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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Eireann
Nearly every source you read on the topic says that the bridal party should host the shower. That said, I think the mom should have double-checked the date with everyone and discussed the splitting of responsibilities or money or whatever. If I were in this scenario and COULD attend, I would gladly contribute. If I were in this scenario and could NOT attend, I would gladly contribute (although hurt my schedule wasn't considered). I'm doing it for my friend who has honored me with a place in her wedding and who I'm sure deserves a lovely shower.
This.
It's a new concept for the moms to throw showers, it used to be frowned upon. However, since it is combo (which I think is nice), I think she should have consulted folks about date and budget.
I agree with this. My MOH hosted my bridal shower. I, (along with other BMs) have hosted several bridal showers. Technically, the mother is not supposed to host the shower because it's like she is "asking" for gifts to be given to her daughter.
I, personally, think it's really special when the bridesmaids take part in throwing the bridal shower.
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Posted 1/16/14 1:12 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Eireann
Nearly every source you read on the topic says that the bridal party should host the shower. That said, I think the mom should have double-checked the date with everyone and discussed the splitting of responsibilities or money or whatever. If I were in this scenario and COULD attend, I would gladly contribute. If I were in this scenario and could NOT attend, I would gladly contribute (although hurt my schedule wasn't considered). I'm doing it for my friend who has honored me with a place in her wedding and who I'm sure deserves a lovely shower.
This.
It's a new concept for the moms to throw showers, it used to be frowned upon. However, since it is combo (which I think is nice), I think she should have consulted folks about date and budget.
this.
I've been in wedding parties where it ranged from the MOB paying for everything and where the BP paid for everything and everything in between.
For my shower my mom paid for the place, the favors, and the prizes for games. My BP was responsible for the invites, decor, and games.
I think the MOB should have def asked if that date worked for everyone and discussed what everyones role was before booking everything. Imo, the MOH should be the inbetween between the MOB and the rest of the BP. Unfortunately, if the MOH wants nothing to do with anything then she s*cks and another BM is going to have to step foward and coordinate everything.
If it were me, I'd still pay for a group gift if i couldnt attend. When i was a MOH, the group couldnt agree on a gift so i made the decision to not do a group gift. We ended up with 2 different groups chipping in for gifts.
I would also contribute to the shower if i couldnt attend. When I say yes to being in a BP i assume thats my responsibility, Just like contributing to the bach party is my responsibility. It may not be as elaborate as someone else may like. It will be what I could afford.
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| Posted 1/16/14 2:11 PM |
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kimmaymb20
a year of surprise
Member since 7/09 1119 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
I am the MOH for my sisters wedding in April. I am planning most of the party with my mom who is paying for the whole shower. Sunday I am meeting with my sisters other BM to discuss what I need them to help out with. I did the initiations myself so I am expecting everyone to contribute some money towards favors, decorations, games ect. Even if they were not coming to the shower they should contribute something. Its part of the responsibility of being in the shower.
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| Posted 1/16/14 2:24 PM |
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sameinitials
insert creative comment here
Member since 2/12 1998 total posts
Name:
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Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
I'm really surprised that so many people thing it's so odd to be expected to contribute to the shower as a bridesmaid!
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| Posted 1/16/14 2:43 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
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| Posted 1/16/14 3:01 PM |
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
My bridal shower was thrown by my MOH, paid for by her and the rest of the bridal party, and my mother offered to contribute a share as if she was an additional bridesmaid (though she was not), my mom also paid for the invites. My MOH cleared the date with all the bridesmaids, and while she did most of the work herself, I know all the girls helped out.
I think it stinks for you that the MOH seems to be failing her bride in this case. She should have stepped forward and planned with the mom, IMO. And she, or the mom, should be the ones worrying about the other girls paying or not, not you. You should just give in your share and help where you can. Extra burdens should not be falling on you.
I think that although the 2 girls won't be attending the shower, they should pay their share, and at the least chip in for the gift.
I've been a bridesmaid a few times recently and contributed to the shower each time. It is an expense I plan for when I agree to be a bridesmaid.
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| Posted 1/16/14 3:13 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by sameinitials
I'm really surprised that so many people thing it's so odd to be expected to contribute to the shower as a bridesmaid!
clearly the point is missed. The mother of the bride took control that she should have never had and made the shower on dates that the bridal party can not attend. Isn't that a problem?
So in essence, the bridal party is just the ATM and the guests should all have a good time.
Message edited 1/16/2014 4:35:08 PM.
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| Posted 1/16/14 4:34 PM |
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ShhhTTCin11
3 under 3?!
Member since 5/11 2229 total posts
Name:
Coleen
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Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
I think it is pretty crappy that she didn't consult with you all about the date. I'd be upset, but that wouldn't impact whether or not I contributed.
That being said, I don't see an issue with her asking you all to contribute to the shower/gift. And if she is planning it, I get her dividing up the responsibilities. Someone has to take charge of planning and I have been in a few bridal parties - more than half, the BMs were expected to contribute.
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| Posted 1/16/14 5:41 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by jgl
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
Really?!? You would tell one of your friends that you aren't going to be part of her wedding because you have to make a financial contribution towards hosting her bridal shower? So you want the honor of wearing the dress and standing by the brides side, but you're not willing to take on the responsibilities that come along with being in a bridal party? Jeeesh. I'm glad you're not my friend.
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| Posted 1/16/14 5:54 PM |
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JoesWife628
Our family is complete :)
Member since 8/08 3934 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by ShhhTTCin11
I think it is pretty crappy that she didn't consult with you all about the date. I'd be upset, but that wouldn't impact whether or not I contributed.
That being said, I don't see an issue with her asking you all to contribute to the shower/gift. And if she is planning it, I get her dividing up the responsibilities. Someone has to take charge of planning and I have been in a few bridal parties - more than half, the BMs were expected to contribute.
Just to clarify...I have no problem contributing my share but there are two bm who are unable to make the shower. I want to just ask them to contribute to the gift being they will not even be at shower. A different bm wants them to contribute what we are.
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| Posted 1/16/14 6:00 PM |
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by JoesWife628
Posted by ShhhTTCin11
I think it is pretty crappy that she didn't consult with you all about the date. I'd be upset, but that wouldn't impact whether or not I contributed.
That being said, I don't see an issue with her asking you all to contribute to the shower/gift. And if she is planning it, I get her dividing up the responsibilities. Someone has to take charge of planning and I have been in a few bridal parties - more than half, the BMs were expected to contribute.
Just to clarify...I have no problem contributing my share but there are two bm who are unable to make the shower. I want to just ask them to contribute to the gift being they will not even be at shower. A different bm wants them to contribute what we are.
I would leave it up to the Mother of the Bride or the MOH to ask them what to contribute... I know you said the MOH wants nothing to do with anything, but I would honestly contact her, and tell her she needs to contact the bridesmaids and ask them to contribute. Hope everything works out for you!
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| Posted 1/16/14 6:13 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by jgl
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
Really?!? You would tell one of your friends that you aren't going to be part of her wedding because you have to make a financial contribution towards hosting her bridal shower? So you want the honor of wearing the dress and standing by the brides side, but you're not willing to take on the responsibilities that come along with being in a bridal party? Jeeesh. I'm glad you're not my friend.
Yes
Im sorry i dont think i should take on that financial burden. I dont think a friend should put you in such a position. Its rude. Im in you bp bc you want me to be bc we are important to each other not to fund your party.
Also i dont think my dh would be happy to have to pay so much money in addition to a dress and bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
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| Posted 1/16/14 6:46 PM |
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KwaaksNest
Love my boys!
Member since 6/10 2825 total posts
Name:
Samantha
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by 05mommy09
Was this discussed and agreed upon before the mother booked it?
-Then yes!
If not, then I do not think they should have to contribute to the party (Honestly- I don't think any of them should if she just went and booked without agreement upon all parties...)
Regardless they should be contributing to the gift. IMO
i agree with this...ive been in 2 weddings of friends, there moms asked what we wanted to do if anything and then they covered the rest
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| Posted 1/16/14 9:26 PM |
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sameinitials
insert creative comment here
Member since 2/12 1998 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by sameinitials
I'm really surprised that so many people thing it's so odd to be expected to contribute to the shower as a bridesmaid!
clearly the point is missed. The mother of the bride took control that she should have never had and made the shower on dates that the bridal party can not attend. Isn't that a problem?
So in essence, the bridal party is just the ATM and the guests should all have a good time.
No, actually, the point wasn't missed. My earlier response on this threat indicates that I got it. I also think it's problematic that the mom just picked a date etc and is now demanding they contribute when they had no input into anything.
The post of mine that you quoted was in response to the (many) posts that said that they didn't think they should have to contribute, period.
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| Posted 1/16/14 9:28 PM |
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meloyellow
LIF Adult
Member since 3/13 1843 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by jgl
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by jgl
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
Really?!? You would tell one of your friends that you aren't going to be part of her wedding because you have to make a financial contribution towards hosting her bridal shower? So you want the honor of wearing the dress and standing by the brides side, but you're not willing to take on the responsibilities that come along with being in a bridal party? Jeeesh. I'm glad you're not my friend.
Yes
Im sorry i dont think i should take on that financial burden. I dont think a friend should put you in such a position. Its rude. Im in you bp bc you want me to be bc we are important to each other not to fund your party.
Also i dont think my dh would be happy to have to pay so much money in addition to a dress and bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
exactly...by the time you add dress, shoes, hair, bachelorette part, gift...and then add on paying a portion of bridal shower and gift for that too...that works out to be a months rent for some people. Especially on long island many people are living paycheck to paycheck. It puts people in a tough situation to sometimes have to decline being there for their friends because they simply can't afford to be...and that's just sad.
Nobody should be put out financially because *I* decided to take a big step in my life and have a big celebration for it. JMO
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| Posted 1/16/14 9:52 PM |
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ShhhTTCin11
3 under 3?!
Member since 5/11 2229 total posts
Name:
Coleen
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by JoesWife628
Posted by ShhhTTCin11
I think it is pretty crappy that she didn't consult with you all about the date. I'd be upset, but that wouldn't impact whether or not I contributed.
That being said, I don't see an issue with her asking you all to contribute to the shower/gift. And if she is planning it, I get her dividing up the responsibilities. Someone has to take charge of planning and I have been in a few bridal parties - more than half, the BMs were expected to contribute.
Just to clarify...I have no problem contributing my share but there are two bm who are unable to make the shower. I want to just ask them to contribute to the gift being they will not even be at shower. A different bm wants them to contribute what we are.
I understand both sides of that. I'd defer to the MOH to make a decision though. I'd probably put in the full amount, but would be upset if I was one of the girls that couldn't make it.
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| Posted 1/16/14 10:11 PM |
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JoesWife628
Our family is complete :)
Member since 8/08 3934 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by jgl
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by jgl
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
Really?!? You would tell one of your friends that you aren't going to be part of her wedding because you have to make a financial contribution towards hosting her bridal shower? So you want the honor of wearing the dress and standing by the brides side, but you're not willing to take on the responsibilities that come along with being in a bridal party? Jeeesh. I'm glad you're not my friend.
Yes
Im sorry i dont think i should take on that financial burden. I dont think a friend should put you in such a position. Its rude. Im in you bp bc you want me to be bc we are important to each other not to fund your party.
Also i dont think my dh would be happy to have to pay so much money in addition to a dress and bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
exactly...by the time you add dress, shoes, hair, bachelorette part, gift...and then add on paying a portion of bridal shower and gift for that too...that works out to be a months rent for some people. Especially on long island many people are living paycheck to paycheck. It puts people in a tough situation to sometimes have to decline being there for their friends because they simply can't afford to be...and that's just sad.
Nobody should be put out financially because *I* decided to take a big step in my life and have a big celebration for it. JMO
Trust me this is one wedding we are feeling financially. Dh,dd, ds and I are all in the bp. They want the guys in suits which is more expensive than renting tuxes. Putting $ in for the shower plus a shower gift. Ferry ride to and from the shower.Bachelor party. I've already decided i'm not going to the bacbachelorette party. Wedding, hotel stay, gift, hair, alterations....it's crazy.
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| Posted 1/16/14 10:18 PM |
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ShhhTTCin11
3 under 3?!
Member since 5/11 2229 total posts
Name:
Coleen
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by jgl
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by jgl
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
Really?!? You would tell one of your friends that you aren't going to be part of her wedding because you have to make a financial contribution towards hosting her bridal shower? So you want the honor of wearing the dress and standing by the brides side, but you're not willing to take on the responsibilities that come along with being in a bridal party? Jeeesh. I'm glad you're not my friend.
Yes
Im sorry i dont think i should take on that financial burden. I dont think a friend should put you in such a position. Its rude. Im in you bp bc you want me to be bc we are important to each other not to fund your party.
Also i dont think my dh would be happy to have to pay so much money in addition to a dress and bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
I've been in the financial situation where I couldn't give as large of a wedding or shower gift as I'd like, because of the expenses of being in the bridal party. But I would never turn down being a bridesmaid unless I really couldn't afford it (which is different than not wanting to spend the money).
It is very common for the bridal party to pitch in and help. I'm pretty surprised at the amount of girls on here that find it so odd.
Your friend didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid because she wanted you to throw a party. It's an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid since she wants you by her side. I always wanted to help make the day extra special for my close friends so contributing to the shower was never an issue for me.
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| Posted 1/16/14 10:19 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by JoesWife628
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by jgl
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by jgl
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by meloyellow
people should be asked to be in a bridal party because you love them and want them to be a part of the biggest day of your life and support and celebrate. there should be no obligations or expectations beyond attire. If someone wants to throw a fabulous shower great...then throw it...but don't expect others to foot the bill for what you can't cover. If it means having a smaller or less grand shower then so be it.
I completely agree! I still can't get over the fact that some girls on here have been asked to contribute towards the bride's shower.
Really? That's the norm for me. I've only been in one bridal party where I didn't have to contribute to the shower. All the rest we were responsible for part or all of it.
I don't think this mom handled it the right way at all, but I do think the BP should contribute regardless if they attend. I consider that part of a BM's responsibility.
Im shocked by this and honestly would decline to be a BM if i had to take on such an expense.
Really?!? You would tell one of your friends that you aren't going to be part of her wedding because you have to make a financial contribution towards hosting her bridal shower? So you want the honor of wearing the dress and standing by the brides side, but you're not willing to take on the responsibilities that come along with being in a bridal party? Jeeesh. I'm glad you're not my friend.
Yes
Im sorry i dont think i should take on that financial burden. I dont think a friend should put you in such a position. Its rude. Im in you bp bc you want me to be bc we are important to each other not to fund your party.
Also i dont think my dh would be happy to have to pay so much money in addition to a dress and bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
exactly...by the time you add dress, shoes, hair, bachelorette part, gift...and then add on paying a portion of bridal shower and gift for that too...that works out to be a months rent for some people. Especially on long island many people are living paycheck to paycheck. It puts people in a tough situation to sometimes have to decline being there for their friends because they simply can't afford to be...and that's just sad.
Nobody should be put out financially because *I* decided to take a big step in my life and have a big celebration for it. JMO
Trust me this is one wedding we are feeling financially. Dh,dd, ds and I are all in the bp. They want the guys in suits which is more expensive than renting tuxes. Putting $ in for the shower plus a shower gift. Ferry ride to and from the shower.Bachelor party. I've already decided i'm not going to the bacbachelorette party. Wedding, hotel stay, gift, hair, alterations....it's crazy.
Its nuts. I feel ya. My brother is getting married on mexico. Dh, me, and my 2 kids are in the bp. Airfare, hotel, dress, suit (they have to buy cant rent) shoes... At least my cousin is coming and will do my hair/makeup for free.
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| Posted 1/16/14 10:21 PM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by ShhhTTCin11
It is very common for the bridal party to pitch in and help. I'm pretty surprised at the amount of girls on here that find it so odd.
I have been a BM in quite a few weddings (all on LI or NYC) and not one of them required us to "pitch in" financially for the shower. Clearly that is not the case for everyone. As a BM, our role as far as "pitching in and helping" included assisting the bride to be in any way she needed. Going to dress fittings with the bride, help setting up and decorationg for the shower, organizing games, keeping lists of gifts, help getting those gifts home, organizing and splitting the cost among the other BMs for the bachelorette party, wearing our hair for the big day as requested by the bride  , and so on. And then of course the expenses of an overpriced BM dress as well as equally overpriced alterations , plus a shower and wedding gift.
For me, when I chose my BMs it is because I wanted them to be there with me on my special day. I wanted them to share in such an important event in my life. It is a honor to be asked to be a BM but it shouldn't be a financial burden. This obviously might not be an issue for many and obviously, if it was something I had experienced before it wouldn't be shocking to me, but it is. This is not to say I wouldn't chip in if I could or if I knew in advance but I guess I got lucky with my girlfriends 
eta: to the OP, sorry your post has taken on a life of its own, lol
Message edited 1/17/2014 9:24:06 AM.
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| Posted 1/17/14 9:23 AM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by MrsA714
Posted by ShhhTTCin11
It is very common for the bridal party to pitch in and help. I'm pretty surprised at the amount of girls on here that find it so odd.
I have been a BM in quite a few weddings (all on LI or NYC) and not one of them required us to "pitch in" financially for the shower. Clearly that is not the case for everyone. As a BM, our role as far as "pitching in and helping" included assisting the bride to be in any way she needed. Going to dress fittings with the bride, help setting up and decorationg for the shower, organizing games, keeping lists of gifts, help getting those gifts home, organizing and splitting the cost among the other BMs for the bachelorette party, wearing our hair for the big day as requested by the bride , and so on. And then of course the expenses of an overpriced BM dress as well as equally overpriced alterations , plus a shower and wedding gift.
For me, when I chose my BMs it is because I wanted them to be there with me on my special day. I wanted them to share in such an important event in my life. It is a honor to be asked to be a BM but it shouldn't be a financial burden. This obviously might not be an issue for many and obviously, if it was something I had experienced before it wouldn't be shocking to me, but it is. This is not to say I wouldn't chip in if I could or if I knew in advance but I guess I got lucky with my girlfriends
eta: to the OP, sorry your post has taken on a life of its own, lol
This. Plus, here's a legitimate question-- how is it true that "Technically, the mother is not supposed to host the shower because it's like she is "asking" for gifts to be given to her daughter," but the bride, herself can ask someone to be in the wedding, with this meaning that you will be asked for some unspecified sum of money that's not your choosing to fund a party that you may or may not have any say as to date/fanciness, etc.?
As the mom, I'd rather host a shower and risk being seen as "asking" for gifts that 1) will be given to may daughter anyway and 2) guests can select according to their budget, than have my daughter be seen as throwing a bunch of girls who don't know each other together and them being asked by someone they probably don't know to cough up a set (maybe high) amount in ADDITION to a gift. KWIM?
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| Posted 1/17/14 12:42 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Bridesmaid etiquette question **with clarifications
Posted by ali120206
Yes - they should be expected to contribute.
yes! Be thankful that the mother is paying for the shower itself and you guys don't have to.
ETA: doesn't matter which way you slice it. Even if the mother didn't ask about the date, which was wrong on her part. Although it kind of sounds like maybe she had to take charge because it wasn't being handled.
Each BM should definitely still contribute no matter what.
Message edited 1/17/2014 12:48:05 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/14 12:44 PM |
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