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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
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Birthday Party Spin-off
On an opposite note, my daughter's little BFF for this year declined her birthday party and the mom told me it was because the girl had bad behavior at home and the party was taken away from her as a punishment. I totally understood it was their right to parent the way they see fit but I felt so bad for my daughter that her best friend wasn't going to be at the party - and the girl told my daughter the reason why so she knew it wasn't just a conflict. I felt like it was a little unfair to my daughter to punish her as well, although in the whole scheme of things really this does not matter. Just was wondering if other parents use things like taking away birthday parties as a punishment. I think I would take away screen time, playdates, many other things before I would take away attemding a birthday party.
On a side note - the parents are very strict and this girl is actually very well behaved at school and at my house, although I know home behavior can differ greatly from what other people see.
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Posted 5/3/19 11:26 AM  |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
I agree with you.
that is a shittty punishment because it punishes an innocent person as well- the child who's bday party it is.
I would take away 100 other things before I said she couldn't attend her bestie's party- for that very reason
Message edited 5/3/2019 11:45:48 AM.
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| Posted 5/3/19 11:28 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Birthday Party Spin-off
Sorry if I offend anyone here who may do that - but to me, it's just plain cruel as a punishment.
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| Posted 5/3/19 11:36 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Birthday Party Spin-off
I agree with you, I would never take away a birthday party.
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| Posted 5/3/19 11:36 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
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Katherine
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Birthday Party Spin-off
I’ve definitely thought about doing this, but usually when it’s time to give a punishment either we have already RSVP’d or the party is so far off that the reason for the punishment is totally forgotten by the time it rolls around.
Although my daughter‘s best friend is rarely able to attend her parties because she has a summer birthday and her friend goes away for most of the summer (both parents teach). It’s never an huge deal.
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| Posted 5/3/19 11:38 AM |
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Birthday Party Spin-off
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
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| Posted 5/3/19 1:33 PM |
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Sash
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Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
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fka LIW Smara
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
I’ve done the same, I thought I was the only one lol. My son has had weekend with my sister canceled as a punishment.
I did ground him from a party once because of his behavior. You can’t be punished but then allowed to go to a party and have fun. That reminds me of the scene from “Means Girls” where the Dad let’s her go to the prom even though she was grounded.
I did make him write the girl a nice card and gave her $50 GC for a gift.
Call it cruel but if you don’t know the child or the situation you can’t judge. And my son is also very well behaved, we always get compliments. But he also needs structure and for people to be strict with him. I say he’s “sneaky bad”.
Message edited 5/3/2019 2:08:49 PM.
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| Posted 5/3/19 2:07 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
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Birthday Party Spin-off
I 100% take away a party from my son if his behavior is bad. This is after discussion with his ABA tech and the school. He has severe behavior problems. We will not reward him with something he wants (the birthday party) if his behavior is out of control for the day or week. He is given to chance to turn it around. 2 years ago, he got a memorial day BBQ with his cousins taken away because of his behavior. And it still sticks with him. If we allowed him to go, with his bad behavor, it would undermine everything else. We have also left parties because of his behavior at the party. He is also told in advance that he is scheduled for a birthday party on Saturday, so he has to earn it. He is being taught that he controls his choices. We try to give him as many chances as we can. But sometimes, we just have to be tough. Like someone else said, he can't be punished for bad behavior but be allowed to go to a birthday party.
Message edited 5/3/2019 2:40:43 PM.
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| Posted 5/3/19 2:38 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by Katareen
I’ve definitely thought about doing this, but usually when it’s time to give a punishment either we have already RSVP’d or the party is so far off that the reason for the punishment is totally forgotten by the time it rolls around.
I actually explain to most of his friends, since they are all from school and we are all in the same special ed class, that I am rsvp'ing but that we may not be there. It's hard but the parents understand. But we only cancel parties for issues that happen leading up to the party, usually the week of. I have called parents the day of and told them we are not coming. Other times I knew mid week that we would not be there because of his behavior and told them then.
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| Posted 5/3/19 2:46 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
Wow - if I cancelled a weekend trip to my mother or mother in laws house as a punishment I think they would disown me. I get needing to teach a lesson but time with a grandparent is precious. That actually breaks my heart a little.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:03 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
I’ve done the same, I thought I was the only one lol. My son has had weekend with my sister canceled as a punishment.
I did ground him from a party once because of his behavior. You can’t be punished but then allowed to go to a party and have fun. That reminds me of the scene from “Means Girls” where the Dad let’s her go to the prom even though she was grounded.
I did make him write the girl a nice card and gave her $50 GC for a gift.
Call it cruel but if you don’t know the child or the situation you can’t judge. And my son is also very well behaved, we always get compliments. But he also needs structure and for people to be strict with him. I say he’s “sneaky bad”.
I probably should have also specified, They are in 1st grade. My daughter was 6 turning 7 and she is one of the oldest in her class. So I am not talking about a 10 or 11 year old.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:05 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
Wow - if I cancelled a weekend trip to my mother or mother in laws house as a punishment I think they would disown me. I get needing to teach a lesson but time with a grandparent is precious. That actually breaks my heart a little.
You don't even know what her daughter did. Why don't we hold judgement until we find out all the facts? And even then we should not judge and accept the fact that everyone parents differently.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:07 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
I’ve done the same, I thought I was the only one lol. My son has had weekend with my sister canceled as a punishment.
I did ground him from a party once because of his behavior. You can’t be punished but then allowed to go to a party and have fun. That reminds me of the scene from “Means Girls” where the Dad let’s her go to the prom even though she was grounded.
I did make him write the girl a nice card and gave her $50 GC for a gift.
Call it cruel but if you don’t know the child or the situation you can’t judge. And my son is also very well behaved, we always get compliments. But he also needs structure and for people to be strict with him. I say he’s “sneaky bad”.
I probably should have also specified, They are in 1st grade. My daughter was 6 turning 7 and she is one of the oldest in her class. So I am not talking about a 10 or 11 year old.
My son was actually around that age when I took the party away from him. Call DYFS, but he didn't deserve to go to a party or have fun.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:11 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
Wow - if I cancelled a weekend trip to my mother or mother in laws house as a punishment I think they would disown me. I get needing to teach a lesson but time with a grandparent is precious. That actually breaks my heart a little.
You don't even know what her daughter did. Why don't we hold judgement until we find out all the facts? And even then we should not judge and accept the fact that everyone parents differently.
I know that no matter how bad my child's behavior my mother or mother in law would be livid if I last minute cancelled a weekend away with them. Short of murdering another child there would be nothing I could say that would justify withholding their grandchild from them for a planned weekend that wouldn't get me disowned. And I do think that going thru with that punishment is something that most people would regret in the long run. Time with grandparents is limited, I would not deprive my child of spending time with any of their living grandparents under any circumstance I can think of. But maybe that's because my father is deceased and I would give just about anything for my child to be able to spend just one day with him. To each his own.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:12 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
I’ve done the same, I thought I was the only one lol. My son has had weekend with my sister canceled as a punishment.
I did ground him from a party once because of his behavior. You can’t be punished but then allowed to go to a party and have fun. That reminds me of the scene from “Means Girls” where the Dad let’s her go to the prom even though she was grounded.
I did make him write the girl a nice card and gave her $50 GC for a gift.
Call it cruel but if you don’t know the child or the situation you can’t judge. And my son is also very well behaved, we always get compliments. But he also needs structure and for people to be strict with him. I say he’s “sneaky bad”.
I probably should have also specified, They are in 1st grade. My daughter was 6 turning 7 and she is one of the oldest in her class. So I am not talking about a 10 or 11 year old.
My son was actually around that age when I took the party away from him. Call DYFS, but he didn't deserve to go to a party or have fun.
Yes but was it his best friend's party or someone that would care that he was missing from the party? It's a different circumstance if it's just any old party or if you are essentially punishing the birthday kid for your child's bad behavior as well... And please stop being dramatic, as usual you are reading what you want to read. If you go back and read my post I said everyone is entitled to parent the way they choose. I never said anything about it being bad parenting. 
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:14 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
Wow - if I cancelled a weekend trip to my mother or mother in laws house as a punishment I think they would disown me. I get needing to teach a lesson but time with a grandparent is precious. That actually breaks my heart a little.
You don't even know what her daughter did. Why don't we hold judgement until we find out all the facts? And even then we should not judge and accept the fact that everyone parents differently.
I know that no matter how bad my child's behavior my mother or mother in law would be livid if I last minute cancelled a weekend away with them. Short of murdering another child there would be nothing I could say that would justify withholding their grandchild from them for a planned weekend that wouldn't get me disowned. And I do think that going thru with that punishment is something that most people would regret in the long run. Time with grandparents is limited, I would not deprive my child of spending time with any of their living grandparents under any circumstance I can think of. But maybe that's because my father is deceased and I would give just about anything for my child to be able to spend just one day with him. To each his own.
Well my son has no grandparents because they are all deceased, so maybe that is why I see it differently.
But I stand firm by a punishment is a punishment in my house. There are things my son has done that even if God himself came to visit him, I would say no if he was punished. The minute you give him leeway, is the second he thinks he got over.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:17 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by Sash
Well my son has no grandparents because they are all deceased, so maybe that is why I see it differently.
But I stand firm by a punishment is a punishment in my house. There are things my son has done that even if God himself came to visit him, I would say no if he was punished. The minute you give him leeway, is the second he thinks he got over.
Completely not saying this with any snark but that probably is why you can not relate. Seeing my 80 year old father in law interact with my kids and knowing that that time is limited due to his age makes that time so important and so special. There is nothing quite like the relationship between grandparent and grandchild and I am very sorry for your son that he never got to experience it. But if you understood it I do believe that it is not ever something that you would use as a punishment for a child no matter what the offense. But again, that's just my opinion.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:27 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Well my son has no grandparents because they are all deceased, so maybe that is why I see it differently.
But I stand firm by a punishment is a punishment in my house. There are things my son has done that even if God himself came to visit him, I would say no if he was punished. The minute you give him leeway, is the second he thinks he got over.
Completely not saying this with any snark but that probably is why you can not relate. Seeing my 80 year old father in law interact with my kids and knowing that that time is limited due to his age makes that time so important and so special. There is nothing quite like the relationship between grandparent and grandchild and I am very sorry for your son that he never got to experience it. But if you understood it I do believe that it is not ever something that you would use as a punishment for a child no matter what the offense. But again, that's just my opinion.
I wasn't being snarky either, that's exactly what I meant by the first line. I see it differently because I can't relate to dealing with grandparents.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:33 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
I’ve done the same, I thought I was the only one lol. My son has had weekend with my sister canceled as a punishment.
I did ground him from a party once because of his behavior. You can’t be punished but then allowed to go to a party and have fun. That reminds me of the scene from “Means Girls” where the Dad let’s her go to the prom even though she was grounded.
I did make him write the girl a nice card and gave her $50 GC for a gift.
Call it cruel but if you don’t know the child or the situation you can’t judge. And my son is also very well behaved, we always get compliments. But he also needs structure and for people to be strict with him. I say he’s “sneaky bad”.
I probably should have also specified, They are in 1st grade. My daughter was 6 turning 7 and she is one of the oldest in her class. So I am not talking about a 10 or 11 year old.
My son was actually around that age when I took the party away from him. Call DYFS, but he didn't deserve to go to a party or have fun.
Yes but was it his best friend's party or someone that would care that he was missing from the party? It's a different circumstance if it's just any old party or if you are essentially punishing the birthday kid for your child's bad behavior as well... And please stop being dramatic, as usual you are reading what you want to read. If you go back and read my post I said everyone is entitled to parent the way they choose. I never said anything about it being bad parenting.
DYFS comment was a joke in general in response to this thread. Im not being dramatic. Im being honest. I think the reaction to a parent following through on their punishment is dramatic, hence the Dyfs comment.
And yes the little girl actually was close to my son. But teaching my son right from wrong is more important to me than a child's birthday party. Because these will be the first parents who will rip my son apart when he does something at school or doesn't know how to act.
How many threads have there been on LIF with people ripping apart kids and parents, when a person post a story about what happen to their child at school?
My son actually smacked a kid in the face, and threw away a note his teacher gave him to bring home. Not only did he lie about the note, he called his teacher a liar saying she never gave him a note. Two separate incidence in one week. When the hitting happened, I had enough and said he wasn't doing anything.
ETA: Even the teachers were shocked at the manipulative lying he was doing at such a young age. We got the truth out him because we found the note in his bag. If not he still would be lying about it till this day.
Message edited 5/3/2019 3:37:40 PM.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:36 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
i never had to use a birthday party as punishment, but i wouldn't count it out.
i understand the social aspect of it and i understand punishing an innocent child. i get it. but at the end of the day i have to parent my child.
i have a bigger issue with parents who would rather smack a child on their way to the party because the kid is acting up, but still go. that kid knows that the pain will last a few minutes, but they'll still have a great time at the party. if i had a nickle for every time i've seen a relative do this, i'd be a rich woman.
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| Posted 5/3/19 3:44 PM |
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PatsBrat
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 2326 total posts
Name:
Ms. Brat
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
Wow - if I cancelled a weekend trip to my mother or mother in laws house as a punishment I think they would disown me. I get needing to teach a lesson but time with a grandparent is precious. That actually breaks my heart a little.
You don't even know what her daughter did. Why don't we hold judgement until we find out all the facts? And even then we should not judge and accept the fact that everyone parents differently.
I know that no matter how bad my child's behavior my mother or mother in law would be livid if I last minute cancelled a weekend away with them. Short of murdering another child there would be nothing I could say that would justify withholding their grandchild from them for a planned weekend that wouldn't get me disowned. And I do think that going thru with that punishment is something that most people would regret in the long run. Time with grandparents is limited, I would not deprive my child of spending time with any of their living grandparents under any circumstance I can think of. But maybe that's because my father is deceased and I would give just about anything for my child to be able to spend just one day with him. To each his own.
Well my son has no grandparents because they are all deceased, so maybe that is why I see it differently.
But I stand firm by a punishment is a punishment in my house. There are things my son has done that even if God himself came to visit him, I would say no if he was punished. The minute you give him leeway, is the second he thinks he got over.
Totally agree. I have taken away parties and play dates as punishment and I’d do it again in a hot second. If your behavior is poor you deserve no privileges. My kids learn lessons quickly and also learned I mean what I say and will stick to my guns.
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| Posted 5/3/19 4:34 PM |
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
We've done that with my SO's son. He has serious behavior problems and sometimes the only that works is to take away something like a party or an event with friends.
My SO has even stayed with him while my son and I attend things.
It's sad for your daughter, yes, but at the same time you don't know her friend's behavior at home. My SO's son is EXCELLENT in front of some people and they'd probably think we are mean or strict or whatever.
I don't like to judge other people's parenting.
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| Posted 5/3/19 4:37 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Birthday Party Spin-off
Maybe this is WHY the kid is so generally good. She has consequences for her actions and her parents follow through with the punishment.
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| Posted 5/3/19 4:58 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Birthday Party Spin-off
Sorry that totally sucks for your daughter =( I dont fault the parent but i would not myself do that. I am also a sucker and although my kids are super sweet and kind and most of the time well mannered, and follow the rules they're not exactly stellar listeners - perhaps they would be if i actually followed through on threats of not allowing them to go to birthday parties and such! Unfortunately I am a pushover.
I think that sometimes when parents punish kids in a way like this it really sticks with them for life. That being said, I feel like as long as my kids are generally well behaved there is no need for harsh punishments.
Message edited 5/3/2019 5:03:26 PM.
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| Posted 5/3/19 5:00 PM |
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Re: Birthday Party Spin-off
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by mommywantsababy
My daughter has a friends party tonight and I was super close to not letting her go bc of something she did at home this morning. If it wasn’t rude to cancel the day of, no way would she be going.
There are few punishments that actually affect my daughter though. We cancelled a weekend trip to her grandmothers house in the poconos one time bc she wouldn’t listen though. The car was packed and everything.
Wow - if I cancelled a weekend trip to my mother or mother in laws house as a punishment I think they would disown me. I get needing to teach a lesson but time with a grandparent is precious. That actually breaks my heart a little.
You don't even know what her daughter did. Why don't we hold judgement until we find out all the facts? And even then we should not judge and accept the fact that everyone parents differently.
I know that no matter how bad my child's behavior my mother or mother in law would be livid if I last minute cancelled a weekend away with them. Short of murdering another child there would be nothing I could say that would justify withholding their grandchild from them for a planned weekend that wouldn't get me disowned. And I do think that going thru with that punishment is something that most people would regret in the long run. Time with grandparents is limited, I would not deprive my child of spending time with any of their living grandparents under any circumstance I can think of. But maybe that's because my father is deceased and I would give just about anything for my child to be able to spend just one day with him. To each his own.
It’s a second home in the poconos, and my kids see my in laws daily. Literally, I take them there every single day.
However, thanks for being such a better parent than I. 
If you really want to judge me for being a monster though, she’s also only 4.
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| Posted 5/3/19 5:01 PM |
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