about the coxsackie before hand. It's a bubbling well of little things that kind of just swirled over.
Would I have reacted the same way? I don't know - I haven't walked a mile in your shoes. But I do know that anger doesn't come from nowhere and you just never seem the type to be angry over something so seemingly small - so there is definitely MORE than what meets the eye.
I am sorry for judging your reaction so quickly.
Message edited 7/23/2008 11:23:52 PM.
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| Posted 7/23/08 11:23 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
Posted by rojerono
I was at work when I posted my initial response.. and I hadn't really fully read/absorbed the whole post. I apologize because I think I just kind of answered without really thinking things through.
I think you reacted in context. I think that it is obvious that you aren't angry about your stepdaughter or about the potential that your kids will get sick. I think you are just frustrated about the situation in general - feeling like his ex takes advantage and feeling as though DH didn't honor you by simply letting you KNOW about the coxsackie before hand. It's a bubbling well of little things that kind of just swirled over.
Would I have reacted the same way? I don't know - I haven't walked a mile in your shoes. But I do know that anger doesn't come from nowhere and you just never seem the type to be angry over something so seemingly small - so there is definitely MORE than what meets the eye.
I am sorry for judging your reaction so quickly.
There is a lot of background that is just too much to get into...
I generally love my stepdaughters...I guess I feel like there is always some sort of issue that effects "this house" far after the girls go home to their mother....I cant really explain it. It has a lot to do with resentment from their mother that DH has moved on, is remarried, has another child etc...
Seriously I should write a book...I wonder if Danielle Steele is looking for a storyline?
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| Posted 7/23/08 11:38 PM |
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MyChip-n-Dales
lifes many lil twisted curves
Member since 10/07 5158 total posts
Name:
aeriell
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
ok i have read through this. i have to say something! i understand where you are all coming from and saying that you wouldnt send your kids out if they were sick. but you know YOUR child. if you told YOUR child to keep away from another sibling or person etc, you know your child will listen or suffer "consequences". now you have someone elses child you ask them not to be near someone and they dont listen or even care to listen... how do you handle that??? i saw recently a post on here about "punishing" someone elses child.
sooo i have to agree 100% on this. the child should have stayed home.
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| Posted 7/23/08 11:43 PM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
You did not overeact.
On a side note: Make-up sex rocks!!!!! 
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| Posted 7/24/08 8:46 AM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Be honest with me Did I over react? (long sorry)
no... I can understand where you're coming from.. I would be a little miffed.
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| Posted 7/24/08 9:02 AM |
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