Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

This is very much linked to my recent post about how important it is to live close to your parents..........

DH and I will definitely be moving this spring. Like I said in my last post about NJ and LI..... we are just not sure where.

DH is really excited about the idea of moving to NJ. He is under the impression that his commute to/from the city will be shorter, we will get more for our money, and generally have a better quality of life.... (about the getting more for our money thing- that's still under investigation )

I was open to either at first but now as the time is coming closer to trying to have a baby, I am REALLY getting hard core Long Island. I want to be close to my parents. I KNOW that it won't be easy for them to commute to NJ at the drop of a hat- and I'm sure with a baby, there will be plenty of 'drop of the hat' moments where I'll want them there!
Also......... I'm a teacher and plan on being a SAHM once we have kids. I am really happy with my job now but if we moved to NJ I would be forced to look for a new job because of the unreasonable commute I would have to take otherwise. Since we will be TTC soon, it's likely I would be pregnant or at very least, about to get pregnant at the start of the next school year. (if all goes as planned )

I told DH that it's silly for me to begin a new job that I may not even stay at the entire school year........ but he says it's silly to stay in LI for my job for that exact reason! He says we shouldn't stay here for a job that I won't be keeping much longer anyway. But, I am comfortable at my job! It would be horrible to have to go looking for a new one, especially in this economy! (and lets be honest..... it's impossible to tell how long it will take me to get pregnant- we have no started yet) Ughh this is SO frustrating.....

DH also doesn't seem to understand that 1hr-1hr and a half..... or more with traffic... is FAR for me to be from my parents. Especially if I'm going to be a SAHM with a baby all day long...... I'm sure I'll want my parents nearby! He is convinced that his commute will be shorter in NJ and also that we will be able to find a home we'll be happier with.... and to him, that's more important than my job and proximity to my parents. Apparently, I am being selfish

I don't make posts like this often (PLEASE DON'T QUOTE!) ..... I just had to get some objective opinions.

Message edited 10/8/2009 11:44:34 PM.

Re: Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

IMHO I don't think you get more for your money in most parts of Jersey. (Maybe south NJ, but that would be a LONG commute to NYC). I have family scattered around the northern half of the state; they paid as much or more for their houses as I did for mine, and didn't get more house for their money.

If you move far away from family, that means they're going to have to stay with you for extended periods of time when they visit. It means that you may have a hard time finding someone reliable to stay with the baby when you want some alone time with. Do you know anyone in NJ? Lonliness is a common complaint among new moms, and it would be much worse in a place where you know no one. Caring for a new baby is hard enough; doing it entirely alone, at all times, is going to be emotionally and physically exhausting for you.

Talk to your DH and explain your concerns before you committ to something like a move. Good luck!!!

Re: Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

If you are going to be a SAHM you need to be really comfortable with the place that you choose to live, because you will be home all the time. I would so much rather live closer to my mother than to my husband's parents, although we live pretty close to both. If I had to choose though, hands down I would rather live near my mother.

In my opinion, I would rather live in a smaller house closer to my family than get a bigger house farther away.

Re: Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

I just moved from LI to NJ in May.


I got A LOT more for my money. We live in an extremely nice area and have a large house. FM me and I will tell you the community. You can look up the school district, average price of homes, median income etc.


Yes I am further from my folks. When I moved I had 3 month old twins and a 16 month old . But, I would rather have my husband have a shorter commute to and from work so that we can all have quality time together. because in the end, its all about the 5 of us. yes my parents are futher away but having my husband happy and home earlier is a lot more important to me...

Re: Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

Sorry. I have to side w your husband.

In NJ (even very close to the city), you will get more for your $$ in terms of house size, schools, & taxes.

The commute from NJ to the city for your husband will probably be MUCH shorter than LI (he'll get home earlier & spend less time in traffic).

You are planning to be a SAH mom? By the time you actually find a house & move you may be preg. If not, keep your job (and commute the short time you will still be there). It's not impossible.

I moved from my family because my husband HAS to be close to work. I'm 30min-1hr from our family. It worked out (though it was tough at 1st). They come & visit at least once a week.

Re: Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

Ok...this is how I see it personally. My family lives in PA but we live in LI which is where DH lives. I want to be a SAHM also, and that makes DH the bread winner of our family. As much as I want to move to be near my parents I know that it is important to my DH to be happy with his job. and personally if his commute is easier and shorter from NJ than LI wouldn't you rather have him home w/ you on a daily basis earlier??

As for your parents won't it be fun to have your mom stay over with you? I know when my mom comes to visit we have such a great time! She sleeps here and we have a blast!

good luck with your decision.

Re: Big dilemma ..... WWYD?

We moved 5 hours away from LI for DH's job. I will be a SAHM when this baby is born. It was a trade off we had to make. I knew I would never be able to be a SAHM on LI. Most of our choice to move was based on the great opportunity DH had. We are going to buy a house next year and are able to get a big house w/ property here, for what we would have to spend on LI to buy a small house that would need complete updating. I personally don't think NJ is that far from LI. I grew up on LI with lots of family in NJ & we saw them all the time. An hour or an hour 1/2 is not very far, I would love to live that close. I think you guys defin need to talk this one out. Communication is so important when deciding where to live, otherwise you guys may end up resenting each other. I also think now when I visit my parents or they come here it is so special. We spend much more quality time together than when we lived on LI, and would just go over for dinner. I don't know how to explain in, but I guess b/c you don't have it all the time you appreciate it differently if that makes sense. Good luck & defin talk to DH you guys both need to be happy with whatever you decide.